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And now a word from God
 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2003-09-15 10:23 [#00863786]
Points: 21454 Status: Regular



1987 was when my experiments to establish a communication
portal with God really began. That was the year I discovered
by accident that God has been trying to communicate back to
us through beef. It took me more than a decade to perfect
the technique. Let me tell you, it was particularly
irritating knowing that God was already trying, but inable,
to contact anyone yet for our lack of the proper beef
technology. I wondered what He had to tell us all.

I eventually realized that beef jerky worked particularly
well, and after several experiments realized that this was
due to the larger surface area it has. So finally, in
January 2001, the construction of the largest sheet beef
jerky satellite in the world had been completed in my
backyard! Still it was only capable of transmitting and
recievine very minimal ammounts of information at an
extremely slow pace.

Well folks, The last bit of God's message has been recieved
after 2 plus long years of recieving the message. In order
to fit the limits of the technology He had to limit
everything he wanted to say into only 4 letters. As soon as
the last letter was recieved, the beef technology exploded
from overheating. But I HAVE the message! I have it right
here! I have everything that god wants to tell us
economically packed into 4 english letters. God said
"oops".

I figured it would probably be "oops" after I had already
recieved the "o" the other "o" and the "p", but it also
could have been that He was so far mispelling "operation".
The scientific community can't benefit from my speculation.
For this reason I did not share my findings until the entire
objective message was recieved.

Thank you for your time,
Professor w M w
CEO beef jerky technology Inc.


 

offline eXXailon from purgatory on 2003-09-15 10:26 [#00863787]
Points: 6745 Status: Lurker



I didn't read all of it but.......

thank you god


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2003-09-15 10:27 [#00863789]
Points: 40066 Status: Lurker



"fuck your god" a perfect circle


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 10:35 [#00863799]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



but anyway, god is a matchstick.


 

offline ambsace from canaDUH. on 2003-09-15 13:56 [#00864018]
Points: 6326 Status: Lurker



god hates us all (slayer)?


 

offline evolume from seattle (United States) on 2003-09-15 14:00 [#00864025]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular



i think "oops was supposed to be an acronym for:

O-oops
O-oops
P-pork
S-skin


 

offline nobsmuggler from silly mid-off on 2003-09-15 14:06 [#00864033]
Points: 6265 Status: Addict | Followup to w M w: #00863786



i had an apple with face of jebus in it or it could have
gone brown where i left it on the side for the day either
way i think it apple technology that will help you organize
the messages

Dr Nob Smuggler
Head surgeon at the apple heart foundation


 

offline epohs from )C: on 2003-09-15 14:11 [#00864040]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker



we're all living in god's classiq track 'reality (satan
is a faggy homo remix)
'.

i kinda like it so far... but, it's starting to drag a
little bit here in the middle.


 

offline pachi from yo momma (United States) on 2003-09-15 14:51 [#00864106]
Points: 8984 Status: Lurker



proof that God invented jerky


 

offline evolume from seattle (United States) on 2003-09-15 14:53 [#00864111]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular



we are butts in god's ash tray.


 

offline evolume from seattle (United States) on 2003-09-15 14:53 [#00864113]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular



we are corn in god's poop


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 14:54 [#00864116]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



well, let's give god lung cancer and an indigestion then!!!


 

offline tibbar from harrisburg, pa (United States) on 2003-09-15 15:09 [#00864127]
Points: 10513 Status: Lurker



well, if he doesnt exist, then you are all just shouting at
the wall... like a bunch of children.

and if he does, then you are all just shouting at the
wall... like a bunch of children.


 

offline xceque on 2003-09-15 15:13 [#00864132]
Points: 5888 Status: Moderator | Show recordbag



Had you considered that, perhaps, since it had been clear to
you that God had been attempting communication for some
time, that you caught just the tail end of a lengthy
breakdown guide on how to proper cut up the amen break, and
not to even bother with Fruityloops?


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 15:20 [#00864134]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



i'm not shouting at the wall, i'm just typing at no-one in
particular.

but of course, every literate wall is welcome to read me if
(s)he wants. i don't know why a wall would want that, but...
why not after all? *shrugs*.


 

offline Q4Z2X on 2003-09-15 15:20 [#00864135]
Points: 5264 Status: Lurker



stop eating my god..


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 15:23 [#00864139]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



don't worry my dear, i'm vegetarian (except for shrimps).


 

offline nobsmuggler from silly mid-off on 2003-09-15 15:24 [#00864142]
Points: 6265 Status: Addict | Followup to uzim: #00864139



what if it was painted green


 

offline Q4Z2X on 2003-09-15 15:25 [#00864143]
Points: 5264 Status: Lurker | Followup to uzim: #00864139



shrimp is also my god!


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 15:30 [#00864146]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



I ATE A BOWL AND A HALF OF MIEL POPS TODAY so i am right.
don't destroy my belief in miel pops. now i am gonna sleep
because of the tyranny of the world. gute nacht!! =)

*waves tentacles*


 

offline pachi from yo momma (United States) on 2003-09-15 15:31 [#00864147]
Points: 8984 Status: Lurker | Followup to xceque: #00864132



God told me to use FruityLoops, so that's what i'm doing
now.


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-15 15:35 [#00864157]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



hmm, yogurt, yogurt on my head.


 

offline evolume from seattle (United States) on 2003-09-15 16:16 [#00864222]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular



we are drool on god's bib.


 

offline uzim on 2003-09-16 06:55 [#00865005]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



you're scary with thoughts like that....


 

offline od_step_cloak from Pleth (Australia) on 2003-09-16 08:00 [#00865075]
Points: 3803 Status: Regular



You have some of the most far out and cool ideas, man!
(w M w)


 

offline Atop from Texas (United States) on 2003-09-16 13:31 [#00865642]
Points: 400 Status: Regular



god is in the pot....

Akkad


 

offline Phresch from fucking Trondheim (Norway) on 2003-09-16 13:54 [#00865658]
Points: 9989 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



i read the first two lines...

then i made this post.


 

offline pachi from yo momma (United States) on 2003-09-16 14:03 [#00865675]
Points: 8984 Status: Lurker



i have what you call a God spelled backwards.


 

offline pachi from yo momma (United States) on 2003-09-16 14:43 [#00865744]
Points: 8984 Status: Lurker



oh yeah

me & God talked the other day. i'munna go up to his place
some time. he's got a few angels runnin the place.


 

offline roygbivcore from Joyrex.com, of course! on 2003-09-16 14:44 [#00865747]
Points: 22557 Status: Lurker



inable is not a word

enable and unable are


 

offline roygbivcore from Joyrex.com, of course! on 2003-09-16 16:06 [#00865898]
Points: 22557 Status: Lurker



well i looked it up and it's an old english word that means
enable. we were both wrong


 


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