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 (nobody)...and 374 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614114 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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I've been practicing Jizm Projectilation recently, to strengthen up my cock muscles. The other day, I was sitting in my chair in my flat, jerking off, and as I approached climax, I pulled my foreskin back a little bit, and let rip. A stream of Jizz flew right past my chin (missed it by an inch!) and landed on the drapes two feet behind me! I nearly had a taste of my own supply. Boy, it was a close shave. Tho it beats having to get your pubic hairs messy and tangled with the stuff - that's a nightmare (and painful!) to clean up. Here's a tip for you - DON'T buy cheap toilet paper. |
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once when i was having phone sex i got some on my face. on that area between cheek and neck. my girlfriend was confused cause i started laughing. i had to explain it to her |
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you have phone sex AND a girlfriend? greedy... =/ |
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I think it was phone sex WITH his girlfriend tho ;) I've never got into phone sex - I can't keep a straight face! ;) |
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i got some in my eye once.... that shit hurts! |
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I once swallowed some of my jizm once, to see what it was like - fucking hell, I felt REALLY sick afterwads! that shit was disgusting! |
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okay I could deal with your first post, but that last one was too much information. |
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fuckin hell you people get sicker by the second :P |
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Well I stopped by my parents house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed to be working. My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it... One thing lead to another... And then my mother caught me! First she screams, "Surrounded, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up... So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital. She's in traction. Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, Surrounded, why?!".. I said, "Because it's there!" Well, I'll tell you this, though: I am never doing.. that, again! |
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Haha! Didn't someone tell a story about someone who came into their mama's face? Nazzty. |
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you fucking loved the taste of it, you little bitch! ;) |
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The best part of that tale is his mother calling him Surrounded. :D |
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I remember when I was 12 my babysitter, the girl from three doors down, caught me wanking...she said "be careful you don't strain yourself". Followed by "Here let me help you" I politely refused, put my todger away and fist fucked the bitch before my parents came home. |
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I wish I had, so my gayness would be complete! But it was rank! :P |
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From what I undertand most gays cum up the other gays bum not in their mouth so you would be OK, except for slimey poo for the next couple of days. |
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you fucking liar you liked the taste of mine! :) |
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The worst is when your dad walks in on you... especially when it's in his bedroom |
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And you have a picture of your mum right in front on you and your knob is wrapped in one of her bra's |
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you got it! |
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ummm, not really much to talk about really... I wank, and enjoy it... that's it!! I ain't one of those guys who plans it, with candles and ointments and the like... it's just spontaneous with me... if I feel horny, I rip it out and wank... no matter WHERE I MAY BE!!! |
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Rip it out? |
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that made me laugh aloud, frank butcher |
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nice seinfeld quote. |
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I'm always all over the place. me having a wank is like redecorating the room in a nice hint of sperm. |
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Q: What do you do if your mum walks in whilst you're fapping? A: Aim for the eyes |
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oops... sorry hanal, forgot to log out. |
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didn't you all know this was a Paul thread before you looked :D thank god you're back =) |
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I knew! it is indicated! |
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Fuck yeah! |
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So marlowe, does it shoot that far everytime you grap your foreskin? If so I will need a detailed explanation of exactly where to pull my foreskin - a detailed drawing would help immensely. |
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don't tempt him, he'll do it |
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this is too much of a sausage party... I know the thread is about wanking, but that's just a word for masturbation... we need some female stories in here!!! Come on LeCoeur, give us the gorry details!! ;) |
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or any female for that matter, but I see LeCoeur is on right now... |
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Directed towards all of you: Shut up. |
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ignore Herr Asche. Weathered, the muscles are the PC muscles, which you use to stop pissing when taking a leak - clench these 75 times a day, to begin with, to strenghten them, and to control them. I've found pulling the foreskin back helps so that the willy-hole is exposed and has a clear sight - like taking your glok off safety ! then as you jizm, clench those muscles and shoot that cum! I've come on leaps and bounds and aim to be making jizm murals to enter into A Wanky Art Exhibition, and The Turner Prize :) |
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funkmaster wins - i expect a link to an mpeg file tomorrow ;) oh god this thread is todally gross man! i also expect this thread to have cross through it ... :o/ |
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nothing wrong with this thread :P it's important to talk about! |
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Oh MAN... haha, nothing is better than wanking stories. I don't see any harm in it. Some people will be turned off, but hey, some people hate Autechre and they don't have to click on the 7,028 Confield topics. Guys talk about this stuff all the time. Are we not men? We are not mice. All-encompassing nonsense topics like this are good for the world. Anyway. Yeah I was caught red (white?) handed once. I'd rather not talk about it though, it's something I've tried to shut out of my mind for a few years, and I'm making strides. |
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yeah i'm pretty sure 99% of the male population jerks off, hey what else are you gonna do? Have wetdreams the rest of your life? |
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Do you think you could spit as much as Peter North with due time? |
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I don't know who Peter North is :| a porn star? |
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fuck that COLT STEEL |
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Yeah, famous for his Olympic-level distance, power, and volume. Every great male pornstar has to have a GIMMICK, and that's his. Better that than be a fat ugly guy. |
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I don't jizm by the tablespoon myself :) |
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If you haven't seen any of his movies, you need to check 1 or 2 of them out. Its quite insane. |
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HERE'S TO THE HAND! the virtues of the hand are well known to the vast majority of the male population (unless you are so unfortunate as to be lacking in limbs) as it provides for instant gratification in the time of need, will never claim to have a headache and is never on a period, or for that matter, will not refuse you carnal pleasure until the mounting stack of dishes has been washed, the garbage taken out and the house vacuumed from top to bottom. in other words, while it will never come to replace having a girlfriend proper, it nevertheless can be relied upon at all times. |
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there a english teenage folklore about when some kid was pulling one off in his room with his eyes shut and when hed finished and opened his eyes there was a fresh cup of tea next to him i dont know if its true but it makes me chuckle also a rumour went about that a girl at the school i used to goto done herself with an electric toothbrush but to be fair surrounds surpasses this story |
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haha, I've never heard that first story before, and it was very humourour! |
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My mate got an eye full when she was giving her boyfried a blowjob before ! She ended up having to go to the doctors cause she had an eye infection after ! You should have seen her trying to explain to the doctor =os |
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dear god that would be terrible |
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