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do you canoe?
 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 03:19 [#02627243]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



qq


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2023-05-07 04:09 [#02627250]
Points: 6385 Status: Lurker



alakazoo


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2023-05-07 05:04 [#02627253]
Points: 6385 Status: Lurker



loup garou


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 05:36 [#02627254]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



ķýāĵ¢ḱ


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 06:18 [#02627260]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i have a canoe. let's 'ave a tune. and when i count
three


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 06:24 [#02627261]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



then i'm squinting: is the drummer ginger baker in drag?
...or is it supposed to be? and i google it and i get

Ginger Baker : "Gary Moore Needs A
Psychiatrist"


“The next day his manager phones me and says Gary’s
blown his ears again and they’ve taken him to the doctor.
I said: ‘Why don’t you take him to a fucking
psychiatrist, cos that’s what he needs.’ That wasn’t
the right thing to say to Mr God Almighty.”


that boy need therapy


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 06:25 [#02627262]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



One gig was cancelled when he [Moore] cut his finger
opening a fucking tin. Eric [Clapton] would have put a
plaster on and played. Oh no, not Gary.


dammit gary


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-05-07 14:02 [#02627297]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular



Yeah I used to a lot in Boy Scouts

I still have a canoe at my ex wives house if anyone
Wants it.

You give me 2 cds and Ingive you canoe


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 14:16 [#02627299]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



well honestly. i got a prank call, once. in the first "The
Sims" game. in 2002 or some shit. and it was very late. and
it was just "do you canoe?" and they hung up. and that's
about as far as this topic was thot-thru; i thought of it.

i do canoe. but i'm much better at paddling around for a few
hours on a kayak with a few beers and a few other people on
a few other kayaks. and then it's late and fuck it let's go
back and then go to a restaurant. however, a canoe you're
all together, and it can be a bit dicey passing a spliff
around numerous kayaki

so don't be too kwik to de-canoe urself


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-07 14:26 [#02627302]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i get it. a canoe is too "gay" or whatever that thing is you
keep posting

so then it's merely a vehicle to go to some small crap
island and set things on fire like proper heterosexuals. the
whole way, you be sure to talk about man, we're going to set
all this crap on fire, man, and never ever acknowledge that
you're all in a canoe together.


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2023-05-11 07:31 [#02627447]
Points: 7845 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



i live so close by the river, i sometimes think about buying
one, because i could simply drag it out and paddle away and
retnting one costs ridiculous 60 bucks. there is even room
for it in the boiler room. havent found a neat uesed one
though.
@epic, no fires nor islands here.
@thad, what cds you want man?
got some rephlex here, eod, cylob, dmx krew


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-05-11 16:51 [#02627464]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02627447



Ijon, whatevs… just come get it from my ex wives backyard
anytime. She don’t have cameras or a mean dog lol


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2023-05-11 17:16 [#02627467]
Points: 7845 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



there a slight difficulty getting across the pond without
one tho
any suggestions?


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-05-11 23:11 [#02627477]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02627467



Ijon,

Swim across and canoe back?

Steal a plane and canoe back?

Steal a boat and canoe back?

Steal a canoe and take mine back also?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:21 [#02627572]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



if you're having trouble getting across the pond without
dog, then either swim yourself, or buy a plane ticket.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:24 [#02627573]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i say this having literally once grabbed onto a dog carrying
a stick back to shore for a giggle because i was pretty sure
it would more or less be shrugged off. i was correct. got a
good 20 feet of water taxi out of that.

that, oh, go to vermont. you'll find, like... a nice clean
lake with lots of useless islands to effectively serve as a
target, paddle out and claim it for a bit. but don't paddle
too far over there, that's the nude beach, and while that
might sound like you want a peek -- trust me, you don't


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:28 [#02627575]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



oh, swimming, how about that? at times it almost feels like
a serious problem has been fixed, when i dive down under and
i can just move freely in any direction


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:33 [#02627576]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i suppose kayaking is ultimately less neurologically
interesting than swimming. all that happens with a kayak is
you find you've become this strange hybrid... thing... that
the top half of you is human but the bottom half of you is a
kayak. it takes about two hours for this to hit


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:41 [#02627577]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



have you ever been swimming for, literally, hours, and then
you get out of the water and it's disorienting because it's
like... the tetris effect?

never mind. i'm in too deep already. i'll stop


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:52 [#02627578]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



no, wait. i know why thad thinks canoes are gay. they
actually are kind of gay and it's not just because
"boy scouts"

that if you sit in a kayak for two hours, it's accepted into
your body image map. that effectively, your mind/body has
accepted the kayak as part of itself.

a canoe, multiple people, for two hours, and it's like...
yeah, shit. the only analogy i have is when you're spooning
with someone and you just kind of bleed into each other, and
do you feel that? wow yes. is that my leg or yours? i can't
tell

that's actually far worse that they're just going out to the
crappy island to bum. that, despite all the talk of setting
shit on fire like proper heterosexuals, everyone seems to
have forgotten a lighter. and now what?

never went and bummed on an island myself. but i've
definitely... yeah, this happens


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 05:54 [#02627579]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



greg hates car culture
thad thinks canoes are gay

immutable properties of reality


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 06:40 [#02627580]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02627573



i say this having literally once grabbed onto a dog
carrying a stick back to shore for a giggle because i was
pretty sure it would more or less be shrugged off. i was
correct. got a good 20 feet of water taxi out of that.


this same dog also once deliberately pushed me into a river
when i was standing on a rock, fascinated and poking at
something irrelevant like the dweeb i am. that suddenly i'm
just in the water and dfjgkdf wtf? and five people saw it,
and some of them seemed even kind of stunned as the
confirmed: the dog deliberately pushed you into the river.
and you could tell she was beyond pleased with herself for
doing so.

that dogs are what you put into them, and we talked to our
dogs. that when i grabbed onto her to tow me back to shore,
it's like... 80lb yellow lab, and this is a bit of an ask,
here. that if i'd kept doing it she would have stopped
ignoring me. but, effectively, when i said "i was pretty
sure it would more or less be shrugged off" i actually
meant: i knew the dog would, actually, understand what i was
doing, that i thought this was a hilarious idea and i just
went for it.

that kayaks are what you put into them as well. if you don't
put in the effort, the kayak won't be accepted into your
proprioceptive map. and you'll be shit at spooning


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 07:27 [#02627581]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i guess i was a bit of a strange child. not many people
would dive down as deep as they could so they could dance
underwater. simply because the freedom of movement felt
great. and now i'm thinking: oh, shit, there are probably
headphones that work underwater now, and... no, fuck it,
that might be my dennis wilson arc. i might drown if i get
ahold of that


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 08:12 [#02627582]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02627581



i guess i was a bit of a strange child. not many people
would dive down as deep as they could so they could dance
underwater. simply because the freedom of movement felt
great


hell, i've still not tried scuba diving? and perhaps i'm an
idiot
but then -- no, it's too much equipment. i could stay
underwater, but it'd ruin what i want to do there

which is, oh... deep down as you can, flail about a bit, get
a good starting whirl and, then -- like if you start
spinning in a wheelie chair with your arms outstretched, and
then pull them in, you start spinning ~faster~ -- pull into
a fetal ball to whip that starting whirl up into a frenzy,
tumble about like a football a couple times and then WAHOO
just flail the limbs back out and curve around a bit before
we finally reach the surface. and the only real design point
that went into this was, like, this is what i can do with
the time i between diving down as far as i can and buoyancy
popping me back into reality.

anyone else? no? alright. sorry


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-13 08:23 [#02627583]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02627582



pull into a fetal ball to whip that starting whirl up
into a frenzy, tumble about like a football a couple
times


that, yes, finally -- i think i'm content to stop there.
then, fuck, shit, this is boring but

if you try this, you need to have mastered the art of very
continuously, expelling air out through your nose to
maintain enough positive pressure, or... yeah if someone
blindly committed on the first stab with no clue... safety
first


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-05-13 19:16 [#02627587]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular



What Epic said.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 02:13 [#02627591]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



how about... a totally riced out kayak?

that i am not talking about electronics shit, because this
is a kayak and it will get flipped sometimes, even if you're
just chilling on a lake.

instead more like:

- six-pack sized cooler sealed with a gasket. fill with
beers+ice. you can flip the kayak and keep your lake out of
the beer
- rubberized, shock-mounted beer holder
- a clamp so you can snap the paddle into the side and not
fumble about with it
- Sealed box for your island loadout: tevas, a towel, lunch
- Manual bilge pump for kayak interior that can potentially
double as a squirt gun turret
- gasket compartment for smokables that flips over into a
rolling tray
- proper glass ashtray -- simply inset into the top of the
kayak's body. flip the kayak to empty the ashtray

but probably more interesting, free diving, just going down
over and over in a loop because you love it, and your
breathing has to... didn't ceephax have some thing like
"acid breathing"? what's that about


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 02:43 [#02627592]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



LAZY_TITLE ~ hasn't wound up well for most of these
chaps. but i'm truly jealous of this episode. they got a
budget to dream up a bunch of retarded boats, and... oh, one
of them had a little desk with a crappy yamaha keyboard on
it. eventually this went in the water eventually, but
they're floating down the river and banging out some tunes
before that. and, yes, we have a budget to go way further
than anyone could usually justify for this, and a camera
crew to document our day on the water. lucky bastards


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 03:12 [#02627594]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02627578



that's actually far worse that they're just going out to
the crappy island to bum. that, despite all the talk of
setting shit on fire like proper heterosexuals, everyone
seems to have forgotten a lighter. and now what?

never went and bummed on an island myself. but i've
definitely... yeah, this happens


my conscience is bothering me, here. setting shit on fire is
a universal male delight. it seems like women are either the
occasional rare clinical pyro, or utterly not interested [is
that sexist].

i've never went and bummed on an island myself. but there
have been a few times with a bunch of fireworks that we all
knew quite well we weren't supposed to have brought out
there. like, now that we've claimed this island of ours:
there needs to be a show of force to warn the neighbors


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 03:45 [#02627595]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



life vests. i actually fucking hate the things. one nearly
killed me once

it was summer camp and sailing class and they're teaching us
how to get a sailboat back up if it tips over. from the
pictures i looked up... no, this was not a sunfish, they had
us flip over a mercury. and, we're a bunch of incredibly
enthusiastic ten or 12yo lads. i remember genuinely throwing
my full weight into it

then the boat is not just on its side. it's going complete
turtle. the sail is pulling me down underwater with gradual,
unstoppable force, as the life jacket is trash compacting me
up into the sail. i wasn't expecting this and i don't have
much air. shit. shit

and in the end, i would have drowned, actually, if i hadn't
had the presence of mind to then tear it off, underwater,
swim out around from under it. i then actually began to chew
the counselors out a bit, this life vest shit is a death
trap, you idiots, etc. and then i realize they're shitting
themselves even harder than i was in that moment because it
was only supposed to go on its side and now they're not sure
what to do either and it's really, really sinking to the
bottom of the lake. i left them arguing and swam back to
shore


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 03:45 [#02627596]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i wear them drinking beer in a kayak, though.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 03:50 [#02627597]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



oh, right. part of the reason i just swam back to shore was
that the weight of the boat sinking to the bottom of the
lake was creating a downsuck that i judged as genuinely not
worth fucking around with.

if you ask me to capsize a boat, be warned i'll do it
thoroughly


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 03:55 [#02627598]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i actually think it was me. "alright boys, just lean over
and pull the boat down" and i quite literally jumped up in
the air, grabbed the mast with both hands, lifted my feet up
in the air and swung them forwards. that i was clever and
prudent enough, in retrospect, to have known this was too
far. i was just so wicked stocked that i'm going to get
to capsize a boat


it was well-meant.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 09:14 [#02627614]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



that, i dunno, astrocytes, the power distribution network of
the brain, well, that's what fMRI actually reads; blood flow
in the brain. it can't read actual neural activity; simply
the blood flow that follows it. so they'll say "oh it lags a
bit" and you're actually watching the janitors clean up
after the game is over, thanks. but seems reasonable that
thinking about things, microwaves other nearby things in
your brain -- even if they're ancient -- simply because,
being nearby, they might be relevant.

and i've this to add: now i remember actually being, like
"oh, excuse me" and getting someone else to move over
because i was squinting at the boat, and, even though i was
-- 11, best guess -- and didn't know the words yet, i was
trying to visualize the boat's center of mass and determine
where i could be in order to capsize this boat the hardest i
damn could. then this is all a safety training exercise i've
thrown into chaos, and a life vest, also a safety device
nearly kills me, i tear it off and swim out back up and yell
at the counselors for being idiots when, now that i think on
it, this was probably all my fault. but they're too busy
shitting themselves over the fact that the boat is actively
sinking, and they don't know what to do about it, actually,
and so i swim ashore, sans life vest, as the boat pulls my
vest down under with it, because i could tell if i stuck
around the downsuck from the boat could be dangerous

what. you asked me to capsize the boat. i did


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 09:45 [#02627615]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



sorry, right, the other kids. that i'd ideally positioned
myself to take the boat down, and so i got the brunt of it,
suitably, they were long out from under it by the time i
fought my way up and went on a pissy rant about life jackets
being... whatever an 11yo kid does when he's calling
something FUCKING HORSESHIT but he's a nice kid and he
doesn't have language that strong at his disposal yet...
yes, they got back up on the second boat the counselors were
on and i have some words here, so i'm not really thinking
about just treading water and bitching. then i feel the boat
tug, and i guess i could have gotten back on board their
boat, but i did kind of feel: you're crap i'll do it myself


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-05-14 09:47 [#02627616]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



one of them had a permanent lisp and he would say "screwed"
as "skqwüd" -- truth


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-24 03:38 [#02628859]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



the jason scott has long made available a list of his
most dubious achievements such as "FILLED CAR INTERIOR WITH WHIPPED
CREAM, 1989"

and i'd have to think about my full list, but "sinking a
mercury sailboat and almost drowning myself in the process
during a safety training exercise, 1995" certainly makes the
cut.

if you want to understand what ADHD is..., well, as above:

i jumped up in the air, grabbed the mast with both hands,
lifted my feet up in the air and swung them forwards. that i
was clever and prudent enough, in retrospect, to have known
this was too far. i was just so wicked stoked that i'm
going to get to capsize a boat


it was well-meant.


...i wouldn't have gotten on a submarine, though.


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-07-04 16:39 [#02629014]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular



Love


 


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