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troll umbrella

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-06 00:01 [#02621340]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular

so i have this condition -- which i don't mind, really --
where i look at a tree and see it sort of a more than usual
way, but i also am very sensitive to lights vs. night
vision. not, like, trailers or anything, i just get halogen
headlights burned into my field of vision quite easily.

freaking headlights now; very pedestrian-hostile. they're
starting to introduce adaptive dimming that's basically
like, "hey isn't this great, halogen high-beams all
day except when they detect another car... then they dim.
never mind someone trying to walk along the road in the
dark, and their night vision. even sans condition, your
night vision can be decimated instantly; takes ten minutes
for your pupils to open back up after being blasted

so i use a hoodie. but it's raining, and i use an umbrella.
and this adaptive dimming thing; it's suddenly relevant.
because i'm blocking the halogen hi-beams with my umbrella,
and... the car's headlights dim. then they brighten. then
they dim. then they brighten

i realize: shit, it's my umbrella; it's reflecting and
faking it out

my umbrella is matte black. the slick of the rain was enough
to make the car's computer shit annoy the fuck out of the
luxury automobile's owner, so i figure i need, like... a
silver umbrella; maybe i can get one with rhinestones and
sequins. fight the power


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-06 00:08 [#02621341]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular

the shape of the umbrella -- we know this parabola
does make it ideal for bouncing the light about.

but what about when it doesn't rain? i think i need, like...
an armband? or, from DnD, a bracer? with a little parabola
coated in that paint they use on road signs. that way i can
collect the halogen and beam it back via satellite


online dariusgriffin from cool on 2022-10-06 03:06 [#02621342]
Points: 12198 Status: Regular

that's cool actually


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-06 05:57 [#02621345]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular

i've already this design in my hed where it's like some iron
man thing and when you clench a fist it pulls a mesh and
reveals the shiny concave parabola you can use to collect
halogen light and send it back in a directed beam...
proportionally, so you can flex more or less to dial up and
down how flagrantly reflective it is. do you guys think i
have a patent, here?

the street sign paint; i'm not much on materials science.
but it lights up like a painfully bright LED when hedlites
hit it; something to do with the material just sending the
light back. i figure i can get some sticky tape with such a
finish to try this all out.


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-06 06:00 [#02621346]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular

but, yeah, fucking car safety systems, these days. "we'll
save lives," but yeah, fuck off, everyone has to pay $2k for
this shit, it annoys the piss out of people driving the
cars, and meanwhile you saved about 200 wankers who didn't
pull over before collecting loose change from the floor mat

i am eager to get a car again. the day is near where i will
be able to scream by a flock of tesla's and make them
scatter like birds because they're all on autopilot and i
wiggled my car just right as i went by


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-06 06:01 [#02621347]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular

also dreaming up a jacket to confuse self-driving cars.


offline Tony Danza from Sesame Street on 2022-10-06 14:07 [#02621348]
Points: 3492 Status: Regular

become ungovernable


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-10-07 07:49 [#02621364]
Points: 7650 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

hehe i like that,
lots of folks wearing orange safety vests with reflective
stripes nowadays on the streets. mostly joggers and people
riding a bike. always hated the idea of being seen at night,
but its definitley a life saver.

car builders can kiss my ass. first they build cars that are
way taller than 90% of the cars on the road, whilst not
thinking about placing or pointing the headlights in a way
they dont blind everyone else in traffic.

now i have to buy a reflective darkening foil (fuck foil we
used to call it) so we dont crash when a suv is behind us.
when they come towards us we´re still blind.


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-10-07 07:59 [#02621365]
Points: 7650 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

im just about to order stuff to arm our bikes.
my wife gets cut and overtaken in narrow streets way
too often, all the while getting yelled at,
despite its her right of way.
so we´re looking to buy a mountable traffic trowel.
they stick out and hit the cars closing in too much.
im thinking about a 120db horn too.

what id really love was an upgrade to properly
scratch their varnish if they come too close.


offline mermaidman on 2022-10-07 09:52 [#02621366]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular

didn’t your assasin’s creed costume give you +1 night
vision? ... or something?


offline mermaidman on 2022-10-07 09:53 [#02621367]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular

meaning it’s also halogen light proof


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