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offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-08-24 20:52 [#02620603]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



i am finishing a half a zig [slap me if i don't finish
quitting this week] and reaching a usual sewer grate for
disposal thereof, and, out of the corner of my eye, i spot
a... bmw 5? in one of the paint colors you have to pay extra
for?

anyways, he's driving incredibly fast and cutting way too
close to the curb. i could have poked his passenger window,
like, boop! if i'd wanted to, with really no risk and not
more than a little timing required.

instead, i gauge my moment; my throw, and yes... as he
whooshes by, i'm able to use the downforce of his nibs'
luxury whip to zuck a cigarette butt down a sewer grate.
most use he'll be to anyone all week


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-08-24 21:13 [#02620608]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



frozen tanzenite blue metallic


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-11-06 15:57 [#02622060]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



i am at the liquor store 10am sunday, shortly after opening,
because i am out of ziggurauts. i've bunged the pack into me
backpack and now i'm outside the store and the zipper is
stuck in the fabric and i can't open it back up to extract a
zig. i'm cussing and fiddling

then i hear: bam!

i look over and some lady has just given the beastly traffic
pillar in front of her parking spot a love tap with her
license plate. the two are currently still in physical
warping coitus when i look up to see what the noise was. i
look away to be polite, but also to finish fussing with my
zipper, because i really want a zig.

then when i look up she's leading a 3-4yo girl with her into
the liquor store, and i'm squinting, was she distracted
looking at me, or is she still plastered from last night?

the world will never know.


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-11-07 07:26 [#02622062]
Points: 7074 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



rest assured, she just bought the booze for the kid.
fake ids are tough at that age.


 

offline mermaidman on 2022-11-07 13:38 [#02622073]
Points: 7662 Status: Regular



why would she be distracted looking at you are you brad
pitt??


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-11-12 22:02 [#02622261]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



a house a little down the street is getting new siding put
on. i hear ladders slamming; it's 4:30 and they're knocking
off for the day. then i hear some angry horn blasts, and i
promptly run to the window, because this sounds
entertaining.

i am not wrong: despite what i missed, it was two solid
minutes of Everything Just Went Wrong and it rippling
around. One guy is halfway turned around as other guy is
backing out of the driveway, and they get kind of wedged,
perpendicular to the direction of the street, blocking
traffic both ways. a car approaches and begins flashing its
lights. they are all: ohh uhh ummm uhhh and promptly get in
the way of another guy trying to back out

and they're all bouncing off each other like rubber balls
like that, for, yeah, two minutes solid

you have to think quick if you want to catch these: them
packing up, oh whatever, but the horn -- this has all the
right elements, now; hurry...


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-11-13 02:56 [#02622265]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



walking down the sidewalk, mostly wearing black -- but
varying contrasting layers of black, black finger gloves,
black hood over my head, black boots. then also walking down
the sidewalk, the other way, a young couple. they are both
wearing... light pink tops. i think: what sort of guy
wears that color?
then i laughed, like, they must think
the same of me.

as we approach to pass, he literally hides behind his
girlfriend. like, using her as a shield, as if he were a
nervous kitten. truly bizarre. maybe he's famous or
something.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-11-13 20:07 [#02622286]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



it rained a bunch recently and now it's still kind of
pissing rain. there are giant pools of water in the street.
i'm really just out for a zig and a stretch; no rush. if i'm
gurning on the cardio i'd just sprint past these stretches;
that i quite enjoy trying to nail the timing. lawn
sprinklers too; same feel

but no, right now, i see a Proper Hoser of a puddle, a car
coming, a car behind it, so i just step into a driveway and
way.

the first car passes me. hello. then... a third car
awkwardly lumbers out of a side-street, forcing the second
car i marked to wait to pass to slam on the brakes. then
they are seemingly going slow because they are looking at me
-- mermaidman -- i am wearing my wizard hoodie, but it's
cold and windy and pissing rain and it's really nothing
remarkable. they are just staring at me because they missed
me pulling over from my walk to wait, and why am i standing
there?

meanwhile, the person behind them is already quite mad, and,
well, i can't say for certain, but it did seem like they
deliberately nailed the puddle, even, though i was out of
range. out of spite. like, how dare you slow me down even
more. but, ironically, absolutely justifying why i stepped
aside to wait like i did.

it's like everyone on the planet has turned into larry
ellison.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-11-23 15:07 [#02622563]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



i am standing on my porch just enjoying the cold morning air
and a blue jay lands on a branch about six feet away from me
and makes its blue jay yell. a little bird-sized puff of
steam comes out of the little bugger as it does. cold enough
to see your breath


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-01-03 00:17 [#02623693]
Points: 20650 Status: Addict



the woman is compulsively pinching every. single. loaf. of.
french. bread. one by one. i'm compulsive myself about some
things -- rabidly so -- but this is not one of them. she can
pinch a loaf three times, and i'll still buy it, so long as
it's not stale.

however, this seems to be an involved process, so i
leisurely loop around an aisle. linger. wait. i think: she
was already pinching them when i was there before; and i've
now waited long enough for to pinch every single loaf on top
of that. too bad; that's my patience -- i'm going in

sure enough, she is still there, pinching the loafs, over
and over. i stroll right up -- to a distance that was quite
acceptable to a neurotic person before covid -- and sure
enough, she immediately flees.

i pinch the first loaf i lay eyes on. seems good. sold

then i realize she actually didn't buy any of the breads.
she just pinched them all for a few minutes and ran when
someone approached.


 


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