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offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-11 07:54 [#02607615]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



i was driving the delivery van across town. left the main
street and headed into the suburbs. turned around the corner
to find a immaculate scenery of white. not a single spot of
mud nor conrete. the majority of the snow already compressed
by other vehicles it appeared like a unexpected ski slope
from a childhood vacation right in front of me. car stereo
started playing #8 rotate electrolyte. i began steering the
vehicle safely downhill but ever so gently slid when
cornering or accelerating. down and up, left, down, right
slide, another right, no pedestrians anywhere just fenced
road, sliding another left in slow motion, cautiously going
uphill...


 

offline Portnoy on 2021-02-11 19:52 [#02607616]
Points: 1437 Status: Regular



We have windment. Does that count?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-12 05:12 [#02607617]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



LAZY_TITLE

what is that blue stuff coating that car? where are all the
compact cars and anything not floaty truck boats gmc jimmy
chevy cavalier the inescapable f150, and of course some
"crossover SUVs" are about as small as i see

big trucks CAN be good in the snow. but if you're a
contractor in texas driving an F-150 you don't know none of
that shit, you don't have the right tires, but more
importantly, you don't have a clue how to drive in winter
conditions, it'd be bad enough in a honda civic but now
you're doing it with a truck, for which it is infitely more
crucial you respect the nonlinear arc of vehicle weight vs.
being utterly fucked driving on ice

i do feel bad for these people, sure -- once it snowballs
like that, you can be mario andretti and still get swept up
in it because of everyone else

and that's kind of the root of it, i guess, back of my brain
is screaming "do not ever drive in texas in winter
conditions because these unseasoned fools could end you with
their trucks"

also imagine they don't know the pleasure of doing donuts in
a deserted, snow-covered mall parking lot on a bored sunday.
i don't think trucks do that very well

that's actually a good way to learn how a car handles
differently in the snow -- go to a giant empty mall parking
lot and just try out all manners of silly extreme shit, nice
little laboratory


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-12 05:14 [#02607618]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



definitely can pull off that feeling in music. the squirt of
gas to twitch the car on ice

i figure i'm almost too comfortable; i should probably
listen to my own advice. just giving it a squirt of gas on a
turn because i know there's ice and if you spin the tires
just so the car hurridly rotates in a delightful manner i
need to get a new car. i miss going out for drives during
insane new england weather at 2am

mom always used to have meltdowns because i'd go off to a
full running tilt, then jump and skid on my socks as far as
possible, over the smooth wooden floors

STOP IT! YOU'RE RUINING YOUR SOCKS

now i pay for my own socks, it's my house, and no one can
stop me
with cars i respect that i am operating a two-ton piece of
machinery, but i haven't been able to completely stop that
childhood attitude from influencing my style

i have utterly, utterly avoided learning how to drift, to do
handbrake turns, because i strongly suspect i would love it
more than ice cream, and then eventually get myself arrested
ot killed.

juicing the gas on ice is probably already pretty close to
drift, actually, just different timing/tolerances

feels the same when i play car video games, anyways. it's
about being keenly aware of the threshold between static and
kinetic friction


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-12 06:56 [#02607619]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02607617



chevy cavalier ~ no, whoops, utterly wrong, crossed
my wires, the cavalier is the 80's/90s sedan boat classic. i
meant a chevy suburban, built sort of a pitbull that is
disconcertingly about 1.5 times as long as the usual pitbull
is. the visual cortex rebels and says: there is something
wrong here

physics would be inclined to agree

is the ford excursion still around? for the sake of america
-- texas, in winter, in particular -- i hope not


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-12 07:10 [#02607620]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



Can you name the truck with four wheel drive?
Smells like a steak and seats thirty five?
  Canyonero!
     Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown
   Canyonero!
     Canyonero*

* canyonero not recommended in winter


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-12 07:43 [#02607627]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02607620 | Show recordbag



whiplash!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-23 04:03 [#02607690]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



there's also the video i shot in early 2009, blasting
invaders must die, just after it'd come out. my friend and i
were driving back from the berkshires to more civilized
massachusetts, separate cars, icy conditions, both of us
young and admittedly somewhat stoned, just goofing around on
the icy roads in our cars, whooo, wheee. what almost does me
in is i get out my canon powershot G3, because filming on
fones is not really a thing yet, and keep doing this,
filming a video, driving one-handed, until i predictably
overcash my chex and almost wipe out; hastily put away the
camera. apparently i deleted it off my youtube. probably for
the best. after that, anyways, i went back to using both
hands while goofding about and things were smooth the rest
of the way


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-23 04:43 [#02607691]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



was just thinking: stay focused, keep both hands on the
wheel, don't let your right hand get lost in a vanity
camera, and you'll do ok, cars are good teachers


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-23 07:47 [#02607692]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



im glad i didnt have a license nor car when i was a youth
stoner. figured during driving lessons that we were no match
back then. thought nothing was gonna make me drive a car
until my gf drove us 900km in a day to camping. i swore to
make that license so we could take turns next year, so i got
it done. i see myself as a very careful driver and hope for
it to last.



 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-23 07:49 [#02607693]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02607690 | Show recordbag



smart thing to get rid of the evidence btw!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-23 07:51 [#02607694]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



i am not sure if i got marijuana or my driver's license
first, i was a bit late on both compared to most, 19 or so.

but i do remember my first time driving while stoned. a
friend and i had blazed it up in a park, and we get my
inherited honda, and i very frankly announce, "i've never
driven stoned before, i'm not sure how this will go"

about three minutes later i am all THIIISSS ISSS
AWEEESOMMMEEE

and about a minute after that my friend very tensely asks
COULD.YOU.PLEASE.SLOW.DOWN.A.LITTLE

i look at the speedometer, and, yeah, wow, i am going kind
of fast. there seems to be some sort of speedometer dilation
going on with this weed stuff; duly noted. i slow down. he
calms down


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-23 08:08 [#02607696]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02607694 | Show recordbag



was nuts enough to get driven in cars like that many times.
never got into an accident. cant say the same for my
friends. luckily they are all still alive and didnt hurt
others. roads are full of crosses and road signs showing who
wasnt as lucky.

can you imagine back in the 70s we had 30.000 deaths in
traffic per year in germany? pop was 78 million back then.
thats a whole town every year, just gone, mashed and
squished or burned to death.
that was before safety belts became mandatory and other
advances in safety.


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-23 08:09 [#02607697]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02607696 | Show recordbag



think i posted this before,
it seems so unreal


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-23 14:48 [#02607699]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular



and that was before selfies


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-02-24 07:01 [#02607706]
Points: 16565 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02607696



i remember being on some family vacation, or heck, it's a
jumble, was it dad with me minding me as i shopped for my
first new car? in any case, there's this old 60's/70's car
they have on display, and my dad is commenting: wow, look at
that. it's terrifying how little there is there. look at
those shitty welds

and frankly, that took deep root in my brain, dad was right,
70's cars are fucking terrifying death traps. and it's
terrifying how little there is there, if you look at a 70's
car. jesus god nudge someone and you're ended


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-02-27 20:17 [#02607748]
Points: 5871 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02607706 | Show recordbag



well, at least you went in style...


 


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