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furniture gods smile upon me

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2020-10-11 05:21 [#02606489]
Points: 16196 Status: Lurker

today. neighbor offers me a leather couch before he puts it
out on the curb. i need a couch. it's small, but it's
exactly the sort of couch i want: some comfy brown leather

i decide to keep the roll going by assembling some
nightstand table fing i'd gotten at target. i've actually
been procrastinating on putting it together. i guess it's
like, it doesn't bother me, but i drive myself nuts
about putting together furniture. like i'm an archeologist
reassembling a priceless relic

but, i do tend to do a good job, with the exception that
there is always something wrong, and it bothers me forever.
that's exactly how i went this time, and it's actually not
bad at all for $40 or something. much more thoughtfully laid
out than most kits. not full of sawdust

i have effectively quit ziggurauts but i have a few kicking
about in the car, and i decide to go for a drive/zig just to
get out of the house, take a little break

i am almost back home when i see a gigantic pile of stuff on
the curb. i spot an entertainment center. i stop, put on the
hazard lights, pop the trunk. no, i need to lower the seats,
too. this thing is heavy as shit. i feel weird with my
blinkers on and my ass sticking out the rear passenger side
door trying to find the seat-downitude lever, let's hurry
this up

in the end, it still doesn't fit, i just drive home with the
trunk open, carefully.

in the kitchen, i examine my catch. fuck me if it isn't the
exact same shit as i just put together -- same screws, same
slides, everything. right away i see whoever put this
together got part of it wrong. yes, i remember how far back
to take it apart to fix this

i still need a desk.


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2020-10-11 08:17 [#02606491]
Points: 16196 Status: Lurker

the furniture gods have smiled upon me once again, but this
time, it was not without sacrifice.

i have this stupid "game rocker chair" i bought at walmart.
it has speakers in it. i've never actually used the
speakers, i just bought the one with speakers because i
figured it would do a good job of weighing the chair down.

it was never meant to be a long-term solution, but, somehow,
i never got around to getting a desk. it broke once, i fixed
it up, then it slowly got destroyed, then lewis was using
his phone on it for two hours and it is unsittable

do i throw it out, order a new one? i start looking on
amazon, and, actually, here is the exact chair i mean.
then i catch myself: no, this was not something i meant to
keep on with, why am i ordering another

so i decide to do a hail mary pass and attempt to fix it
again. this is promptly an epic ordeal.

i open it up, and find there are brackets with 7/9 screws
missing. no wonder it flapped in half.

i shake, shake, shake and the furniture gods gift me with
three of the missing screws, deep from the the bowels of the
chair. but, no, i need more, if this chair is to chair.

i undertake a search. it is a long and tangential search.
i've moved, recently, and stuff is everywhere, so i'm
looking for the screws but i'm more really just sorting out
the mess in an ambling way.

there are repeated, bizarre discoveries: there is a brown
paper bag, inside a ziplock bag, that contains zip ties.
"was is das?" i vunder. i dig it out, and, lo and behold, it
is an unopened 200ml bottle of jack daniels. the fucking
fuck. why would i put that there? when? should i drink it

clearly, yes.


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2020-10-11 08:27 [#02606492]
Points: 16196 Status: Lurker

one screw, i knew where it was: it's in those plastic
drawers, in my bedroom, upstairs. i see that thing all the
time, i remember finding it on the floor and having no idea
wtf it was, that has to me one. sure enough, it is

the others prove elusive. i do, however, find one with
matching threading, but it's a hex key, instead of phillips.
given where i found it, i suspect it game with the guitar i
bought in high school, and later sold off

missing a screw
hex adaptation

executive summary:
- free leather couch
- successfully assembled night table
- found matching entertainment center on the curb
- repaired rocker chair that initially seemed totally
- sorted out some of the mess from moving
- found 200ml of jack daniels in a bag of zip ties


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2020-10-19 14:17 [#02606501]
Points: 5578 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

ah yes, furniture gods.
they have humour too btw:
when we moved in together last summer we needed a new couch,
but we werent in a hurry. weather was good, bookshelves
filled and a new garden waiting for expeditions into the
unknown and for archealogical digsites. we were sure we
wouldnt go for a boxy ikea textile model. (its hard to find
a living room without one theses days and we figured we
wanted something charming and not some soon to be trashed
mass produced junk) so when we finally found a couch that
appealed to us in late fall we drove out 30 km to pick it up
with a friends horse trailer on their free weekend. twice
actually. one time to check it out and make a down payment
of 50€ then picking the huge bastard up laying another
100€ into the happy owners hands. two months later i saw
the exact same model in a considerably similar state out on
the curb from our window. d´oh!


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