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today. neighbor offers me a leather couch before he puts it out on the curb. i need a couch. it's small, but it's exactly the sort of couch i want: some comfy brown leather thing. i decide to keep the roll going by assembling some nightstand table fing i'd gotten at target. i've actually been procrastinating on putting it together. i guess it's like, it doesn't bother me, but i drive myself nuts about putting together furniture. like i'm an archeologist reassembling a priceless relic but, i do tend to do a good job, with the exception that there is always something wrong, and it bothers me forever. that's exactly how i went this time, and it's actually not bad at all for $40 or something. much more thoughtfully laid out than most kits. not full of sawdust i have effectively quit ziggurauts but i have a few kicking about in the car, and i decide to go for a drive/zig just to get out of the house, take a little break i am almost back home when i see a gigantic pile of stuff on the curb. i spot an entertainment center. i stop, put on the hazard lights, pop the trunk. no, i need to lower the seats, too. this thing is heavy as shit. i feel weird with my blinkers on and my ass sticking out the rear passenger side door trying to find the seat-downitude lever, let's hurry this up in the end, it still doesn't fit, i just drive home with the trunk open, carefully. in the kitchen, i examine my catch. fuck me if it isn't the exact same shit as i just put together -- same screws, same slides, everything. right away i see whoever put this together got part of it wrong. yes, i remember how far back to take it apart to fix this i still need a desk. |
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the furniture gods have smiled upon me once again, but this time, it was not without sacrifice. i have this stupid "game rocker chair" i bought at walmart. it has speakers in it. i've never actually used the speakers, i just bought the one with speakers because i figured it would do a good job of weighing the chair down. it was never meant to be a long-term solution, but, somehow, i never got around to getting a desk. it broke once, i fixed it up, then it slowly got destroyed, then lewis was using his phone on it for two hours and it is unsittable do i throw it out, order a new one? i start looking on amazon, and, actually, here is chair i mean. then i catch myself: no, this was not something i meant to keep on with, why am i ordering another so i decide to do a hail mary pass and attempt to fix it again. this is promptly an epic ordeal. i open it up, and find there are brackets with 7/9 screws missing. no wonder it flapped in half. i shake, shake, shake and the furniture gods gift me with three of the missing screws, deep from the the bowels of the chair. but, no, i need more, if this chair is to chair. i undertake a search. it is a long and tangential search. i've moved, recently, and stuff is everywhere, so i'm looking for the screws but i'm more really just sorting out the mess in an ambling way. there are repeated, bizarre discoveries: there is a brown paper bag, inside a ziplock bag, that contains zip ties. "was is das?" i vunder. i dig it out, and, lo and behold, it is an unopened 200ml bottle of jack daniels. the fucking fuck. why would i put that there? when? should i drink it now? clearly, yes. |
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one screw, i knew where it was: it's in those plastic drawers, in my bedroom, upstairs. i see that thing all the time, i remember finding it on the floor and having no idea wtf it was, that has to me one. sure enough, it is the others prove elusive. i do, however, find one with matching threading, but it's a hex key, instead of phillips. given where i found it, i suspect it game with the guitar i bought in high school, and later sold off executive summary: - free leather couch - successfully assembled night table - found matching entertainment center on the curb - repaired rocker chair that initially seemed totally knackered - sorted out some of the mess from moving - found 200ml of jack daniels in a bag of zip ties |
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ah yes, furniture gods. they have humour too btw: when we moved in together last summer we needed a new couch, but we werent in a hurry. weather was good, bookshelves filled and a new garden waiting for expeditions into the unknown and for archealogical digsites. we were sure we wouldnt go for a boxy ikea textile model. (its hard to find a living room without one theses days and we figured we wanted something charming and not some soon to be trashed mass produced junk) so when we finally found a couch that appealed to us in late fall we drove out 30 km to pick it up with a friends horse trailer on their free weekend. twice actually. one time to check it out and make a down payment of 50€ then picking the huge bastard up laying another 100€ into the happy owners hands. two months later i saw the exact same model in a considerably similar state out on the curb from our window. d´oh! |
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