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pepsi overlords
 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 19:35 [#02571070]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



one day, burly men showed up, and tore out the coca-cola
branded office drink vending machines, and replaced them
with pepsi ones. reaction was slightly sour; they had about
1/3 of the selection, and no energy drinks whatsoever.

a month later, the same thing happens to the "mini-mart" --
torn out, converted to pepsi, 1/3 the section. that hit me a
little harder, since the snack selection is now officially
ghastly.

in the midst of all this, i'd been starting to crack pepsi
jokes around the office. the wifi was having regular issues,
we get a notice that the building is upgrading the internet.
"switch the wifi to pepsi" i say, and get a few laughs.

then, last friday, we get this in email

Happy Friday!

Writing these emails is never fun especially on a lovely
Friday afternoon.

However, I have been instructed to remind everyone that
Omnicom has a relationship with Pepsi.

In support of that relationship, only Pepsi products are
permitted at all Omnicom locations.

The only exception is if either Coke or McDonalds is a
client.

During those visits, the agency may provide Coke products
during the meeting but not out in the open.

The Team is not authorized to order, stock or store any Coke
products for any reason or for any agency.

If you currently have Coke products stored in the closet or
public space, please remove your inventory immediately.

Any agency that orders products that are competitive with
Pepsi, should not have them out in the open.

Please do your very best to adhere to the Omnicom policy
because they have asked my team to keep a close eye on
it.


the best jokes have a kernel of truth, as they say


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 19:47 [#02571071]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



have you ever played the original syndicate games, I was
thinking of a minigun wielding cyborg with a pepsi logo
etched on its forehead then


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 19:52 [#02571072]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



honestly, it's not so much domineering as it is funny, in a
pathetic way. it's a stunning display of corporate
insecurity. ironic, really, as i don't even drink soda.

when i was six or so, my aunt visited. my mom asked her,
"would you like anything to drink?"

she replied, "oh, i'll have a pepsi!"

my sister and i said, "what's pepsi?"

my aunt was gobsmacked. they don't know what pepsi is?

closest thing ever around was seltzer, which i didn't like.
growing up, just never developed a taste for soda. two or
three times a month i'll have an energy drink for the
caffeine, but i actually hate the taste


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-03-09 19:53 [#02571073]
Points: 3781 Status: Regular



woah, that almost reads like dystopian fiction. are they
going to discipline anyone found drinking Unauthorised
Liquids?


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 19:58 [#02571074]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict | Followup to belb: #02571073



we were debating that! it's really unclear. i don't actually
work for omnicom, just a subsidiary of a subsidiary of
omnicom re-leases some of their space to various smaller
independent companies. am i still subject to omnicom policy?
it is unclear

what is utterly, completely, clear is this: my inner
high-school student is screaming at me to do things like:
print out a giant, color, coca-cola loga; tack it up in my
cube. buy a six-pack of coca-cola, leave it in the center of
the cafeteria; watch it and wait from a corner


 

offline wavephace from Aspiring Moderator on 2019-03-09 20:09 [#02571076]
Points: 2803 Status: Regular



I can't support Pepsi after their violent rhetoric against
black bodies


 

offline Indeksical from Phobiazero Damage Control (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 20:13 [#02571077]
Points: 9794 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



No doubt coke do the same shit somewhere else, sad state of
affairs and it happens at every level with every sort of
product. Don't know how you Americans can live with it.


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-03-09 20:26 [#02571078]
Points: 3781 Status: Regular



i know coke kinda have colombian anti-union murderers on
their payrolls but this is just heinous


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 20:31 [#02571079]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict | Followup to Indeksical: #02571077



No doubt coke do the same shit somewhere else, sad state
of affairs and it happens at every level with every sort of
product. Don't know how you Americans can live with it.


nailed it. in college, there was a food court with bronze
plaque declaring it the "PepsiCo Plaza," but you could not
find a single pepsi product anywhere on campus. The
university was locked into a contract with Aramark for X
years, and Aramark had a contract with coca-cola.


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 20:32 [#02571080]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



republican or democrat? pepsi or coke?

you could start a bar fight in america by declaring one soda
brand or the other democratic or republican


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 22:02 [#02571085]
Points: 21123 Status: Lurker



That's not how I remember it. This one day these two
gorgeous hunks come over to the office to install a pepsi
machine, and EpicMegatrax couldn't stop remarking how
"burly" they were, and hunky. "That sure pepped me
up" he said after they left, wafting in and savoring their
remaining double hunk odor, each pleasantly unique and even
more powerful combined. "Why don't they just install one of
those hunks, then we can drink pepsi right out of his cock?"
he said, and got a few laughs, in his mind, but in reality
they were only awkward grimaces and head palms since he'd
been talking about the hunks all month. "And/or nipples" he
continued. "Preferable and" he said after a bit more
pondering. He received a few reprimanding emails explaining
his behavior was not appropriate for the workplace. And
that's what happened. You can ask anyone there.


 

offline mermaidman from the pacific ocean on 2019-03-09 22:08 [#02571086]
Points: 5013 Status: Regular | Followup to w M w: #02571085



yeah that one seems more likely than epicmegatrax' version
of the story.


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 22:39 [#02571087]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



i have to admit, i did not anticipate w M w showing to turn
this thread into slash fiction


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 22:42 [#02571089]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02571087



would you like a hunk vending machine though?


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 22:51 [#02571094]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



i'd rather hug a tachikoma


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 22:57 [#02571095]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



you and your annoyingly oblique references,


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 23:02 [#02571096]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



annoying in the sense I had to google it and I resent having
to do that


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 23:09 [#02571102]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



if you haven't watched ghost in the shell: stand alone
complex, well, you poor dear. watch it and you might sleep
better


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 23:13 [#02571104]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



ive seen bit of it, ive seen akira and some other stuff but
I must admit I a bit prejudice against a lot of Anime, as it
seems to have a lot of infantile baggage, emotional
overwrought, hypersexuality, I guess im not its demographic


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 23:17 [#02571106]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



ghost in the shell seems much less of that in general that
most anime so I would like to watch it eventually


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-09 23:22 [#02571107]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



how would you feel if you knew someone who was dipping a toe
in the waters of electronic music, and you got to introduce
them to aphex, drukqs?

watch stand alone complex. it is good.


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 23:23 [#02571109]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



ok yeah i'll watch it sometime


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-09 23:59 [#02571131]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE

hows this for corporate compassion


 

online RussellDust on 2019-03-10 00:09 [#02571136]
Points: 13656 Status: Addict



You’d feel like you’d have to have something from some
competitor at you on all times. Something in a draw and
something in a pocket. Coke logo underwear? (Nah that’s
going too far)


 

online RussellDust on 2019-03-10 00:10 [#02571137]
Points: 13656 Status: Addict



On you at*


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:23 [#02571142]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict | Followup to Hyperflake: #02571109



i would have started tapping on the robot doctor screen,
attempting to open the start menu so i could change his
language to polish


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:28 [#02571143]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



*oh sorry it got the rooms mixed up again*


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:33 [#02571144]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



hnnng


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:34 [#02571145]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



imagine eating it thinking its some red liquorice


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:37 [#02571146]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



eating nosedirt boogers as a lad was not unpleasant. very
salty though


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:38 [#02571147]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



*nosebleeed


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:40 [#02571148]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



probably boosted your immune system, perhaps your body was
low on sodium like those parrots that eat bits off clay from
a mountain side


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:40 [#02571149]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:42 [#02571150]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



immune systems were never laid out as important. it was all
about propriety. it is, apparently, rude to eat your
nosebleed boogers. that took me by surprise in 3rd grade


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:43 [#02571151]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict | Followup to Hyperflake: #02571149



wat


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:44 [#02571152]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



it makes me think of something Howard Hughes would do


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:44 [#02571153]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



pick and flick is alright by me


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:47 [#02571154]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02571151



the comments to that video are an eye opener!


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-10 00:51 [#02571156]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict



so deeply split on this being a troll vs. real


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 00:54 [#02571158]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02571156



deffo real im afraid


 

offline Tony Danza from Prosperity Mindset on 2019-03-10 12:47 [#02571174]
Points: 1245 Status: Regular



the snack selection is now officially ghastly

this is racist against white people. we need various snacks
to be productive. #privelege my ass!!!!!!

heres what you need to do, organize a #freeshit protest, at
snack time all patriot workers shit their pants, commie boss
doesn'l like it? to bad shouldnt have interfered with the
#freemarket

#freeshit for #freemarket, monday at epics office


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-10 19:24 [#02571209]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict



get inside the vending machine and hoot like an owl whenever
management walks past


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 00:57 [#02571220]
Points: 21123 Status: Lurker



Especially like 3ish years ago I was noticing all these
youtube coke "science experiments" and crap like these 2
which don't deserve a link to up their already shilled SEO.
Stupid swimming pool full of the poison
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RLN_pNuMc0
and 'how to build (some dumb toy with a coke bottle) or
"mentos and coke". All that shit is viral advertising, and
shilled with like 70 million views. The epitome of these
forced memes is the elen degenerate "damn daniel"
extravaganza featuring shit slave made shoes and shit
fascist monopoly ebay and shit shills. It's like saints row
tim and eric genki except it is in real life.
One of the worst is "netflix and chill". This is a shit
corporation full of shit concepts of shit copyright using
human sexual reproduction to spread viraly.
At what point is it legitimate to use self defense in all
directions against the full spectrum fascist offense
takeover? It's a fascist full spectrum projectile diarrhea
attack.


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 01:05 [#02571221]
Points: 21123 Status: Lurker



There's only 2 places in the world that make parmesan
cheese, they say because only the right bacteria grows
there, buuuuullshit. It's a monopoly like everything else,
anyone else would be banned from selling or making it. All
canned string beans, del monte all proud of their automated
canning process going back decades. can I sell canned string
beans? Can I even have land to grow string beans? Can I sell
anything? Only they can sell. We're captive consumers in a
human farm. And they do plan to tax oxygen essentially,
almost like a ludicrous whatever latin term for taking
something to an extreme logical conclusion, but they'll do
it on the exhale, carbon dioxide, instead of inhale.


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 01:08 [#02571222]
Points: 21123 Status: Lurker



reductio ad absurdum, why don't they just fucking say it in
english. they probably keep latin around for obfuscation
purposes in lawyer speak and irs laws


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 12:09 [#02571235]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to w M w: #02571220



that's perhaps to most utterly pointless thing ive seen in
quite a while, jesus Christ, I was a bit disappointment no
one dropped a massive bag of mentos in it though


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 12:14 [#02571238]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to w M w: #02571222



yes I get the impression its for obfuscation, its a for of
language elitism to discourage the average person from
learning their own rights, well I get that impression,
perhaps I should just learn a bit of latin as well, but
English seems like a good functional language so why not
just express these things in simple terms, surely simple,
lucid language is best for everyone


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 18:04 [#02571268]
Points: 21123 Status: Lurker | Followup to Hyperflake: #02571238



I suspect complex math equations are too. Like the ones with
the giant letter E with things written on top and below and
to the side of it etc. Go to any communist wikipedia page
about math and there's a huge nonsensical equation, the one
true obfuscated answer as dictated by the non-meritocracy of
wikipedia moderators. There probably is no place to learn
what those mean, I've never found it. And if it exists it's
probably a horribly obfuscated way to express it, just like
music notation. All those dumb music snogs I made I never
did with any music notation, I recognized it as an elitist
overly complicated system to make other people's brains hate
music, just like school does with learning in general, so
they can monopolize it. This other guy got wind of the
corruption in music and math too and he started bulldozing
the town in a killdozer, he's a hero of the renaissance!
LAZY_TITLE


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-03-11 18:07 [#02571271]
Points: 23324 Status: Addict | Followup to w M w: #02571268



I can see both sides of the issue I guess, sometimes it
feels a bit elitist or perhaps I haven't made enough of an
effort to understand, for instance all those symbols and
equations my brother understands perfectly well and he is
very unassuming

LAZY_TITLE


 

online EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-03-11 22:59 [#02571313]
Points: 11287 Status: Addict | Followup to w M w: #02571268



i feel you on viral advertising, dumbing down of thing and
stuff, but not so much on math.

one thing i hate is how UI has become this stupid thing with
more empty space than alaska. "we've simplified you
experience," a popup says, and there is no option to
re-complicate it.

you can only make something so simple before it becomes
useless; a fucking etch-a-sketch.

people who write math do not care about simple, they care
about math. they also do not care what you think of math;
they're too busy to care about math. math is complicated
because making it simple would destroy what math is --
complicated

the giant E just means "add shit up together according to
this algorithm." it's more or less like a "for" loop if you
know that from programming

i have never been good at math. don't hate it, but never
particularly took too it for its own sake. now i'm older and
reading all this stuff about neurology and it turns out,
whether you like it or not, your brain runs on calculus,
hexagons are built into our neural layout, and more.

so, i actually feel your frustration, somewhat. except, it's
not "math is hard" (--barbie) it's "math is tough, but
valuable"

if it were simple, it wouldn't be as valuable


 


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