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 Now online (1)ijonspeches ...and 128 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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it's just (and i need to write some music to handle it) |
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It had a beat and whatnot, and other sounds. Not overly memorable I suppose. |
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If you ask me .. the combination of the high-energy, desperately agressive drums and the low-energy, slackerish vocals indirectly expresses the truth of Plato's conviction that depression is basically a disharmonious organization of a soul's powers |
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thank you for that. i hadn't really thought about it that way at all, but it fits. sometimes i can't stop picking at a thought in my head. i get emotional about the thought, emotion makes me pick at it more, and picking at it makes me more emotional. the more i think about it, the more i think about it. i've learned that i have to think the thought through when i'm not emotional -- you know, rationally -- and sort out how i should feel about it. later, when i start picking at it again, i shut it down and repeat the sane conclusion i came to earlier. over and over and over. after a zillion times i get unstuck. sometimes, if i am having trouble getting unstuck, i will work on music, because i get stuck on music very easily. whatever emotional nonsense i'm picking at gets replaced by loops in my head. i was out hiking, yesterday, and this unfinished trax was cycling through my head from working on it the night before... also cycling through my head was emotional nonsense from the night before... marching to the beat, i came up with the vocals, which are essentially the sane conclusion i came to a couple days ago. after i finished it, i realized all the noises fit the words perfectly. you'd think i had those lyrics in mind right from the start, but i didn't. it was rather baron von munchaus. so, yes, you're hearing music fighting with my emotional issues, i suppose, and the track is pretty dissonant |
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Nice beat man |
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I find it quite fascinating that if you are in a spiral of negative thinking there’s basically no chance of reasoning your way out of it. For every positive argument one can come up with immediately a desctructive counter-argument pops up which feels much stronger. So yes, it also seems to me that - while in such a though-spiral - the only productive thing you can do is to just shut the whole thought-process down. It seems to me that this phenomenon is a basic human experience. And it seems to me that the concept of "demons" - even if demons don’t literally exist as creepy, soul-sucking frogs in a spritual realm or somthing like that - is actually quite a good expression of it. It’s as if there’s some force which you allow to enter your mind, which wants to destroy you and therefore lies to you, and the only productive thing you can do is to just say: Nope, fuck off, I don’t believe you at all. |
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Nice thwacking rhythm on this |
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I find it quite fascinating that if you are in a spiral of negative thinking there’s basically no chance of reasoning your way out of it. For every positive argument one can come up with immediately a desctructive counter-argument pops up which feels much stronger. So yes, it also seems to me that - while in such a though-spiral - the only productive thing you can do is to just shut the whole thought-process down. if you've decided it's no good and shut it down, then, well, haven't you then reasoned your way out of it? but, it's not that simple, really. it's like a really itchy mosquito bite that you have the urge to scratch every ten seconds or so if you don't keep yourself occupied. the emotion of it gives it a sort of momentum that cannot be immediately switched off. best thing i've found is to fill me mind up with something else, like music. keep busy, exercise, work, post on the internet Nice beat man Nice thwacking rhythm on this thanks guys. |
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Well, I guess it's a borderline case. There's reasoning involved. But reason in itself doesn't do the trick. There need to be certain emotional conditions - a sober, more positive mood, or something like that - in place to develop the "rational defense". You could choose to call it "reasoning your way out", I guess. But I feel that overshadows the necessary emotional context. |
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what you think determines what you think next. without emotion, rationality would plod along in a sort of zombie march forever. when you get stuck in a loop, eventually you say: dammit! how long have i been thinking about this? what has it accomplished? it has accomplished this: you are now thinking about thinking, and this will determine what you think about thinking next. you reason things through a little more thoroughly and come up with deeper conclusions -- the right answers, even if you aren't happy with them. sometimes, you have to be a bit depressed to accept things. then, there's the aftermath: environmental triggers, stress, general momentum bring your mind back to the whatever. you dredge up the deeper conclusions, immerse yourself in something productive, and eventually you thought about other things enough that you more or less aren't picking at the bad train of thought anymore... but, it will always be there, ready to flare up. the art of not thinking about something is a deep topic. don't think about horses! ...and, you've already thought of horses. as soon as you read the word, horses get loaded up from the muck. you ain't got no choice about it son. all you can do is close the web browser. close it now before i tell you not to think of horsecock bukakke |
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it's obsessive. there is no logic to it, especially when it hits you hard. trying to reason your way out of it is an exercise that will only strengthen your obsessiveness. |
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Have you tried meditation as a means of shutting tought down? |
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also if it is a disorder it just drowns you that you can't put any effort or make sense of anything. that's why some of us advise you to go see a doctor. a doctor can only tell you if it is an illness. and if it is, there is no point in struggling with it on your own. |
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it's obsessive. there is no logic to it, especially when it hits you hard. trying to reason your way out of it is an exercise that will only strengthen your obsessiveness. it's about what i do when i catch myself picking at it, really. it's as if it's high school debate club, and a trad brain of thot steps up to the mic and starts arguing: you could fix this, maybe, if you did this! it could work, because... then i cut the kid off and say, "look, i've addressed this point before. we don't have enough information to know if that would work or not, we just want it to work, and if we look for reasons it will work, we will find reasons it will work. then we will go and drive ourselves mad with the idea until we do the thing, and if it doesn't work, then things will be worse. remember what we talked about before? how this is one of those character-building moments? level up your character" then i think to myself: i like this RPG approach; it gives me a ready-made kit of metaphors and provides bit of dissociation from the raw issue; like handling isotopes in a glove box. then i put out my zigguraut and go back inside. real moments from my life, on xlt i guess you could say i've reasoned through reasoning through it, come up with the best answers i can -- including accepting that i will never have some answers -- and then decided that no matter what the actual reality is, the right answer is to go work on being a better person instead of obessing on how to win someone else over |
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Have you tried meditation as a means of shutting tought down? try as i might, it doesn't stop churning. i tend to get tense instead of relaxed. i find i have much better luck with putting on some music, breathing, dancing, flailing. there is probably something horribly wrong with my mind/body connection; when i write this stuff i'm sitting rigid as a board usually. yes, i was. i've relaxed my posture now. it will stay that way until i... oh, no, there go my shoulders already doctors haven't a clue. i'm in a funk because i fell in love with a longtime friend and now we might not be friends anymore. if that didn't eat at me for at least a couple weeks, well, that's more something i would go to a doctor for |
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u seem like a real tense guy |
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also if it is a disorder it just drowns you that you can't put any effort or make sense of anything. this thing with my friend has really spun me out... but, no, it's not like i can't think straight. i work eight hours a day, exercise for four, but there are brief emotional meltdowns sprinkled throughout the day like chocolate chips. it is a feeling similar to vomiting, except tears. then i get myself back together and keep working |
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friend once said i act like i have a mouse in my pants |
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oh, i thought you were obsessing on something random in your mind. |
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This friend is a female, born female, right? |
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that isn't an illness, it happens to everyone. i was talking about something else. |
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that isn't an illness, it happens to everyone. i was talking about something else. it is both at once. this is something that would be rough on a normal person, and i am a pretty obsessive person, so that makes it doubly-rough. |
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yes. i see. |
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