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[trax] too bad
 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-13 03:49 [#02528208]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



it's just too bad

(and i need to write some music to handle it)


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2017-08-13 06:33 [#02528210]
Points: 20708 Status: Regular



It had a beat and whatnot, and other sounds. Not overly
memorable I suppose.


 

offline welt on 2017-08-13 09:56 [#02528214]
Points: 1744 Status: Regular



If you ask me .. the combination of the high-energy,
desperately agressive drums and the low-energy, slackerish
vocals indirectly expresses the truth of Plato's conviction
that depression is basically a disharmonious organization of
a soul's powers


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-13 13:59 [#02528224]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to welt: #02528214



thank you for that. i hadn't really thought about it that
way at all, but it fits.

sometimes i can't stop picking at a thought in my head. i
get emotional about the thought, emotion makes me pick at it
more, and picking at it makes me more emotional. the more i
think about it, the more i think about it.

i've learned that i have to think the thought through when
i'm not emotional -- you know, rationally -- and sort
out how i should feel about it. later, when i start picking
at it again, i shut it down and repeat the sane conclusion i
came to earlier. over and over and over. after a zillion
times i get unstuck.

sometimes, if i am having trouble getting unstuck, i will
work on music, because i get stuck on music very easily.
whatever emotional nonsense i'm picking at gets replaced by
loops in my head.

i was out hiking, yesterday, and this unfinished trax was
cycling through my head from working on it the night
before... also cycling through my head was emotional
nonsense from the night before... marching to the beat, i
came up with the vocals, which are essentially the sane
conclusion i came to a couple days ago.

after i finished it, i realized all the noises fit the words
perfectly. you'd think i had those lyrics in mind right from
the start, but i didn't. it was rather baron von munchaus.

so, yes, you're hearing music fighting with my emotional
issues, i suppose, and the track is pretty dissonant


 

offline umbroman3 from United Kingdom on 2017-08-13 14:13 [#02528225]
Points: 1752 Status: Regular



Nice beat man


 

offline welt on 2017-08-14 18:17 [#02528319]
Points: 1744 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02528224



I find it quite fascinating that if you are in a spiral of
negative thinking there’s basically no chance of reasoning
your way out of it. For every positive argument one can come
up with immediately a desctructive counter-argument pops up
which feels much stronger. So yes, it also seems to me that
- while in such a though-spiral - the only productive thing
you can do is to just shut the whole thought-process down.

It seems to me that this phenomenon is a basic human
experience. And it seems to me that the concept of "demons"
- even if demons don’t literally exist as creepy,
soul-sucking frogs in a spritual realm or somthing like that
- is actually quite a good expression of it. It’s as if
there’s some force which you allow to enter your mind,
which wants to destroy you and therefore lies to you, and
the only productive thing you can do is to just say: Nope,
fuck off, I don’t believe you at all.


 

offline Haft from Tublin (Ireland) on 2017-08-14 19:25 [#02528334]
Points: 879 Status: Lurker



Nice thwacking rhythm on this


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 20:00 [#02528340]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to welt: #02528319



I find it quite fascinating that if you are in a spiral
of negative thinking there’s basically no chance of
reasoning your way out of it. For every positive argument
one can come up with immediately a desctructive
counter-argument pops up which feels much stronger. So yes,
it also seems to me that - while in such a though-spiral -
the only productive thing you can do is to just shut the
whole thought-process down.


if you've decided it's no good and shut it down, then, well,
haven't you then reasoned your way out of it?

but, it's not that simple, really. it's like a really itchy
mosquito bite that you have the urge to scratch every ten
seconds or so if you don't keep yourself occupied. the
emotion of it gives it a sort of momentum that cannot be
immediately switched off. best thing i've found is to fill
me mind up with something else, like music. keep busy,
exercise, work, post on the internet

Nice beat man
Nice thwacking rhythm on this

thanks guys.


 

offline welt on 2017-08-14 20:38 [#02528350]
Points: 1744 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02528340



Well, I guess it's a borderline case. There's reasoning
involved. But reason in itself doesn't do the trick. There
need to be certain emotional conditions - a sober, more
positive mood, or something like that - in place to develop
the "rational defense". You could choose to call it
"reasoning your way out", I guess. But I feel that
overshadows the necessary emotional context.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 20:45 [#02528352]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



what you think determines what you think next. without
emotion, rationality would plod along in a sort of zombie
march forever. when you get stuck in a loop, eventually you
say: dammit! how long have i been thinking about this? what
has it accomplished?

it has accomplished this: you are now thinking about
thinking, and this will determine what you think about
thinking next. you reason things through a little more
thoroughly and come up with deeper conclusions -- the right
answers, even if you aren't happy with them. sometimes, you
have to be a bit depressed to accept things.

then, there's the aftermath: environmental triggers, stress,
general momentum bring your mind back to the whatever. you
dredge up the deeper conclusions, immerse yourself in
something productive, and eventually you thought about other
things enough that you more or less aren't picking at the
bad train of thought anymore... but, it will always be
there, ready to flare up.

the art of not thinking about something is a deep topic.
don't think about horses!

...and, you've already thought of horses. as soon as you
read the word, horses get loaded up from the muck. you ain't
got no choice about it son. all you can do is close the web
browser. close it now before i tell you not to think of
horsecock bukakke


 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2017-08-14 20:47 [#02528353]
Points: 2530 Status: Regular



it's obsessive. there is no logic to it, especially when it
hits you hard. trying to reason your way out of it is an
exercise that will only strengthen your obsessiveness.


 

offline welt on 2017-08-14 20:48 [#02528354]
Points: 1744 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02528352



Have you tried meditation as a means of shutting tought
down?


 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2017-08-14 20:54 [#02528355]
Points: 2530 Status: Regular



also if it is a disorder it just drowns you that you can't
put any effort or make sense of anything. that's why some of
us advise you to go see a doctor. a doctor can only tell you
if it is an illness. and if it is, there is no point in
struggling with it on your own.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 21:12 [#02528358]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02528353



it's obsessive. there is no logic to it, especially when
it hits you hard. trying to reason your way out of it is an
exercise that will only strengthen your obsessiveness.


it's about what i do when i catch myself picking at it,
really. it's as if it's high school debate club, and a trad
brain of thot steps up to the mic and starts arguing: you
could fix this, maybe, if you did this! it could work,
because...

then i cut the kid off and say, "look, i've addressed this
point before. we don't have enough information to know if
that would work or not, we just want it to work, and
if we look for reasons it will work, we will find reasons it
will work. then we will go and drive ourselves mad with the
idea until we do the thing, and if it doesn't work, then
things will be worse. remember what we talked about before?
how this is one of those character-building moments? level
up your character"

then i think to myself: i like this RPG approach; it gives
me a ready-made kit of metaphors and provides bit of
dissociation from the raw issue; like handling isotopes in a
glove box. then i put out my zigguraut and go back inside.
real moments from my life, on xlt

i guess you could say i've reasoned through reasoning
through it, come up with the best answers i can -- including
accepting that i will never have some answers -- and then
decided that no matter what the actual reality is, the right
answer is to go work on being a better person instead of
obessing on how to win someone else over


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 21:16 [#02528360]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to welt: #02528354



Have you tried meditation as a means of shutting tought
down?


try as i might, it doesn't stop churning. i tend to get
tense instead of relaxed. i find i have much better luck
with putting on some music, breathing, dancing, flailing.

there is probably something horribly wrong with my mind/body
connection; when i write this stuff i'm sitting rigid as a
board usually. yes, i was. i've relaxed my posture now. it
will stay that way until i... oh, no, there go my shoulders
already

doctors haven't a clue. i'm in a funk because i fell in love
with a longtime friend and now we might not be friends
anymore. if that didn't eat at me for at least a couple
weeks, well, that's more something i would go to a doctor
for


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2017-08-14 21:28 [#02528361]
Points: 9967 Status: Regular



u seem like a real tense guy


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 21:31 [#02528362]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02528355



also if it is a disorder it just drowns you that you
can't put any effort or make sense of anything.


this thing with my friend has really spun me out... but, no,
it's not like i can't think straight. i work eight hours a
day, exercise for four, but there are brief emotional
meltdowns sprinkled throughout the day like chocolate chips.
it is a feeling similar to vomiting, except tears. then i
get myself back together and keep working


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 21:32 [#02528363]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02528361



friend once said i act like i have a mouse in my pants


 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2017-08-14 21:32 [#02528364]
Points: 2530 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02528360



oh, i thought you were obsessing on something random in your
mind.


 

offline umbroman3 from United Kingdom on 2017-08-14 21:34 [#02528365]
Points: 1752 Status: Regular



This friend is a female, born female, right?


 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2017-08-14 21:34 [#02528366]
Points: 2530 Status: Regular



that isn't an illness, it happens to everyone. i was talking
about something else.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-08-14 21:41 [#02528367]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02528366



that isn't an illness, it happens to everyone. i was
talking about something else.


it is both at once. this is something that would be rough on
a normal person, and i am a pretty obsessive person, so that
makes it doubly-rough.


 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2017-08-14 21:48 [#02528370]
Points: 2530 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02528367



yes. i see.


 


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