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 Now online (2)dariusgriffin ijonspeches ...and 117 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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some members of my community can hear me think. some can not. some cough when I think things normally associated with "impolite self-conduct," there is no easy way to tell the difference between these people based on their provided feedback. further, suspicion of a machine medium using the "subspace:" for interpersonal messaging between cognizant parties confounds additionally. does anyone have any advice? |
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are you saying people are coughing when you are thinking about having a wank? |
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Maybe you're developing schizophrenia, maybe drugs are causing it, maybe its related to project bluebeam, which is seemingly debunked in rational wiki: Maybe concentrate on simple axioms and facts, walk outside and consciously make simple true sentences about the things you pass. "I am walking on a street. The street has a sidewalk on the right side." etc. Which is obvious, but sort of therapeutic to the sort of psychosis that comes about from things like internet insanity memeplexes or drugs. It's sort of retraining your brain that 2+2=4. |
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its kind of liberating knowing no one gives a shit about me when i walk along well 99% of people i guess |
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just the odd occasional psychic wizard telling me to pull my pants down at importune moments |
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listen to this twice an hour and you will be cured |
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Why is your name illfates? Fates should be good, all should be good. |
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literally a minute or two before i logged in here, i was griping "there are all sorts of chess games going on in my head that i barely understand." there are plenty of moments where i can feel that i'm reacting to other people but i'm not entirely aware what, why, how. one of my roommates does not have a car, and we've cut a deal where i help him out with that. he's not much better than me on schedules, though... ...about twelve hours ago i was getting ready for bed, and i felt myself growing crabby: "what now?" i think. something is imminent sure enough, he comes at me: i have to go for this thing right. now and yes we could have done it any time in the last two or three days but i've forgotten about it until EpicMegaTrax has been up all night copying files off a struggling hard drive -- more shit in his life to clean up, thank you very much! -- and now i'm going to bust in as he's getting ready for bed and throw a hissy fit because this needs to be done right. now i thought: oh, that's it. he'd mentioned the thing a couple times and i was expecting to go out for it at some point. and somehow i knew he was about to drop that shit on me at precisely the worse moment. but it wasn't until it happened that i knew what was going on. in the long run, it's a favor my brain walls things off for me, but it's not without its downsides |
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have you ever been in the most foul, terrible mood... but, yes, you're managing to hide it. keep it to yourself. pretend everything is fine. because, why get your mess on everyone else? ...then someone comes up to you all: what the fuck is your problem. attitude. you've barely spoken to them; you thought they didn't know. but, somehow, they do. it's like they'd been stewing in your terrible thoughts along with you for the past hour even though you've been hiding and avoiding interaction. twenty-four hours later, you have a discission: "i was trying so hard not to get mad, then i was trying to keep it to myself, then i could feel you getting mad at me for being mad." i fully expected to get that dim look; a comment like, "what are you on about?" instead, he just looks distant and contemplative... then says... "yeah... that was pretty weird." |
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i feel like squarepusher would have some good advice on all this |
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How many of you are the same account? Everyone should be good to everyone, it's the purest behavior and makes the best painting. Memes might be the building blocks of a new reality, only good healthy memes should grow there. |
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I apologize for negative memes if any given freedom of speech, I was merely painting art/comedy/boredom word organazation like music, and perhaps infected with memetic virus; one who is infected is probably innocent. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Though frankly I suspect I'm very low IQ. Even the virus shouldn't be "punished" perhaps, it's a self replicator, a type of life, it should be out-replicated by goodness. As kokesh says we should probably have restitution, not punishment. Punishment is a continuation of the virus, you can't fight virus with itself. All are innocent and only affected by the environment. The environment should be good to have good minds, perhaps the meme matrix. Goodbye. |
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w M w, you've made interesting tracks from software you wrote yourself in python. while you were doing that, most people on this planet watched "american idol" and argued about it on twitter. whatever you IQ is, i am certain it is way above average. the glumness you feel is the tacit knowledge that being way above average isn't terribly hard. then one looks up the chain and sees all sorts of people way smarter than himself and feels even more shit. john carmack wrote wolfenstein 3D when he was 21. i am over thirty and i have not come close to any sort of achievement of that magnitude. i try not to wallow in self-pity and jealousy, though, because the time is better spent pouring over interviews and wikipedia pages and trying to data mine the john carmacks of the world for a clue or a leg up. there's no secret sauce, it comes in a steady stream of little pieces |
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Do you think xltronic might be some sort of psychological software in a mental institution? Like we're insane people in a mental institution and they have this xltronic program running, every other account is some mental health professional checking up on you? I rememeber discovering that aphex's music... was insane, I mean isn't it? That creates a desire to achieve insanity in those that listen to it? But if you achieve insanity, can you go back to normal? |
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it's more like the galapagos islands. a unique and isolated ecosystem where evolution happens so fast that it can be seen with human eyes |
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hmm. Do you think most animals are 'happy' in their default natural environment, such as zebras due to constant predator fear? You can get a sense of the primal fear by watching a video with large kodiak bears + people in it. Does the happiness of being a zebra or most animals outweigh the bad? Is the universe becoming more happy or indifferent? Under the ideology of voluntaryism it might make sense to humanely eat the predators since they're initiating force, though they're innocent since they're unintentional products of evolution. If there's only grass, it competes with itself to outshade itself or become ivy and climb over another. |
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some cough when I think things normally associated with "impolite self-conduct," there is no easy way to tell the difference between these people based on their provided feedback. further, suspicion of a machine medium using the "subspace:" for interpersonal messaging between cognizant parties confounds additionally. does anyone have any advice? anyways, i think i do. i've found it superbly helpful to rephrase situations like yours in terms of computer hacking. i know more or less what you mean when you call it "subspace" because i've seen enough star trek. i also know that star trek words are made-up shite and trying to make sense of reality on the basis of such terms is, in a phrase, critically fucked. here, let's try: you are experiencing "sideband transfer" of "state data." most of you stays inside your head perfectly well, but bits leak out. say someone walks in a room and startles you. you flinch; they see you flinch. sheer reaction telegraphs your state of mind, in a limited sense, and they apologize for giving you a start. there is nothing mystical or strange about this. now, imagine, you are having impure thoughts... or you're experencing the urge to whip out your dick and wave it around, or whatever. right at this moment, someone coughs. it's the first time you've noticed them in ten minutes. you think: why did they cough just then? do they know? no, they just coughed, and you've incorrectly assumed it has something to do with you. after that, every time they cough, you are stressing: was that because of me? after this sets in far enough, you begin to flinch every time the person coughs. every time you return to your "impolite conduct thoughts" you tense up -- anticipating the next cough -- and eventually even a normal, well-adjusted idiot can tell you're up to something, because you're repeatedly tensing up, flapping around when they cough, and nervously glancing at them repeatedly |
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i'd say medication but it hasn't done a lot for me, i'm always having telepathic conversations with my fellow patients then having to remind myself It Isn't Real. are you diagnosed schizophrenic by the way? certainly sounds like a delusional sort of mindset, sorry if that sounds offensive |
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There seems to be a fair few schizophrenic people on here, but they all seem like the nicest ones |
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i am not schizophrenic, but i'll have long imaginary conversations with ben franklin or some shit. real people, too. anyone, really. i'm just talking with myself, though, and i know it. there's no issue knowing i'm talking with myself. if you're wont to slip off into it all day, though, you wind up rather disconnected, to say the least. my father was fond of the "earth to mcfly" routine from back to the future; that about says it. i've yet to have a moment where i've caught myself conflating imaginary conversations with real ones, but i figure that would happen eventually if i just let it go. at the same time, these imaginary conversations are how i work out the answers to problems in my life and other peoples' lives, so the idea of killing them off entirely seems abhorrent to me. it's a guilty pleasure, we'll say, that has the potential to run amok. i current live with some who's schizophrenic and we've had a lot of long talks about voices and chattering with yourself and all that. i think the biggest head-fuck of all for those in that situation is that humans can get to know one another so well that it effectively mimics psychic activity. i have no idea how i knew the guy was about to come over and throw a hissy fit over something... or, well, i didn't even know that. i just felt the vibe. some bullshit cometh my way. and sure enough i think acknowleding that things really can get this thick when you live with people day in, day out will make you guys feel a bit less mad |
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Im not surprised there are as many people on the edge of madness as there are in current conditions. I'm not mentally ill as such I dont think, even my own internal dialogue has dissolved, my own voice has dissolved since Ive gotten older, im quite robotic and going through the motions when i go outside its the only way I can cope |
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I have alot of empathy for people experiencing this sort of stuff, must not be able to get a moments rest, |
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I find things like this very grim so i make inappropriate jokes to make myself more comfortable with what im reading, i hope you all recover or manage, talking to people on here will probably help i reckon, its good most of you realise you have some sort of delusion, cos as mad as you are there is always that nugget of rationality far down that says, actually its just my brain playing tricks n mer |
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cos as mad as you are there is always that nugget of rationality far down that says, actually its just my brain playing tricks n mer that is the real tragedy of it, actually. when my roommate has a break, it can be very real to him. it's only later, when he's sorted himself out a bit, that he realizes it was crazy. worse are the things in between that, where something's reasonable enough to be real but you're not sure if you imagined it or not. that's about where my problems join the party. i grew up in a household where people communicated through the way the walked on the floor and closed doors. my mom was the mozart of slamming the basement door; one knew precisely how mad she was, what she was mad at, and whose fault it was (hint: not hers). if footsteps start to sound like angry footsteps, it sends my heart rate up. as i get to know roommates, i can literally tell how they're feeling from how they move about the house. now, imagine i accidentally drop a book. i can hear one of my roommates react and know it bothered them... or did it? how much? should i apologize? drives me fucking bonkers, it does |
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yeah i know how that feels when gf is pissed off she walks around in a particular way closing doors slightly too hard and walking in a stricter sense, its weird when people do that scares me too |
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it's a mostly a woman thing, i have to admit |
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lol yes very passive aggressive |
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guys are more apt to just tell each other off. women loudly indicate that their feelings have been hurt; then hide and wait for your sincere apology neither approach has the winning sauce |
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an i always make the same mistake of going "whats the matter, what have i done now?" |
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I prefer it when someone tells me straight as it can be resolved quicker rather than this pantomime act of asking for absolution for a petty mistake, |
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puts you on edge, doesn't it? the only cure is two hours of dont-give-a-fuck flailing to luke vibert records per girlfriend problem |
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its better if there is no confrontation at all though and people just accept others make mistakes, |
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if you press to resolve things immediately, it can just be arguing. people often need to simmer down before they come around to the right, friendly answers. at the same time, if everyone just hides on it and waits for everyone else to come around, often no one does |
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I ate the wrong slice of cake the other day, talk about a hyperbolic reaction, she is very defensive when it comes to food above all eklse |
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i cant remember the last time i raise my voice in anger, someone would probably have to deliberately kick me in the balls to get a reaction out of me now |
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and i'll never have that recipe again; SLAM |
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nice MacArthur park reference |
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i just know it as a mopey song that whines on for ten minutes about some trivial nonsense. i've never heard the original song; i've just heard parodies of it on the simpsons et al |
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i kind of like that song, even though its a shit analogy of a failed love affair, thinking of a cake being rained on its quite a good mental image |
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"Someone left the cake out in the rain I don't think that I can take it 'Cause it took so long to bake it And I'll never have that recipe again Oh no!" looool makes me laugh everytime |
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its the straight faced sincerity with which he sings it |
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you should go out and buy a whole cake, by the way. ...presuming, that is, it was not some special gift-cake that has sentimental meaning: "auntie bev gave it to us and she's not with us anymore." if that's the case, you should never have touched it in the first place |
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yeah it was her nans 90s birthday cake and was very unique |
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if it's a sentimental, irreplacable gift cake and you eat it; try to replace it with a store cake... that would not go over well. that would, in fact, be Insensitive |
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i'm so sorry. i'm cracking up over this. it's all so thoroughly predictable. you were fucked from the moment you ate it |
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talking about Simpsons, first 9 or 10 seasons is still some of the best TV ever, now its a weird shell of a show like totally hollow |
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yes i was like hmm that looks like a nice caked it must have been left in the fridge for my lunch, seriously she almost swore at me you know when someones eyes widen with anger |
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there was a plot arc in The Sopranos that flipped the gender script wonderfully. Tony's sister Janice is dating Bobby, whose wife (Karen) has just died. Bobby is genuinely busted up in it and leaves the last Ziti (pasta dish) Karen made in the freezer for weeks. eventually, Jance gets Bobby to deal with his grief by putting the Ziti in the oven at 350 and eating it with him. that cake represents your bird's grief over her nan's imminent departure and you just stepped in it son |
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Her nan literally said the other day "why am i still alive" |
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