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Funny moments in your day
 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-03-15 14:10 [#02515621]
Points: 15606 Status: Addict



was walking along where i saw middle aged man in a volvo
estate blasting guns in the sky by INXS, was quite funny


 

offline mohamed on 2017-03-15 19:15 [#02515627]
Points: 22373 Status: Addict | Show recordbag



i lolled on the street today when i read fleetmouse's post
about decapitation


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-03-15 19:35 [#02515629]
Points: 15606 Status: Addict



im laughing at things i read on here alot and it just looks
like im laughing at nothing when i have my headphones on


 

offline freqy on 2017-03-16 02:21 [#02515684]
Points: 16355 Status: Regular | Show recordbag




as you get older you will eventually be talking to yourself
without trying to hide your lips moving ....eventually get
into quite difficult debates with people from your past in
the middle of the high street, and end up forgetting why you
went to the shop and walk out with the basket in your arm.



 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 06:27 [#02515688]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



when i was eleven or twelve and the first vestiges of
insomnia were beginning to present, i lie in bed talking to
myself. mostly in my head, but at that age, i actually spoke
aloud to myself once i got sufficiently into it. then i'd
notice and feel embarassed. then i'd do it again a bit
later. one morning, mum asked me: "are you talking to
yourself?" "yeahhhh sorry"

she wasn't mad. she thought it was funny. less funny is,
how, as she's gotten older, she literally never shuts up.
she'll walk around the house saying, "i'm going to go put on
the laundry now" to no one in particular.

my dad likes to say "it's one half of the brain talking to
the other."

my mum can also remember pretty much every conversation
she's ever had, going back years. like me. arguments can get
pretty brutal


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 06:55 [#02515693]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



i have a decent moment from yesterday, but i'm not sure
it'll be funny if i try and type it up. here goes

i'm waiting in a gas station lot for my friend to buy
cigarettes. i have fatboy slim on and i'm pretty into it. i
am more or less alone. no cars left, right, or behind. just
a lovely little bubble by myself. i've recently discovered
that imaginging my leg as a standing wave allows me to stop
paying attention to the individual movemen-

the uglist fucking truck i've ever seen whips into the space
to my right and joe farmer is gawking at me. concentration
ruini-

some lady in a silver car whips into the space to my left
and jill barista is gawking at me.

i am rather irritated, but i've managed to keep dancing. my
car is still on. i notice one of norman cook's trademark
buildups is about to crest, throw my car in reverse, and
floor it. i fly backwards into an empty block of spaces and
resume what i was doing.

both (rather confused) people get out of their cars. they're
so busy paying attention to me that they both almost crash
into my friend simultaneously as he's walking out of the gas
station. my car is not where he left of it, and all three of
them look so incredibly fucking confused.

i thought it was hilarious, but i'm not sure if physical
comedy translates to internet post


 

offline freqy on 2017-03-16 06:56 [#02515694]
Points: 16355 Status: Regular | Show recordbag





sometimes its nice to let it out and exercise the old vocal
chords.

insomnia..how many hours do you get asleep per sleep
session?



 

offline freqy on 2017-03-16 06:58 [#02515695]
Points: 16355 Status: Regular | Show recordbag




i laughed out aloud at three confused people and you
watching them from a special perspective.


 

offline freqy on 2017-03-16 06:59 [#02515696]
Points: 16355 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



so itwas funny.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 09:06 [#02515701]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



it would have been funnier if you'd seen it. it was all so
quick -- less than ten seconds. in time to fatboy slim.
you'd have think i saw it all coming and deliberately
orchestrated the whole thing, but, nope. i didn't expect it
any more than anyone else.

thinking, reacting, and moving in time to a beat can have an
odd sort of swing-set effect on reality. people react to
your reactions and you react to their reactions (to your
reactions) and if you doggedly stick to the groove, you get
these sort of pied piper moments more and more often. never
on-demand, just more often


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 09:18 [#02515702]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular | Followup to freqy: #02515694



sometimes its nice to let it out and exercise the old
vocal chords.


i was just out for a drive and a sing.

insomnia..how many hours do you get asleep per sleep
session?


it's not that sort of insomnia. the atmosphere in my brain
is often quite similar to the feeling of standing in the
middle of a children's birthday party at chuck-e-cheese's.
there's screaming and skiball and klaxons and all the normal
sources of control and authority have crept off to the side:
there is no control, here. it's a giant bouncy castle and a
ball room and as such both kids and adults get a break from
one another. did you know chunk-e-cheese's sells beer? this
is why. the kids run rampant; the adults let it happen and
nurse a beer.

imagine trying to sleep in that. your options are: 1) wait
until you have been awake for three days and could sleep on
broken glass 2) completely tire yourself out to the point
where you could sleep on broken glass 3) get drunk. i've
quit drinking.

once i do get to sleep, though, i generally am out for the
count. i'll go eight, ten, fourteen hours. i try not to let
myself sleep that much, though, because otherwise i'll be up
forever and a day before i can sleep again.


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-03-16 14:21 [#02515709]
Points: 15606 Status: Addict | Followup to freqy: #02515684



I do that now, mumble with a basket in my arm


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-03-16 14:23 [#02515710]
Points: 15606 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02515693



you should have shout this is a FBI investigation, nothing
to see here mam, then took your trousers off and fellated
yourself


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-03-16 14:26 [#02515711]
Points: 15606 Status: Addict | Followup to freqy: #02515695



elderly people sometimes do really loud farts in public and
just go on as normal, like fart step fart step fart step,
evacuate bowls whilst walking


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 16:55 [#02515712]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



i was sitting in a parking lot, eating a burger abstraction,
and watching the seagulls. the seagulls are solidly,
reliably entertaining in this parking lot.

seagulls can move faster than you'd expect. they can move
way faster than cars can. the seagulls are solidly,
thoroughly used to the cars. bored of them, really...

...so, the gulls will reliably sit there until the very last
second, and flap off unscathed. the best approach, i've
found, is to pretend they aren't there. trying to guess
their motions is futile; they can take care of themselves.
solidly, reliably.

terrified old ladies in RAV4s do not know this, and herein
lies the lulz: granny gertrude sees the gulls -- oh no!
birdies! -- and jams on the brakes. the gulls don't even
flinch

gertrude creeps ahead. the gulls remain immobile. many are
still sitting. gertrude is increasingly nervous, and slows
down.

sensing weakness, three more seagulls fly in and land in
front of gertrude's car. she comes to a dead stop. waits.
more gulls. finally gets the hint. bites her lip and drives
forward, praying. the gulls snoozily waddle out of her way
and sit back down


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-16 16:59 [#02515713]
Points: 9262 Status: Regular



moments after i witnessed a picture-perfect example of
[above post], i was witness to something even more
magnificent:

joe the plumber rolls out of abstraction depot. there is an
unusual energy about the gulls. unrest. they start to waddle
towards the truck.

joe the plumber gets to the edge of the parking lot. stops.
gulls are rapidly swarming his car like fluffy adorable
bees. they are, in truth, squirrels from hell. i have no
idea what the fuck is going on

joe the plumber gets all the way out of his truck. stands in
the lot for a fraction of a second, gets in his car, and
slams the door. a couple gulls take off. oh -- he was trying
to shoo them off, i guess.

the gulls, however, are already back. more are swarming. he
floors it. the gulls take off in hot persuit, tailing his
truck like little flying magnets.

"oh," i think, "his truck must smell like shit."

lol.


 


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