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 (nobody)...and 264 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613475 Today 1 Topics 127502 |
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and that one life is inevitably wasted. As dictated by society. I mean, I'm sitting here, on saturday, looking at the computer, for the entire day. Nothing much interesting is happening, but given that humanity caused the universe to collapse, bounded by the walls of my basement, there's nothing else to do. I mean, I could eat tiny things I find in the rug or something. Its probably about 10 hours until I need to masturbate again. I don't know how to have real sex. Doing so is probably illegal anyway. Plus nobody else exists. I've seen some bugs like spiders around before. Are you supposed to have sex with them? Is that how it works? I think I understand people. They are avatars and communicate with pixels. And man, they never say anything interesting. Most of them are cocks really. Like you... Its weird how the monitor reaches out into this other dimension. I have no idea how it works. I guess I like it better than the basement. I mean, I've done everything that's doable in there already. I've taken shits on the walls, urinated on the ceiling (yes it touched the ceiling after a lot of practice). I've tried punching myself in my own stomach. And that's pretty much every possibile situation in the boring real world. Its like a deck of 52 cards and I already looked at them all. But the internet has new cards, like some day, all of a sudden out of the blue the xltronic bear's pixels just melt! This type of interesting stuff would never happen in the real world. |
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1 life. 1 love. |
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Indeed, self love. And love and hate are both types of hate. |
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sometimes i feel like i am just waiting to die |
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Yeah, that's a much more compact way to state everything I wrote. Except I might replace 'sometimes' with 'always'. |
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you only 'love' the things you hate the least |
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i guess we are not living right then |
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U think about it too much dude. Plus everyone is a dick if you choose to see it that way. I personally think the world is screwed up so spending time on a messageboard is like the olden days when likeminded individuals would send each other letters by horsebackrider deliverer people. Like paul revere. I dont think messageboards are somehting to be ashamed of, unless you're trying to be a rockstar or something, then by all means start your little story, hope it ends well buddy! |
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In that case I don't love myself. |
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Hey in all honesty, I know exactly what you're saying and can relate, but for the sake of this being read by people that know me beyond this messageboard that might end up reading this, all i have to say is: PLEASE GOD I BEESEECH THEE |
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wmw one day you'll spunk a mind baby into everyones meme hole and then you'll change something, giving you purpose. until then you are just a floating bag of farts that blows farts into the air sometimes. |
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Sir Egmund, the rider has just delivered a letter from the distinguished mr. Hopkins from Snoifville. Be a gent and read it 'aloud do me, Jeves. Yes sire. *unwraps scroll* It says.. *ahem* 'lol', sir. It says... 'lol'. *Sir Egmund strokes his chin whiskers pondering this ponderable ponderment* I shall reply, please ink a note of the following Jeves: 'lololol heh heh heh. fArt' Please make the 'a' in fart capitalized and don't put a period after it. Beautful sire. *seals scroll with wax* Thank you rider, here are 3 gold pieces. Please deliver this to Mr. Hopkins, god speed. |
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i love you, sincerely your computer monitor |
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wmw you are so warm. |
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w M w will mutate into the most resilient powerful internet virus ever. I will troll all minds, even those not viewing the internet, via hyper radiating molecular automata diffusion. I will connect all human brains into a single evil entity and hyper augment it with artificial evolution. And that entity will be me. I will be the only one who exists. So really nothing will change. |
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many minds have been trolled but your work is not complete. one day the president will say the words DUBYOO EM DUBYOO |
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Gotta love. Hate takes too much thought and energy |
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cats usually have 9, and i'm one cool cat, so i must have about 12 or summin. |
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wmw |
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true |
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zshare needs some stupid plugin or something to listen in real time then if you try to download its like, oh, so you don't want to pay for some useless premium zshare membership, eh? Well that's fair enough. But instead you have to wait 50 seconds while this timer counts down. That is your punishment for being a fag. speedyshare is better and I demand that all songs made for me be uploaded there instead! |
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sry. zshare is gay. 'z' share?? FUUUCK YOU zeeshare |
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http://www.speedyshare.com/466463630.html |
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hey ampi how have you bean? |
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hi rad im so super |
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fuckin a, man. sounds good. |
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feelin the new av cos its so me right now. |
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That's really good. I wonder how you get such rich sound quality. My modplug tracker tones tend to sound like farts in comparison. |
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It also kind of feels like near the end of the neverending story (yeah.. the end... of the neverending story..) when they were riding in space amongst asteroids. |
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I'm glad I've only got one life. I'm too irresponsible to manage more than one. |
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w M w, it doesn't make any sense to me really. You are a bright social person, who understands people and can talk to them normally. You have a smart mind that can do all sorts of neat technical stuff. So I don't understand why you don't /love/ life. I'm in the same situation as you. Ever since I was diagnozed with schizophrenia I used to sit inside 24/7 on the computer. I still sit on the computer a whole lot, and in many ways thats what I enjoy the most. What exactly are you lacking? Do you want better sound quality on your music? Do you want to fuck girls? What is it/ I don't do any of that shit and I still feel happy. I'm overweight a bit and all that, but I feel happy because there's so much to do and absorb. I watch movies, listen to / create music, work on websites, and once on a sunny day meet a friend. I don't think life is wasted. Maybe I'm not doing anything AMAZING OR WORLD CHANGING, but at least I'm having fun. Maybe people with high paying jobs, pretty girlfriends and tons of friends will call me delusional, but who gives a fuck. They are wrong too. And I know you can have fun too, you just need some cognitive alterations. You are a strange man. |
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My way of loving life is to hate it I think. I just chose the path of brain fuckery. I don't have any problems, I 'm just writing stuff on the internet. Well sometimes the weight of fuck upery starts imploding my skull, but I eventually recover to ride another wave of manic depression. Schizophrenia is awesome. Do giant black widow spiders ever tell you to do things? |
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hah almost. the web of thoughts that is my mind and story is too complex to tell on the internet. but im starting to sort things out now with better medication and all |
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some little things to make life worth living: eat sushi (gods biggest gift to humankind) watch a Tarkovsky film exercise read a good book |
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sushi is whack, well what ive had of it anyways. its all rice and no fish, wheres the meat!? |
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meat? sushi is raw fish, you need to go to a proper sushi place and then tell me its 'whack', which is impossible |
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i have been recently diagnosed with horriblemusicmakingphrenia, i need to get on some meds so i can start being normal again. Why can't people just realize before they start complaining about problems or their own despair, that you are alive. be thankful that youre mentally able to examine yourself and you have the security to in your own private home and express your views openly to others on the FUCKING INTRANET. It's like Louis C.K. said "Everything is AMAZING and no one is happy!" But yes there is a dark side to this human life, an inescapable truth, but you don't have to be a part of that negative flow of easy money, bulshit agendas. live the life that makes you feel fulfilled, cause really death is coming to us all, might as well enjoy the world and the experiences, even the bad ones Dear diedre |
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Just get high, man |
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i dunno if that was directed at me in part but seems like it. taking meds is not about being normal, its about being capable of being independent and not be in so much mental torture. cuz thats what schizophrenia brings, mental torture. i was an emotional wreck 247 with panic attacks to boot. its only after i got on medication that i could really focus on music and the things i like. that doesnt mean i will be a societal drone, quite the contrary im more alive than ever. |
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no the music thing was honestly directed at myself. But yes i do sometimes believe that people weren't born with things like schizophrenia, i'm sure we all have predispositions to illnesses of all kinds, but i mean it makes more sense to me to realize the entire world is fucked up and it's not all just in your mind. I used to believe that I was like somehow forced to be in this hellhole too, but there are truths to life that can be realized by reading and talking to others. Meaning why bad things hapen, why you might feel you are "schizophrenic." I'm also not totally opposed to the practical uses of diagnosing people with mental illness, because it helps people know what they're dealing with, instead of feeling completely lost. But i believe that there are plenty holistic routes that are available, and taking wierd chemicals designed by college graduates to me doesn't seems as reliable. But if they're helping thats' a good thing. |
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there was a lot more i should have said but i try to make it clear in short ideas. one more thing i'd like t osay is that takign medication for a mental illness is to me like settling for radio pop music instead of digging deeper to find some real quality music. But i could see how these medicines can be of an ease to a turbulent mind. All in all cx i think you're pretty in touch with your intuitions, judging by your posts, and you make cool science-y type music that i myself am too lazy to make so therefor i think medicine might not be a bad thing at all. It's just i was 'diagnosed' bith schizotypal bipolar bla blah disorder and really it was just all the things i was worrying about were just amplified to levels they really didnt need to be. But around 20 years of age is when male-schizophrenia related disorders usually show up so it's definitely not abnormal. |
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well at least where i am, the doctors and nurses say all the time the diagnosis is almost irrelevant. they take a far more practical route. we tell them about what our difficulties are, it can be sitting on the bus with others, hearing voices, panic attacks, and anything else, and then we focus on what the best treatment is for the problem. its not like you're tagged mentally ill and then have meds shoved up your ass while locked up. the point is to become independent, happy, and deal as best as one can with the problems. also, i know my schizo tendencies werent just in my mind, they never are. environment plays a big role too, and thats not news. i know some people are opposed to psychiatry and all that it entails, and i guess a lot could be written about that, but for me, it really helped me out of the hole i was in. but it wasnt just the treatment or meds, it was my own inner growth and change of scenery and pace. some people i know in the psychiatric system never get better. they are put in the hospital time and time again, and i guess its those stories that scare people off.. maybe i just didnt want to be ill all my life, and i really made a commitment to think more straight. i dunno its complex. |
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''love and hate are both types of hate.'' , could you explain that a bit more for me please? also pictures of crying orphans would be extremely appreciated. |
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You can only wank for so long. |
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http://www.bio.uu.nl/microbiology/fung/members/index.html c.debekker@uu.nl do ur worst xltronix |
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she's cute |
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That, and everything else I wrote (ever on this messageboard), was just idiotic nonsense. Many people (and other animals) have it much worse than me. Abandoned children of bulgaria, etc. |
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don't cover it up man it's ok to reach out. |
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yes |
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