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tales from the underclass
 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 18:29 [#02256985]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular



yeah i was watching the shannon mathews thing and planning
the revolution when i remembered just how rubbish my
childhood was.
i had a mate when i was 10 who lived in this nasty village
called stoakferry, it were proper 'royston vasey'. i was
driven to his house in a 3 wheeler that smelt of fags and
salad cream (i'm gagging as i speak) by his dad who looked
like the ren and stimpy lummox things but with more missing
teeth. his mom! his mom had tits to her knees and looked and
talked like scary spice from bo selecta (had those glasses
to). the house smelt like the car and when i asked for a
glass of orange squash it had lots of tobacco at the bottom
of the glass. my friend (he was called kevin) had two little
brothers that were always fighting and i got hit on the head
with an ash tray by the ugly one that couldn't say much but
fuck and shut up. there was also this weird man that was
there, he was the mom's 'boyfriend'. kevin kept going on
about wanking and how there were 'gay guys' that came to the
house but i didn't pay much attention.
i came home so miserable.
my big sis used to hang around with kevin's older sister who
was called sam. it was only when i was a bit older that my
sister told me that she wished she'd never let me hang out
with them...


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2008-12-04 18:38 [#02256986]
Points: 4909 Status: Regular



that sounds pretty uncomfortable. I've known a few people
who had pretty bad home situations like that and they all
came out pretty messed up in the end.

bad parenting and all that. I don't even want kids at all.


 

offline cyrstal dude from LA all day! (United States) on 2008-12-04 18:41 [#02256987]
Points: 900 Status: Addict | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02256985



it's harsh to rag on poor people, bro.


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2008-12-04 18:43 [#02256989]
Points: 4909 Status: Regular



fiscally poor doesn't always go hand in hand with poor
parenting though.

certainly that sounds like a case of poor parenting if some
dude was sitting around talking about jerkin off to some 10
year olds.


 

offline rad smiles on 2008-12-04 18:46 [#02256990]
Points: 5608 Status: Lurker



if it took you 10 years to bitch about it, its not a big
deal.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 18:47 [#02256991]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular



part 2

yeah it turned out that his mom was one of those nnastay
prostitues that probably charged extra to take out her false
teeth! the weird fat guy was a client, one of many brought
to the house. the reason kevin kept going on about gay stuff
and wanking was cos his dad (if you'd seen him..) had
touched him up n stuff, it was probably regular. i remember
him touching my leg but i was too young to get it.
my sis, like i said, hung out with this sam girl. they once
spent a day at sam's aunt who lived in the same skanky
village. sam's aunt had a boyfriend and he was creepy; they
once snuck into his room and found the walls covered in cut
out pictures of models and stuff. my sis said he once tried
to buy her knickers and told her about a story he'd written
where he'd killed a woman and wrapped her face in black silk
or something like that! honestly. there's more but it's
actually a bit personal. in short so much of my life in
norfolk was shit, spent with small time chavs/bullies or
this. the whole thing had this horrible fred west vibe that
was so fucking creepy. i still remember little things kevin
said that make sense now....
so that is why i eventually spent like 6 years alone in my
room smoking weed and building a world that had nothing to
do with any of this. i had good friends too, ones that lived
in houses without paedophiles. but aspects of my life were
so like this shannon mathews stuff it gave me shudders.
NEVER GO TO NORFOLK IT'S NOT LIKE 'TO THE MANOR BORN'!

oh god i wish we'd stayed in london


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 18:48 [#02256992]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to cyrstal dude: #02256987



i'm very poor. we lived in a house in london that had no
windows cos some asians came in to steal the fucking fire
place. honest man they tried to chissle the thing out! we
slept on the floor!!!


 

offline Cliff Glitchard from DEEP DOWN INSIDE on 2008-12-04 18:49 [#02256993]
Points: 4158 Status: Lurker



the first time i was arrested was when i was 7, shoplifting.
i grew up around basildon essex and my mates were 3/4 years
older so i got dared to do all types. didn't even want the
swag just wanted to show i could do it to mates, i was the
only one caught and was cautioned when taken home to my mum.
to be fair she handled it well, and i didn't get the total
bollocking i thought i would, but when my grandparents found
out, i've never felt so ashamed...

my nan is like mary poppins.



 

offline cyrstal dude from LA all day! (United States) on 2008-12-04 18:51 [#02256994]
Points: 900 Status: Addict | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02256991



i hung out with this one kid when i was about 8 and when we
were playing legos in his room, he goes "let's play mommies
and daddies" i'm all like huh? what's that? he says "well,
we take our clothes off, get into bed and kiss and cuddle
and stuff"

i ran the fuck out of his house in a blind panic, thank god
for anti-pervert education. no way was this chump getting
his mitts on my "private areas"!


 

offline cyrstal dude from LA all day! (United States) on 2008-12-04 18:52 [#02256995]
Points: 900 Status: Addict | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02256992



it's harsh to rag on azn ppl, bro.


 

offline rad smiles on 2008-12-04 18:52 [#02256996]
Points: 5608 Status: Lurker | Followup to cyrstal dude: #02256994



hah


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 18:54 [#02256997]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to rad smiles: #02256990



it's just a little story, i know folks who've had worse.
it's funny really cos it's pretty laughably horrific. i'm
didn't mean to make you think i was crying over how terrible
my life was or something. go to stoakferry man, it's not the
fucking bronx but you'd have more than a few things to say
about it. you'd be laughing but you'd never go back, trust!


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 18:56 [#02256998]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to Cliff Glitchard: #02256993



i know. my mom is like that and i had the same kind of
things to confess. moms are great i don't know how they do
it.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:03 [#02257000]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular



hahahaha
£84.98 CRAIG DAVID BO SELECTA MASK BRAND NEW REAL DEAL!!!


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:06 [#02257001]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02256985



full on......

strange how memories of the past can turn up years
later........... you really can forget what your daily life
was like, for years and years.......



 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:08 [#02257002]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257001



true


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:09 [#02257003]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257002



you can almost taste the past


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:12 [#02257004]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular



so that's the story of why i have from NOTTINGHAM proudly
stated above each of my posts. i have only half escaped the
general misery of norfolk but this reminds me that i never
have to go back.
also please fuck up the environment and flood that flat
miserable shithole!


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:13 [#02257005]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257003



smells like salad cream. i hate that shit ;)


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:15 [#02257006]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular



I've been to Nottingham......... still a little dire.


 

offline rad smiles on 2008-12-04 19:16 [#02257007]
Points: 5608 Status: Lurker | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02256997



sorry. i was just being a dick. its a horrible story,
really.


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:16 [#02257008]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular



My Grandmother used to live in Tickhill


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:25 [#02257012]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257003



actually it does have some pretty personal shit those
memories. i needn't talk about that shizzle.
anyway xlt don't judge me for not getting the intergit
riddles and being shamefully behind on generally all things
clever. i had years of culture taken away from me and
it's only cos of my lovely mom and sister that i didn't end
up really chavy and evil. the fens should become a bomb
testing zone. fuck it all man, honestly. st anns may have
rudes, guns, and a library with nothing but books on
football but you can smell the enlightenment. these backward
norfolk uglies should be rendered down into pig feed
LOLbutalittlebitseriousalsoLOL


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:25 [#02257014]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257008



i'll google it and think of you


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:26 [#02257015]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to rad smiles: #02257007



i know man. keep the world smiling!


 

offline glasse from Harrisburg (United States) on 2008-12-04 19:33 [#02257017]
Points: 4211 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257005 | Show recordbag



the fact that you call it salad cream makes it even
more gross. Is that common in UK (we say salad dressing)?

will i get gonorrhea if i eat a salad over there?


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:33 [#02257018]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257014



Some parts of the North were great, but parts were really
depressing, frightening places.

We have our shit-holes here in Australia, but the worse bits
I saw in the UK were astounding.

My old man was born and raised in the UK and he can't stand
it now. Parts of it have socially collapsed.


 

offline w M w from London (United Kingdom) on 2008-12-04 19:35 [#02257020]
Points: 21452 Status: Lurker



Nice story. It would make a good movie.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:37 [#02257021]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to glasse: #02257017



is it the same stuff? it's that white shit that's basically
sour cheese and onion flavoured ketchup. it mings of sweaty
crotch. it's very british


 

offline glasse from Harrisburg (United States) on 2008-12-04 19:41 [#02257022]
Points: 4211 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257021 | Show recordbag



it sounds like ranch kind of, but it is probably spooge.

LAZY_ranch


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:46 [#02257023]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257018



it's alright but it's a bit mis because recently it's lost
it's classical pride. no red telephone boxes and pipe
smoking men in bowler hats. ghettos are typically worse all
over the world but the flat sad coldness of the uk makes a
smashed piss-covered telephone box a special kind of
disheartening. things are quite well mixed here in notts,
you get an evil street right next to a posh one. you don't
really get traped in candyman country the way you did in
london. we lived ghetto in london. momma used to walk around
with one of those wicker baskets on wheels full of planks to
make tables out of. haha i forgot that!


 

offline JivverDicker from my house on 2008-12-04 19:46 [#02257024]
Points: 12102 Status: Regular | Followup to glasse: #02257022



No, it's egg based with a hint of vinegar.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:49 [#02257026]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to glasse: #02257022



it looks similar but nicer


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 19:52 [#02257027]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to JivverDicker: #02257024



that's why it smells so crotchy


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 19:57 [#02257029]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular



I lived in islington and got threatened by 12 year olds on
bikes.............



 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 20:06 [#02257030]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257029



i remember being a kid and i'd freeze whenever a big boy
asked me the simplest question. we all did! now they go out
of there way to start fights with people a boxer would be
scared of. be afraid of the breakdown of respect in british
society, it's not just media hype.


 

offline JivverDicker from my house on 2008-12-04 20:07 [#02257031]
Points: 12102 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257029



They are the most scary! They've got everything to prove
and nothing to lose in their minds. The best way is to give
the leader looking one a big slap.


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 20:10 [#02257034]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257030



I was going to be rolled by children :(

I read an article just last week about measuring the
emergence of an underclass........ % of unmarried mothers, %
of 20-24 year old males out of work and rate of property
crime........ the numbers for the UK sky-rocketed from
89-99.... I can only imagine what they are now......

Property crime rates were higher than in the US.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 20:13 [#02257036]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to JivverDicker: #02257031



you know. it's all pack mentality, slap the hard one. that
can make him want to prove he's not a pussy tho. sometimes
it's best to just confuse them when they first test you,
throw them off.


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 20:15 [#02257037]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to JivverDicker: #02257031



I remember thinking that I was going to end up in a fight
with a bunch of kids and how wacky that was..

I've got a bunch of 12-14 year olds who play out the front
of our unit here in Oz every night...... good lads, get up
to a bit of mischief and run around like loons, but still
just kids. Last night I heard them deciding what
super-powers each of them had.

The kids I saw in Islington would eat them for breakfast!

Hope all is well in the Jivver household........ my little
one is smiling and giggling now........ I just have to look
at her and she thinks it's the funniest thing ever.... good
time.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 20:16 [#02257038]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257034



that's bad. the main thing is something else tho, and i'm
pretty sure it's unique to uk. things are getting a bit
clockwork orange around here. there was this really horrible
article from 2006 or something i'll try and dig it up.


 

offline JivverDicker from my house on 2008-12-04 20:21 [#02257039]
Points: 12102 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257036



I didn't mean slap the hard one, I meant lay into the one
that looks like the leader fully. Take it from there,
they're all a bit confused anyway.


 

offline JivverDicker from my house on 2008-12-04 20:24 [#02257040]
Points: 12102 Status: Regular | Followup to darkpromenade: #02257037



Awww!! It was great to meet you! I know it was brief but I
think about it quite often.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 20:27 [#02257041]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular



kids growing up too fast
shank means knife/stab. it's nearly cute


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-04 20:34 [#02257044]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257041



they're not that bad, the big one looks quite nice actually.
i dunno if they've all been taken down but there were loads
of uk postcode gang videos around last year. i only saw a
few in a documentary


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-04 21:56 [#02257055]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular | Followup to JivverDicker: #02257040



Serious Generosity!


 

offline gingaling from Scamworth (Burkina Faso) on 2008-12-05 06:52 [#02257149]
Points: 2281 Status: Lurker | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257044



is that the thing the cool kids are doin now, explains why
theres loads of really shit b78/b79 graffity, if it can be
called that around my moms ends. Bein up in scotland now i
aint seein much of the post code display goin on, but readin
the papers up here is just as grim as anywhere else, Glasgow
seems like a shitty as hell place to be, constantly read of
stabbings and shootings, 'cept up here its white folk doin
white folk, not so much of the etchnics fighting each other
like down in the LND.

I'm well behind you as i have said befor on the loss of
repect thing goin on in the UK. And yeah kids tryin to be
the next big man are the dangerous/stoopid fuckers. get that
revolution on the go!


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-05 08:22 [#02257174]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to gingaling: #02257149



things are splintered it's not even about silly things like
race anymore, it's just everyone trying to identify
themselves as powerful within a group. you can see it all
over the country, it's because we are not unified by
religion, politics, nationality, class or any of that (all
of it went out of fashion during the 90s imo). but people
want to belong, humans always want some kind of movement,
but a movement always needs an enemy. so this gang stuff has
been synthesized by a national identity crisis imo. it's not
like america where it started out of necessity and extreme
poverty.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2008-12-05 08:23 [#02257175]
Points: 10789 Status: Regular | Followup to AMPI MAX: #02257174



what i mean is yeah, it's getting scary and i'm not sure it
can be easily undone


 

offline darkpromenade from Australia on 2008-12-05 13:18 [#02257254]
Points: 2777 Status: Regular



There's not a lot of hope in the UK for the general
population. Not much opportunity to get ahead and make your
life better. It's a hard life just to exist.


 


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