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 Now online (1)Roger Wilco ...and 387 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614240 Today 9 Topics 127550 |
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scary, scary people!!! THESE ARE TAKEN FROM REAL CVs AND COVERING LETTERS AND WERE PRINTED IN THE JULY 21, 1997 ISSUE OF FORTUNE MAGAZINE. 1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms." 2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." 3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." 4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." 5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." 6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." 7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people." 8. "Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience." 9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." 10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." 11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." 12 "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail." 13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage" 14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant." 15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far." 16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." 17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job." 18. "Marital status: often. Children: various." 19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers." 20. "Finished eighth in my class of ten." 21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me." THESE QUOTES WERE TAKEN FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS. 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be." 4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 5. "Works well when |
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5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there." 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 9. "This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better" THESE ARE ACTUAL LINES FROM MILITARY PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS 1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. 2. A room temperature IQ. 3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. 4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. 5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. 6. As bright as Alaska in December. 7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 8. He's so dense, light bends around him. 9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 10. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm. 11. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. 12. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. THE FOLLOWING ARE REAL CONVERSATIONS DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES OPERATORS HAD WITH CALLERS, AS REVEALED IN INTERVIEWS WITH STAFF AT THE CARDIFF D.E.CENTRE. Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off. * * * Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland. * * * Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please. Operator : Where are you calling from? Caller : The living room * * * Caller : The water board please. Operator : Which department? Caller : Tap water. * * * Operator : How are you spelling tha |
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Operator : How are you spelling that? Caller : With letters. * * * Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please. Operator : Do you have his name? Caller : No, but he has a dog named |
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Ha ha, two of those stupid comments are made by people near my home town, both Cardiff and Bargoed are nearby... |
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21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me." hehe, this one applies to me :) Funny stuff |
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topic should be, people are STUPID really |
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