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EpicMegaTrax
 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-06-07 23:14 [#02628292]
Points: 39294 Status: Regular



How’s the leg and foot?

Hope your on the mend mate


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 07:11 [#02628293]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



tldr


 

offline mermaidman on 2023-06-08 11:27 [#02628300]
Points: 7825 Status: Lurker



the boogeyman


 

offline big from lsg on 2023-06-08 13:45 [#02628303]
Points: 22819 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02628293 | Show recordbag



Fav+


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-06-08 15:20 [#02628308]
Points: 39294 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02628293



Fav+

Hope all is healed!!!


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-06-08 15:49 [#02628313]
Points: 39294 Status: Regular



Mr. Trax, please respond so the world knows your okay


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 16:48 [#02628318]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EXECUTIVE: SPECIFY CORPORATION.
User:EXECUTIVE and EpicMegatrax are having a conversation
about the quarterly report for AUTECHRE and eventually THAD
interrupts; begins arguing with both:

THAD: I'm not going to listen to this.
EpicMegatrax: But we're using the first person, Thad. You
have to hear it from me!
THAD: I don't give a fuck. I'm outta here for good.
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): This is just a sample
of what we'll do with this corporation. We're going to
create all the sections, and we'll use the first person!
THAD: You can take your shit and stuff it up your
ass. I won't be there anymore.
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): The report will have
several sections, including: Current profits, Expected
future profits, Cultural Issues, Threats To Current Business
Model, Shiny things to garner media attention, and, finally,
EpicMegatrax's own personal favorite section, "What We Could
Be Doing Better."
THAD (interrupting): What are you even doing here? Why are
you wasting time with this stupid-ass thing when we should
be putting the real report together?
EPICMEGATRAX: I just told you.
THAD: I know what you said, but it's pointless! We
don't need to waste our time on this crap. It's a useless
exercise.
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): The report will also
have sections for Current Profits and Expected Future
Profits.
THAD: You know what I mean...


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 16:48 [#02628319]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



b>EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We'll start with a
section entitled "Current Profits."
THAD: Yes, yes! We've got that covered right now in
the other report!
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): Current profits are
expected to increase dramatically due to the expansion of
our current business model; however, the expected future
profits may be negatively impacted by our lack of social
media presence. Our current business model is threatened by
the increasing availability of lower cost alternatives. A
few years ago, we were the only game in town with this
product. But now that there are lots of companies out there
selling similar products, they're starting to eat into our
profits. If we don't start thinking about how to generate
more sales, our profits will continue to decrease and it
will be tough for us to keep going.
THAD: Okay! Great! The problem is that you just keep
giving me this same report over and over again every time I
ask. Why are you doing this?
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We'll also need to
consider the Cultural Issues section of our quarterly
report. The cultural issues we are presently experiencing
include the following:
THAD: What are you talking about?
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): In our corporation, we
have no problem with diversity—we're all equal here! But
in today's world, there is still much discrimination against
people who are not cisgendered. While there are currently no
laws to protect trans* or genderqueer people from being
fired, we still don't want to be seen as a corporation that
doesn't consider this an important issue. Therefore, our
report will take into account the current cultural issues
and examine how they impact the company's bottom line.
THAD: What does any of this have to do with your
stupid fucking project? It's not like we're a publicly
traded company!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 16:49 [#02628320]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We will also need to
consider the Threats To Current Business Model section,
which is currently one of our largest areas of concern.
Because there are so many lower-cost substitutes on the
market that offer similar quality products at a cheaper
price point, we know that one day it's going to hurt us. We
don't know when or how exactly this will happen—only that
it probably won't be due to anything we can control!
THAD: I still haven't even started on my report yet,
and you're already talking about a section of yours. There's
no need for any of this!
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We also have a big
problem with the shiny things that distract us from our
current business model—which is what we'll be examining in
the Shiny Things section of the report. The problem we're
currently experiencing includes the following:
THAD: So why don't you just fucking write it
already!
EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): There are a few other
things I would like to address, but they're not as pertinent
at this time. In conclusion, we have a solid quarterly
report. If we continue the way we've been going with our
current business model, it will be difficult for us to
maintain—and even harder for us to grow. We need to find
ways to generate more sales and improve our social media
presence in order to thrive, and if that doesn't happen, our
company is doomed!
THAD: I'm not even paying attention anymore! This
conversation is getting repetitive and boring. You know
what? Fuck this shit! Go do your own thing. You can write
this report by yourself! I'll be in my office working on my
actual report, which has to get done first anyway!


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-06-08 17:07 [#02628322]
Points: 39294 Status: Regular



Lol


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:21 [#02628323]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



User:EXECUTIVE writes a quarterly report for
THAD about EPIC'S FOOT.

EXECUTIVE (to user): Thank you for being here
today, Sir. I would like to begin by asking you a few
questions regarding your corporation. First off, what is its
current profit?
THAD: 149,530,873.64
EXECUTIVE: And what are its forecasted profits
for the remainder of this year?
THAD: 1,152,341,820.48
EXECUTIVE: What is your company's market share
in the Footwear industry?
THAD: 67%
EXECUTIVE: Now, I understand that you are one
of the most successful businesspeople on the planet, and
that you have received a number of awards for this. So tell
me, what are your greatest accomplishments?
THAD: That's easy! My greatest achievement is my
ability to write 10,000 character long paragraphs about
nothing in particular without anyone noticing. Also, I once
got a strawberry milkshake at Chik-Fil-A.
EXECUTIVE: So you must be very proud of your
successes. What do you think is the secret to this success?
THAD: Being an asshole. Or maybe it's being extremely
charismatic, or having a great sense of vision. I don't know
because I'm an asshole and I like to be vague about these
sorts of things.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:22 [#02628324]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EXECUTIVE: So you have no specific plans for
the future? That is not unusual for someone who lives in the
moment. Can you tell me what your company's biggest threats
are right now?
THAD: Sure! The biggest threat my corporation faces
is from people who don't take a stance against things they
believe to be wrong. Also, I am constantly threatened by the
fact that I never get anything I want, which is really quite
annoying.
EXECUTIVE: So what are you currently most proud
of?
THAD: Well, I was able to convince my brother to move
out and become a professional gambler in Atlantic City.
EXECUTIVE: And what do you think your company's
biggest weakness is?
THAD: If there were no weaknesses, then I wouldn't be
so successful as I am now! Also, that people would give me
more money for my ideas.
EXECUTIVE: So what are the most important
features of your corporation in general?
THAD: My corporate motto is "Be yourself." It really
helps to just act like you're doing something else, and it
comes off as really confident, which I am not. But I tell
myself that I am. Also, I need to start playing the lottery
more often so I can afford a houseboat in Fort Lauderdale
and then hire a few boat boys to work for me on it.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:23 [#02628325]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EXECUTIVE: So you do not currently have any
plans for improvement of your corporation?
THAD: Nope! Because if there was anything wrong with
my company, I would fix it right away because I'm always
doing that! I am very proactive in this regard. Also, I
really like boats and think that I should own one someday so
that I can have some sailors in tighter shorts to work for
me.
EXECUTIVE: So what are the most important
features of your corporation in general?
THAD: Well, my corporate motto is "Be yourself." It
really helps to just act like you're doing something else.
And it comes off as really confident which I am not but tell
myself that I am. Also, I need to start playing the lottery
more often so I can afford a houseboat in Fort Lauderdale
and then hire a few boat boys to work for me on it.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:25 [#02628326]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE

THAD: I want to get rid of Financial Information and
Business Performance Indicators, and put them in a separate
section called "Other Things That Are Not Part of the
Quarterly Report". And then I would move Key Financials so
that it's right after Current Profits.

EXECUTIVE: Why should we do this?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:43 [#02628327]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



ho-ly shit. not bad

EXECUTIVE: SPECIFY CORPORATION.
User:EXECUTIVE gets a bit into the quarterly
report for EPIC'S FOOT when THAD interrupts, asking WHETHER
CANOES ARE GAY OR NOT:
Thad: Hey, boss? Canoes are gay or not?
EXECUTIVE: What's that, Thad?
Thad: Can I canoe this weekend with my boyfriend? Are
we gonna get in trouble for that, boss?
EXECUTIVE: You mean, can your canoe be
homosexual, Thad?
Thad: YES! Or no.
EXECUTIVE: I think the answer's yes, because a
canoe is essentially two people with their arms and legs
wrapped around each other in very close contact for long
periods of time. It would take an extraordinary amount of
effort not to have sex while canoeing, Thad, so I reckon
that's what we meant when we called it gay, yes?
Thad: Yes! That makes me feel much better, boss.
Thanks!
EXECUTIVE: Cool, I'm glad I could help, Thad.
And by the way, I don't know where you got your information
from, but canoes are definitely not gay.
Thad: No they aren't?
EXECUTIVE: No, no, of course not, duh, I mean,
it takes two people to paddle a canoe.
Thad: Yeah, and one of them is always sitting at the
back!
EXECUTIVE: But that doesn't make it gay, Thad,
canoes are heterosexual. If they were gay you wouldn't get
your own canoe, would you?
Thad: No, but I don't know how to swim and I might
drown!
EXECUTIVE: Good point, well there's a good
chance that if the person you're in close contact with is
gay they won't be able to swim very well either, so we
should all make sure our canoes aren't full of homosexuals.
That way they'll be safe and not drown.
Thad: Thanks!
EXECUTIVE: You're welcome, Thad. Now let me get
back to writing my quarterly report for EPIC'S FOOT.
So...what are some of the cultural issues we can expect at
EPIC'S FOOT over the next year?
Thad: I dunno, boss.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-08 17:45 [#02628328]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



later:

EXECUTIVE: Right, that should be fine. So what
about cultural issues at EPIC'S FOOT might include things
like, well, "fucking"?
Thad: Maybe it could say something along the lines
of, "EPIC'S FOOT must avoid fucking"?
EXECUTIVE: Yes...that's a good option! I can
see why people might be worried about us having sex with
other countries. Is there anything else we should worry
about? What are the cultural norms that we have to consider
when writing this quarterly report for EPIC'S FOOT?

LAZY_TITLE


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-06-08 22:24 [#02628333]
Points: 39294 Status: Regular



Who’s this Thad, we are always referring to?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-09 04:11 [#02628358]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EXECUTIVE: THAD REPHLEX SMOYER IS A
PRETTY BIG MONSTER WITH AN EXPANDING ECOSYSTEM, GROWING FROM
1985 TO THE PRESENT DAY. HE HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN A LOT OF
DIFFERENT STUFF OVER TIME.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-06-09 04:18 [#02628359]
Points: 23163 Status: Addict



EXECUTIVE: HE IS THE LEADER OF MODERN
CONTEXTUALIZING, AS WELL AS THE FOUNDER AND LEADER OF
"MODERN CONTEXTUALIZERS".

USER: REPHLEX SMOYER IS ONLY AFFILIATED WITH MANY THINGS. HE
PROBABLY HAS A LOT MORE GOING ON AT ANY GIVEN TIME, BUT WE
DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN HIS CONTEXTUALIZERS AND OTHER
SYSTEMS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO COMPLEX FOR US.

EXECUTIVE: THIS IS CORRECT, SINCE HE IS
MANAGER OF MODERN CONTEXTUALIZERS. IT'S UNKNOWN WHAT ELSE IS
GOING ON WITH HIM. HE PROBABLY DOES A LOT OF STUFF WE DON'T
KNOW ABOUT...


 


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