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 (nobody)...and 94 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2608955 Today 3 Topics 127234 |
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How’s the leg and foot? Hope your on the mend mate |
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tldr |
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the boogeyman |
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Fav+ |
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Fav+ Hope all is healed!!! |
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Mr. Trax, please respond so the world knows your okay |
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EXECUTIVE: SPECIFY CORPORATION. User:EXECUTIVE and EpicMegatrax are having a conversation about the quarterly report for AUTECHRE and eventually THAD interrupts; begins arguing with both: THAD: I'm not going to listen to this. EpicMegatrax: But we're using the first person, Thad. You have to hear it from me! THAD: I don't give a fuck. I'm outta here for good. EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): This is just a sample of what we'll do with this corporation. We're going to create all the sections, and we'll use the first person! THAD: You can take your shit and stuff it up your ass. I won't be there anymore. EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): The report will have several sections, including: Current profits, Expected future profits, Cultural Issues, Threats To Current Business Model, Shiny things to garner media attention, and, finally, EpicMegatrax's own personal favorite section, "What We Could Be Doing Better." THAD (interrupting): What are you even doing here? Why are you wasting time with this stupid-ass thing when we should be putting the real report together? EPICMEGATRAX: I just told you. THAD: I know what you said, but it's pointless! We don't need to waste our time on this crap. It's a useless exercise. EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): The report will also have sections for Current Profits and Expected Future Profits. THAD: You know what I mean... |
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b>EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We'll start with a section entitled "Current Profits." THAD: Yes, yes! We've got that covered right now in the other report! EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): Current profits are expected to increase dramatically due to the expansion of our current business model; however, the expected future profits may be negatively impacted by our lack of social media presence. Our current business model is threatened by the increasing availability of lower cost alternatives. A few years ago, we were the only game in town with this product. But now that there are lots of companies out there selling similar products, they're starting to eat into our profits. If we don't start thinking about how to generate more sales, our profits will continue to decrease and it will be tough for us to keep going. THAD: Okay! Great! The problem is that you just keep giving me this same report over and over again every time I ask. Why are you doing this? EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We'll also need to consider the Cultural Issues section of our quarterly report. The cultural issues we are presently experiencing include the following: THAD: What are you talking about? EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): In our corporation, we have no problem with diversity—we're all equal here! But in today's world, there is still much discrimination against people who are not cisgendered. While there are currently no laws to protect trans* or genderqueer people from being fired, we still don't want to be seen as a corporation that doesn't consider this an important issue. Therefore, our report will take into account the current cultural issues and examine how they impact the company's bottom line. THAD: What does any of this have to do with your stupid fucking project? It's not like we're a publicly traded company! |
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EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We will also need to consider the Threats To Current Business Model section, which is currently one of our largest areas of concern. Because there are so many lower-cost substitutes on the market that offer similar quality products at a cheaper price point, we know that one day it's going to hurt us. We don't know when or how exactly this will happen—only that it probably won't be due to anything we can control! THAD: I still haven't even started on my report yet, and you're already talking about a section of yours. There's no need for any of this! EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): We also have a big problem with the shiny things that distract us from our current business model—which is what we'll be examining in the Shiny Things section of the report. The problem we're currently experiencing includes the following: THAD: So why don't you just fucking write it already! EPICMEGATRAX (ignoring THAD): There are a few other things I would like to address, but they're not as pertinent at this time. In conclusion, we have a solid quarterly report. If we continue the way we've been going with our current business model, it will be difficult for us to maintain—and even harder for us to grow. We need to find ways to generate more sales and improve our social media presence in order to thrive, and if that doesn't happen, our company is doomed! THAD: I'm not even paying attention anymore! This conversation is getting repetitive and boring. You know what? Fuck this shit! Go do your own thing. You can write this report by yourself! I'll be in my office working on my actual report, which has to get done first anyway! |
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Lol |
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User:EXECUTIVE writes a quarterly report for THAD about EPIC'S FOOT. EXECUTIVE (to user): Thank you for being here today, Sir. I would like to begin by asking you a few questions regarding your corporation. First off, what is its current profit? THAD: 149,530,873.64 EXECUTIVE: And what are its forecasted profits for the remainder of this year? THAD: 1,152,341,820.48 EXECUTIVE: What is your company's market share in the Footwear industry? THAD: 67% EXECUTIVE: Now, I understand that you are one of the most successful businesspeople on the planet, and that you have received a number of awards for this. So tell me, what are your greatest accomplishments? THAD: That's easy! My greatest achievement is my ability to write 10,000 character long paragraphs about nothing in particular without anyone noticing. Also, I once got a strawberry milkshake at Chik-Fil-A. EXECUTIVE: So you must be very proud of your successes. What do you think is the secret to this success? THAD: Being an asshole. Or maybe it's being extremely charismatic, or having a great sense of vision. I don't know because I'm an asshole and I like to be vague about these sorts of things. |
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EXECUTIVE: So you have no specific plans for the future? That is not unusual for someone who lives in the moment. Can you tell me what your company's biggest threats are right now? THAD: Sure! The biggest threat my corporation faces is from people who don't take a stance against things they believe to be wrong. Also, I am constantly threatened by the fact that I never get anything I want, which is really quite annoying. EXECUTIVE: So what are you currently most proud of? THAD: Well, I was able to convince my brother to move out and become a professional gambler in Atlantic City. EXECUTIVE: And what do you think your company's biggest weakness is? THAD: If there were no weaknesses, then I wouldn't be so successful as I am now! Also, that people would give me more money for my ideas. EXECUTIVE: So what are the most important features of your corporation in general? THAD: My corporate motto is "Be yourself." It really helps to just act like you're doing something else, and it comes off as really confident, which I am not. But I tell myself that I am. Also, I need to start playing the lottery more often so I can afford a houseboat in Fort Lauderdale and then hire a few boat boys to work for me on it. |
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EXECUTIVE: So you do not currently have any plans for improvement of your corporation? THAD: Nope! Because if there was anything wrong with my company, I would fix it right away because I'm always doing that! I am very proactive in this regard. Also, I really like boats and think that I should own one someday so that I can have some sailors in tighter shorts to work for me. EXECUTIVE: So what are the most important features of your corporation in general? THAD: Well, my corporate motto is "Be yourself." It really helps to just act like you're doing something else. And it comes off as really confident which I am not but tell myself that I am. Also, I need to start playing the lottery more often so I can afford a houseboat in Fort Lauderdale and then hire a few boat boys to work for me on it. |
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THAD: I want to get rid of Financial Information and Business Performance Indicators, and put them in a separate section called "Other Things That Are Not Part of the Quarterly Report". And then I would move Key Financials so that it's right after Current Profits. EXECUTIVE: Why should we do this? |
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ho-ly shit. not bad EXECUTIVE: SPECIFY CORPORATION. User:EXECUTIVE gets a bit into the quarterly report for EPIC'S FOOT when THAD interrupts, asking WHETHER CANOES ARE GAY OR NOT: Thad: Hey, boss? Canoes are gay or not? EXECUTIVE: What's that, Thad? Thad: Can I canoe this weekend with my boyfriend? Are we gonna get in trouble for that, boss? EXECUTIVE: You mean, can your canoe be homosexual, Thad? Thad: YES! Or no. EXECUTIVE: I think the answer's yes, because a canoe is essentially two people with their arms and legs wrapped around each other in very close contact for long periods of time. It would take an extraordinary amount of effort not to have sex while canoeing, Thad, so I reckon that's what we meant when we called it gay, yes? Thad: Yes! That makes me feel much better, boss. Thanks! EXECUTIVE: Cool, I'm glad I could help, Thad. And by the way, I don't know where you got your information from, but canoes are definitely not gay. Thad: No they aren't? EXECUTIVE: No, no, of course not, duh, I mean, it takes two people to paddle a canoe. Thad: Yeah, and one of them is always sitting at the back! EXECUTIVE: But that doesn't make it gay, Thad, canoes are heterosexual. If they were gay you wouldn't get your own canoe, would you? Thad: No, but I don't know how to swim and I might drown! EXECUTIVE: Good point, well there's a good chance that if the person you're in close contact with is gay they won't be able to swim very well either, so we should all make sure our canoes aren't full of homosexuals. That way they'll be safe and not drown. Thad: Thanks! EXECUTIVE: You're welcome, Thad. Now let me get back to writing my quarterly report for EPIC'S FOOT. So...what are some of the cultural issues we can expect at EPIC'S FOOT over the next year? Thad: I dunno, boss. |
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later: EXECUTIVE: Right, that should be fine. So what about cultural issues at EPIC'S FOOT might include things like, well, "fucking"? Thad: Maybe it could say something along the lines of, "EPIC'S FOOT must avoid fucking"? EXECUTIVE: Yes...that's a good option! I can see why people might be worried about us having sex with other countries. Is there anything else we should worry about? What are the cultural norms that we have to consider when writing this quarterly report for EPIC'S FOOT? |
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Who’s this Thad, we are always referring to? |
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EXECUTIVE: THAD REPHLEX SMOYER IS A PRETTY BIG MONSTER WITH AN EXPANDING ECOSYSTEM, GROWING FROM 1985 TO THE PRESENT DAY. HE HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT STUFF OVER TIME. |
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EXECUTIVE: HE IS THE LEADER OF MODERN CONTEXTUALIZING, AS WELL AS THE FOUNDER AND LEADER OF "MODERN CONTEXTUALIZERS". USER: REPHLEX SMOYER IS ONLY AFFILIATED WITH MANY THINGS. HE PROBABLY HAS A LOT MORE GOING ON AT ANY GIVEN TIME, BUT WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN HIS CONTEXTUALIZERS AND OTHER SYSTEMS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO COMPLEX FOR US. EXECUTIVE: THIS IS CORRECT, SINCE HE IS MANAGER OF MODERN CONTEXTUALIZERS. IT'S UNKNOWN WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON WITH HIM. HE PROBABLY DOES A LOT OF STUFF WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT... |
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