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(last spam/ life sucks) California Cyborg Convention Minutes (Acid Elf RMX)
 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:04 [#02619757]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



Last spam for the forseeable future anyway. I've quit my
job with $4000 to my name.

Gonna take 2 months to myself.

The goal is to have a regimented strict schedule, lose some
weight and learn the piano--- mainly for learning theory and
scales. Try and come out of this funk.

I'm going to pause making tunes while I retool. Here's the
last one, it's about 50 hours of work and it's still
probably pretty trash, but it does have a bit of west coast
hip hop flavor in it, which is my jam.

California Cyborg Convention Minutes (Acid Elf RMX) -- (3...

Catch you guys in a bit.


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:05 [#02619758]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



working link

Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball: "You fucked up his
last walk!"


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:19 [#02619759]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



forced visuals: Cyborgs taking the open mic for
indecipherable political speeches, one after another, in a
convention center.


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2022-07-09 02:45 [#02619767]
Points: 38443 Status: Regular



Fav\\\
Will listen l8r


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-18 15:07 [#02619943]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



Epicmegatrax Wolfslice live blog

Life doesn't suck, maybe. I'm coming down off mushrooms
(grew em myself months ago, dried em, ground em and put them
into pill capsules), but I've been scared to take them.

I took em last night and I feel like a million bucks today.
Just a phat hit of serotonin is all I needed maybe.

My musings:

1. I think Autechre is my favorite thing. Like, out of
everything. I vibe hard with Aphex, Stephen King, David
Lynch, Larry David, Redlettermedia...

But Autechre connects so seamlessly, plugs in so perfectly.
Listening to almost any other music usually ends up with me
pausing and going back to ae instead, because they're just
that much better.

2. I tried to listen to my music and it sounds so tinny and
washed out in comparison. I need to learn to make a fuller
sound. I had visions of what my music could sound like
during the trip and it was pretty dope.

3. I think the worst song/band name ever would be "What's
Eating Gilbert Rape"


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2022-07-22 02:00 [#02620022]
Points: 38443 Status: Regular



It’s quite proper still.


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2022-07-22 09:54 [#02620024]
Points: 1440 Status: Lurker



I was compelled to perform such a curious, improvised dance
to that, though it did border on insensitive cultural
appropriation (my dance, not the track).


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-22 23:16 [#02620031]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



thanks for listening!

I think there's a real dichotomy to the track.

it's "almost good." I think the sequencing is nice, but the
melodic scale is odd. The sound design is cool, but the
overall mastering is shit. You couldn't make something like
this without a lot of practice, but most people who have put
in this much time have a much cleaner production.

Either way, it really is the last one for a good long while.
All the effort I put into the tracks is gonna be put into
re-tooling my sound over the next year. Practice makes
perfect.

Tomorrow is my last day of work, bunch of changes happening.
Good luck and godspeed xltronic


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 04:38 [#02620042]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



this is kind of strange. work has been brutal, construction
next door, one of my friends was having meltdowns about work
and his boyfriend and blocked me over trivial nonsense,
lewis and i do not speak any more, i've blocked my sister
because she's become -- to my horror, despite my desperate
attempts to repair -- a complete piece of shit. then amidst
all this i'm feeling way more tired than i should, my heart
is pounding way harder than it should while i'm just lying
in bed, and it's kind of like: ok, i need to admit this to
myself, part of this is due to massive stress and
severe emotional agony, but i think i have an underlying
medical problem here. and i'm having this sustained ugly
emotional fencing match with my mom over text and i wind up
at "i don't want to die, despite everything that's happened
to me, but if anything happens to me please take care of my
art and my music because that's what would matter most to
me." i'd never put much thought into a will before

so that's why i'm not here. i've been slammed. i'm sorry
you've been having a rough time as well

and it's actually incredibly odd. i more or less haven't
touched proper psychedelics in a decade, essentially because
back then, i decided i'd gotten all i was going to get out
of it and there was no point in continuing. that i'd
regularly feel some fond nostalgia and think about going
back there again, but never went beyond that. but it's been
repeatedly poking up in my consciousness. that today i
finally was like: you know what, i think mushrooms would
really help me again

but then i also think of the moment, july 15th, 1:15 PM: i'm
on a walk and my brain is just "psychedelics are coming
again" and i think: they do do this, so i look at my watch:
1:15. And it's the 15th. One fifteen, two fifteens. i'll
keep an eye on this pattern


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:15 [#02620043]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



2. I tried to listen to my music and it sounds so tinny
and
washed out in comparison. I need to learn to make a fuller
sound.


like mine? :>

that, actually, for real, i had a similar moment many years
ago and after a decade of work the problem, i suspect, has
been thoroughly crushed and i would delight in another
mushroom review

I had visions of what my music could sound like
during the trip and it was pretty dope.


you could be like the flashbulb. as described in one of his
interviews, he would take drugs and then later try to make
it sound like it sound on drugs. also of note to me is the
youtube video where he digs out his old gear and speaks of
how he's in a permanent state of dissociation due to
childhood trauma, and it's annoying but he's used to it

and i think: fuck, yeah, i'll have occasional bouts of it
once or thrice a year for no discernible reason and gosh
that would be irritating as shit if it stuck my sympathies
dude

3. I think the worst song/band name ever would be "What's
Eating Gilbert Rape"

Who's Raping Gilbert Grope


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:58 [#02620044]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



>>3. 3. I think the worst song/band name ever would
be "What's
Eating Gilbert Rape"

>Who's Raping Gilbert Grope


i was in the yoga position called "watsup" i think, when,
yes, i'm quite satisfied with this. i'm actually still
trying to puzzle out why... it's something that almost takes
me back to being tortured doing scansion on teh aeneid

suffice to say that there's something that feels very
harmonious about the way i've rearranged it, and a lot of it
is mostly harmonious with the original, but it also has to
do with how i'm riffing on yours, and...

...shit, this is actually kind of crude and impolite, i
forgot. i was just lost in purely hacking words. like, rape,
grope, i am aware of what words mean and have clearly chosen
them precisely but i'm busy grabbing items off the shelf in
the form of a dance move and even though i am aware of the
connections between words, they do not cause any emotional
reaction when they pass through me, other than what i need
to weave a proper item.

funny, i never really thought to examine it this
thoroughly... that i see the sentence in my head as if i was
watching myself typing [hello, i am] and as i do, i am
reading it aloud in my head, and, i dunno, i kind of "feel"
tensors coming off of the syllables, that's where "dance
move" comes from, it's like if you kind of jumped on one
foot and spin kicked, then it's kind of trailing off into
the distance. and this is how, now that i actually took a
moment and looked at myself doing it, the EMPhasis on this
or that syllable manifests

but not as i'm typing this; only when i'm doing yoga and
essentially meditating.

point: imagine what i could do with words on mushrooms.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:59 [#02620045]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



i still need to listen to your track hang on


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:17 [#02620046]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



[finishing thots from other thing before track]

i was thinking about how to describe that i more "feel" the
tensors rather than see them, and my brain was like "oh here
you want a picture" and i get jets of red smoke coming off
of them. but, no, that's merely a nice analogy, not what i
actually see. and it doesn't fully capture that it's
actually like... language to kinesthetic synaesthesia? and
maybe i don't need mushrooms for words anymore. like i said.
i felt i about had the gist of it


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:26 [#02620047]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



and this leads me nicely into the track. i've cued it up on
my phone and i've my shoes on and my hoodie and ok
let's go for a walk with this.

but i put it on, and oh, it's one of these, i'm floating
upwards a bit (kinesthetic) like... damn, exact animation
copyright killed off the internet... you're gently floating
upwards and you start to dance about with the subtle uptug
of gravity... and immediate reaction, this is rather
dancable. and i'm stiff so first listen i was just dancing
in the kitchen

and i like the bbd quite much. and what are you making this
on? the level of sampling, this is either computer or
heavily prograsequenced on hardware. but then you were
complaining you hate things like "CV 1" so this is probably
the computer. but you've been making tunes for 20 years so
maybe it's hardware sequenced from the computer, i have
heard usb can be tighter than midi these days

then i left it on loop for a bit while on a walk and
thinking about what you said. but first:


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:30 [#02620048]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



it's not that tinny. but you are towards the "clinical"
end... i mean, in a good way, all the noises are very nicely
gated and chopped and EQ'd. and i guess my best advice would
be: you've done a very nice job carving that out, now fill
it back in.

take a pair of delay pedals and feed them back into each
other and mix a bit of whatever sound into both and then
fuck around the vectors of [delay pedal 1 -> (itself, other
pedal), delay pedal 2 -> (itself, other pedal), source sound
-> (either pedal)]

then treat this like a wash in watercolor painting


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:35 [#02620049]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



autechre, yes, them. there was some interview where they
said: you take a boss DD-3 or whatnot, right? and it has
this "tempo" input jack that expects a squarewave, right?
but there's nothing stopping you from putting any signal
source into it, right? and so then when you mix it back into
itself [aux1] while also sending its output into its own
tempo jack [aux2] your signal source [turn up aux1] becomes
these fractal patterns, which can then also kind of envelope
follow the sound [turn up aux2]

they didn't say the envelope follower part, but i'm sure
they knew it. that, actually, this single trick i lifted
from them, in retrospect, changed my whole approach. that
it's grown and become this fearsome monster where i
literally have audio driving the moog's arp and the moog's
audio changes the delay speed and that impacts the moog's
arp

thx lads. maybe i'm far enough you can nick some back from
me. but i'm not holding my breath


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:43 [#02620050]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



anyways i liked it, the thing about "you need a watercolor
wash" is just hearing myself having that same moment about
"it's too tinny" and what would i tell myself

but it'd take a novel really


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:49 [#02620051]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



LAZY_TITLE for some reason i thot of this and i'll just
leave it here


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 08:17 [#02620055]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



today i was having a zig on the bridge, and thinking: when i
was setting up all my delay watercolor springenwerk for
cruel beans and such, i'm really just spending a while
mussing around with it and finding a good zone before i
record, playing the microfreak and trying some drums while
changing how much everything mixes into itself. that there
is a point in that track where you can hear it start to go a
bit over the edge and run away into blasting feedback, i'm
kinda "shit shit whoops" and dart out to adjust one of the
control rods on my nuclear reactor

but i was thinking: there was a real compositional aspect to
that, that it's like: if i play this riff like that it does
this, if i play it another way it does that. and what am i
actually doing here? i'd never thought about this. much

my brain is like: you were composing via setting up a
feedback network to respond in subtle differences in timing
in your microfreak playing and this allowed you to control a
half dozen bits of kit without having to actually touch it

(...and that's the same reason it's crowded all around me,
to minimize the amount of physical movement, because that
allows me to be quicker)


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 08:18 [#02620056]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



i don't miss plugins. much


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:37 [#02620064]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



I certainly interact with psychedelics a lot differently at
38 than I did at age 18. Used to always do them with 1 or 2
friends, chasing big open eye visuals as the point of the
thing. Seems childish now, for sure.

Now I prefer them solo and pretty much always eyes closed,
just listening to music headphones on. It's easy to slide
into psychedelic spaces like that.

What psychedelic means to me now is a bending of my own
consciousness so that it almost enters a door infront of you
and comes out behind you and upside down. Consciousness
travelling along fucked geometric lines. It doesn't quite
feel like reality (even on the hardest trip I'm aware I can
just open my eyes and this space will fold) but it's
certainly feels more than imagination.

What comes with all that is an odd feeling of genuine self
worth, something I don't usually bother to consider. A
deeper sense of well being and a moment of being grateful
that I'm a man standing on planet earth, looking at the
moon.

I carry that general optimism around for a few days
afterward, then it too starts to fold.

Since you've already proven you can take them without
fighting them (fighting the experience = true source of bad
trips imo), I think a low or standard dose of mushrooms
would probably offer you a welcome new perspective, a moment
of tranquility, and it would probably water your creative
tree in unexpected ways. It was different for me 10 years+
later. Recommend.


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:38 [#02620065]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



Sorry if I gave the impression I hated CV-1 lol. I think I
was trying to indicate that the pathway to what you were
doing seemed overly technical. I was just trying to say: if
you're doing everything on same buss, record the bits
individually and put it together! That's at least half live.
But then, I really enjoy the editing process and you're more
geared towards the performance. I DO think there's a happy
medium somewhere in the middle, and that's one of the
reasons I'm going to sit down and learn the fuckin' piano--
I'm too far on the other end.
I don't even know what a CV-1 is, so it's probably not even
that your description was overly technical, rather that I'm
just a complete hardware layman. I googled it and it looks
like some big modular rack, which I'm sure is fun to play
with.

And yeah your sound is WAY fuller than mine, that's for
sure. I get why people like hardware, and analog sounds in
particular. There's a richness and warmth to it.

I myself have never used a piece of hardware, unless you
count my 61 key m-audio midi controller. I just use Ableton
10 (I can upgrade for free to 11 but I'm worried about
losing some of my work). I build my beats in the session
window, rarely even use the clip triggering Live stuff (tho
it IS easy and intuitive). Just one linear sequence with a
lot of tracks and automation lines (this one has 60 tracks,
but I could consolidate that down pretty significantly if I
needed to). With no real guidance, I wonder just how wrong
everything I'm doing is sometimes. I'm 100% just going off
my own ear.



 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:40 [#02620066]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



Duuno what DD-3 is, and plugging physical delay pedals into
each other sounds like a lot of work, man. I have done that
digitially tho.

DrukQs and Confield were my first loves in the genre and
still remain my favorites. Funny how that works I guess,
going to be forever stuck with my musical tastes as they
were age 17-20.... Those albums led me to a more digital
taste, with a lot of specific, sequenced events (or in
Confield's case, sequenced + generetive). I've messed around
with a few patches in Max for Live, but generally I just
enjoy hand sequencing stuff myself.

I have the full native instruments komplete (properly
licenced, I'm done losing work to shitty malware ridden
pirated vsts) and that's where I get most of my synths, drum
hits, effects etc. I don't like using anyone else's loops or
presets ever. NEVER use anyone else's drum patterns, but I
will use their kits for individual hits and try and make em
sound different. The only thing I basically use as a preset
is bass. I don't know how to make a rich bass, but it's one
of the things I want to learn in this retooling process.



 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 11:20 [#02620069]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



(i should still tweak the bass presets a bit just to feel
like it's more personal, but it's pretty surface level.
Sometimes I combine two basslines together to form something
else too)


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-07-23 21:29 [#02620080]
Points: 6800 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



life cant be that bad if it results in music like this



 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-24 00:37 [#02620081]
Points: 3789 Status: Regular



<3 thanks


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:17 [#02620164]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



Sorry if I gave the impression I hated CV-1 lol
learn the fuckin' piano--
I'm too far on the other end.
I don't even know what a CV-1 is
with.


alright, alright. so i write a lot, right? and so i've
learned to cut out a lot of writing, right? but sometimes i
get it wrong. and a part i cut out is this

when we were discussing this in my [spam] video thred, we
were in an argument about "well you could get stems out of
this if you tried despite your massive oddball feedback
reactor approach and complete lack of budget to buy a proper
thing like an RME"

and so to make my point i just went for the jugular, i threw
every specific plug label i had in my brain into a post,
then i went back and looked at the gear and added some more,
and my point was: here, look, do you see how nuts what
you're telling me to do is, now?

this thread, i'm not arguing about how un-stemmable this is,
i'm trying to break it down into very basic arrangements to
give you an idea how to make properly complex watercolor
washes.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:18 [#02620165]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



CV-1, that is me quoting you, quoting me


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:21 [#02620166]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620066



Duuno what DD-3 is

boss delay pedal probably 50 quid used
if you have the bux get a DD-8 instead


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:57 [#02620167]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620066



I have the full native instruments komplete (properly
licenced, I'm done losing work to shitty malware ridden
pirated vsts) and that's where I get most of my synths, drum
hits, effects etc. I don't like using anyone else's loops or
presets ever. NEVER use anyone else's drum patterns,


how about re-using your own drum patterns?

the brain of my everything is an arturia keystep pro, which,
despite being a tad buggy, is pretty much the single piece
of gear i have been waiting my entire life for. the panel
layout clearly ripped from some crap forgotten casio
multitrack thing i can't dredge up the model number of. but
then the spirit of ye olde 4-track, except it's midi, and
the live facilities are excellent


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:59 [#02620168]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



there are a couple tracks where it crashed and i
power-cycled it and you can't even tell listening to it on
some cans :>


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 09:34 [#02620169]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620064



Since you've already proven you can take them without
fighting them (fighting the experience = true source of bad
trips imo


i'd actually say i've never been able to truly give up.
forget who i am. it's like lucid dreaming where every time
i've gotten a dash of it i wake up in a gurning mash,
sometime sleep paralysis

but, no, it's kind of like, this is a business trip, i have
some serious emotional shit i'm carrying on my shoulder i
need to sort out, and you want shrooms for that. acid more
like contemplating patterns in history than psychotherapy

i'll dial back to earlier this thred; i am doing yoga and
hacking your worst band name ever into an even worse one,
and essentially meditating on it, and... language to
movement synaesthesia? i think that's what i have? i also
have music to movement synaesthesia. i'm thinking about how
to write this up, and oh, you want a picture? and red plumes
of smoke, my brain offers. coming off the letters i see as i
type them in my head, while subvocalizing as a form of
physical modeling computation

but then also this post, where just, a moderate amount
of cannabis while meditating on the weekend, and i'm
breaking up into triangles

that it doesn't happen randomly, or on a dime, it takes real
focus. but a few times a month i can break through and it's
like i'm tripping again for 15 minutes or so.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 05:59 [#02620191]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



it doesn't happen randomly, or on a dime, but i've done it
quite a few times by accident. probably the shot across the
bow that woke me up to the idea that something like this was
possible was..

2009, i am listening to "mezzanine" by massive attack, which
is an album i put on my second or third trip ever and quite
got into, and then i'm drawing as i'm listening, the way
mushrooms taught me, where you just hold the image in your
mind and let the pen move by itself. except i'm kind of just
letting it wander.

then "black milk" comes on and... i am back in it. still
drawing. my boyfriend is in the next room playing xbox and
eventually interrupts me. i sit back and look at what i've
drawn, and it's...

me, sitting in a room drawing, with all the stuff in the
room, and my boyfriend in the next room, except it's all
stretched around and warped like a fun-house mirror with me
as the root being a gravity well of sorts

i keep meaning to find that drawing. i just have literally
hundreds in a box tho

but, anyways, yeah -- it was like, hey, whoa, this is
state-dependent memory like i've never thought it could do
before


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:06 [#02620192]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



it's not even something i deliberately try for. i just get
there if i keep up the discipline


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:27 [#02620193]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



it's really not the same as the genuine article, though. you
work through all sorts of tensions and hangups and finally
you're just loose enough... that you can catch a few minutes
before something snaps you out of it

actual, say, shrooms, the effect is actually quite forceful
and you're there for hours and nothing will snap you out of
it; obviously you can get a lot deeper


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:50 [#02620194]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



that drawing flashback -- because i think that's what a
"flashback" is, state-dependent memory dredging up the
tripping state of mind

when that happened, actually, was the nine months or so
where i gave "magick" a serious shot. i think it was r. a.
wilson advice: you take it very seriously, you follow the
instructions, then after a while you tear it apart and
decide what's good and what's crap; take what's good and
move on to something else. that's getting into a bruce lee
quote i found around same time, "take whatever is useful and
take it from wherever you can find it" or such

that i think really what "magick" be about is creating a
control panel of sorts for your state of mind. if you want
to reach your destination with haste, you take on the
character of hermes; wings on your feet. essentially method
acting, to control your state of mind of a macro level, to
focus your metal resources towards a desired goal

sigils seem a lot less crap when you say, like, "oh, these
are function calls" and it's about being in a disciplined
state where seeing them can trigger a state of mind and from
there you can see how you could potentially create a switch
for a mushroom flashback

but i'm nowhere near that far. yet


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:52 [#02620195]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



i did have a phase where i would say a word/phrase to myself
in a particular way and it would trigger something i'd
programmed while meditating. but that was incredibly
difficult; it fades rapidly. i view it as a triumph i got it
to work at all. i wish i had the time etc


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 07:42 [#02620196]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



well, gosh, sorry, i've gotten deep, here. but i hadn't
really taken a moment to be like "hey, i think i can explain
what's going on with magick in a way that's functional
instead of mentally limp, and a few times a month i feel
like i'm tripping again if i'm regular about meditating, and
if you combine these two i think it is entirely arguably
possible to create a lever within yourself to instantly
throw yourself back into a trip state, but this would you
require you to maintain two incredibly advanced things in
your daily meditative practices simultaneously, and i have
made first contact with both of these pieces but never both
at once." and i'm not sure i'll ever get as far as to have
both in place at once, but really, i should say some of this
in case i get hit by a bus. it's nice to finally have
somewhere to file it really


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:07 [#02620197]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



if you combine these two i think it is entirely arguably
possible
exactly how i talk about leveraging two
separate codebases to, like, we could theoretically
accomplish XYZ this way

that i actually see why people become monks now. just, like,
dammit, if i just had time, i could do some proper damage
here


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:10 [#02620198]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



it's a very large codebase and only so much time per day for
recreational hacking.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:22 [#02620199]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



i remember i got particularly obsessive about memorizing
vocab words in class when i was like 15 or 16. that i would
stare at the list in the book, close my eyes, and then go
down the list in my head, in order. then if i couldn't get
one i'd open my eyes, check it, and start over. the word
myriad, such drama there, but that's where i first learned
it. that i actually remember learning the word, that i
remember exactly where i was when i learned other words...
but here, it's just because, in retrospect, i was meditating
on the vocab list before i even knew what meditation ever
was. it was absolutely the only thing i reliably aced in
english class

and if it makes no sense to say, "be able to say a
word/phrase to yourself and have it trigger something while
meditating," well, the real grunt work of it is like i did
that vocab list, going over it over and over like stanley
kubrick, stopping the whole thing upon any flaw and starting
over, it has to be right the whole way through

so in my head, just going over and over, my trigger phrase,
enter into the state of mind i want to tie it to, my trigger
phrase, enter into the state of mind i want to tie it to.
like an animal grooming its fur

and after going over it -- geez, i actually can put a number
on it -- anywhere from a few dozen to a few hundred times a
day, this actually freaking started to work. then it rapidly
faded as soon as i let up. like, within 36 hours

then now i'll wind up experiencing time dilation,
synaesthesia, with just yoga, meditation, and a little weed.
like i'm calling the trip back. that's more useful for me on
a day to day basis

but if i could get to the point where, after warming up, i
could just switch that on at will... and i then started
combing over it with a trigger phrase like that... it would
work. it. would. work

but i have a job i don't have time for this


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 23:39 [#02620210]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02620169



i'd actually say i've never been able to truly give up.
forget who i am. it's like lucid dreaming where every time
i've gotten a dash of it i wake up in a gurning mash,
sometime sleep paralysis


i was lying in bed this afternoon, just woke up, and
thinking: yeah i should post about how sometimes when i
sleep in, there's a very narrow zone where i'll confuse what
i was dreaming with what i was consciously thinking, and
shit... i can't tell for sure but i think i was dreaming
that and then just continued thinking about it once i woke
up. it has the feel

post kind of writes itself really


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 23:47 [#02620211]
Points: 19286 Status: Regular



i thought of a Cool Band Name and my brain immediately says:
if you don't post this to XLT now, you'll forget it. this
was not some stabbing urgent emotional plea or anything,
just a calm tactical analysis saying: you are primed to
totally lose this if you don't do it now so shit or get off
the pot. i got off the pot and lost it, as i was warned i
would.

this was not always something i could do; it's a skill. or
software, i dunno. i was on acid, sitting in a comfy chair,
and i had a cool idea. then i forgot it, because, rush of it
all, you know. shit, crap, that was good, i want it back.
and i was so annoyed, i was like: i am not getting up from
this chair until i get that back. not even to pee. and i
already had to pee

and alright, how do i do this? well, one thought leads to
the next, it's kind of like a linked list, a chain of
pointers

so if i can get back the last thing i remembered before i
had the cool idea, i can think the same chain of thoughts
over again, and i'll get the idea back. and to help me, i
also have the data point of what i first remember after
losing it, like, where i went from there

and it took a moment but i got it back, then i got up and
peed with great relief.

but i kind of kept going with that, and, like, i stopped at
a bar for (two beers) and lunch, and i find myself giggling
over the trog going "HAAY YOUU GUYYS" in the goonies.

i ask myself: how did i get here?

and now it's like a machine. i get back a stack trace of my
thoughts, and how i got there: there's baseball on the TV,
then i was thinking about the sound of the bat hitting the
ball and how they said the way babe ruth hit it so hard it
had a different sound, and, man, you've know you've made it
when you have a candy bar named after you, then that scene
at the start of the goonies, do you want a babe ruth? then
my brain jumps to that part at the end of the movie and this
concludes the answer to your query sir


 


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