You are not logged in!

F.A.Q
Log in

Register
  
 
  
Now online (1)
dariusgriffin
...and 77 guests

Last 5 registered
Oplandisks
nothingstar
N_loop
yipe
foxtrotromeo

Browse members...
  
 
Members 8025
Messages 2586184
Today 18
Topics 125881
  
 
Messageboard index
wtf neighbors
 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-22 06:27 [#02610051]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



so i'm out for a walk and a smoke a bit past 1am; not a
typical time for any sort of conversation whatever. then
there's this obese ginger chick i see sometimes, rounding
the corner. her dog flies at me, barking at growling. she
makes no effort to control dog; lets dog be up in my face
and make noise waking everyone up. have i seen a man in a
white shirt, running? i briefly wonder if this is some weird
reference to myself. i'm starting to jog a bit, and i often
just wear an undershirt, since i'm going to be drenched it
sweat and just tear it off soon as i'm home. and i'm wearing
one now... but also a hoodie.

but, like... no, you dumb bitch. i've walked across the
street and three houses down. i've seen absolutely no one.
and control your dog, esp. at 1am. i have no idea what
you're on about


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-22 06:52 [#02610052]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



i'm a life-long nite-owl, and i've come to feel there are
certain unwritten rules you respect. chief amongst them is:
most people are not night owls, and live your life, be up at
weird hours, but be fucking quiet or you'll rapidly develop
a personal cluster of people primed to, like... as if
they're especially waiting to catch you again and wake up;
get mad. once you've woken them up a few times. so, just
don't start that spiral; let everyone sleep

that it's to the point, where, when i do, rarely, wind up
speaking with people, i use my quiet indoor voice. not a
whisper, but very low and quiet. i've noted other people do
this as well, even before i speak, so it's not just
mirroring what i'm doing. it's just natural if you feel like
being polite

so, yeah. a barking, growling dog, waking everyone up. this
tart loudly asking me a genuinely bizarre question. probably
the first time anyone's been aware of me walking at 1am.
shut up. go away. you're messed up


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-07-22 08:21 [#02610053]
Points: 6050 Status: Addict | Show recordbag



some nights we take a walk and tend to move rather silently.
there is a lot more to discover if you dont yell nature
away. foxes, hedgehogs and nutrias move about much closer.
one time we went alongside the river there was a loud
rustling in the bushes. it sounded as if a bear would appear
to be coming out any minute. instead this big nutria found
its way out. rather suprised seeing us in the middle of the
way it catapulted back in a flip, yelling at us. 30 sec
later it came back through the same opening in the
blackberries. grunting and panting. very slowly it went
right by us casually grazing my foot, as if he owned the
place (well he actually does). passed the berries on the
other side of the way and slipped into the water. we just
stood there in awe happy to watch this big fella move and
not giving a damn. think i wrote about this b4. another time
we saw someone walking down the sidewalk, we just took a
seat on a shady private bench on the same sidewalk not
making a sound, seeing if he would notice us passing by.


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-07-22 08:23 [#02610054]
Points: 6050 Status: Addict | Show recordbag



and yes, absofuckinglutely no need to letting the whole
neighbourhood know if you talk during a stroll


 

offline mohamed from the turtle business on 2021-07-22 22:14 [#02610070]
Points: 30908 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



stock threads


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 14:30 [#02610103]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02610053



foxes, hedgehogs and nutrias move about much closer. one
time we went alongside the river there was a loud rustling
in the bushes. it sounded as if a bear would appear to be
coming out any minute. instead this big nutria found its way
out. rather suprised seeing us in the middle of the way it
catapulted back in a flip, yelling at us


nature is all well and charming until skunks. i had the
closest encounter i've ever had with a skunk two or three
weeks ago: i'm walking, at night, music gone, sweeping the
flashlight around for wildlife... and, shine it over to the
left, and, fuuuuck, there's a skunk, literally a foot and a
half from where i am standing

the skunk is all huaaaagh! *terrified cringe*

i am all huaaaagh! *terrified cringe*

and all, i think, that saved me from the skunk deploying,
was the music, and that fact that our reaction was mutual
terror. marching to the beat. so while i'm freaking out and
cringing, my feet keep on moving, on their own, carrying me
out of range before either i or the skunk can regain our
marbles

the rabbits, though, kind of funny. i'll wiggle the
flashlight around, move along animals, whatever you are --
and i've found it can really bamboozle the wabbits. like,
they want to run, but the moving light; they can't figure it
out. and -- here is my point -- sometimes they'll just
freeze for a bit as i bambooze flicker and then suddenly
jumping backflip and dart off. gives me a solid
chuckle


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 14:49 [#02610105]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



anyways, turns out some guy up the street flashed his dick
at a couple walking, the husband got all "hey bro get lost"
and the guy starts punching him. i went out for a smoke and
the whole street was locked down; this fucking cop. the
street is closed for police operations. ok, which way can i
walk? the street is closed for -- no, no, it's alright [i'm
trying to be all -- calm down dude i'm not arguing; i'm
asking for direction. and he thinks i'm arguing] and
eventually i establish i can go, er, that-er-way ok. and i
do. and all the neighbors are just kind of, like, camping on
the street. i was taking 15m off work and i guess these
people do not have jobs or something? i ask some female cop
bitch, yeah, i'm just curious, what's going on? and she
says: "there's police operations at one of the houses." and
i think to myself: no. shit

then later that night, is when that lady is acting loud and
bizarre on my ass at 1am: apparently, since i am wearing a
t-shirt, i am potentially that brain-damaged perv, she set
her dog on me, made a ruckus because she was scared.

as she judged me based on naught but my appearance, i will
now judge her on hers: she is a fat, disgusting slob and
shot lay off the ho-ho's

if it happens again, i will scream like i am being stabbed:
control your dog. help. halp


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 14:50 [#02610106]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



in response to some couple seeing some nutter's junk they
literally locked down the whole neighborhood and scrambled
helicopters. in a weird way i feel much better walking alone
at night now


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2021-07-23 15:25 [#02610107]
Points: 5687 Status: Regular



if only the dong flasher knew his peen had such power, he
could have deployed it for good


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 15:48 [#02610108]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



actually strikes me as schizophrenia. fentanyl doesn't make
people do that, and people around here are too boring to
drop acid or smoke pcp weed. purportedly, he was standing
dead still in the middle of the street -- not a quiet street
at all -- smoking a cigarette, zonked out. the couple comes
by, sees him, begins hemming and hawing, and he offers to
display his genitals. no, wait, no answer needed; here they
are. the husband rushes up to the dude and something
something fisticuffs. for a gutting moment i worried it was
lewis, but, no -- not his style. he'll stand in the middle
of the street, smoking a zig, screaming about how satan will
slit him from anus to sternum and then rape the slit, but
he's never once flashed his junk. that's just not how he
does


 

offline hevquip from megagram dusk sect (United States) on 2021-07-23 16:32 [#02610109]
Points: 3152 Status: Regular



i have a feeling you could cut most problems out in life if
you just stopped acting like a spastic in public


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 18:15 [#02610110]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



sorted that out years ago. but, go figure, lots of other
people are worse and i've to deal with their mess on top of
my own. like some obese ginger cunt turning her dog on me
and switching on her beast siren THAT GUY WEARING A T-SHIRT
IS BACK

and i don't really think wearing a t-shirt counts as spastic


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 18:35 [#02610111]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



well, you're trolling, you lobster, but i have to say, i did
ponder it afterwards: did i do anything weird? did i cause
this?

it's a standard post-mortem for any such incident in my
life, because, yes, sometimes... i did cause it.

this time, though, i am absolutely sure: this was not me.
the cops told me nothing about The Genital Incident and
since i had to go back to work i didn't stand on my lawn for
two hours like all the other monkeys, and i didn't catch the
gossip, and she did, and she saw a man wearing a t-shirt and
fired her dog up and got loud. and it wouldn't be until two
days later that i read the news and finally comprehend what
was going on

i think back on how i behaved: i saw her rounding the
corner, and i stepped off the sidewalk; well into the
street. just to give her plenty of space, as some people are
really howard hughes, these days. not only acknowledging
that i'd seen her approaching, but that, yes, you just have
the sidewalk. and i'm all set to walk past her when there's
a barking, growling dog and REALLY LOUD questions about have
i seen a man in a shirt

about all i could have done differently was stick it out on
my lawn for two hours and gossip, but, despite this outcome
-- it was a better investment to work instead


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 19:23 [#02610112]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



yeah. before i read the news two days later and it finally
all kinda clicked... for real, i thought that lady was
legitimately nuts; off her meds or such. now i merely hate
her for subjecting me to a mildly traumatic experience; i'm
waiting until i spot her again so i can scowl at her
thoroughly.

because, like i said. i've seen her before. and if my
obvious ass has noticed her, she's surely seen me before.
and double fuck off, you've seen me walking plenty of times
have i ever done squat except step out of your way? you twit


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 19:23 [#02610113]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



yeah, my first two posts, you can tell. i thought she was
crazy for real


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 19:47 [#02610114]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



anyways, i'm 2/3 gay and the way women are now i think i may
as well just fib and tell everyone it's 3/3 gay


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 19:52 [#02610115]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



how would you feel to be taking a snoozy stroll for a zig
before bed and suddenly have the hounds after you; screaming
alert that you might be a sexual predator? because some lady
is wound tight as a drum any anything would set her off?

it's really better i didn't understand it until later,
because if i'd comprehended it in the moment, i probably
would have used some very unprofessional words. this way, at
least i can make a stupid xlt thread about, rant, you know,
deal with it. and wait for a moment to deliver a withering
scowl


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 19:52 [#02610116]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



i was just thinking -- she really is insane, because she
will never ever get to see my dick.


 

offline mermaidman on 2021-07-23 21:35 [#02610117]
Points: 6823 Status: Lurker



guys the browse members function doesn't work and all you're
doing is talking about epic's silly neighbors


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 22:19 [#02610118]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02610117



this is serious business, sir. just wait until some
hosebeast screams and points at you. as they haul you off,
you're yelling "no, wait, i'm gay, i'm gay, i'm super gay,
let me go" but it's no use


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-08-24 07:20 [#02611124]
Points: 17207 Status: Regular



the hosebeast returneth. with two (2) dags [oh, dogs].

but, dial back: i am a paragon of functionality. i am a
fucking megazord. and that is exactly why i sat on my
glasses a bit over a week ago when folding laundry. the last
time we put our glasses down on our bed, we told ourselves:
no no no, don't do that; don't. but then we did it again,
and precisely the next time we did, we've sat on our
glasses, thus proving our point. weasels in a bloody cage
fight

and i've already been for an eye exam, all that, but covid
etc, the wheels need to download a chip shortage for
contract influences or something. so i'm getting very tired,
meanwhile, of working all day, on the computer, in my
sunglasses. walking at night... i'm so nearsighted, i
actually feel better with my sunglasses and a flashlight
than i do with any other combination thereof.

so here i am, out for a loop and a quick smoke as a
hurricane is dying down. i have a raincoat kind of casually
slung over my hed, i have just lit up a zig, and i am
wearing sunglasses. at 11pm at night.

and i turn the corner, and i feel... a presence. i squint;
can't see. i flick on my flashlight. dogs barking and
growling. shit, it's her again. and now she has two dogs.

thank heck, for a moment... i forgot i was probably so, i
dunno strange appearing? i was just mad. you really upset me
with how you behaved last time, and now you're squaring up
to do it all over. i forgot i was wearing sunglasses.

so i look right at her, and am all, "HELLO!!!!11!1~"

and she's all: uhhhh helllloo
and her dogs bark and growl and i take a gigantic poof of my
zig and keep walking in my fucking oddly draped raincoat and
sunglasses at 11pm. i'm not insane, i'm just a megazord that
sat on his glasses and fuck fuck shit we warned ourselves,
we warned ourselves. dgfhjf


 


Messageboard index