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in many religions there's very good parabels, and maybe my favs are jesus' ones. like 'he without sin' and the vineyard one i learned when i was young and told many times since. i still want to read all of the new testament and many buddhist stories too and what not this week i watched the 'gay movie' c.r.a.z.y. and there was a very good story told in it. maybe because i've grown to like parables more and more through time, because, esthetically, they're just very good, true, stories, or maybe it was the subject that it hit me hard, i thought it was so beautiful. it's not even a bible story though: "Footprints in the Sand" One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many Scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life, there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?" The Lord Replied, "The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you." Author: Mary Stevenson |
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That's a great story, but I bet there are many cynical people here who will mock the Jesus. :-( |
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hehe |
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You've not.. just... heard that.. have you? |
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So if The Lord weren't there for him, he would have commited suicide? |
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well i just 'heard' it, so yes i did |
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for the lord i read jesus and for jesus you can read 'you're not alone' |
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jesus was the fist metro sexual |
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You know there's a whole industry creating cards, posters, tea towels and t-shirts with this "fucking shocking" homily where you're own ability to get through difficult patches is poo-poohed in favour of saying a ghost helped you? |
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you're your |
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I no. |
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that's sick! |
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i just found out copying that text believing god is all powerful was what first got me of religion in the first place, that's why i made post [#01993685] |
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this thread is for good people like me and fleetmouse |
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JETSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! |
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that hit me hard, i thought it was so beautiful. |
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i didn't get it |
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You emotionally fragile pair of fruits. |
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That seriously loses it's meaning if you have to spend 8 hours a day packing little glass tiles, pewter crosses and table mats, with the text printed on, into carboard boxes. |
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im just kidding |
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or am i |
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more nice Jesus stories This page is dedicated to God Our Almighty Father. Without Him, this page wouldn't be. ...design and hosting provided by Almighty Communications LLC, apparently. |
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My favorite is A Parade for Jesus: It was Passover. The biggest holiday of the year. Jesus wanted to celebrate Passover in Jerusalem. As he was riding into Jerusalem on his donkey, the people remembered who he was. They remembered that he healed the sick. They remembered that he had taught them. They were very excited to see Jesus. "Jesus is King," they said. They threw Palm branches in the road to make it beautiful for Jesus. They were so happy Jesus was back. |
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This page is dedicated to God Our Almighty Father. Without Him, this page wouldn't be. Ergo, Zilty is His will. |
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also, lol@xceque's jesus packin' story |
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based on real stories |
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so these two buddhist monks walk along the road then they come to a puddle, besides which is a woman this one monks carries the woman across they walk on this other monk says: 'how can you do such a thing, thouch a woman carrying here across the puddle' to which the other monk replies: 'while i just carried the woman accros the puddle, you still carry her with you' |
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religious stories can be put to good use.. kierkegaard has some nice takes on a few of them. |
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post good stories |
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There is a lot of truth about the sexes told through religious blather, take Australia's Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali's on indecently dressed women "If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside... and the cats come and eat it... whose fault is it, the cats' or the uncovered meat?" Something we could all bear in mind, especially the ladies. |
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im a vegetarian thanks |
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How does that stop you having a cat as a pet? |
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A man was walking along a beach. The beach was littered with thousands of starfish, stranded and dying after a high tide. The man stopped from time to time, picked up a starfish and cast it back into the water. Another man watched him at his task for some time and finally asked him what he was doing. "I am saving these starfish." he replied, "They will certainly die if they remain out of water." The second man looked at the vast array of starfish lying on the sand and declared, "But that is pointless; there are so many, you cannot possible save them all. This doesn't make any difference." The first man paused for a moment and bent to pick up another starfish. "Do you see this one?" he asked, holding it up for the other man to see. "Of course," the second man replied. The first man turned to the ocean and threw it far out into the safety of the deep water, and replied, "it made a difference to that one." *sniff* |
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i don't eat cats? |
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that man was jesus |
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Nah, it was this local tramp called Mad Stan who wandered around beaches hassling tourists and lobbing seafood at them for no reason. Like all good stories the details have changed over time. |
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jesus was a liberal gew |
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gew=jew |
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Instant new catchphrase. |
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Time upon a once, I was playing monopoly with Jesus and I somehow rolled a 1 with both dice. Is this... is this a miracle? I asked him. i don't know he said, lets ask jesus the son of the platypus. I'm just jesus the mexican. SUDDENLY a pink beam of light shot out of the dot on the '1' and we found ourselves spiraling forward in a vortex lined with platypus wallpaper. I managed to snag 3 community chest cards before the portal closed, knowing they would be VERYuseful on our MAGIKAL journey!!, but lost 2 fingers in the process as the portal closed around them. I read the first card it said 'one free finger', and the next card said the same thing. The lord taketh and the lord giveth away I said. I put the 3st card back into my pocket of skin which I have surgically attached to my forehead because it wasn't my turn to read it yet. Jesus rolled the dice "This must be the path of the lord" he said admiring the platypus wallpaper and I concurred at least twice because SUDDENLY it smelled like spearmint gum which is the lords favorite. We drifted around in a spiral and I got thirsty so I drank some melted carebear feces. Jesus drank their faces. Mr peabody floated by and the boy wouldn't stop humping Jesus's's leg, so we were all like "GO RAIDERS" because mr. T farted and when I pressed his T down, the microwave oven chimed and particles began to accumulate in my mouth until the orifice was replaced with solid flesh, but then I grew a new mouth on my shoulder. "We are approaching the lord" I said through it which was annoying because my humerus bone was constantly wedged inside. At the end we could just make out a small area where the crowned lord platypus, father of Jesus, Reptileman and others, sat on his throne inside an open sock drawer lined with green carpet. But then SUDDENLY (two times as suddenly as the pink beam of light but 1/2 as suddenly as the smell of spearmint gum) a giant cheetah paw bashed through the the right side of the the vortex between us and the the lord platypus, and stuck its c |
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laws into the the opposite side. The claws broke off and rapidly morphed back and forth between butterflies and moths ("butterflapitos y mothios" jesus corrected me) to keep up with the Doom 2 strobe that was attributed to this sector. Black sky with pricks of blinding white stars that morphed into faces spelled with a 'ph' except in that particular spelling I guess showed through the torn wallpaper and started whispering evil things to me such as "you are a no good fart face... fart face... fart face" and "SUCK MY BALLS EARTHLING!". But I couldn't see them because as I said they were blinding, so to be honest I just imagined that they were morphing into faces. Jesus the mexican shouted out his own name "HEY ZEUSS" and just then his father the greek god came shooting out of my nose in the form of acidic snot, which covered the cheetah's paw and started sizzling it. It immediately smelled like cheetohs and I didn't have to guess which famous cheetah the paw belonged to- Paskendorf, the the the the famous mascot of so many mcdonalds commercials. As the platypi in the wallpaper began coming to life and gouging things with their poisonous leg spurs I heard "that's cool daddy-0' and I realized I was wrong. It was in fact a lesser known cheetah, Chester P. MacWiley Cheetah the ambassador of cheetohs. "that was just my robot paw bizzsnatcher shizzle daddyo' he said and exclaimed and vocalized and stuff, and he detached it. "Now let me tell you something about our lord, jesus christ and cheetohs' he said in his typical double-quotation-mark-on-the-left-and-single-quoatato oion-mark-on-the-right talking style. "Are you ready to be Bizz shnazzle enlightened about these things daddy o?' Yes I said cikcing off an annoying wall paper platypus. "these things are... cool'. And SUDDENLY it dawned on me... he was right. I would never doubt cheetohs or jesus again. "well laterz I gotz to skidaddles' said the cheetoh ambassador and he tapped his sunglasses on the side of his head causing him to disappear, |
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except for the glasses which fell to the ground. A wallpaper platypus put them on and waddled away, peeing on Jesus the mexicans leg first. So like we ended up on an se gjoe ago jwgeeskelator and then the platypus king like gave me a pendant but then like said that I couldn't wear it because like it was guarded by a force feildd so like I looked at my community chest card and like it said that like it could 'stop 1 forcefield' so I got the pendant and then we went bakc home and had milk and cheetohs and read the bible, Then this face molded out of the pages and said that what we know as the bible is the Necronomicon disguised as the bible by the evil chester cheetah. And I peed on the face and the book burst into flames, then me and jesus shrunk down and a dragon emerged from the flames and carried us on its head following a trail of skittles to the magical world of satan where we got into adventures and stuff, but ultimately obtained (after defeating the Blaknog) the code to fight reptile's mom in mortal kombat 9. End the. |
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Unbeknownst to both men it was already simply too late for any of the starfish to live. They all lay at peace knowing that the blaring sun would make their death quick and relatively painless until these sadistic assholes came along. Each starfish thrown back in suffered a long slow painful death as the salt water and parasites entered their sun cracked wounds and were unabable to compete for adequate food among starfish who hadn't been half dried out. |
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Boy, this party sure died. |
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And I know the aliens programmed my mind to think that 'sure' doesn't start with an 'sh' and that clouds are made of water that 'evaporates' pff, gimme a break. |
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read all of it |
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Thank god. |
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THANK YOU JESUS |
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Read the gnostic bible, its pretty much all the books that were studied during the birth of christianity, but were rejected by the pope at nicea a couple hundred years later, the gospel of thomas is only parables Jesus said, nothing else. Much of the book is wrapped around pagan/hermetic/cathar thought. Parts of it are incredible. |
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