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 Now online (1)big ...and 309 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614116 Today 2 Topics 127542 |
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It is the Third Quarter of the Financial Year. You're arguing with your spouse again. It seems they've missed their spending quota this quarter. As a proud patriot you have no problem spending 85% and sometimes 90% of your income on consumer goods, yet they can't manage to spend even close to the 75% required by law. It's that foreign mentality, you suppose. That's what happens when you are educated overseas and without the benefit of a corporate sponsor. You have to remind them that if they get caught by the Internal Consumer's Service (ICS), they'll be doing time in Philip Morrisâ„¢ Prison like their uncle. Oh well, hopefully a night at the town's AOL-Time-Warner-ClearChannel-Blockbusterâ„¢ Authorized Media Distribution Center will smooth things over with them. That reminds you. You need to have your eye and ear implants reinspected for this quarter, otherwise you won't even be allowed in tonight. You haven't attended church services for a while. Although your spouse is a devout follower of God's Customersâ„¢ and shops in the Church Store at least five times a quarter, you're not yet convinced that converting from Consumers for Jesusâ„¢ was that sound an investment. Your son Rick just graduated from the local McDonaldsâ„¢ High School. You want him to go to Pepsiâ„¢ University like his sister, but he wants to go to Cokeâ„¢ College. Not that it matters, the permits you get at either school are the same. Although he really wanted to attend Stanfordâ„¢, his corporate sponsors rejected that proposal, based on what it might do to his credit rating. |
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Your youngest daughter just graduated Pepsiâ„¢ U. It was expensive, but she is all set now, having received a Creative Thought Permit and an Entrepreneurship License. On top of that she's accepted a job at Fortune 10 corporation. Of course almost everyone works for a Fortune 10 nowadays, there being only thirty-some corporations left. It's too bad she had to sign all those Non-Disclosure Agreements though. You'd really like to be allowed to know where she'll be living and how to get in touch with her. Ahh well, it's the price you pay for our corporate security. Your eldest daughter, after twenty quarters of employment, was finally permitted to tell you that she is working in middle-management at AT&T. Of course every job in the United Corporations of America is middle-management. The cheaper "skilled" labor is all outsourced to Those Other Countries, whatever they are called. In ten more quarters, assuming her credit rating remains good and she has attained Shareholder status, she'll be allowed to talk face-to-face (no encrypted channel) with us! Apparently, her five year old daughter has been grounded again, this time for racking up a $6000 fine for singing "Happy Birthdayâ„¢" at a party without a Media Distribution License. She really needs to be taught the lesson that as a patriotic Consumer of the UCA, she needs to respect the rights of Shareholders and property owners. What dangerous thoughts she has! She thinks she should be allowed to say whatever she pleases, no matter what it does to someone else's portfolio! No one can get it through to her that terrorist ideas like that will land her in one of those "special" schools, and she'd be subjected to a lower quarterly limit on all her credit cards. Fax just in from your spouse. They'll be late tonight. Corporate HQ has reinstated fourteen hour work days until the end of this quarter. It's too bad your spouse is not allowed to quit their job, you could get them a pretty nice management position any time in your department at Microsoftâ„¢. |
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(this is from ) |
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Haha, fucking hell, stick enough trademarks in and suddenly it becomes "biting satire"? |
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yeah, it's so edgy |
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read "Jennifer Government" by Max Barry. |
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probable future: chavs take over world and steal everyones wallet |
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