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Squarepusher From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. Squarepusher, the real name of Thomas Jenkinson, is the father of Hard Normality. Squarepusher and Aphex Twin While Squarepusher was walking down a street in Soho, London, he suddenly got lulled into a dark alleyway, hypnotized by soft synthesized ambient sounds. There, he found a bass guitar, every record made by Miles Davis and Herbie Hancock, and a record-contract from Warp Records. Suddenly, while he was overflown with inspiration (mainly motivated by the gun to his head from the CEO of Warp Records), he picks up the bass guitar and starts playing it at home. After the first day of playing his bass guitar, he goes outside and suddenly bumps into Aphex Twin. Aphex said that he should be Squarepushers PR-man, "I make you star. Big star" And so it was done. Unbeknownst to Squarepusher, Aphex and his bass guitar are actually one and the same thing. After a while, Squarepusher became suspicious on how Aphex and his bass guitar were always around, but never in the same room together. But everytime he questions this, he gets hit on the head with Chris Cunningham and forgets all about it." |
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Interesting Facts • A horse is an Angel without wings. • there are two species of horses: 1) the unicorn, which looks like a pair of shoes and likes to fuck with people's luck, 2) the "angel without wings" type - see above. • The only way to clean the snow off a windshield is to use a horsecomb. • John Kerry kind of looks like a horse. • A number of preteen and teenaged would-be fantasy artists have severe obsessions with drawing horses and horselike creatures. Such would-be fantasy artists are usually seen in Elfwood and Deviantart. • Most of those would-be fantasy artists refuse to refer to horses as horses; rather, they prefer the term "equine". This is because of the focus on political correctness forced by the liberal media. • Horses are the best of all the animals, they're your friends. • A horse is NOT the same as a nightmare, Abu • Who the hell is Abu; actually who cares? Shut up Abu. • What the fuck are you guys talking about? • Horses evolved from witches. • A horse will not respond to its name unless you train it with rum. • Contrary to poular belief, horses are edible. The biggest fanbase of horsekind is among circles of preteen girls. These preteen girls--a species even more harmful than the horse--often show their patriotism toward horsekind by hanging posters of horses and reading pulp fiction books in which wild horses are tamed by the power of love and pacifism. |
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French Cinema French movies have a unique way of putting together things like the power of God and a '98 Ford Taurus, or a boat in a swimming pool and its relation with the left shoe of a dead man running naked across the country. Lots of people (all of them Linux users) go to the movie theater and sit on the floor while they feel the sexual problems of the modern life in the shape of that Ford Taurus. Here's a sample of a a typical French movie: 1. The camera starts in a park, zoom to a tree. Hold for 5 minutes. 2. A bird stands in the tree. It flies away. The camera doesn't move. 3 minutes. 2. The camera moves from the tree to a naked woman looking at the Sun. Slowly (a 4:30 minute movement). The woman is in the grass with a black duck. - "It's hard to say, but at the beginning this was a big orange. Then the wind came. I remember, it was a pink cat." 3. A man enters the scene. He has a gun in his hand with a chocolate rabbit on it. Zoom to an ant for 20 minutes with the sound of a little kid crying because there is no more goose liver remaining. "Janet, I don't know why you are here, but I called you tomorrow and told you to come... remember?... you don't and now I must kill my first son." 4. She kills the duck with her shoe. They have sex. 15 minutes. They change position. 22 minutes. The camera makes a zoom at the blood from the duck; it's green. Silence for 45 minutes. The camera returns to them. The duck comes back to life, then shoots them. - "Killed by a duck. Life is such an apple. I told you ... Charles." - "Oui. Et il ne faut pas cautionner l'irréalité sous des aspérités absentes et désenchantées de nos pensées iconoclastes et désoxydées par nos désirs excommuniés de la fatalité ..." - "I really hate my mother." - "Now I'll never smoke this last cigarrete, with cat flavor. Let's have sex." 5. A dog eats them. The duck takes the cigarrete. Zoom at the tree again. 25 minutes of wind sound. |
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hahahaha that's awesome !!! |
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From Wikipedia, regarding Uncyclopedia- ''For example, occasionally vandals will enter actual factual information (considered one of the most gruesome and inconsiderate gestures possible there)'' Hehehe, that site is too much. |
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Porn : " Contrary to popular belief, only three porn movies have been made since the discovery of porn in the 1950s. Since all the porn looks the same, people have been fooled for decades by simply changing the names of these movies and then circulating them as new. (...) Another commonly used trick is to change the aspect ratio of the movie and selling it as midget and fatty porn. " |
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priceless! ;) |
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haha this is as good for timewasting as wikipedia but without any of the benefit |
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fact: diet pepsi lime is fucking terrible. :P |
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wow, this instantly made my favourites of all websites! |
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Sex There was no sex in Ireland before the invention of the "Late Late Show", a late night pornography programme shown on RTÉ, hosted by legendary pornographer Gay Byrne from the start of time to 1999, when he keeled over after Bono and Adam Clayton from U2 gave him a Harley Davidson. Now the bastards are at it like rabbits. The Irish that is, not Gay Byrne, Bono and Adam Clayton. Though if they gave me a Harley, well... ahhahaaaha |
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who's doing xlt? |
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no need for n xltronic entry; privte jokes on this kind of public sites re just nnoying and irrelevant to the other visitors. |
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old, but hilarious. |
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brilliant :) |
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it's all true |
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hahaha. this topic deserves to be bumped, as this site deserves to be seen . |
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i like the french movies one a lot |
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hihihi |
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ah ha ha, this is good shit; never heard of it before. They're going to build some artificial intelligences that do all their learning on this site I hope. |
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