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Garrison Keillor
 

offline fleetmouse from Horny for Truth on 2006-01-18 11:32 [#01821533]
Points: 18042 Status: Lurker



I thought this was a good read.

____________________________________

Jan. 18, 2006 | It's good to know how to lie, and lie
effectively, so you can go backstage after the high school
production of "The Crucible" in which your friend's daughter
mumbled her lines and stood like a fencepost, trying to look
horrified and looking drugged instead, and now here she is,
fluttery, ashen-faced, perspiring, and you say, "It was
fascinating to watch. You were so in the moment, Lindsey. So
believable. It really resonated with that audience, there
was so much intensity." The truth is that she has no more
talent than the average cocker spaniel -- but so what?
There's no need to face the truth all at once.

People ask you how you are, you say fine, even if you have a
grinding headache. People congratulate you on having done a
fine job raising your children, you say thank you, even
though you know the truth.

On the other hand, one should not lie to oneself. If the
book you've been working on for two years is a leaking boat
that needs to be scuttled, this is not to be denied. You
look in the mirror and it's clear: The zero-dessert policy
must now go into effect. Your wife says your drinking is a
problem. That means it's a problem.

On the third hand, self-deception is useful. Some things are
better endured by ignoring them. Old age, for one. The
whining sound under your seat on the 727 flying over Lake
Michigan, for another. And when you're feeling overwhelmed
by your obligations, it's better just to put on your
blinders and haul the beer wagon forward.

But everyone needs a few friends with whom one can be
honest. I quit smoking 20-some years ago because my friend
Butch Thompson and I promised each other that we'd try to
quit, and that before smoking another cigarette, we would
call up the other one and tell him. This worked like a
charm. I dreaded having to make that call, so did he, and we
each trusted the other to be honest. This is what friends
are for.


 

offline fleetmouse from Horny for Truth on 2006-01-18 11:33 [#01821534]
Points: 18042 Status: Lurker



If you go and do a shameful thing, such as shoot your
parents so you can inherit their estate, you should have at
least one friend to whom you could confide the cheesy
details. You'd say, "I couldn't believe that was me, aiming
the pistol at the back of Mom's head as she stood at the
Mixmaster. I am feeling, like, totally remorseful right now.
And I'm wondering if, like, it might've been a sugar rush
from, like, the Twinkies." And the friend would say, "Well,
you were having some big mood swings. And the job market is
tight, so naturally you were anxious about money. But those
bright orange coveralls look rather striking on you. And
this Plexiglas partition between us doesn't bother me as
much as I had thought it would. And I don't think you
would've been a good parent anyway, so it's lucky that you
won't have to face that question."

I have not been that sort of close confidant to my friends,
alas. They don't reveal the seamy underside of their lives
to me, perhaps because I am a writer who might exploit their
shameful story, or perhaps because they have no shameful
secrets to share. Or because they believe you're supposed to
say "Fine" when someone asks how you are.

But who tells the truth to the man who is driving straight
into the setting sun and thinks he's heading due east? His
wife murmurs that, uh, maybe we should look at a map, and he
accuses her of being a defeatist who tries to tear him down
any way she can in order to conceal her own lack of ideas.
The man is heading the wrong way and speeding and the idiot
light is flashing -- low oil pressure -- and the idiot is
trying to be manly and authoritative but everyone can see
he's faking it, hoping for God to rearrange the landscape
for his convenience. Someone ought to speak up, and yet he
is fascinating. As the administration is these days, so
resonant and believable. The Arctic icecap melts and the
Chinese finance our tax cuts and someday we will have spent
six years and trillions of dollars to bring democracy to
Iraq, whatever


 

offline fleetmouse from Horny for Truth on 2006-01-18 11:33 [#01821537]
Points: 18042 Status: Lurker



that may mean, and the SUV of state turns toward the setting
sun, driven by cocker spaniels. And there is so much
intensity there, and they are so much in the moment.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
(Garrison Keillor's "A Prairie Home Companion" can be heard
Saturday nights on public radio stations across the
country.)


 

offline epohs from )C: on 2006-01-18 11:43 [#01821543]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker



Is this a transcript from Prairie Home Companion?


 

offline fleetmouse from Horny for Truth on 2006-01-18 11:45 [#01821544]
Points: 18042 Status: Lurker



It was in Salon. I would have linked to it but they make you
look at an ad before you see any articles.


 

offline plantre from United States on 2006-01-18 11:46 [#01821546]
Points: 469 Status: Regular



i LOVE Garrison Keillor.

and npr is the best radio station i've ever heard.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 11:48 [#01821548]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator



nice little fictfactoid.


 

offline epohs from )C: on 2006-01-18 11:50 [#01821550]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker



It is impossible for me to read that article without hearing
Garrison's buttery smooth grampa voice.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 11:54 [#01821555]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to epohs: #01821550



it's getting you all hot and bothered, isn't it..


Attached picture

 

offline lumpenprol from San Francisco on 2006-01-18 12:18 [#01821579]
Points: 76 Status: Lurker



I loathe Garrison Keillor.


 

offline Ceri JC from Jefferson City (United States) on 2006-01-18 12:19 [#01821582]
Points: 23533 Status: Moderator | Show recordbag



I've read Lake Wobegon Days and Coming Home. Great books.

I also always imagine sneakattack looking the spit of him.


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 12:46 [#01821615]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular



somewhere on my computer i've got tracks of Tiki playing on
Garrison Keillor's after "prarie home companion" show.

There's a moment when he says, "IDM... I suppose we'll just
know what this is when we hear it, won't we? It doesn't
really need explanation." And then, I figideted in my seat
and so he says, "Oh, I was wrong. I guess it does need
explanation" and he thrusts the mic in front of my face. I
say, with a shaky voice,
"Well....it's an old genre title.... and ..... i think......
most people don't like it.... but it was created in the
early 90s..... and that's all I have to say."

The audience laughed at me and then we start playing.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 13:05 [#01821628]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821615



you'll have to post the mp3 now.


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 13:15 [#01821641]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to qrter: #01821628



i'll do it when i get back home. i'm using a school
computer.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 13:18 [#01821647]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821641



coolz0rrrr.r.


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 16:54 [#01821805]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular



okay, I've uploaded the little bit with Garrison. Check it
out

If I could upload more MB i'd upload the songs too, but
alas...

Check it out, it's titled "garrison"


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 16:57 [#01821808]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821805



tee hee..

you sound lovely and dorky when you pause and say
"created...... in the early nineties..".


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 16:57 [#01821809]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821805



i think this is a must listen for everyone on this message
board


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 17:00 [#01821811]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821809



the breathy quiver in your voice is like tiny birdsong.


 

offline epohs from )C: on 2006-01-18 17:01 [#01821813]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821805



oh man, what an awesome clip!


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 17:02 [#01821816]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to qrter: #01821811



what can i say? Garrison is an intimidating man... he made
me nervous. I think it's cause his face is resembles a fish.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 17:03 [#01821817]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821816



were you perhaps in fear that you'd have to fight him?


 

offline epohs from )C: on 2006-01-18 17:03 [#01821818]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker



hahahah

oh man, i love it very muchly.


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 17:07 [#01821824]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to qrter: #01821817



actually, yes...

we (me, brett, and graham) were in the bathroom backstage,
just hanging out, running our hands under warm water, etc...
This was a few minutes before we were to go on, and we were
pretty excited because the fitzgerald theater is beautiful
place to play. Graham was a bit pissed off at Garrison
Keillor because Garrison was slightly poking fun at us the
entire night. Anyways, he started making this fish face in
order to imitate Garrison, and then he said how Garrison
probably snorts coke of the bathroom floor. It was funny,
we were all laughing really hard.

So we walk out of the bathroom and BAM, guess who's waiting
to use it? The man himself, mr Keillor. We all just sort
of nod heads at him and then, after he's in the bathroom,
burst out laughing.

So, yea, i was afraid of him after that.



 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 17:16 [#01821833]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to rarndaraki: #01821824



you guys!!!!


 

online big from lsg on 2006-01-18 17:20 [#01821837]
Points: 23729 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



people like you give idm a bad name


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 17:21 [#01821838]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to big: #01821837



yea. i ruined it for everyone.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2006-01-18 17:22 [#01821839]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator



speaking like some goddamn IDM ambassador..


 

offline rarndaraki from from from from (United States) on 2006-01-18 17:24 [#01821840]
Points: 1833 Status: Regular | Followup to qrter: #01821839



honestly. who do i think i am?


 


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