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i never normally post stuff like this but i do think this is pretty funny..... The following is an e-mail going around NYC... The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating. Brad, It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. ............ |
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I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that. I am so sorry. Elizabeth ........................................................... ........... |
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RESPONSE: Dear Elizabeth, Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened. |
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By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know. PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email. Talk to you never, Brad |
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Trying to cheat your way into the thoughest top 10? |
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Thans for that, spam is so hard to come by these days it's good that some people are supporting it by giving it much needed exposure on message boards, you fuck hole. |
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i mainly posted it cos the response email reminded me of you! |
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dog_belch has paraded round your bedroom in a thong? |
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haha if only... no, i meant the dry wit |
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haha! The response was pretty class i must say. |
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:) i ahve to admit i wish id used that email on many an ex but alas i am dull and not so clever witted lol |
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This is pathetic. Stop fighting like children. |
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whos fighting? |
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I like to talk my fairshare of trash... but this reminds me that if worded properly that you can cause more harm. |
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Just stop it, all of you. It's not worth it. |
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whiplashings of teh silver tongue. i ahve a friend who comes out withs tuff like that completly off teh cuff, you never get into an argument with him cos he will wipe the floor with you hehe |
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It's obvious both the original and the response were written by the same person. I would also contest that it was originally written by someone in the UK and it has received a minor modiication or two. |
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of courrse it's fake. no gutterr slut could compose an e-mail of that length with no spelling mistakes orr typos. neitherr could i forr that matterr if i was wrriting with passion. |
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lol regardless it made me chuckle |
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I thought it was a bit bland and the comparisons used are obvious. i personally have used nearly all of them in the past. |
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45 minutes? Thats quite a blow |
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That's because you are the best person in the world ever. |
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Dear Elizabeth, Please donate $10 to phobiazero so you can post a picture here of you with your rat out. Thanks, Steve |
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she would ahve gotten lock jaw |
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I not best. I bad. |
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saying that, when a girl goes down on you shes only getting up if its to put ice in her mouth |
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is it wierd that i read that in the voice of mr t? |
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Or to spit out the bits of wart she has scraped off with her teeth. |
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or to chew on the knob-feta. |
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