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Sent to me by my brother...... -The famous sasquatch video footage is actually Chuck Norris returning to his woodland home after a night of heavy binge drinking and unprotected sex. -Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' home is a Total Gym. -Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade. -Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, he actually grew younger. -Onions make Chuck Norris sad. -In 1979, Chuck Norris became the first black man to win the New York Marathon. -Chuck Norris is Batman. -In order to show Lance Armstrong what was up, Chuck Norris smoked 6 cartons of cigarettes a day for 3 years. During this time, Chuck developed 7 different kinds of cancer. However, Chuck was able to rid all cancer from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. -Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks -Chuck Norris has no concept of time. If you go inside his house you will find no clocks of any kind whatsoever. If you get up from his couch and tell him you must be going because it is getting late, he'll just stare at you blankly until you sit back down. -Chuck Norris is made out of plastic. -Chuck Norris' beard is made out of all 118 elements of the periodic table. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly. If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA". If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situa |
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Continued.... When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him |
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Last bit. We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them. Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer. __________________ |
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Oh yeah! This is what I'm talkin' about! |
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HAHAHA funniest thing ive seen all day by far thank you for this ! |
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you ever seen the walker texas ranger lever on conan? its fucking amazing |
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My favourite is: Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" |
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ok |
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i like: "chuck norris doesnt believe in germany" HAHAHA |
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Who would win in a fight between Chuck Norris and Clarence Boddicker? "Can you fly Bobby?" |
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one pint of what your on |
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Vin Diesel is nowhere as cool as Chuck Norris. *Roundhouse kick to the face* |
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Chuck Norris always gives it, not receives it when in prison. |
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Chuck Norris once ate a whole subway 12 inch sub, and didn't even have the guy cut it in half. He's also completed the version of Shinobi on the Master System which had that glitch that made it impossible to beat. |
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This thread is one of the funniest in ages. I had a rediculous sounding LOL from not being able to stop! *gains years on life* |
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chuck norris is people |
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yeah i really am laughing quite loud this shit is amazingly funny |
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Chuck Norris doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another. |
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chuck norris is the real gravity...all things are naturally drawn towards him, this prevents them from flying off the face of the earth |
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*eats alphabet soup and vomits LOL's all over the place* :D!!!!!!! |
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chuck norris is the reason you burned your toast...now shut up and eat it...pussy |
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have you been snorting granulated AOL chatrooms? |
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Internet Humour. I prefered it when they used to photocopy things like this and pass them round the office. WICKED. |
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yeah im passing it around my office...honestly, however silly or childish you find it now, if im behind the curve or whatever...that's cool - it just really perked up my thursday afternoon laughter RULES !!! |
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*pretends not to hear alex while pushing a bag of AOL chatrooms out of sight* |
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i cant get drug treatment in london - thats too many plane tickets from philly international ! |
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"We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it " No waaaaayyyy! lol |
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50 cent's original name was dollar but chuck norris made change |
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I never laughed at all during the making of this topic. In fact I am not 23% more depressed. |
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OK. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. |
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AHAHAHAHAHA HORSE???!?!??!??!! HAHAHA NOW I GETS EVERYTHING! |
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what wa sthat chuck norris film with the asthmatic kid ? wa sit caleld sidekick? |
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