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 (nobody)...and 76 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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ALBUQUERQUE, NM—In a bizarre case that has baffled medical professionals across the country, surgeons at Albuquerque's Veterans Memorial Hospital removed a living eight-pound man from the confines of an area woman's vagina Monday. Above: Hessman The unusually small man, who has refused to identify himself or give a reason for his presence in the vagina, was extremely disoriented throughout the incident, and, according to eyewitnesses, was "nude and covered in blood and gore." Though the man strenuously resisted rescue attempts, screaming and kicking wildly at medical personnel, he has not yet been charged with any crime. The woman, Ruth Hessman, a 33-year-old systems analyst from nearby Winfield, was admitted to Veterans Memorial Hospital late Sunday night complaining of strange, repeated abdominal pains and contractions occurring at regular intervals. When the painful episodes were five minutes apart, her husband drove her to the hospital. "We get all kinds of strange things here in the emergency unit," said Dr. Carlos Mendoza, a surgeon at Veterans Memorial, "but this was something new. At first glance, Mrs. Hessman appeared to be obese, but upon closer examination, it became apparent that she was actually suffering from severe abdominal distension. After she described her painful symptoms, we conducted an examination of her vagina. Imagine our shock and surprise when we discovered that there, looking back at us, was a tiny human head." After overcoming their initial shock, doctors discovered that the grotesque miniature head belonged to a small man. The attending physicians performed emergency surgery to forcibly remove him, then notified local police. "At this time, we have no idea how this man came to be situated within the woman's vagina, or what motivation he might have had for being there," said Albuquerque police chief Burke Manning. "His dazed state, public defecating, and lack of clothing suggest that he is a mentally ill homeless man wh |
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who was seeking shelter. Yet it's hard to believe that someone so feeble and mentally disturbed would be capable of such an intrusion. We have not ruled out the possibility that he had help." Manning is advising Albuquerque residents to stay calm. "This is likely an isolated event," he said. "But we are nevertheless considering conducting a search of all area vaginas to see if any more small, naked men are on the prowl." The eight-pound man has thus far refused to cooperate with police, responding to all questions with strange gurgling noises. He is also prone to sudden, violent mood swings, resting peacefully one moment and wailing uncontrollably the next. Adding to the difficulty of establishing the man's identity is his lack of fingerprints and teeth, making a match with federal records impossible. "This man seems to have undergone some sort of massive trauma within the last 24 hours which has, in effect, wiped his memory clean and turned his mind into a blank slate," Mendoza said. "To be honest, this case couldn't be any weirder if a stork had dropped him out of the sky." |
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wow funny little man |
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That is seriously funny.... If anything can be serious and funny at the same time... ? |
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that's fucking crazy! |
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That's so strange, that I CAN'T find it funny... ew! |
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OK, wait a second... just finished reading this... what the fuck? |
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Shit is ill!!! |
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hey Archrival, that sounds like it's from "The Onion"..... |
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what the fuck? is this real? i live in new mexico in a town 100 miles away from albuquerque and i didn't see this in the news or papers or anything. i could've sworn though that i've heard this story elsewhere. |
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No, I just checked it....its from the satirical newspaper "The Onion"....probably the funniest shit you can ever read...I pick it up every week |
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go to www.theonion.com |
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I actually thought it was real for a minute. Me so slow. |
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Yeah its some hilarious shit over there :) |
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hahahha very funny:) btw, in case u people are NOT being sarcastic w/ ur ignorant remarks: its a baby being born u idiots! hehe : ) |
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yipessss.......and i thought lil ole albuquerque was boring.......how wrong i am =) |
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damn i was gonna say... how is that possible? |
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don't i look a fool now... i belived it, and have been thinking about how that was possible all day long! lol - i am so fucking dumb!! |
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How the HELL did the woman not notice ?!?!? I mean.....from a female point of veiw..... OW !! |
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oh yeah ! pOgO seems to have left the buildng !! I'm just not all there today |
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bogus i say! bogus! |
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you guys DO realize that that just means she gave birth to a baby, right..? some of you seem a little slow on the up-take ;) |
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I read it, then spent about an hour thinking about how it's possible... it wracked my brain. Then I figured it out. But the image of an 8 pound man sneaking into someone's twat was pretty funny... then the ''homeless 8 pound guy'' kicking and screaming... How the fuck did I NOT figure it out?!?!? Geez! :-D |
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Dammit, I was just going to point that out! |
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Oh my god is hilarious. I have a copy sitting in front of my monitor. "Father Bitter Son Has Everything He Never Had" "New Old People Magazine Gives the Elderly Something to Do While Waiting to Die" hahahaha... |
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HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK wait, real or not that story made my fucking day |
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Man its not so bad. I did that once, fuckers kept pokin me and shit so i said fuck this, i'll just slide the fuck out of here, well seems after i escaped i got bigger and i cant fit in any more..... |
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The Onion, home to such journalistic masterpieces as "Marijuana Linked To Sitting Around And Getting High." |
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