 |
|
You are not logged in! F.A.Q Log in Register |
 |
|
 |
 Now online (2)Hyperflake recycle ...and 469 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
 |
Members 8025Messages 2614187 Today 32 Topics 127546 |
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
A young man on crutches hobbles onto the Stars In Their Eyes studio stage and Matthew Kelly introduces him as Simon. Matthew: " It's very brave of you to come hear, Simon. Can you tell the audience what happened?" Simon: "About a year ago, my uncle and I were in a car accident. He died but I survived and had to be cut free. I was in surgery for 12 hours, but the doctors couldn't save my legs." Matthew: "Thats terrible, Simon. What a sad story. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" Simon: : "No, Matthew. While I was in hospital, the doctors told me my dead uncles legs were fine, and so they grafted them onto my body. With more physiotherapy, I hope to be walking without my crutches by the end of the year" Matthew: "Well thats fantastic news,Simon! So tell us - who are you going to be tonight?" Simon: "Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be ..... Simon and half uncle." |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
oh dear. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
Haha |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
hehe |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
hoho |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
The cops came across two kids. One was eating batteries, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let off the other. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? Get in the car Robin |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
haha thats terrible, hence funny :) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
i don't get that one :( could be i get it, but im not sure if there's more to it :) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
You get it :) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
why did the little girl fall off the swing? cos she had no arms |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
Why did the boy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at him. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What's red and not there? No tomatoes What's brown and sticky? A stick What's brown and knocks on the window? poo on stilts |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What's 9 inches long and keeps a woman screaming all night? Cot death. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
haha! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
whats the difference between a pile of bowling balls and a pile of dead babies? you can't move a pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What's blue and knocks on the glass? A baby in a fish tank |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
I kinda wish I hadn't started the rot. Dead baby jokes are the most unfunniest things in the universe. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
oh great, it's turned into a "dead baby joke" thread. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
yes. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
no more i promise |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
The only reasons I have for posting mind are that 1. It doesn't actually feature the words "dead" or "baby". 2. This is a bad joke thread. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
a man goes to see his psychiatrist, and says: "doctor, i've been having the same two alternate dreams night after night - one night i dream i'm a wigwam, the next night i dream i'm a tipi. every night! i'm going insane!" his psychiatrist says: "well, it's obvious what the problem is. you're two tents." |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
Now that's a good bad joke. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
|
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff? tequila! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
what did the mexican call his 2 sons? hose and hose b |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
*mexican fireman (way to kill a bad joke) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What did the man with 2 left feet buy? Flip flips |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
Q) What did they call the man who had two mouths and hands made out of paper? A) Philip |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
A frog goes into a bank and hops up to the loan officer. The frog says, "Hi, what's your name?" The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack, can I help you? " The frog says, "Yeah, I'd like to borrow some money." The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. He says, "Okay, what's your name? " The frog says, "Kermit Jagger. " The loan officer says, "Really? Any relation to Mick Jagger?" The frog says, "Yeah, he's my dad." The loan officer says, "Okay, do you have any collateral?" The frog hands the loan officer a pink ceramic elephant and says, "Will this do?" The loan officer says, "I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager." The frog says, "Tell him I said hi. He knows me." The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, "Excuse me. but there's this frog out here named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant. I'm not even sure what it is. The bank mananger says, "It's a nick- nack Paddywack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone" |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
oh dear :) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
How doe's hitler tie his shoes? little...Nazis....??! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
How does Hitler tie his shoes? He doesn't, he makes..Jew do it...??! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
that's all i got! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
whats white and sits on top of the tv? a sandwich. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
saying "I kinda wish I hadn't started the rot. Dead baby jokes are the most unfunniest things in the universe" right before that post kind of annulled point #1.. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
What's brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's Last Movement. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
I meant posting mine. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
whats orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot!!!!!!!!!! |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
|
Messageboard index
|
|||||||||
