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I am wondering how many Xltronic members suffer from occasional bouts of Suicidalism, and how this manifests itself and what kind of feeling it is. My own suicidalism is markedly unemotional, and I have noticed as I have aged that, whereas formerly the feeling of wanting to be dead was accompanied by fear, in recent times there has been no such feeling of fear or dread. I am, overall, a very emotional person in touch with my feelings, and it seems that when I suffer extreme emotional upheaval, such as I am experiencing at the current time, my emotions eventually collapse in upon themselves like some 'Black Hole' and what is left behind is a bleak and empty desire to be gone from life. I am wondering if this is a sui generis feeling, or if others of you have the same experience. |
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suicidism |
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I'm too optimistic to be suicidal Is there something wrong me? |
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you mean apart from that? |
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and apart from my addiction to rip rolls |
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occasional bouts of Suicidalism, and how this manifests itself and what kind of feeling it is. My own suicidalism is markedly unemotional, and I have noticed as I have aged that, whereas formerly the feeling of wanting to be dead was accompanied by fear, in recent times there has been no such feeling of fear or dread. I am, overall, a very emotional person in touch with my feelings, and it seems that when I suffer extreme emotional upheaval, such as I am experiencing at the current time, my emotions eventually collapse in upon themselves like some 'Black Hole' and what is left behind is a bleak and empty desire to be gone from life. I am wondering if this is a sui generis feeling, or if others of you have the same experience. |
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MY SOUL MY SOUL IS BLACK I AM GOOOOOOOTTTTHHH |
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sorry marlowe, got outta controll But seriously I've never felt suicidal I've been seriously depressed before but never to the point of winting to end my lif I mean, why should I? It's mine and I want to keep it Plus you never know what's round the corner. If I'd killed myself when I was depressed I would have missed out on meeting alot of the friends I have now and the glade, and holidays, and movies, and music, and pizza, and dope, and cartoons etc etc |
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When I'm feeling blue I pick myself up by going to the local cafe, waiting for someone to go to the loo, then.... I'll slip a whelk in their coffee cup, sit back and watch the drama unfold. Cheers me up no end. |
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there is of course a big difference between feeling you want to be dead and actually wanting to be dead. it's just something easy to focus on, like better times |
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not recently... there was only one time in my life, a period of a couple months maybe that I thought about it... but life is too good to want to die... even when things are bad you always know they will pick up... life is a series of ups and downs... you have to make the best of both... and think positive! |
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"Plus you never know what's round the corner. If I'd killed myself when I was depressed I would have missed out on meeting alot of the friends I have now and the glade, and holidays, and movies, and music, and pizza, and dope, and cartoons etc etc" when you're depressed/suicidal you don't think about those things. And if you did, it wouldn't matter. |
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I must br stronger than I thought then pOgO feels proud |
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I've never really considered it, but the thought that I can always do it comforts me. There are certain future scenarios where I think I'd love to have that option, but thankfully they're just possibilities, not reality. It hasn't come to that, ever. And I don't see suicide as cowardly, or anything like that. And I don't buy into the train of thought that we shouldn't be sad or unhappy with our life just because we're well off, spoiled brats in rich countries. It's not that simple. Despite being a miserable SOB, very disgruntled and quite cold, I've never wished death upon myself. Like Fuh Thunkmaster said, life is pretty damn good, there's so many great little things that add up to one very big thing, worth living for. I put up with the things I perceive as bullshit, and they are numerous, because the things I'm interested in more than balance it out. It's healthy to think about suicide. Just don't think about it too hard. Tell someone close to you about your feelings and hopefully if they've got a soul, they'll feel compelled to do something about it. Subtle or drastic, depending on what the situation calls for... |
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never thought of it |
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always carrying a whelk around, eh? that must make you popular. |
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I'm part of the suicide club, yay! it used to be more dramatic, when I was younger, but when you get older the reality of it becomes more stark - you know what it entails, what the consequences will be, not only (although still foremost) for yourself, but also the people around you. funny thing, it only makes the feelings more matter-of-fact, less dramatic. I guess that's about the same as you're describing, Paul. I can also relate to the emotions collapsing unto themselves - there just comes a "point of no return" (the singularity of your emotional black hole, if you will :P ) where as a form of mental self defence you numb yourself. all of this is done subconsciously, ofcourse. that's what makes it so hard to control, if you'd even want to. I too can get to the point where my head, or rather my heart, "switches off". I tend to sleep alot at those times, frequently suddenly finding that a week has passed and I didn't do anything (except sleep, mostly) and then getting upset because of that realisation. |
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My feelings toward suicide are mainly that if I did it, it would be because I think I'm wasting my time with life, I'm not going to be best at anything like I grew up thinking I was (sounds ridiculous but it was a huge shock to my system going to senior school and realising my talents were nothing at all) and that ending my life would just be getting it over with. Also, being part of this disgusting human race fills me with a certain shame. I'm not one of these people who truly thinks life is too hard, that's bullshit. I have food and a home, that puts me well above more people than I have time to work out. I'm fully aware that life is made up of ups and downs, and that if I held on it will be worth it... well, I didn't used to think it was... but knowing I can spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend before long fills me with the hope I need to completely forget about suicide. |
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Killing myself isn't really my style. Once, for about an hour maybe I felt almost there, like I could understand why people might want to do it. I don't expect that much of anyone else so it would be unlikely for me to get in a situation I felt I couldn't take care of on my own if I had to. |
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I tried to nudge myself off a bridge yesterday onto a train / into its path, but I was snagged on something and so failed to do so. |
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That "numbing" feeling is something i've definitely felt, not just in relation to ending my own life, but in a lot of emotionally intense situations. It's like you just switch off... nothing seems real any more and it doesn't matter either way whether you're alive or dead. It's just a simple choice between feeling numb and unable to enjoy or appreciate anything, or not feeling anything at all. I've not felt suicidal for maybe a month now, and i feel absurdly proud of that fact. |
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no suicidal thoughts yet... I do, however, often wonder what it would feel like to jump off high things and such... not because I'd die in the end, but because I never think I'd do it... "what you can't have..." |
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"snagged on something"..? surely you must've recognized the object? and were there no more trains running after that? |
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The moment was lost. |
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everybody thinks about it at one time or another |
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you old romantic. |
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thinking is not feeling |
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Wow, two hours have passed without anyone needing to discuss Suicide. |
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yay. things are looking good for the xlt population! ... or incredibly bleak :-x |
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Relax, drink, and be happy my friend : ) |
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yes i have thoughts of suicide. Partly because I know I'm going to die anyway. The biggest thing is that I know I will never EVER find a person I love who loves me back, its just not going to happen. I'm going to go cry now...I mean I'm going to eat a hamburger; I have to go to work, where I get at least 1/4 of my paycheck taken away from my wonderful government. |
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I use to be very incompatible with my environment, and suicide was attractive because it would increase my net happiness since 0 is larger than a negative number. I carved out a new "niche" now and, though completely pointless, it is definately much less stressful. |
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Each day is a repeat of the past day only a tad bit deeper and darker....I just feel exhausted, I just want to sleep, im tired, and im sick over overanlyzing my suicidal thoughts.... |
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I found a guy who got ran over by a train by his own doing. His legged got severed off, but he was glad he lived and loves me for finding him. |
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i wonder if suicidal-ness (or whatever the hell you want to call it) is just a sort of evolutionary technique.. mankind's way of getting us to try to take our dysfunctional selves out of the gene pool and/or society. i mean, most human impulses appear to simply function for the good of the group of organisms as a whole, and when one is unable to cope with the reality of its existence, it might perhaps be better for that individual, and for humanity as whole for them to be removed from it.. so their world-hating perspective would be systematically stifled as much as possible, and the world would be more full of happy, unquestioningly propagating drones.. the method of gene removal through suicide is the only somewhat abnormal difference.. instead of the genes being removed because of chance or incompetence in the organism's methods of survival, it's just because of a certain undeniable nature of these person, and a willingness to accept or embrace that nature.. i mean, i can't imagine most suicidal-type people surviving in an animalistic cave-man type of world.. but who really knows.. maybe some people's depression and self-destructive tendencies are caused by the fact that they cannot express or appease their internal impulses and desires sufficiently because of the current nature of civilisation. i guess i really don't know where i am going with this.. |
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Í won´t talk about my suicidal feelings here because I will be called of goth! |
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