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toads and necrophelia...
 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 20:52 [#01261664]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



i was just watching the news, and someone found a live toad
in their food at McDonalds.
also.... a few nights ago i was out with some friends, and
one of my friends told a story about a girl she works with's
sister.
supposedly she woke up one morning, a couple of weeks ago,
with a reallly sore throat and went to the hospital for it.
while the doctor was looking in the girls throat, he got
startled and started yelling "you're discusting, what's
wrong with you!!" then proceeded to call the cops.
the girl stared freaking out, saying, "what's wrong?!?
what's wrong with me?!" and the doctor told her she had
maggots in her throat... and that the only way you get
maggots in your throat, is if you're dead, or performing
sexual acts on a dead body.
the girls boyfriend works at a local morgue, and the night
before she went into the hospital, she spent the night with
her boyfriend, and gave him a blowjob, right after he got
out of work.
the world has gone to hell.
talk amongst yourselves.


 

offline brokephones from Londontario on 2004-06-30 20:53 [#01261667]
Points: 6113 Status: Lurker



Its not necrophilia. Its just morgue sex. Oh wait, that
doesn't explain how the boyfriend gave her maggots. Oh, so
the boyfriend fucked a dead person?


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 20:54 [#01261668]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker



Sounds like a fun day out...


 

offline fleetmouse from Horny for Truth on 2004-06-30 20:54 [#01261669]
Points: 18042 Status: Lurker



I prefer my McToad well done.


 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 20:55 [#01261672]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



yeah, and then little larvi (sp?) got caught in his penis or
whatever, and then it was in her throat.
supposedly, the doctor had to pick them out with really long
tweasers.
.... i'm reallllly bored, and wish i had more beer.


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 20:57 [#01261675]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #01261672



That also sounds like a fun day out...


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-06-30 20:59 [#01261681]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to tragedy: #01261664



that story should be on the internet!!

oh wait.


 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 21:03 [#01261685]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



yeh ! yeh !


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:12 [#01261691]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #01261685



Is it hte first time you have a heard a necrophelia story
like that one?

Stuff like that used to happen around a village not to far
up the road from where i used to live which is kind of
disturbing.

The story is pretty much the same except she found maggots
in her pants.


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:16 [#01261694]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker



Did somebody die or was it my soul snapping in two?


 

offline cie jiks mawp from motion to descend (Australia) on 2004-06-30 21:24 [#01261700]
Points: 1171 Status: Lurker



personally i like to keep a stash of fresh maggots both
about the groin and throat. they eat all the bacteria away
leaving one fresh, clean and healthy. As for toads, they are
full of protein.


 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 21:24 [#01261701]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



:(



 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:26 [#01261703]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #01261701



Shall i apologise now?


 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 21:32 [#01261708]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



why would you apologize?


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:40 [#01261714]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #01261708



Well...

I am not sure really...

I guess that this sucks right?



 

offline tragedy from Gloucester (United States) on 2004-06-30 21:42 [#01261717]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker



well i guess si....
skink, i wish you had aim.


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:44 [#01261719]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #01261717



Well i know it isn't instant but e-mail is good plus my mind
is working like a slice liver presently, i need the time to
think at the moment.


 

offline DeadEight from vancouver (Canada) on 2004-06-30 21:57 [#01261725]
Points: 5437 Status: Regular



my completely insensitive contribution to this thread:
TSOL-Code Blue

"CODE BLUE!...
never got along with the girls at my school...
...filling me up with all the (malls?) and their rules...
...(something, something, something... something that rhymes
with "head")...
...i'd rather go out and FUCK THE DEAD!
...cause i can do what i want and they don't complain...
...i wanna fuck, i wanna fuck the dead...
...middle of the night, so silently...
...i creep on over to the mortuary...
...lift up the casket, and fiddle with the dead...
...their cold-blue flesh, makes me turn read...
...do what i want, and they don't__complain...
...i wanna fuck, i wanna fuck the dead...
...and i don't even care__how__she died...
...but i like it better if she smells of__formaldehyde!
(etc.)"

seriously though... it's a sweet song, dudes... *fondly
remembers listening to punk back in junior high*


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 21:58 [#01261727]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to DeadEight: #01261725



I quite liked that song actually!


 

offline DeadEight from vancouver (Canada) on 2004-06-30 22:00 [#01261729]
Points: 5437 Status: Regular | Followup to Skink: #01261727



It's sweet... very cool slinky guitars...


 

offline Skink from A cesspool in eden on 2004-06-30 22:03 [#01261731]
Points: 7483 Status: Lurker | Followup to DeadEight: #01261729



I can't really remember now it has been a long time since i
heard it.


 

offline MrGerbik from United States on 2004-07-01 00:24 [#01261765]
Points: 392 Status: Lurker



The maggot story is a common urban legend that has been told
by many for a long time, and it's always "my sister's
boyfriend's uncle's plumber dated this girl who...".


 

offline WooferAttack from Milano (Italy) on 2004-07-01 00:33 [#01261770]
Points: 12920 Status: Lurker



McToad... uahahahah...


 

offline virginpusher from County Clare on 2004-07-01 01:34 [#01261804]
Points: 27325 Status: Lurker



well i cant believe i read this. i am glad i spend time
here. its easy to lose hope in humanity


 

offline mappatazee from ¨y¨z¨| (Burkina Faso) on 2004-07-01 01:36 [#01261805]
Points: 14294 Status: Lurker



IT'S A FUCKING LIE.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 02:25 [#01261823]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



there could be an innocent explanation?

infestations of maggots in the throat & gut seem to be
fairly common in rabbits, according to google.

i remember that song, deadeight; a guy i was at school with
had it on some punk-o-rama compilation.


 

offline DeadEight from vancouver (Canada) on 2004-07-01 02:29 [#01261825]
Points: 5437 Status: Regular



oh yeah, punk o rama 2 with the epitaph symbol pissing on a
brick wall or something like that... i can still listen to a
lot of stuff on the first few punk-o-ramas... except that i
lost them all at a bush party way back in the day...


 

offline JAroen from the pineal gland on 2004-07-01 02:30 [#01261828]
Points: 16065 Status: Regular



hahahahahahhahaaha

thats fucking awesome

xltronic: always a new great way to start the day!


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-07-01 02:34 [#01261834]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



This is like something kids in primary school tell each
other.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:05 [#01261875]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01261834



hahaha its EXACTLY like something kids tell each other in
primary school.

like the story about the woman who bought a mcchicken
sandwich, bit into it - thought that it had rather a lot of
salad cream in it - then realised he piece of chicken had an
abcess.

or when you're really young and kids at school are only just
starting to discuss sex, despite not knowing what it is;
people spread rumours about 'mars-bar parties' - when guys
and girls turn up at a house, get naked.. the guy eats the
mars-bar, marianne faithfull stylée, using the girl as a
human chocolate bar holder (look ma, no hands!) and then
they use the mars-bar-wrapper as a sort of improvised method
of contraception (ow).

or the girl who came home and used cat/dog food (delete as
applicable) to entice her dog/cat (delete as applicable)
to.. gratify her - unaware that a local/national (delete as
applicable) tv station camera crew were hiding in the
cupboard/next room (delete as applicable) with her favourite
'surprise!-you-get-to-meet-your-favourite-celebrity-for-a-d
film/pop star (delete as applicable & choose a name) for a
ay' show..

all urban myths that have reared their ugly heads at some
point over the course of my life.

yawn


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:06 [#01261880]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



hey.. xlt started switiching the words around again on my
post.
why DOES it do that every so often?


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-07-01 03:10 [#01261886]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular | Followup to acrid milk hall: #01261875



HAHAHA... out of those three I only heard the one about the
Mars Bar parties, but oh man that was funny. Another common
one was that the school was built on a graveyard or an old
burial ground. These rumours all pale in comparison to the
one I started about the headteacher not knowing how to tie
his shoelaces, though.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:23 [#01261896]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01261886



hahahahahahahahaaahahahahahaahahaa

that's a genial idea, mate. and i don't bestow the mantle of
genius lightly. that's absolutely brilliant. i can see that
one really taking off as well.

the marsbarparty story was great though. the kind of thing
that everyone thought was really underground. if only we had
known what really went on in the world, that would have
seemed pretty tame..

we had the graveyeard ones too.

as for the teachers - our head actually was mentally ill, so
there wasn't uch you could say about him that wasn't already
true.
i seem to recall a lot of "this teacher's gay" or "these
teachers are having an affair" or "this teacher's going
through some sort of emotional breakdown" rumours doing the
rounds.
more often than not, they turned out to be true.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-07-01 03:29 [#01261901]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



hahahaha....we acccused one of our teachers of being a
paedophile and he ended up resigning.

Oh wait...thinking about it...it was a bit of a shitty thing
to do.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:30 [#01261903]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



one that i remember from being at university was the story
about the medic who broke the rules and took a piece of
their john doe out of the lab.
(it's illegal to remove any part of your practice-dissection
cadaver from the department)..
predictably enough, the young medic in question removes his
corpse's penis.

then, according to which version of the story you hear, he
either pokes it through his flies in a public toilet and
stands at the urinal or he walks down the street with it on
display.
then a policeman either stops him for flashing or comes in
to the public toilets to use them himself.
at this point the medic pulls out a scalpel and proceeds to
cut 'his' penis off in front of the policeman - who then
faints.

every univeristy i've ever visited has this story.

once again, it's not true.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-07-01 03:31 [#01261905]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to acrid milk hall: #01261903 | Show recordbag



It was true...for I was that medic.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:34 [#01261912]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



there's another one from the medical dept which made it's
way round to me through various people while i was at uni.
abiut a medic who gets assign their dissection cadaver,
pulls back the veil and sees a recently deceased member of
their family's face staring back at them.
they didn't know their
grandmother/grandfather/aunt/uncle/mum/dad had left their
body to medical science.
the university had not made the connection between the
student and the john doe.

the end.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:35 [#01261914]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker | Followup to ecnadniarb: #01261905



i've always wanted to meet you.



 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-07-01 03:36 [#01261915]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to acrid milk hall: #01261912 | Show recordbag



then he made love to the corpse, went home, bolted his load
in his girlfriends mouth and she visited the doctor the next
day with throat maggots...and thus the circle is complete.


 

offline Torley Wong on 2004-07-01 03:38 [#01261919]
Points: 235 Status: Lurker



I found maggots in a rubbish bin the other day. Oddly
enough, they were conglomerating around an empty computer
parts box and straying far, far away from the rotten food
nearby. Odd.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-07-01 03:42 [#01261925]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to Torley Wong: #01261919 | Show recordbag



OMG electronic maggots...your bins boyfriend has been
fucking dead people.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:44 [#01261927]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



last one (for now)

my absolute favourite - my dad told me this one years ago.

a guy was asleep on morning and he was having the most
horrendous dream about being in revolutionnary-france and
being led to the guiloteen for execution. slowly he is made
to walk up each step, across the creaking wooden boards. he
places his head through the hole at the bottom of the
guilloteen, staring in to the wicker basket, placed there to
catch his severed head.
his wife, who is lying next to him in bed notices her
husband is murmering in his sleep, lying face down in his
pillow, and sweating profusely. as she reaches over to run
her fingers through is hair, and wake him gently, she
touches the nape of his neck and he dies instantly.
petrified, his heart had given out from fear.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:46 [#01261933]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



now, if you tell that well enough to someone young/gullible
enough - they'll believe you.
even funnier are the people who work it out, but not for a
very long time.


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 03:48 [#01261934]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



obviously it's effect is nullified when it's written down.


 

offline Monoid from one source all things depend on 2004-07-01 04:40 [#01261971]
Points: 11010 Status: Lurker



I count maggots when I go to sleep


 

offline acrid milk hall from United Kingdom on 2004-07-01 05:11 [#01261984]
Points: 2916 Status: Lurker



my friend's dad used to put maggots in his mouth when he
went fishing in the early morning. it warms them up, makes
them easier to hook on and ensures that your bait is
wrrrigling when it hits the water.


 

offline uzim on 2004-07-01 06:59 [#01262049]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



gross.... are you sure there stories are all made up
(including tragedy's ones)?? = /


 

offline uzim on 2004-07-01 07:00 [#01262051]
Points: 17716 Status: Lurker



*these


 

offline plaidzebra from so long, xlt on 2004-07-01 07:02 [#01262055]
Points: 5678 Status: Lurker



sounds like a new entry for urbanlegend.com...


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-07-01 07:06 [#01262058]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



I once went fishing with my dad and all of his mates when I
was about 7. They had a load of maggots so I thought it
would be really impressive if I put one on my tongue, shut
my mouth and opened it again with the maggot still there.
Sure enough, I swallowed the maggot accidentally and cried
for the rest of the day.


 


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