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Rob Fragilenine from Australia on 2001-05-04 05:04 [#00005575] | |||||||||
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Ok, everyone. Here's what you should do: Write a short story about one of the subjects below. It has to include the word Aphex at least 4 times, just to give it a reason to be in this mb. Subjects: 1. Biscuits 2. Continuing the story of Giuseppi (see the subject 'My go now...') 3. How to... do something 4. Eating cheese 5. Write your own! 6. I don't care! 7. The Number 7 8. Remember me 9. Notify me of future updates 9. Did you notice? 9. Did you? 9. The number 9 is here 4 times! 4. I am Rob Fragilenine. 9370. IZ-US a part of this? 8680. To Pure A Weakling Child. -1. Negative Alpha Index Of course you should. Like all other people. |
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TekN010G from Australia on 2001-05-04 10:36 [#00005613] | |||||||||
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negative alpha index anagram (french accent ) la gae index : aphex tvin I'm bored |
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wizards teeth from a shop that sells hats on 2001-05-04 10:53 [#00005616] | |||||||||
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Biscuits - By Wizards Teeth In Nineteen Hundred and Six I was not born but I still managed to invent a new biscuit. It happened by accident, thirteen Pheasants flew into my side as I was sleeping, I was not roused but my hair did learn to talk during this period. The pheasants were not repelled by my body they were absorbed, luckily I had not consumed the radiator that had been fried by my mother. If you remove "er" from mother and the "her" from father you are left with the items that my parents are : My mother = a moth My father = a piece of fat (bacon fat to be exact) With an upbringing of that nature no wonder I did not attend university. I can cook amazing pancakes if you allow me enough time to practice. Close your eyes and imagine a bulldog dressed as a dalek with a Ken Dodd mask pushing a wheelbarrow filled with mackerel's dreams from Kent to Tibet. This makes me sad. If I close my eyes and imagine a pony called Ian playing cards with the indoor bowls world champion in the u-bend of my sink, drinking melted wax out of a peregrines skull. I will smile. I was once out of work so I decided to make some extra money to pay for my habit habit (I am addicted to dressing as a monk). I thought for a few minutes and realised there was a niche in the market. I am opened a night class teaching people how to tie shoes. I have all the necessary credentials, I studied at Oxford for three years and then became a professor in this field. I also won the Nobel prize for shoe tying when I invented those special laces that require no knot. My 100,000-word thesis was accepted by the world of science as one of the most important pieces of literature about tying shoes. I discovered the following equation after years of experiments : Circumference of ankle + Thickness of Achilles tendon = Length of lace / 6 Anyway as I was saying, I invented a new biscuit. It had a little piece of jam on top with a nut shaped like a claw. It was very tasty. I think it would be nice if everyone stopped fighting and all wars ended. Everyone give each other a big cuddle and think about hair! The End |
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wizards teeth from a shop that sells hats on 2001-05-04 16:48 [#00005655] | |||||||||
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"My goodness" my mother said as I danced naked inside a giant apple. I scooped the insides out and fitted a dance floor, the entry fee was only £3.50 and a free drink was also supplied. I am afraid all drinks are based around apples (apple juice etc etc). It serves her right, she should have bought me some new skin for my birthday. She also revealed that Santa Clause did not exist and was actually a magic snail that has the face of a horse and the knees of a sheep. Stop pumping Henry, the carpenter is about to juggle some dictionaries! My carpets are dirty I need to clean them soon I shouldn't have purchased a pelican I should have bought a vacuum. I need to lift some onions I need to move some bronze I must prepare a ransom note I am going to Kidnap the Fonze I must invent some languages That use stances instead of sound I will then have no use for my tongue I will bury it in the ground A fox has stretched my face I was being quite crass and rude I was gesticulating quite loudly And all my budgies were nude. |
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Glitch from New Zealand on 2001-05-04 17:57 [#00005658] | |||||||||
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The Number 7...or The # VII... or neveS .oN ehT ...ANYWAY... Dont get me started on the number seven, which is by far the most evil of numbers. If I can be permitted I will go back in time a few hours, to 7 o'clock to be exact. It was at this ill fated time that my Grandparents felt was appropriate to drop in and say hello, bringing with them my decrepit aging and rotting Great Grandmother, who as I can rightly remember thought it lovely to give me fifty cents for my ""7th"" birthday, an error on her part; anyway, here they were, these strange old people milling about my house, and of course they brought with them the old person smell, which I have on good authority is a perservative named no other than "ad nausem no.7" Well after I fed these historic reptiles their customary cake and coffee (mmm coffee) I coaxed them out of the house with subtle words and set about cleaning the old person smell out with great doses of ventolin and flim. [skip back to present time] Now I have noticed a direct correlation between the no.7 and plane crashes, it apears that science can back me up with solid proof on this anomally, every seventh day "sunday" there is a flux in the magnetic fields of earth due to shifting tectonic plates and the filtered particles of the sun which have passed through the ozone, all these factors come together to cause the air to thin out at higher altitudes, thusly the planes lack momentum and can not maintain height and crash in the middle of their journey. The number Seven has also been found responsible for the following incidents= 1. the great wall of china 2. the fall of a certain communist leader 3. the rise in sitcom popularity 4. dogs chasing cars 5. me pissing in the toilet while people paid to watch and take pictures 6. the artist formerly known as prince showing up in the english comedy "Big Train" 7. Satan losing the war against God |
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Glitch from New Zealand on 2001-05-05 10:23 [#00005699] | |||||||||
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READ IT !!! (spoken in the voice of homer simpson) |
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hevquip from a house made of pasta on 2001-05-07 00:38 [#00005794] | |||||||||
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it is unfortunate that you have not used centerpieces as a topic. you have not mentioned what the prize for the contest is either. how i hope it is a bucket. my centerpiece is an antelope. often i find myself in a dialog with my centerpiece on the versitility on pronounciation of the word "canepas". i believe canepas are a food, preferably spanish, and believe the word to be pronouned "ka nay pas". my centerpiece disagrees and says it is in fact "cana paws". often i end the dialog early by purchasing as many grommets in the time it would take new kids on the block to say the word "pagliani" while teaching ferrets to dance upon an open air fish market. then i bathe in a carton of socks that were once worn by a persian king named hoy roy. i always must be sure to bed myself early so that i can wake up at 6:38 or by the time i have purchased toast so that i may shout at more than 47 decibels, but less than 23974.348 so as not to accidently wake up the butcher i purchase my venison and alphabromides from and greet a james dean imposter wearing knickers |
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©Human on 2001-05-07 02:20 [#00005802] | |||||||||
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Rob, did you get an assignment to do and run out of time? |
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Rob Fragilenine from Australia on 2001-05-08 01:22 [#00005854] | |||||||||
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I'd have to say wizard's teeth would be the winner here, and no, i didn't have an assignment, i just wanted to see how twisted everyone on this mb is... |
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Rob Fragilenine from Australia on 2001-05-08 01:28 [#00005855] | |||||||||
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the prize that WT will receive is a lovely bucket full of cow cud, with a side order of mayonnaise topped with some acid jam (which is personally my favourite), worth $33.33333333 and not available in the shops... thanx to all people who entered. |
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snufkin from auckland new zealand on 2001-05-08 08:23 [#00005875] | |||||||||
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oh..... i'm so slow.... but please read my year 12 speech if you can...... entitled: The Onion King. I was looking around on the internet one time, as you do and I remembered I had to find a speech. So off I went looking for speech topics. Mistake number one. Don't type in the word speech in a search engine. It started off all "nice and happy" with topics such as "Has political correctness gone too far?", "Why Jesus?" and "Are friendships between men different from those between women?" but, to my horror, the internet turned against me, and I was being offered topics like "How to be a good Transvestite", the puberty rites of primitive societies and "How to rape a shellfish when it's still alive". Now, this isn't the kind of speech I could perform to people like you, because I'm sure that they wouldn't enhance your ability to become what you have come to believe is an essentially better human being. That's right, this speech is on the very essence that makes cell-phones rings, the ultimate weapon in mate hunting. Ok, maybe I'm over reacting a little, as I did manage to download most of this speech AND I somehow became an honorary member of Dick's galore. I actually copied it of a friend called Jon who, who managed to download it and become an honorary member of Buns and Thighs. But seriously, I have a speech to perform or a computer to attend to. (Pause) Now, this might sound a little strange, (it looks perfectly fine) but in my childhood, I was a big fan of the Cabbage Patch queen, the bitch from the ditch. Cabbage Patch queen, you ponder? Well, the story/speech goes a little like this. One day, a pretty little Japanese girl named Shoko, who had a fetish for body piecing and a banana behind her left ear, was scoffing down a meat sculpture, courtesy of universal beef, whilst trying to dry her nail polish. Just another ordinary day in the life of her best friend that she was extremely jealous of for being so extreme. But no, today, WAS diffferent. This was the day that the first sign of the international noodle crisis reared its slimy head. Later that very day our little miss Shoko, just like an ordinarily beautiful two headed, three faced Japanese karate expert, went out to buy some noodles from the local chips and curry. BuT!, to her horror, she was informed that, due to an unusually severe breakout of leprosy among the Chinese parliament, the citizens had finally started a capitalist takeover of China, and she was to be charged "two hundred and forty seven dollar for curry noodle". Now, I'm sure you can imagine how poor Shoko felt after spending two hundred and forty seven dollars on what appeared to be some very plain curry flavored noodles. When Shoko got mad, Shoko got mad, and when Shoko got mad she called on her longtime lover and yoga instructor and bicycle repairman, all in one tight package for only 3 ease payments, for help. "Kore wa baishikuru ripeaman no shigoto desu", she said quietly to herself, but due to bicycle repairman's latest bout of scrotum tumors, Cabbage Scratch Queen, was next in line for her shot at hunky dory glory. From humble beginnings as the face of Loreal, the soon to be Queen sardine saw her chance, when a poor as pie Hungarian shyster found an opportunity to make some easy peasy money. He went out and purchased the Chinese brave slave labour factory that mass produced those little white pieces of paper with jokes on that come inside Christmas crackers. Within hours all of China had been in uproar that a Hungarian had invested in a Chinese specialty, the completely unfunny joke (of which it had traded the rights off Germany, in exchange for the funniest accent). But worst of all, the noodle workers had gone on strike. Enter Cabbage bomber Queen. Now this might sound a little stranger but, while in a conference discussing whether or not to invest in the cheaper glue, or more potent leather polish, my Cabbage Queen sardine revealed her true Ph.D identity to the other equally faceless disciples and received a mixed response of nods and idle nose picking. Unfazed, Queen Cab quickly toweled off the excess oil that was dripping from her voluptuous cabbage patch body, threw on a bathrobe, and in true super hero style jumped on her broom, and flew off to China. Just another ordinary day you might think, but no, this was the queens big break to do some real superheroing. A few hours later, after a worldwide ride, in china, on an un-named street, the local tobacconist had started the first riot against the communist regime. "We want to sell out to Hungarians" he would yell over and over, "Freedom of fucking speech". This nonsense had to stop. It was time. Queen Cabbage slid off her broom and took to the stage, like bacon to warm milk. "You don't want your country to turn into an over-populated Australia" she screeched over the top of the morning exercise classes being conducted , "you don't want to sell your entire cheap plastic industry, and live like you always have lived, in poverty". Cabbage didn't for a minute, question her persuasiveness even as it quickly occurred to her that everyone, except the tobacconist, was Chinese and didn't speak English. So, after a successful day in china of self-promotion by means of dancing in the street, she acquired 4 different types of cheese and drove home to her Sydney apartment. The interesting part of the story is that a few hours later, the Hungarian shyster sold up and moved back to Hungary due to an argument with the missus and the noodle workers got bored of requesting money for working and went back to work. Yes, its all in the life of the Cabbage. And yes, 2 minutes later the bottom fell out of the noodle industry and the prices went back down to below rock bottom. So now that you know the beginning of the story of how Cabbage Patch Ugly Bitch Queen became Feral Sheryl, captured forever as the rider of my little horny, a cross between a camel(humps on back), a unicorn(sharp humps) and my little pony(a childrens toy). I'm sure you can now appreciate the life you lead much more; and who knows, maybe one day you may be in a situation just like Cabbage and you could burst out of your mold and drive off to china. But remember, beware of good looking Hungarian shysters, and embrace the face of the adventurous and the extreme. Thank you for listening. All my love, Mel. |
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Wizard MAC on 2001-05-08 12:07 [#00005882] | |||||||||
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1. Biscuits 2. Continuing the story of Giuseppi (see the subject 'My go now...') 3. How to... do something 4. Eating cheese 5. Write your own! 6. I don't care! 7. The Number 7 8. Remember me 9. Notify me of future updates 9. Did you notice? 9. Did you? 9. The number 9 is here 4 times! 4. I am Rob Fragilenine. 9370. IZ-US a part of this? 8680. To Pure A Weakling Child. -1. Negative Alpha Index |
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Wizard MaC from Amersfoort on 2001-05-08 12:15 [#00005883] | |||||||||
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What the?!?! I'm sure I've done something wrong.... (I pressed ENTER.....) but here's my real story: I've got a song, called "Children Eating (And Rating) Cheese, and it has got Aphex-like drill-beats and a "childish", happy melody. A bit like Donkey Rhubarb. Eating cheese is a very interesting subject, because there are a lot of things you can do with cheese. For example, you can put an Aphex record on and eat cheese, but you can also eat an Aphex record and put cheese in your CD-player. Never done it myself, but I think it would be a cheesy experience. Does anyone knows if Aphex likes cheese? |
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Wizard MaC from Amersfoort on 2001-05-08 12:53 [#00005885] | |||||||||
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My stories in Dutch are a lot better than my stories in english, so here's one for the dutch people around here................. Gisteravond rolde er een rol biscuit door m'n brievenbus. De rol bleek afkomstig van een geilige beer die zojuist met een AFX-parasol wegvloog op een bakfiets. De waterval kwam tot stilstand en zodoende pakte ik de biscuit-rol en flikkerde deze in de wasbak. Onterecht, bleek later....de beer was namelijk een grote fan van AFX. Toen ik even later de daken van Chinatown betrad terwijl ik naar een song van AFx luisterde sprong er tot mijn ontstelling een man met groene armen in de menigte. De menigte sprong uiteen in blauw en bruin en evenlater belandde ik weer in m'n achtertuin met de rol biscuit in m'n handen... De AFX-song had z'n werk gedaan, bleek later in de bus. |
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M on 2001-05-08 18:16 [#00005902] | |||||||||
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I lay in a mountain of used tires, wounded and bleeding in my own vomit. After that I threw up in my own blood. The only currency I had were some tropical bird feathers. I lacked a rasberry doughnut, in fact, there was to be no doughnut of any flavor to partake on the journey through my digestive system that day. I had let down the dung beetles who were hoping for me to convert a nice edible substance from them. I purposely don't recycle my cans anymore, on the theory that it would only serve to delay our planets doom. My new mission was to destroy our planet. Let it suffer no longer. Though a lifeform in it's own right, a giant mass of organized energy, it hasn't evolved to feel pain. Yet it's pain is sucked directly through a perpendicular nexus and into my head. Which explains why I lie here in my blood and vomit. I struggled away from my seudo-grave, continuing to leave a trail of my own vomit and blood. My self destructive mission was to begin. I attempted to purchase a boat with my feather currency but when the merchant saw my face he fled in terror, leaving the boat for me. I first goal in destroying the earth was to continue destroying the interconnection of living things, starting only where my species left off. Rats and pigs and diseases had already been taken from their natural habitat and sent to others with massive ecological devastation. I would continue this. I gathered nile crocodile eggs and breeded them with lions, and let them loose all over nothern america. I went to hawaii and killed the rest of the endangered species. I gathered insects on one continent and let them loose on another. The native inhabitants had no natural way to deal with the invaders. I continued this untill the entire world was as ecologically destroyed as our cities. With every attack the earth and I felt stabs of pain through our perpendicular nexus that we shared. We were purposely killing ourselves so as not to suffer anymore. Life being what it is, the carnivorous fed on the others. Life eating life is the shadowed echo of god eating itself. We were to put a stop to this world ruled by this demon, creating self replicating life to constantly eat other life. The massive ecological damage inflicted by me eventually succeeded. I lay dying on top of my earthen companion who was dying too. |
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TekN010G from Australia on 2001-05-09 00:19 [#00005934] | |||||||||
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conflicting values,... Ideas for movie/story writing,.. Scary movies are often not scary,.. formulaes for movies have been done to death and we have been desensitised,.. but I think what is missing nowadays is the conflictions of complete opposites,.. I'll give an example,.. Evil Characters in movies are always ugly,.. have a mean look on their face, and are generally mean people, for once I'd like to see a "bad" guy that is nicer than the good guy,.. "the crow" got this right,.. but their were too many redeeming parts (eg. him getting revenge) for it to work,.. it was just too happy,... so here's my idea for a whacked scary movie The main character is always happy,.. but everyone around him suffers misserably,.. the more he tries to help the more they get hurt,.. the central character is always happy though despite the grim surroundings, the movie ends when the central character dies of old age,.. that's it,.. Critics would be walking out just because of disgust,.. underage kids would be sneaking into the cinema's by the truckloads,.. and all of a sudden stanley kubric movies would seem kinda "nice".hehehehehehe.... other scary effects pure black next to pure white,.. (actually impossible to acheive in real life) a cut up carved up pretty young fem, that is barely alive,.. smiling I would like to see movies with things this disturbed in it,.. I myself am not a psycho but I like to see movies done by pschoes :-=) |
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M on 2001-05-09 20:22 [#00006000] | |||||||||
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I've basically rejected my species so my favorite movies are ones without ANY people in them. People can't act anymore, the special effects look good but aren't used right. The whole movie should be special effects and can the actors. (ex. "the mummy") The only good actor I can think of is paul newman in "cool hand luke". Otherwise I like "the neverending story", "the dark crystal". |
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Rob Fragilenine from Australia on 2001-05-10 01:09 [#00006024] | |||||||||
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Thanks to everyone for writing these stories. Keep them coming.. |
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TekN010G from Australia on 2001-05-10 06:39 [#00006055] | |||||||||
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I can't wait to see the final fantasy movie,.. completely CG!!!!!! |
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Rob Fragilenine from Australia on 2001-05-10 06:47 [#00006057] | |||||||||
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yeah the FF movie sounds good, it seems that the only storyline it could possibly reproduce would be 8, because 7 is a bit too sci-fi, and 9 is just nonsense... |
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TekN010G from Australia on 2001-05-10 07:16 [#00006065] | |||||||||
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I think that it'll have it's own independent storyline,... and FF9 isn't nonsense,.. It's just FF back to what it was like before technology was added (FF7) and despite the character designs from the 80's the game f*uking rocks |
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M on 2001-05-10 07:23 [#00006069] | |||||||||
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I havn't been playing these on my super nes, because they're priced at 40-70$ each on ebay. I suppose your talking about the playstation ones though. I doubt they'd make a movie out of a dated 16 bit console game. I'll get the secret of mana one of these days. I know final fantasy adventure for gameboy was great. I did however get final fantasy mystic quest and it seems pointlessly easy, I see why it was only 12 bucks. |
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hevquip from a crabs carriage on 2001-05-10 20:17 [#00006117] | |||||||||
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the ff movie looks good, but the game is such a con. release the same game, different characters, tweak the plot. the ff series is outdated rubbish. |
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