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 Now online (2)big dariusgriffin ...and 615 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614123 Today 2 Topics 127542 |
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how much do you tell your significant other? when you go out to strip clubs, do you say so? Do you want to know everyone she talks to? Are you jealous when you aren't included in every little plan? --------- If any of this weirds you out, do you bottle it up, or share it in hopes that you can get over the fear? How much do you share????? |
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I tell my pillow everything. |
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i wouldnt go to stip clubs in the first place and I wouldnt go to strip clubs, esp if I have a woman of my own... why go stare at other women, when you can make sweet sweet love with your honey? |
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Especially when you are biting down on it. |
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and if your pillow was a person, would you still reveal what you feel? |
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hahaha he walked into that one! |
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i tell this mb everything |
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ok, your girl is 100% against drinking, but you love her, but you drink when do you hide it? when do you tell her to get over her fears? what do you say? doesn't hiding things open doors? Doesn't having no secrets make it all boring???? |
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hmmmm if it was once... i think id not tell her... but if it was something that happened more then a few times... id tell her |
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Just tell her you don't expect her to drink if she doesn;t want to, but every so often you are gonna get slaughted and piss yourself in your sleep. You should never have to change who you are to be with someone else, it just doesn't make sense and shit won't work out in the long term. |
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and if you hid it? would it hurt the relationship? would it just hurt you? how much do you tell? what CAN you hide? can you love AND hide? can you love and be alright with things you fear? is it better to now know and love something you never understand? |
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no, I could never hide it guilt would drive me mad im a very open person with my family and friends... I cant lie to them |
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lol, stop getting so deep. It is best to hide infidelity everything else just tell her. |
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agreed. make very few compromises. |
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would I then have to change for her? if she hates it, I should stop if I love her? or is that giving in? Shouldn't we compromise? does she need to know if I get pissed every once in a while? what's the difference. Can I still love and avoid the issue? What if she knows I'm avoiding it? --------- how much do you tell someone when you two think you are in love? what if those things you should tell hurt??? |
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so then she is unreasonable to demand I stop drinking? Can we disagree about something and still love? Should I love enough to stop something that hurts her? Why does it hurt her? |
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give it up if it means very little to you if not, then you need someone that will accept you for you |
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it could be a number of things... maybe there were alchoalics in her family... and it scares the shit out of her... just seeing you drink even alittle |
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and if she loves everything about me but that? should I man up and compromise? Isn't it inevitable that sometimes agreeing to disagree isn't enough? Someone needs to give a little? |
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So every social thing you go to together in the future you're not going to be able to drink? Come off it...you will end up resenting her. Why should you have to be the one to make the compromise...if you tell her you drink then you are not asing her to do anything unreasonable, just request your wishes. If you stop drinking you are having to give something up and you will end up resenting her for it. If you are really in love you shouldn't have any secrets at all. I can tell my girlfriend everything, I don't judge her and she doesn't judge me. Now you should just roll a fat one, sit back and chill. :D |
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so then her point is valid, and if I feel like I do love, I need to sensitive. Love should conquer some of my less admirable actions then? |
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Unless she is against weed as well as drinking, which she probably would be. |
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is this actually about booze... or is this a metaphore? do you have something specific in mind, or is this just in general? I could give you much better answers if you specify |
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but at what price love? If I lose love forever becuase I can't not drink, is that worse than having love but resenting her control over me? At what point isn't it worth it? Does love conquer everything, or are there too many other people out there that might just accept me for me? do I take that risk, all cuz I can't give up a bit of drinking?? |
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like i said... is it THAT important to you? |
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zues, you are very perceptive. The roles are reversed, she drinks and I can't handle it. For the same reasons you mentioned, alcoholic family member, drunk driver killed members of family etc...... |
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so i'd like to tell that i've been posting for 6 hours straight, besides lying in bed two times for 5 minutes, and it now is almost 6am |
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I vowed to never ever date someone who drank, but I fell in love with someone who does often enough to hurt a lot. |
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o sorry, i didnt know we were really talking about something, im tired, sorry |
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i have told her this, so now to compensate she hides it from me, and I know it. Is it worse to bottle it up, and think the worst of her? |
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well, seems like you have some fear from that incident with the drunk driver... but you have to realize that not everyone who gets drunk is going to do that... and you have to try and trust her I think, trust that's she's fairly responsible with her drinking... have you talked to her about this? Have you told her what happened in the past? If not, you should anyways... |
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Then you are sneeky :P ...and as you can see from my comments above it is you who needs to be a bit more sensible about the situation. If she drinks, and it is purely social then there is nothing to worry about, you shouldn't expect her to change just because of your view point however valid it may seem to you. It is worrying to see that you seem to think (this is the impression I am getting) that if she fails to quit drinking she somehow doesn't love you. That is a dangerous path to go down. If you don't think you can accept her for what she is then you should call the whole thing off now. |
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she basically knows, but how much do I say? I think I need a balance. How many times can I let it hurt me? Can love conquer pain? Am I not in love and just using this as a cover for pain I won't confront? ------------ How much do you tell someone? If you love, I assume you have to tell everything? |
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oh, you have told her... well I guess if you absolutely cannot handle her drinking, and she will not stop drinking, then I guess it ain't going to work... and if you say to yourself you'll try and deal with her drinking, but you still aren't ok with it, then you know it ain't working... just listen to your heart... but like I said, you also have to realize that not everyone is like that drunk driver... trust that she's responsible... |
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so I should bail out of something I think could last forever on one thing? do I just need counselling! Why could one little thing derail something beautiful though? Is it her fault or mine? If mine, why can't she accept me and give up somethign for me (i'd give up strip clubs if I went all the time and it made her nervous.....etc) |
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"It is worrying to see that you seem to think (this is the impression I am getting) that if she fails to quit drinking she somehow doesn't love you. That is a dangerous path to go down. If you don't think you can accept her for what she is then you should call the whole thing off now. " agreed I do think you need to let her make her own mind up about this... when you say she drinks enough to make it hurt... could you please specify? |
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you are dead on Funk, that is exactly what I am trying to do. It feels like it isn't working, but I don't want to believe that. Everytime I think I have it dealt with, it creeps up, she kinda goes around it in coversation, and then I know, and then it hurts. am I stupid to keep trying? |
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I personally think you should tell her everything... how it bothers you, and why... let her know exactly how you feel, so it doesn't seem weird or anything like how you might act or anything... it's a valid fear I think... God knows I'd feel the same way if someone I knew was killed by a drunk driver... so I think you should tell her... explain your side, and let her explain hers I guess... like ecnadniarb said, you can't expect her to change... but maybe if you two talked it out you might feel better about things... |
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everytime is enough. You don't know the pain alcohol has caused me. I'm not a blanket person to say all people who drink are bad, but I have a hard time getting close to people who do. twice a month still hurts. |
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agreed |
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ok, but in what quantity? are we talking like, having a glass of wine... or getting buzzed, or getting shitfaced? |
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drunk, not super sloppy, but officially drunk I'd say. |
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does she drink around you? |
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I have to admit I'd have enough problem with one beer. It's me, I know, I have the problem, but is it too weird to think someone will change for me? Do I need to only date girls who don't touch alcohol? Do I need to grow up and get over it, face reality. How much do I take? |
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she has, and I was like.........OK!!!! no fun here, and I left. |
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I think maybe I should have just bailed out a while ago, before getting so attached, and then this wouldn't a prblem huh? but then I would have missed this love...........fuck me |
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well man, if you two really are in love I think it'd be a shame to end it because she drinks every once in a while... as you've said, it's not like she's a raging alcoholic, so you should try and deal with it I think... like don't go with her when she goes drinking... do something with other friends... stuff like that... maybe let her know that you're uncomfortable around her when she's drinking, but you also have to be understanding and let her drink I think... if she wants to... if you both love each other you should be willing to make those compromises... that she'll maybe not drink around you, or at least not get drunk, and that you'll try and be understanding to her drinking, as much as you can be... |
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don't fail me now!!! dear god please send the S.O.S.!!! we're gunna go down! |
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and if I am not willing to so bend, I can assume this might not be as stong a bond between us as I thought or hoped? |
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it would still bother you if she never touched a drink around you at all, and only drank when you weren't around? |
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