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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:03 [#00840781]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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i feel like shit. i don't know if i'm depressed or what, but i seem to hate just about everyone. and not in some fucked up nazi/supremist way, i just don't like anyone i don't know. i always feel alone, even though i have an amazing fiancee, and a brother who is my best friend.
i'm not sure, but maybe it's a fear, because i really just don't like people i don't know. like, if i see someone driving, my mind automatically says, "fuck you, dick!" even though i don't really want to say that.
on top of that, even with my anger towards almost everyone, i'm too nice. i can't seem to stand up for myself as well as i would like to, and even if i think about defending myself, i think i might come off as a dick. and i don't necessarily want to be one, but i wish i could just make myself heard more.
possibly this is a self-esteem problem, but since i was 17 i've felt much more confidence in myself. but now i'm 20, and it feels like i haven't done anything important in 3 years. someone please tell me you've been through this!!
what the fuck is wrong with me?????
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nacmat
on 2003-08-28 19:06 [#00840786]
Points: 31271 Status: Lurker
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I am now through this.
dont give up
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:07 [#00840789]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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thank you nacho (now i feel as if i'm invading your private space because i know your name. well, mine's mike. nice to meet you.)
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mappatazee
from ¨y¨z¨| (Burkina Faso) on 2003-08-28 19:08 [#00840792]
Points: 14294 Status: Lurker
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i suggest taking up some heavy drugs. heroin maybe?
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nacmat
on 2003-08-28 19:09 [#00840794]
Points: 31271 Status: Lurker | Followup to forck_02lynix: #00840789
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mike, try to get your selfconfidence back. believe in yourself, cos if you dont, nobody will
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:13 [#00840798]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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thanks, it's not that i don't believe in myself though, i think i just might need to get out more, live a little more.
and now i'm just contradicting myself. first post of this thread: "i hate just about everyone"
last post of the "what is good" thread": "i agree, love is good."
that's another thing, i'm such a contradiction, everything i do just doesn't make sense.
like this, watch: now i feel better, because i've written out my problems. it's like there's a feeling of hope in my chest. i truely am fucked up.
and it's times like this that i start thinking i could have some kind of mental disorder, possibly bipolar, because one minute i'm low and the next i'm crackin jokes about heavy drugs. hehe, crack.
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nacmat
on 2003-08-28 19:16 [#00840800]
Points: 31271 Status: Lurker
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hating everyone shows you have a problem with your self steem... why?
is everybody against you? NO the why do you hate everybody? cos they always bother you is it possible that everybody bothers you? NO. then? then its just that you are not happy with yourself, try to find out what is it that doesnt let you be happy about yourself
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nacmat
on 2003-08-28 19:18 [#00840803]
Points: 31271 Status: Lurker
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sorry if I am not being of help.
I hope you get through it
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:22 [#00840807]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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no you definately are helping, and that definately is a problem. i find myself thinking that everyone is judging me, so that sure would be a sign of low self esteem. i mean, i know they're not, and i always catch myself when i feel like that. but it's something that just doesn't seem to want to go away. like some looming shadow from my past, always making me feel insecure and belittled.
but this is helping, thank you very much. you saved me hundreds of dollars in doctor bills!
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Morton
from out (Netherlands, The) on 2003-08-28 19:24 [#00840808]
Points: 10000 Status: Addict
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i'd try to look differently at people in general, that's easier said than done i know, and i don't want to sound like a fucking hippie or something, but most people are really nice and friendly, try to keep that in mind.
somehow it's different in traffic though, i kinda feel the same thing as you do, i in a way 'hate' everyone around too then. i don't know what/why this is...
and as nacho said (btw nacho i'm daan :) ) you should get some more self confidence, just say what you think at times, people won't react on it in a strange way, most of the time they'll appreciate or at least respect your opinion.
hope you'll do well soon dude
mappatazee: it's better to post nothing that post shit
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:27 [#00840810]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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thanks to you moron. i'm absolutely sure i'm not the only one who feels this way. and i always say i will speak my mind more, but i hesitate, and i'm squashed. i need to be more forthcoming, more focused in my decisions, and much more honest.
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Morton
from out (Netherlands, The) on 2003-08-28 19:28 [#00840811]
Points: 10000 Status: Addict | Followup to forck_02lynix: #00840810
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moron? :O
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:29 [#00840813]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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hah! i forgot the "t". sorry! :D total typo!
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Morton
from out (Netherlands, The) on 2003-08-28 19:31 [#00840816]
Points: 10000 Status: Addict | Followup to forck_02lynix: #00840813
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haha s'ok dude :) fortunately you didn't do it on purpose. some do :\
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forck_02lynix
from brooklyn on 2003-08-28 19:35 [#00840819]
Points: 4000 Status: Regular
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yeah that's no good. i have no real qualms with anyone. it's just in my head.
really, thanks again for the help guys, i do feel better for the moment, and i'll try to keep yer recommendations in mind when it comes again.
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plaidzebra
from so long, xlt on 2003-08-28 20:44 [#00840852]
Points: 5678 Status: Lurker
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perhaps some research into the nature of beliefs and how you use them to shape your reality is in order. you are afraid of being judged because you do not recognize your own essential validity and worth as an individual. a common malady in the west. the most important choice that you can make is to ask for help. you are still very young and you'll need some time to understand who you really are. be assured that help is all around you, maybe not in the form that you expect or recognize. if you learn to recognize your own essential validity, you will gradually lose the fear of being judged, and you will gradually lose the compulsion to judge your fellow humans. you've managed to develop strategies to overcome your lack of confidence, but they are superficial and temporary solutions. spend some time and write down everything you can think of that you believe. be honest, and take your time. of course, most important is what you believe about yourself. then consider the list, and ask yourself, where did these beliefs come from? why have i accepted beliefs towards myself that are negative? how do these beliefs limit and constrain my personal growth?
know now, you can change your beliefs. you can learn of the source of your essential validity and worth, and realize that you have never been contained, except you made the prison.
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Oddioblender
from Fort Worth, TX (United States) on 2003-08-28 21:11 [#00840889]
Points: 9601 Status: Lurker | Followup to forck_02lynix: #00840781
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story of my life man - i can totally relate. but always remember whenever you're depressed, that the man who walked in the desert without shoes complained until he met the man with no feet.
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