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 Now online (2)big dariusgriffin ...and 382 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614116 Today 2 Topics 127542 |
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I actually found that link to the site that I gave to be more disturbing than sites like rotten.com or ogrish.com. Sick 'n twisted, but no animation |
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An MB is better than anything around me. Why does the world keep getting more hostile every minute even though I stopped interacting with it months ago? WHY ME?! Dammit. |
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the worlds going down..... we cant do anything :-( my dad keeps telling me what it was like in the 60s+70s... it seemed much better. oh well, i honestly dont know. |
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I think things are just fine. You just have to find things that you love... instead of giving up and feeling sorry for yourself. |
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i have had the drressing gown tie arround my thrroat beforre rready to do it, rready to just do it, end it fuck it who carres... if i was hanging i know i would change my mind, its a good position to be in, to know its in yourr hands to know you arre on yourr time everryone is beating to the sound of yourr drrum. wrriting notes is kinda the same, you werre therre, but you chose to come back and you can chose to go again, you arre in contrrol. |
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Thanks sis. I planned my suicide a thousand times, and the world's exponential downhill became obvious for me about a ten years ago... I need to find someone fast. Or I get in trouble with myself :O |
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I don't feel sorry, I just feel shitty. And I love a lot of things, but there are no people among them :( |
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it is fucked up, thats my shit and its fucked up, i don't like the "culturre" |
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Suicide is no way of solvin problems yo? |
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it kinda is |
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lux: in answer to the question 'why me'? there is no reason. don't blame yourself or anybody else. it just happens and all you can do is try and get over it. the way i have answered that question to myself is this: is there a question of "why me?" if you had your leg severed in a car accident? no. it was just an accident. it happened. depression too just happens. i don't want to sound like some sort of a guru, because a lot of time i'm full of shit, but you might want to see the the last two posts i've made on the messageboard on this topic: oh yeah. being pissed off and expressing your anger in whichever way does help. venting out is good for the soul! =) "a city of fools! i wanna bash whoever's responsible for this incomprehensible lack of passion. the suckers' been seduced down to the stick. and the peasants fill their bellies with the poison you omit. i've come to separate the heads and shoulders of these tracing paper soldiers that have been designated to take it over. i'ma roll a couple boulders off the cliff on the road below - look out below 'cause i don't know what i'ma hit. (...) head splitting tears, cement breaking Leaping for these people walking in their sleep My talk is not as cheap And my thoughts are not as deep As the day I woke up to discover I lost my sheep" ATMOSPHERE / 'tears for the sheep' / from 'lucy ford - the atmosphere eps' / |
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Yeah i didn't really ask WHY ME, it's more of an emotion. But you're wrong at one thing. There ARE people responsible for my suffering. And they are everyone but me. I'll pay them back. ALL BACK... Hello world, prepare to die. Not really. I don't feel anger, I can't feel any anger anymore. I'm a bag of tears. No self-regret anymore. Just silent despair. A 'meow' that makes no noise. |
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Have you considered drinking your own pee? |
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More of "nothing more anymore". No more stuff inside me anymore. |
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"And they are everyone but me" same herre, i'm rreally fucking angrry at everrone, btw i know "you" diden't mean that. btw everrything i said is betterr |
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suicide is an act of ultimate selfishness. sure, i've hated every single fucking human being on the planet at the worst of my depression, but think (if you can) about those you would be leaving behind and how they would feel about the choice you made - your mother, father, siblings. in depression it really does seem like no one cares about you and no one can help you no matter how hard they try, but it really clouds your vision. it's like trying to see life through a thick fog - it hardly seems to be there. once the fog lifts, it doesn't seem so shitty. so in short: suicide doesn't solve any problems. it only makes problems for other people - those closest to you, those who you know. don't do it. i still can't relate to 99% of humankind, and sure, it would be helpful if i had a girlfriend, etc. but at least i have my music, my art, books and whatever else helps me get through the day. doing something creative really does a lot to "unfuck" you. drawing, writing, making music - whatever. doing some volunteer work once you feel up to it - it makes a world of difference. |
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No pee drinkin anymore |
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people arre selfish, expecting you to live yourr whole life with deprression |
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I don't hate people. No anger. No fury. A bag of fishheads. |
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You should drink lots of female pee. It's full of estrogen, and then you could grow a nice pair of knockers to play with. Take your mind out of that Baudelaire mindset, I gua-ran-tee! |
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what was with yourr fucking thrread then if you'rre such a little lovie dovie happy to be alive kinda guy? |
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yeah, no doubt there's someone responsible for your suffering, even if indirectly, or at the very least, they're (intentionally or not) making your condition worse. i got into this shit because a girlfriend of mine whom i have dated for 2 years and was head over heels in love with decided to dump me for wanting a "broader sampling of males". everything in me completely gave out and it's taken me three years to get back to where i was before all hell broke loose. BUT guess what! here's what my ex who so savagely broke my heart and fucked me over wrote to me not all too while ago: "Just wanted to let you know that this fall I went through the same experience that you had with me. My boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me, entirely against my will. I guess you could say I had that one coming! What goes around comes around. :) I understand a lot of what you went through better than before now." so yeah, it's just let time do the damage to those who have hurt you. believe me, my ex couldn't have said it better: what goes around, comes around. |
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Whoops, I think he's dead. :: pokes corpse with stick :: |
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"suicide is an act of ultimate selfishness." is that bad? I don't think so. ultimately it is your existance and if you don't want it, it is your choice to end it. |
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life has always a surprise... just look for it |
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I've thought about death so many times. There is too much I have to do before I leave. Toodles! |
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i agree. |
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if you are depressed for no reason you should see a dr. but there is a reason for everything...and your depressed about something you don't want to talk about/admit...so you should see a doctor for that too... no need to waste you life over something stupid while you have health |
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but people will commit suicide because they feel depressed for a period, but if they just decided to live, and tried to find a way past the depression, they could live great, happy lives... the suicide probably meant they missed a lot of good stuff... |
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you know all those fortune cookies you've eaten? keep those fortunes! |
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i've not read all of this thread, so if someone has already addressed this, forgive me. first, don't assume a passive stance on this. yes, it is common to feel depressed for no reason, but it is not necessary. do not feel guilty or attack yourself for feeling this way, but you must accept responsibility for the way you feel. do not hesitate for a moment to believe that you can be helped. decide that you will activate to develop a solution. you will need patience. then, and these are very important, though their importance varies from individual to individual, exercise vigorously everyday. you must do this, go for a long walk, bike ride, jog. adopt a regular sleep cycle, and stick to it. even on weekends, you must discipline yourself, so identify this effort as part of your refusal to be passive. you may find this very difficult, but you must do it. next, look at the foods you eat. keep a log, if you can. do certain foods seemed linked to certain mind states? perhaps you have a mild allergy, potentially to foods prone to mold contamination. you may be developing a sensitivity to caffeine, be wary of chocolate. be wary of becoming obsessed with your food. people are generally very flexible in what kinds of food they can tolerate, but it's possible that a sensitivity may contribute. again, each individual is different. are you taking speed, or amphetamines, or regularly drinking to intoxication? you must stop. lastly, |
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and this is the most important, you need to discipline yourself to be able to examine your beliefs. think of your state of mind as a feedback system for manifesting your beliefs. what you believe will shape your emotional experience. it is very important to be honest with yourself. you might start by making a list of your beliefs. sit quietly, and feel your emotional state as you might listen to music. try and objectify the feeling, and see it as something that is with you, rather than something that defines or controls you. think of your emotion as a butterfly that has flown into the room, and watch it. ask yourself, what beliefs are linked to this state of mind? i don't want to suggest any particular beliefs that you might hold, but it's instructive to consider the experience of other people. it is very common for individuals, for example, to secretly nurse the belief that they are worthless, invalid, useless. some individuals create beliefs in which they feel they are responsible for some problem or conflict, and then nurse a burden of guilt, feeling shame. they may use a variety of strategies to ameliorate these feelings, but they are all temporary. the individual must choose to make changes, and possesses the power to do so. |
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if you have a strong faith in conventional medicine, you might try an antidepressant. my concern is that you may be silencing an important feedback, and that you may live on borrowed time without resolving the conflicts that may be at the root of your depression. whatever you do, i urge you to not be passive on this. you must take action on your behalf. you must decide that you deserve to be free of this burden. very few can live completely free of conflict, but you can lighten your load considerably if you assert yourself. for what it's worth, i hope that this is helpful. i wish you the best. |
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i've not read all of this thread, so if someone has already addressed this, forgive me. first, don't assume a passive stance on this. yes, it is common to feel depressed for no reason, but it is not necessary. do not feel guilty or attack yourself for feeling this way, but you must accept responsibility for the way you feel. do not hesitate for a moment to believe that you can be helped. decide that you will activate to develop a solution. you will need patience. then, and these are very important, though their importance varies from individual to individual, exercise vigorously everyday. you must do this, go for a long walk, bike ride, jog. adopt a regular sleep cycle, and stick to it. even on weekends, you must discipline yourself, so identify this effort as part of your refusal to be passive. you may find this very difficult, but you must do it. next, look at the foods you eat. keep a log, if you can. do certain foods seemed linked to certain mind states? perhaps you have a mild allergy, potentially to foods prone to mold contamination. you may be developing a sensitivity to caffeine, be wary of chocolate. be wary of becoming obsessed with your food. people are generally very flexible in what kinds of food they can tolerate, but it's possible that a sensitivity may contribute. again, each individual is different. are you taking speed, or amphetamines, or regularly drinking to intoxication? you must stop. lastly, |
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when i want to die i ride my bike around downtown really fast. it is kind of risky, but it gives me a rush and makes me feel real and burns off a lot of steam. |
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Thknz everyone And i think reading some of this thread also woke up a very strange long-forgotten feeling... Like when I went to my first exam in elementary school... I think it's gonna help me in some way. Everyone who mentioned drs and drugs: MEDICINE IS EVIL, MKAY? Eating antideps feels like cheating :\ And i think yo all deserve a big liquor cream cake for deliberately cheering me up :) |
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"Thknz everyone" thanks forr what forr wasteing theirr time wrriting huge essays on someone who's not even rreally deprressed just feeling a little blue because its late and therre is nothing good on TV. |
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dont get him started (again...) please... |
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depressed for no reason? i know this state of mind... i'm quite close to it at the moment to tell the truth, though it is not as grievous as to call it depression. maybe melancholy. i still don't know whether it is better to try to ease the pain by catharsis, accompagnying it to make it more bearable and somewhat beautiful (with music for example), or by instead searching the opposite of my current state of mind (with music for example also) (this one is harder)... whether suicide is a solution or not... it depends from what you look at and consider your problem! i don't want to think about it right now... it may be egoistic from me, but i certainly don't want you dead!! =( ...what is this very strange long-forgotten feeling? |
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some tracks that heal me when i'm sad... Björk - Jòga Massive Attack - Teardrop Autechre - VLetrmx21 Peter Gabriel - Red Rain Photek - KJZ. and other tracks, but which heal me because they make me think of persons or remind me good memories... maybe those are the most comforting. try listening to some of the tracks that can cheer you up? |
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crying always helps, also i often try to imagine how id do it. i ask myself these questions: what do i want to achieve before i leave? how long will i try to get it?(in years) what would be the way to leave this place in my style? (without hurting relatives or friends) |
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then i listen to music... drukqs at this very moment. im very surprised that so many in here feel similar and it helps. its not easy to find your place in here... |
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I want, but I can't hate you :( And thanks everyone, your messages really helped. Every single letter. Even yours, Anus. This winter has been the longest one in my life. And winter is a bad thing in my environment... I never wear warm clothes :( Uzim, thanks a lot. You know I love you. And send in some more photos, preferrably uncovered ;) Those songs you mentioned add up to some Seefeel. I curl up in my corner and listen to the ramblings and howls of the insectoid queen deep in the cold dusk forest... |
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