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 (nobody)...and 198 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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So, I'm freaking out over my so-called-girlfriend. I mean I'm getting depressed and goinf mad. It becomes clear that romantic relationships are somehow less important to her than friendships. So I'm thinking, all those intimate moments and she doesn't even consider me to be a friend?! This came out when I asked her about how she feels, after getting wierd distance vibes from her around other people. She justifies it by saying that I am in fact her friend, but the romantic part of our relationship is less important. So then I'm thinking, I guess that means when we're intimate, I'm no longer her friend, rather some sort of sub-friend thing... a thought which makes me feel cold. My question is, can you relate with this type of attitude towards romantic relationships? Cause if so, we need to talk, I need to understand, 'cause this girl just totally backed out on the conversation and I'm left with no answers and questioning whether I can continue this uncomfortable, degrading situation. |
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Sounds to me like you've got a fuck buddy not a girlfriend. That means on some level she's decided you could never be "the one". |
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but we don't fuck, and i don't mean that "we make love," i mean we don't have sex. our intimacy is very "innocent" and emotional, not some cheap getting off. i wonder if she really places these relations beneath her friendships, or if she's just not into me... but she obviously does not want to end our relationship. |
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i'd just like to have a little chat with the goddess someday, find out what's really going on with this mysterious form of human. or what if i were asexual? |
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Oh. In that case maybe she's just bashful. A lot of people are just not comfortable with revealing that they have an affectionate side, especially in front of their friends... it's too icky. |
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she's extremely expressive and extrovert! |
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she's just the kind of girl who is ashamed of showing affection in public. or maybe she's ashamed of you ha |
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*puts on high voice* "Sorry, I'm a blonde. I don't know how to help you!" .....okay, this has ruined your (previously) serious thread. I'm sorry! |
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i don't really think anyone can say what's wrong with her or what she thinks. you really need to talk to her.. but if she wont talk then she's obviously hiding something or doesn't wnat to deal with soemthing you don't know about. |
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if i thought she was ashamed of me, i'd rid of her. i think i'll give up. |
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um, how old are you? really, it's important, sounds like you have a crush on a girl who, at somepoint said, okay, i need a boy friend just for the sake of having a boyfriend... so in that case, forget it, really, this is so typical of girls at this ages, i was "with" like four of them in high school and all it got me was being all depressed and shit cause i thought something was wrong with ME, in that how if i actually gave a shit, (which, is what we believe that the other person wants in a relationship and such) am i not getting any reciprical (sp?) emotions... and if she happens to be older, college age, then she hasn't grown out of it, if she is older than that, then forget for sure.... im not a girl, but i've been called a bitch so there! |
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tell her to tell you what's going on. if she won't then tell her you can't wait around for things to get better, or for everything good to fade away even more. if she doesn't wnat to lose you then she'll open up and tell you what's been wrong. |
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they're all the same you know. hope that helps. |
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i'm 20, she's 19. sophmore, freshman, uni. |
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amazing how depression results from love. sick, actually. |
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i'll do that, and if the conversation goes like the last, i'll just write to her (AGAIN). |
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yeah. it sucks. we're so dependent on the people we love for happiness and being satisfied. i wish i could break away from it but it doesn't seem to be happening.. no matter how hard i try. |
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makes me want to go buddhist sometimes. but i can't be honest myself and hold onto any static dogma |
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Girls are silly, you dont need them. work better |
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:O |
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Hahaha.. Beaut. |
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might buy one of these,if they drop the price a little.no seriously.thank i spilt thet rong |
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something like that happened to me last summer. since then my tongue sticks out an wont come in again or inside her... my hint: dont think just live .b |
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i don't like herr, yourr situation sucks, just get out, shes fucking with you. |
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Judging by your avatar I'd say: "Don't think, just eat pussy" ;) |
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i grew up, led to believe that guys love fucking, are bastards to women, use them and abuse them and when dumped go off and fuck loads of womenthey dont know while girls are all innocent, victims of mens advances and generally holier than fucking thou and when dumped stay at home and cry with their girlfrineds. WRONG! women are fuck-hungry, animalistic and adept at using their scorpion charms to shit on us while men are weak, affectionate seeking jellyfish. FACT ya just gotta learn to use all this to your advantage. (im kind of kidding by the way!!!) |
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jupitah, Sounds to me like you're being too emotional. You need to lighten up and not put too much store on a relationship. Go with the flow. I think the fact that you want to know this or that just makes you look weak. It should be her who is asking 'do you love me and shit' not you. That way you're in control and you don't look weak which subconsciously puts women off. |
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seriously though...... loving something is often as much a reflection of your own self as much as of the recipient. take a little gander at your own emotions, need, desire and wants and you´ll see that she is merely a transient filler-inner at this moment in your life this is tao too! |
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Confuscious say: Your relationship with others is a direct projection of the relationship you have with yourself. |
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Anus_P say: Confuscious gay |
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lol caring too much makes him look weak? |
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keyfumbler... it's funny, i wrote her an email the other day trying to get her to talk about all the shit that is going on under the surface (cause i think the source of my discomfort is lack of communication... i've left the game of secrets, denials, and things unsaid long behind) and i included a "(hehe, am i being "the girl" now?)" and she said she thinks that stereotype is backwards, like you say, and i agree. anus, she is fucking me, but it's not deliberate. we have an interesting clash of psychologies. if she was "playing games" i wouldn't be concerned about her. promo, i know i'm very emotional, but in the face of intense emotion i can either attempt to deny what i feel, which doesn't work and merely brings on depression, or i can go for complete honesty. i couldn't have anything to do with any girl who believed that stregth had something to do with repressed emotion. and of course i went for honesty. i kind of cornered her last night, cause i knew she didn't want to talk serious, but we talked long about absolutely everything there was to talk about, relationships, life and otherwise, and it seemed that she was relieved to have said all that was said. i learned a lot about myself and realized the ways in which this girl has some sort of polar opposite psychology to me, like a reflection of sorts. it's pretty amazing that i ended up meeting this girl, of all girls. i won't go into details, but all is well. thanks for all your words. |
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too true. |
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Hey Jupitah, sorry to hear about your confusing girl story I guess we all go through them ( as I'm going through mine right not;not a girl one though) I'll have to admit I've done the same thing recently, we fucked around never had sex but I didnt want more, its different from your situation cause this guy was merely pussy hungry. Anyway, I think the girl is totally fucking around with your emotions and you should tell her to fuck off cause YOU CAN GET SOMETHING BETTER!. Youre a great guy and you dont need to be some girls escape goat to her sexual needs, kissing is enough for girls as for guys sex is enough. D'oh I just happened to look up and read what you wrote =/ IN GENERAL: BE A MAN! |
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so you think she's using me for my lips?! that's just bizzarre. i dunno, after talkin with her last night i cooled down and i'm not going to give her any more attention than she gives me. i'm not sure how it will play out, but i'm just gonna go with the flow, as i feel it, like somebody here said. |
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Jupitah, you have one confusing and tough love life. Mt advice would be to take a break from this girl for a few days. Play some pool with your buds, don't contact her, don't get pissed, and see how you feel about her in a few days. She's left you very confused, take a break, step back from it all ,and I'm sure you'll ee your true feeling and understand whether shes worth it. Good luck |
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ok dude in response to this dont change, yourself, if you want keep things the same what i mean by this is that if someone changes deliberately as a test then thats the earliest breakup sign. these things stack up just talk, tell her what youve told us, what youre honestly feeling. when it feels right to |
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personally, my BF is my best friend. not only do i enjoy and value the "romantic" side of our relationship, but thf friendship end is great too. i'm not sure why she'd try to seperate the two unless she has been so badly hurt in past reationships that she's purposely creating distance so she doesn't "get hurt". |
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so, we are no longer "together." we hang out sometimes, with other people. went on a bike ride today. but i get ill in the heart if we are alone. life is tough. |
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jupitah, knowing that you're a fellow virgo, you'll forever be "cursed" with wanting romance over a shallow non-emotional "let's be friends" type of attachment. it just comes with the territory. you obviously need to go back and listen to those atmosphere CDs some more! hehe! but yeah, to answer your question: a relationship without a romantic component is not a relationship at all, it is merely sex (with maybe a bit of friendship thrown in for good measure). some people don't seem to mind that. others like us do. i would say (without wanting to ruin anything for you), if you are looking for a long-term relationship with this "so-called" girlfriend of yours, you'd be best advised to keep looking, because she doesn't seem the type who wants anything more than a shag out of this. |
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oh yeah. is your girl a gemini by the by (they're pretty extrovert at times! and yes, they're most amazing in bed, but shite in long-term relationships - they just can't handle commitment - this is all from first-hand experience, mind!)? they're two-faced backstabbing bitches, those evil tiwins (this is not meant to be degrading to all women, just whoever is a backstabber!). and virgos & geminis seem to have a peculiar attraction to one another (hugh grant & elizabeth hurley, michael jackson & brooke shields ... erm. me and my evil ex. hehe!) ... but enough astrology bullshit! (mind you, i'm more about comparisons and patterns than whatever the fuck the horoscope in the paper says. it's more about nature and how it impacts us via our genetic makeup, etc., the personality traits and characteristics which are displayed repeatedly over the course of a person's life depending on the time of their conception, etc.) |
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i always do my best not to take things personally in general. i've found that i've felt less insecure that way. i've never been in a romantic relationship, but if i usually don't complain about how i'm treated unless it's something way out of the ordinary or unnatural. |
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(ignore the 'if') |
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you have to admit, it's getting better it's getting better all the time |
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maybe i need a nice virgo gal :) i forgot when her birthday is, i should really check into that, see if it would shed any light on the situation. we never had sex, but we slept next to each other many times. i think she just wanted a casual makeout partner, but making out in itself is just boring to me if i know the other person isn't at the same level of emotional sensitivity as me... and painful as well. i know i need to relax and lighten up a bit when it comes to relationships, but she is in the exact opposite situation: she could benefit from a slightly more meaningful view of relationships. after a deep philosophical discussion i got out of her once, it started to sound like she was a skeptic of love, as if it was a feeling to be extremely cautious of, not to be trusted, something to be coutered with "rationality." which makes me think, maybe she did feel strongly about me but decided that it wasn't appropriate. |
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jupitah: virgos are well off coupled with a taurus, an aries, a capricorn or (obviously) with one another. i'm trying to work up my nerve to ask out this wicked virgo girl whom i've only met once at her sister's birthday party a few months back, but since then she has parted ways with her (what else?!?) gemini boyfriend, perhaps making room for um. yours truly?!? hehe! anyhow, i need advice on this bad! she's 2 years older than i (i'm 22, she's 24), which is not a problem for me at all (i don't get along with girls of my age or younger at all - they're too emotionally insecure!), but who knows if she won't find the (ever slight) age difference a bad thing?!? also, the only way for me to get in touch with her is through her older sister with whom i work with as a volunteer at a psychosis prevention clinic. would that be tacktful of me to ask her sister if she could erm. "hook us up"?!? HELP!!! |
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... get her phone.. call her... go out with her.. see how things work and end of story |
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so long as you do so with confidence and not like "uh, i feel silly about this, but i think your sis is pretty specias" ;) then again i'm not one to give advice. go for it. |
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i can't express my emotions properly.I allways end up pushing people away, im not very good at making it clear how i feel.especially if its a positive feeling towards someone , although love and hate are a few feelings from being the same , its much easier to say i hate you and mean it than say i love you at all . anon |
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so, the reason i came back to this board that i haven't been to in months was to dig up this thread. fate would have it that i will marry this woman! |
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