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The AFX Vibe
 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:01 [#00023403]



Cheer up you miserable bunch!

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The
wife answers. "Hi is Tony home?" "No, he went to the
store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No come in." They sit
down and the friend says "You know Sara, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred
bucks if I could just see one." Sara thinks about this for a
second an figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens
her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a
100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and
Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both
of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see
the both of them together." Sara thinks about this and says
what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long
look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the
table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and
leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says
"You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony thinks
about this for a second and says "Well, did he drop off the
200 bucks he owes me?"


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:10 [#00023404]



Allright, how about this one...

Lou goes to the doctor's office complaining of not feeling
well.
The doctor runs some test on him and in a few minutes comes
back in.
The doctor says, "Lou, sit down. I've got some bad news.
You don't have much time to live."

Lou is obviously upset about this, but asks, "How much
longer do I have doc?"

The doctor says, "10." Lou says, "10 what? 10 weeks...10
months...10 years?" The doctor replies, "9...8...7..."


 

od from perth on 2001-08-20 15:11 [#00023405]



heheh noice!


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:21 [#00023408]



Thanks Od. here's another!

a rooster and a cat were sitting at the pool-side, when
suddenly the rooster pushed the cat in the water and
laughed... so wherever theres a wet pussy, theres a happy
cock!!!

Whats up with that Geonmie dude, he seems a right dick!


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:41 [#00023412]



Side Effects

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the
doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her.
She was a little worried about some of the side effects she
was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you`ve been giving me have really
helped, but I`m afraid that you`re giving me too much. I`ve
started growing hair in places that I`ve never grown hair
before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a

perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has
this hair appeared?"

"On my balls."



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:48 [#00023414]



I'm new to this board, I guess people don't like talking to
each other, cept when they call each other cuntz etc...

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in
the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him
that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation
into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing
that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so
that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in
a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and
swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they
put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and
lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills.

Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this
technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for
a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.
Just as the last of the congregation was becoming
mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit
the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew
everywhere.

"Crap!" exclaimed the pastor.

It took them a week to clean up the church.




 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:52 [#00023415]



Here's some facts for you, not that anyone is bothering to
take a notice, since they prefer to slag each other off
instead!

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it
starves to death.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture
dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln
Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on
4:20.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:56 [#00023418]



O'l, that how your gonna play it, I will continue to post
facts until people start saying stuff!?

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one
olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4.

Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they
grew up: 1 in 2.

City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong.

Coca-cola was originally green.

Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a
champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 15:58 [#00023419]



Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters
"mt."

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (thankfully)


Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US
Treasury.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a
calorie.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough
gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would
have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.


In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to
speak.

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their
bodies, including
their eyebrows and eyelashes.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time
displayed on a watch is 10:10.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try
this @ home!)

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la
Reina de los
Angeles de Porciuncula" - and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of
its size: "L.A."

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear
better.



 

phiz from Amsterdam on 2001-08-20 15:59 [#00023421]



nice one Killah.

whats the worst thing about eating vegetables?

putting them back in the wheelchair when you're finished.

where you from in the UK Killah


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:00 [#00023422]



Right! Thats it, I'm gonna kill you all with facts.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange,
silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the
Parliament Building is an American flag.

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper
left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a
spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Polar bears are left handed.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2) poodle; 3) golden
retriever. Dumbest dog: Afghan.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Starfishes haven't got brains.

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to
work: Alaska.

Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the
left hand.

The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times
its own weight and always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the
catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named
after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank
Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life."

The flea can jump 350 times its body length, that is like a
human jumping the length of a football field.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to
the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is
"screeched."

BR>The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping
the males head off.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a
radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when
the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and
saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in
Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end
in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and
hazardous.

Tigers have stripped skin, not just stripped fur.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at
home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme?
Paul Reiser himself.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.


You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:02 [#00023423]



Phiz - From the West Midlands (Shrewsbury - where Guy
Ritchie comes from!!)

Although I'm living in Bristol at the mo'

Thanks for acknowledging my existence!!!

Have fun


 

phiz from Amsterdam on 2001-08-20 16:05 [#00023424]



nice one,
i'm a Scouser living in Amsterdam avin a whale of a time.



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:05 [#00023425]



Well, there's 2 people that are cool! Od and Phiz, what
about the rest of you miserable buggers....

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and
love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not
try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are
a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use
in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman --
before marriage and after marriage.



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:08 [#00023426]



Phiz - I only recenty moved to Bristol, funnily enough I was
living opposite the Millenium Stadium for all of Liverpool's
recent stadium match's!!! They kicked Manchester Utd.'s
ass...HA HA!!!!!!!!

Rock on.


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:10 [#00023427]



Man these are good!!!

There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money Dave saved.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Kubot
who lived off of toe jam and snot,
when he had none of these,
he lived off the cheese,
from the tip of his grungy old cock.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Kent,
whose cock was so long it bent,
to save himself trouble,
he put it in double,
and instead of cumming he went.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose cock was so long he could suck it,
while licking his chin,
he said with a grin,
if my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Little Willie Winkle
with a thirst for gore
stapled his sister to the door,
"Now Willie", his mother said with humor quaint,
"Don't do that, you'll scratch the paint"

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man named Ken
who banged a girl in his den,
he knew something's wrong
when a wart grew on his shlong
and now he's in his den with Ben.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a woman from Timbuktu
who was still a virgin at twenty two
till her boyfriend came along
and pumped her all night long
now she's at home with a baby named lulu.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was this guy called Mike,
who met this chick he really liked,
He tried to get near,
and she gave him a sneer,
cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he cried "I don't give a fuck"
and walked around looking like a dork.



 

phiz from Amsterdam on 2001-08-20 16:13 [#00023428]



sorry mate, i'm a blue nose. Everton!!

i share a house with a red nose, we've just had loads of the
cunts staying for the european final.

RED AND WHITE SHITE, RED AND WHITE SHITE, HELLO, HELLO.

shit, sorry to go all aggro, not needed when you read all
the petty shite thats going on on this board.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:13 [#00023429]



HAVE FUN!!

There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a security guard
Who had some troubles keeping it hard
He jerked it off nightly
And squeezed it tightly
while looking at his identification card.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke up all covered with goo

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie.
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye.
When her eye was good and shut,
Gorgey Fucked that one eyed slut.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

I once new a person named Burl
Whose looks would make you hurl
why do I say it?
I'm not full of shit
this thing was half boy and half girl

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There was a young gypsy girl Rose
With obsessions for gentlemen's' hose
Up her pussy, her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There was an old lady from Wheeling,
who had a funny feeling
she laid on her back,
and tickled her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:16 [#00023430]



Phiz - I gotta be honest mate Iwas Everton fan since Peter
Reid's hey day!! I love any team that shoves a spike up
Fergusson's ass!!

Ha ha

Ren & Stimpy fan aswell! Top knotch mate!

I think 90% of the people on this board need to listen to
the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!!!!

Rokkit!


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:19 [#00023431]



Last few Limericks!!

Hickery Dickery Dock
The bitch was suckin my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And dropped the bitch off at the next block!

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his little Dick!

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Old mother hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Monclair
Who screwed his wife on the stair,
The banister broke,
He quickened his stroke
And finished her off in the air.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was this guy named Gored
Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board
He'd suck as hard as he could
And pulled them more then he should
But soon even Gored got bored.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

A sexy young maiden named Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from St.Paul
Who swore he had but one ball
Two dirty young bitches
Tore down his breeches
And found he had none at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There was a young man from St. Rose,
Whose love life was so full of woes,
He loved sixty-nine,
He'd do it all the time,
But always got shit on his nose.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There was an old hag named Van Cleef,
Who was constantly passing a queef.
One day while visiting the farm,
She passed one meaning no harm,
But killed the whole herd of beef.

-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------

There once was a man from Moline
who made a jack off machine
at thirty-two strokes
the cock sucker broke
and turned his balls into cream!



 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:27 [#00023433]



Who is this R3FL3X guy, is he important on this site???

I take it Phobiazero makes/updates it?


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 16:35 [#00023434]



Well I gotta say, I've been an AFX fan for 10 years at
least, seen him live hundreds of times, the people I've met
at gigs have been a good bunch, guess non of them come
here.

Fuk you.


 

codes from inside on 2001-08-20 17:13 [#00023439]



...and fuck you too, madam. Please return to the fucking
retard bin from whence you came. I've seen AFX loads of
times as well, but thankfully I never met a fucking geek who
spat shit jokes and childish limericks at me. Piss-ant.


 

Organ Grinder/Rujdq Julqghu from my own little fantasy world on 2001-08-20 17:29 [#00023442]



what the hell is this?

are you TRYING to get banned?


 

Killah from UK on 2001-08-20 18:03 [#00023450]



You fukkin' cock suckers, geek? Fuk you man this first and
last time I use this message board.

I'm outta here.

Cuntz


 

Transmission from Holland. Yeah! on 2001-08-20 19:08 [#00023459]



geez ...It was fucking funny!!!

LrZ


 

Glass from the Cookie Monster's Bordello on 2001-08-20 22:36 [#00023499]



Ok, let's get mad b/c we start threads that don't get a lot
of replies.


 

geonime from geoworld on 2001-08-21 02:00 [#00023541]



Ron and Reg are moaning about the younger generation. "my
son must be the laziest little bastard in the world," Ron
says. "You've got no chance mate," Reg answers. "My boy
Jimmy is the laziest little shit I've ever seen." The two
men continue to argue and decide to visit each other's
houses to witness the lazy lads first hand. First they go to
Ron's house, where his son is watching This Morning.
"Go and get me some fags, will you?" Ron asks his lad. "Get
them yourself," the boy says. "I'm watching television." "Go
on son," Ron says. "I'll give you a tenner if you just go
and get me some ciggarettes." "Bollocks," the boy says. "I'm
not shifting."

Ron and Reg then head over to Reg's house. They walk into
the living room where the curtians are shut and the TV is
blaring out Oprah. Jimmy, Reg's son, is sitting in
front of the fire, the room is unbearably hot, and the boy
is weeping softly. The two men stare in disbelief - and 18
year old lad crying over a TV show? Jimmy doesn't even look
up as the men enter the room, he just sits, staring at the
television screen, crying like a baby. Annoyed by his son's
apathy, Reg turns off the TV. But it doesn't do any good.
Jimmy just carries on sitting there, weeping and staring
into space. "What's the matter, son?" Reg asks. "I'm
burning," Jimmy eventually replies.


 


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