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Hello part 45
 

Wizards Teeth from Parsnip Land on 2001-07-20 17:18 [#00016842]



Bogged Eyed Ladies with Dirty Shoes.

Tasty.

Elk

Shoe filled with dreams

Who am I to complain about Yeast theft ?

We are all in this together, lets not argue about Brie.

Daddy I love figs

Mother please allow me to dress as a Pantomime horse for my
Grand Mothers funeral.

I can't sing as my throat has a bread making machine inside
of it.

I have these ficticious taps attached to my body, they are
constanty moving around, I am unable to turn them off. I try
to grab one of them and they just move out of the way, in a
similair fashion to a naughty chip munk or mole.

I was born without Chimpanzies feet, I was born with a birth
mark in the shape of Brian Adam's phone number on my
forehead. Hence I get all the attention from the ladies,
shame the only ladies I have met are Brian Adam's wife and
his mother.

Later



 

rob fragilenine from a headache tablet called icct hedral on 2001-07-20 17:25 [#00016844]



'Argh' I said as my computer picked itself into my
eye-nostril. This confused me, as I didn't have a computer
to start with.

In today's news...

A horse attempts to climb a steep camel, refusing to admit
that he has melolagnia (a music fetish).

Bucephalus Bouncing Ball saves a young turtle from being
crushed by a 20-year old bouncer, but Giuseppi didn't care.

A three legged dog enables Oprah Winfrey to open up her own
plastic restaurant, where one of the desserts is Sticky Tape
Pudding.

New nockle revealed! Doc Neeson's underwear goes on sale as
a result.

Swimsuit calendars featuring Roseanne don't sell very much.

Jerry Springer launches new line of baby dildos.

Harold Bishop now allows the public sale of analogue
watches.

Coldplay announce national tour of Bangladesh, while other
people sit down in rows.

It may be good now, but in a few years it won't.

Hmmm. Polar bears.

David Bowie likes eating tortoise shells dipped in ear wax.

And in other news, Bardot attached themselves to a beer can
after watching Jerry Seinfeld eat caramel.

A few thoughts....

I was walking around the other day, waiting for my friend (a
piece of cheese), when suddenly, I felt something hit me on
the back. I noticed Mel Gibson standing along the side of
the road, so I shouted, "NOOOOO!!!!". But all was not
revealed, because David Bowie came to save the day. He was
surprisingly happy, even though he seemed to be. Now I'm not
the one to normally do this, but I did. So I sat down and
ate a hot water bottle with a side order of car indicator
lights. This caused some controversy, because it was James
O'loughlin's hot water bottle. Of course, he lunged at me
like a piece of metal coated with icecream (with caramel),
but I didn't laugh. Sometimes I like to hum the tune to
Mr.Ed, but only when I don't like to be around. Then
suddenly Jerry Springer appeared. This turned into a fight
where I used a shoe filled with warts to dump gravy on Henry
Winkler's elbow. Stop it, Mr Pants, no more pepper for you!

Once, I was opening a bottle of sheep corn, when I heard a
loud noise coming from behind. As I suspected, it was Ray
Martin's hair bounding down the street like a wooden piano
key. I attempted to escort Britney Spears to the gay rodeo,
but she declined after showing me her tattoo of Paul Newman.
Then, Oprah Winfrey jumped in, which would have been good if
I was watching the TV. But I wasn't allowed to swim in Ed's
pool because he was too busy watching his horse porn videos.
Of course, that led to me watching a movie at my friend's
house, but it was too good. I suddenly melted his elbow,
then ran out screaming, "Milkman!!!". Oh yes, that was a fun
day...

Mine...
Rob Fragilenine


 

Lt. Gerbal Malone from the Woodchip Cage on 2001-07-20 17:28 [#00016846]



THE TUPAC LETTER

Sup Nigga Floyd,

I haven't written in so long, I been watchin' baseball on
the set (I got the biggest TV you ever seen, the kinda boob
that when we wuz children they didn't even have shit like
this, a small movie screen with drink holders comin' out the
side), an the Braves is slamin' this year, mad homers an a
fly infield. When I was locked up you sent me music an I
must tell you lil' homie that shit kept my ass in check,
some jazz, some blues, an the rock shit was cool, The Who, I
read the liner notes about Keith Moon and that shit struck
me for some reason, I wrote a song based on his childhood
called "The Boy Trapped in the Moon," the beat is funky,
that nigga Dre Bone flew in the beats from his crills in
Florida, we sampled a buncha shit from Marvin Gaye an this
crazy slide guitar from a country album. I'm gonna tour a
little bit with Snoop an some others but I'm gonna be out
your way real soon so get ready. But listen yo I'm much
calmer these days. I felt like I been seein' the light burn
bright as hell an that shit singed my skin with the word
Righteous, it don't mean I ain't no thugg, that as you know
is my destiny, but the time is time an my ass is gonna sit
back, rhyme, get hella busy with the bitches, keep prayin'
day after day, buy shoes, whatever, the important thing is
just livin' in step, the tragedy is yesterday's news homie,
that shit is straight-up fin as they say in the French land.
When I was shot I started having visions, I started
remembering whole passages from books that my moms made me
read when I was a reluctant nigg, she made me read Mark
Twain an Moby Dick an shit an that shit was just poppin'
into my head like it'd been there the whole time stuck in
the back under a puffed-out haze of fog, whole fuckin'
passages an shit about the power of the light an the force
of the sight. That's why those East Coast pussies couldn't
lay me down, the thugg bone had too much force, them bullets
was rendered silly Lil' Floyd. I still gots problems an shit
as you know, the typical and the anti-typical, it's hard for
me as a man to show a woman respect, I feel I can respect
her for a time, but then she just gives her shit up easy an
I want to spit on her. I could be in love with her one
moment and the next I'll hit her shit deep from behind an
her face will make a certain grimace an the game's all over
for me an especially for her, I'll turn her shit out like
the devil, I don't know what's in me that makes me do the
shit I do. That's the thugg in me, the thugg life story, or
as Michael Jackson would say my (his)tory. I've turned out
so many bitches that at one time or another I've pledged my
love to, I'll give her to a nigga I fought years back, some
dark-ass fool I busted way back in the day, I still don't
like the muthafucka but I'll give a piece just out of
whatever nonsense I'm feelin at the time. That shit is wrong
with me but I'm young still. So much in me has calmed, the
loot tends to make a nigga calm. I got a steamin' bowl of
clam chowder coolin' off in front of me an they're playin'
reruns of the Ali vs. Foreman match from 1974 on the
sports-classic channel. Hug all the women I love. I'll be
there soon, we can take your Bronco to the beach an rub up
on some shit. Say thugg love to those in the hood, the 3-5
crosstown niggaz, Rd J., Da Fat Bitch Worm, Knocc Out, King
Kennedy, Kerm, Angry Avi, 123 Hot Sauce Hustlaz, Archie
Arch, Kiesha Anderson, and everyone else sippin' the sauce
down at Kent College.

Thugg Life Survivor,
Tupac Shakur

LETTER FROM TUPAC SHAKUR #3, TO HIS MOTHER, WRITTEN 3 WEEKS
BEFORE HIS DEATH

Dear Mom,

I just got finished reading an article in the New York Times
about a guy who got lost in the woods on a hiking trip. He
survived by eating egg corns and wild berries. For some
reason he was barefoot when he was rescued, in the picture
of him his legs were all torn up and bruised. He looked so
skinny but he was smiling in the picture. He was wandering
around by himself for ten days straight. In the article he
was quoted as saying, "I heard the sound of bagpipe music
coming from the bottom of a mountain, I just closed my eyes
and followed the music. When I finally reached the source of
the music after walking for what seemed like hours, I opened
my eyes and saw a deer having sex with a moose. I was so
surprised to see two different species of animal engaged in
sexual intercourse." In the photo the guy was wearing a
Grateful Dead T-shirt, so I bet as you could imagine that he
was on acid and that he was a hippie.

Much love to you Moms,
Tupac



 


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