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Local Pigs Defeat Wolf Two Homes Destroyed In Aftermath As Wolf’s Violent Rampage Comes To An End JOE’S FARM (AP) - One wolf was killed yesterday as he attempted to enter a home with the intent to kill and eat three pigs hiding inside. The wolf’s death brought an end to a minutes-long standoff between the attacking wolf and the three pigs, brothers, who were barricaded inside the house to protect themselves from his attack. After repeated futile attempts to blow down the solidly constructed brick house, the wolf tried to sneak down the chimney. However the relatively clever pigs, anticipating this move, had already placed a boiling pot of water at the bottom to greet him. The wolf was boiled alive. “At those temperatures it wouldn’t have taken long for him to die.” Stated a visibly shaken County Coroner Scully. “I’ve never seen anything quite like this before… the damage sustained by the wolf was most horrific, I can assure you. But I suppose he had it coming.” However, animal rights groups are not so forgiving. At a press conference staged last night, Cute Animal Fund officials stated, “If the pigs ever felt that they were in danger, they should have contacted police. Boiling the wolf alive was totally unnecessary. If we tolerate behavior like this… we might as well live like animals!” |
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While the three pigs were not available for comment, their attorney released an official statement this morning. It mentioned that the pigs were at a secure location recovering from the ordeal. In response to charges that the pigs acted with unnecessary brutality in defending themselves he retorted, “The boiling was not unprovoked. This wolf destroyed two of the brothers’ homes and attempted to eat them. They had every right to expect further violence and to protect themselves.” The FBI is investigating the case, but has not yet laid charges. The FBI’s report confirmed that the wolf had previously destroyed two of the brothers’ homes, one constructed of straw and the other of sticks, forcing them to seek refuge in the third brother’s brick house. Richard Jenkins of The Insurance Agency of Fantasy Land valued the property damage at “Practically nothing.” He added, “We’re talking straw and sticks here people… straw and sticks!” |
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When asked whether the boiling was warranted, FBI investigator Fox Moulder responded, “I’m not here to say who’s guilty of what. All I know or care about is that this was the work of no ordinary pigs. They simply shouldn’t be capable of such behavior. It must have been supernatural in origin.” Moulder went on to discuss several unrelated cases of pseudo-science, despite the best efforts of the press to keep him on topic. There are concerns that the incident could re-ignite pig-wolf conflicts in the region. “The situation is very delicate at this time. There’s no telling what an incident like this could do,” said a UN source who spoke on the condition of anonymity. Both the local pig and wolf populations held rallies today at Joe’s Farm where the pigs were born. Although police were present, the demonstrations were peaceful and no arrests were made. Meanwhile, rumors continue to circulate that a book, and possibly even movie deal, is in the works for the now famous pigs. Farmer Joe, a close friend of the pigs, maintained, “They haven’t ruled anything out.” |
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i had to write this for me English Media class... what do u think? (at least be polite enough to pretend u like it!! :-) |
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ahem (i know u guys are here!) |
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if a teacher asked me to do that assignment I would have laughed in their face and walked out. It seems like you did a good job and all, but man, what a waste of time (no offence intended for you of course aminal) im embarrassed at the state of the canadian school system's curriculum. |
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lol..... actually i agree with you but oh well.... at least it was more fun than our other shitty assignments we just had to learn to write in the style of a newspaper article.... .....we had to pic a fairy tale of some sort, because the actual story wasn't teh point i dont know how well i actually did.... who cares, it was fun for a change but i agree with you, the whole school system needs MAJOR reform..... a big problem is bullshit like this assignment |
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Hehehe, that would have been a fun assignment! Good job, too! I don't care WHAT the school system does. Not like I learned anything, anyway. Just went through the motions, and got my meaningless diploma. I LIKE stuff like this, creative writing! |
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yes, i enjoy CREATIVE writing aswell.... thats why this assignment was fun, even if it was stupid but school in general is stupid.... wether its fun or not (and its usually... almost always.. NOT) |
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