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Wanted: have you seen this inanimate object?
 

m on 2001-07-04 09:35 [#00012205]



Hi, have you seen Salt Shaker? He\'s my bestest pal, and I
fear he\'s done something terrible... he\'s been talking
crazy. I fear I\'ll see his salt spilled all over the floor!
Please let me know, I\'ll offer any reward... He looks just
like me only he has one more hole. *sniff*
This reward poster calls us "inanimate objects", that hurts
my feelings *sniff* I think I'll just topple over the
table...

yours truly,
Pepper Shaker


 

Aron? from Canada on 2001-07-04 09:37 [#00012206]



Why does the salt shaker have more holes than the pepper
shaker??


 

dingle berry from on a small plastic chair breathing fire on 2001-07-04 09:38 [#00012207]



pepper corns are way too spicy are you ground or are you
whole



 

wizards teeth on 2001-07-04 09:44 [#00012209]



Pepper is rarer than salt and the government have imposed
that less pepper should be used hence less holes


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-04 09:50 [#00012210]



pepper shakers have more holes though. Or is it just me?


 

m on 2001-07-04 19:43 [#00012301]



I am not ground OR whole. I'm just a pepper shaker, but I do
carry yummy ground pepper inside my tummy! Poor Crispy, how
embarassing to have mixed up the salt and pepper for all
this time. It's just the natural biology of salt shakers to
have an extra hole. It's just how god created us!


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 08:30 [#00012364]



Where do you all come from?! I though I was being thick at
first but everyone I know here in the UK has a saltshaker
with one hol and a peppershaker with about 6 holes. Look
next time you go in a restaurant. Dont dismiss this you lot
could be extreamly embarressed!


 

m on 2001-07-05 08:34 [#00012368]



Good lord! Could I have been the one that was deluded all
this time? This is a big change in my life... what if I am
really Salt Shaker... Some idiot poored pepper in me! Who am
I??!


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 08:36 [#00012370]



We must all stay calm. Everyone! Find out acout your salt
and pepper shakers! People deserve the truth!!! :|


 

m on 2001-07-05 08:39 [#00012371]



Innocent salt and pepper shakers deserve the truth! They're
tampering with my very identity!


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 08:41 [#00012372]



Peppershakers friend could in fact, be, a peppershaker,
misslead all this time!!!

I'm gonna get a drink......


 

wizards teeth on 2001-07-05 08:56 [#00012374]



Therefore I must have been eating salt all this time when I
thought I was eating pepper and pepper when I was eating
salt. To clarify please answer the following:

1.Is pepper black or white ?

2. Is salt white or black ?


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 08:58 [#00012375]



salt is white


 

chicken paste man!! on 2001-07-05 10:02 [#00012407]



pepper comes in two varieties; black and white.
white is good with chicken.


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 10:04 [#00012409]



but salt is just white. cooking salt any way. CPM?: Does
your salt shaker have one hole or does your pepper shaker
have one hole?


 

chicken paste man!! on 2001-07-05 10:12 [#00012414]



CPM?????

crispy faces!!!!! i AM chicken paste man!!

shaky shaky things aint got holes.


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 10:19 [#00012418]



okay Chicken Paste Man


 

wizards teeth on 2001-07-05 11:09 [#00012422]



Hello Chicken Paste man,

Please can you help?

My cat is stuck in a tree


 

chicken paste man!! on 2001-07-05 11:22 [#00012424]



place a bowl of chicken paste at bottom of tree and cat will
jump down to gobble it all up. be sure that cat don't eat
the bowl or you'll have a bowl shape cat.


 

sorry. but i'm a cunt! on 2001-07-05 11:24 [#00012425]



shot it with a large gun and it will probably fall out of
the tree.
simple.


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 11:30 [#00012429]



okay. he'll shoot his own cat,
that way it'll be safe from harm.

?


 

my face on 2001-07-05 11:32 [#00012430]



Place a vast amount of explosives at the base of the tree
and detonate. Seeing how your cat likes climbing trees he is
sure to love you all the more for carefully placing several
hundred chunks of his lifeless, bloodied corpse in a wide
range of different types of trees throughout the forest.


 

Chrispy from the UK Plains of Noise on 2001-07-05 11:37 [#00012431]



woah. I dont think any of us expected him to say that!


 

sorry, but i'm a cunt! on 2001-07-05 11:46 [#00012432]



i'm well up for that.


 

m on 2001-07-05 18:32 [#00012531]



Hey, uh, hey chicken paste man. My watch here broke, do you
have any remedies?... Oh wait, I've just dipped it in this
chicken paste, it works like new! Amazing!


 

Scary Bear on 2001-07-05 23:24 [#00012581]



If you do actually kill your cat you can always stuff him
wih chicken paste. This has advantages:

-It will eat less
-It will drink less (Thus saving money)
-It will never be agressive
-It will not mind if you kick it or treat it badly
-He will also attract many pet flies for you

Downside: It is very difficult to stuff flies.


 

Scary Bear on 2001-07-05 23:28 [#00012582]



Spread Chicken paste on your cock and assimilation will take
place thus enlarging you cock and also increasing your sex
drive in the process. My girlfriend has back to me. My
animals are less annoying. All my broken watches are fixed.

FUCK APHEX TWIN! CHICKEN PASTE MAN- YOU'RE MY NEW HERO!
LEGEND!

PS: I want to be just you.


 

Scary Bear on 2001-07-05 23:29 [#00012583]



...like you even.

apologies to chicken paste man for spelling badly in your
presence


 

duck paste man on 2001-07-06 06:59 [#00012640]



Chicken Paste Man's chicken paste powers are insignificant
compared to mine. If you dip your watch in duck paste, your
watch will become a time machine that can shoot flames, and
it becomes an indiglo if it wasn't previously.

Duck Paste forever!


 

|REFLEX| from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on 2001-07-06 07:00 [#00012641]



Yes.


 

Scary Bear on 2001-07-06 13:28 [#00012729]



This is interesting. Can I stuff things with it?


 

chicken paste man!! on 2001-07-06 13:31 [#00012731]



go home duck paste boy.
duck paste is rather fatty and turns you into a fat massive
thingy.
yuk.
i bet you sweat alot and smell and your neck wobbles.


 

duck paste man on 2001-07-06 20:14 [#00012900]



OF COURSE duck paste can stuff things, and in a manner that
is superior to chicken paste... but this is one of it's
lesser qualities. You have not realised the full power of
duck paste. There is a whole realm of duck paste that you
have not discovered. If you truly believe in it, there is
nothing you CANNOT do with it.

Your taunts have no effect on me, chicken paste wimp. I have
5 sidekick ducklings. I can waddle faster than light. I can
transform ordinary things into duck paste at will. I can
shoot retro rockets out of my bill. You are no match for me.
And your chicken paste is no match for my duck paste.


 


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