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 Now online (1)ijonspeches ...and 287 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613457 Today 3 Topics 127500 |
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Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly gates, St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry. Â Freddie says, "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be" Â "Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?" Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place" "Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?" Â The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her fanny, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor. Â "Excellent, you're in" says St Peter "Hold on a f*cking minute" says Freddie "She didn't even say anything" "Fred you know the rules," says St Peter, ......"A royal flush beats a pair of Queens. |
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What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung |
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Shortly after the Queen mum enters heaven and the two queens get sent to hell, A Zebra turns up at the gate. "Hello Sir." "Hello Peter." Replys the Zebra. "Your name is?....." "Alan" says the zebra." "Welcome Alan, Your record is good, you may pass." With that, Peter opens the gates of Heaven. "Pete. There's something I need to know: I lived in a Zoo in London. Am I from Kenya or was I born in London? I was to young to remember." "Go in and ask the Lord your question. He holds all the answers." Alan enters Gods chambers. "God, I have a question". "What is it?" God askes. "I lived in a Zoo in London before I died. I need to know, am I from Kenya or was I born in London?" God replys with a smile. "You are what you are" The doors to the chamber open and Alan leaves the room baffled. "Did you find your answer?" Askes Pete. "Well, yea but it doesnt make sense. He said That I am what I am.....?" "You are what you are.....?.....Ahh thats easy!" Pete remarks. "You were born in Kenya." "How do you know that?!" Alan replys with astonishment. "Well if you were born in London, God would've said: You is what you is innit!" |
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that one was nice :) |
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This is sexist but whatever heard a buddy tell it one night was drunk and laughed so here goes! [its simple... but clever hehe] Why did they bring a woman into space? answer: because the dishwasher was too heavy. BADDABING! |
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Two Palestinian women walking through Jeruselem, one says to the other "does my bomb look big in this" |
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MOre sexism for you: How long does it take to bring a woman to orgasm? answer: who cares! haha... but seriously folks, my wife said she wanted someone who talked in bed so she called me, BADDABING! |
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Whats wrong when your wife comes in to the living room and shouts at you and hits you? You made the leash in the kitchin too long |
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This is a pretty cool lil game for some Friday fun! http://www.seethru.co.uk/zine/south_coast/helicopter_game.h tm |
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i got this txt msg the other day: "Find a TV...there's a news flash saying the Queen of England has been shot!" scroll scroll scroll "Carlsberg don't send text messages, but if they did, they'd probably be the best text messages in the world" NASTY!!!! |
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cool game!! I always crash within a few secs,but it's fun! Here's another one: Thanks to xlr |
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I love the insanity test on that page....soooo funny. Theres another game I know....I'll try and find the Url later but the chopper game should last you. |
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Here we go: http://www.rollochan.com/funny/xiaoxiao.swf |
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Whoooow this is fun!!!! I feel like a real cop! *adds it to his favourites* |
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Damn! I'm dead! |
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