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 (nobody)...and 152 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613408 Today 0 Topics 127499 |
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how you doin guys? i cant occupy all the threads so i opened a new one. been at the supermarket and cleaned my room. with dilated times. |
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reading gordon corera - the illegal, about russian spies in post-ww2 london. only short but pretty interesting. listening to and composing silly freestyles |
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fucking ninjas |
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Happy saturday Going out for lunch with my mother(do this every saturday) Planning on making some new music, less repetitive/loopy than my other music |
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Hanging around on a conference about AI, eating lotsa free food |
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i'll join an interactive symposium on anal. not that i have anything to learn just liked to check if they're doing a good job and i have to disguise myseld of course because as u know i'm very popular among the anal crowd |
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lunchbreak at old flat. almost cleaned out gf flat, now fetching stuff from mine. trying not to melt. |
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Went into town. I slept all day yesterday so it was nice to have a walkabout. I got myself a Super Mario t-shirt from H&M, and some summer sneakers that were greatly reduced on sale. Now that I’ve stopped cigarettes and don’t buy weed anymore I have a little extra for myself which is nice. |
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I’m due a colonoscopy soon, would you like me to send you the vid? |
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I washed about 20 cups and plates that have gathered around the flat |
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I can imagine you in this Russell |
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that star wars jacket looks more like freddie mercury circa wembley '86 so no weed at all eh hobz? must be tricky, are even edibles out? |
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i swear that fuckin reply function has a mind of its own |
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it does a bit! |
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Ha ha, that jacket is ace! Yeah belb, but it’s my choice and to be honest it had been too long, for too long I was just a fucking prisoner. I felt like something had to happen because I was just making sure I was constantly numb in order to avoid actually “living” my life. Of course I was living, my life, but in hiding. I was a zombie, in a way terrified of fulfilling anything that required anything other than just thinking about it. I had my little routine, by the end I wasn’t even following whatever was on the tv. This wasn’t the weeds fault, I was obviously depressed, but my god weed just helped me stay like this with the cozy illusion that I was coping, when I was just commuting slow suicide.I felt like I was about to reach a crossroad. Either I change or something will happen. Never thought it would be a heart attack, never saw myself as a heart attack man. I did feel an ever increasing sense of dread though, and the week before I had my issue I cancelled a trip to England when usually I’m totally buzzing at the idea. I kicked heroin in the past, through sheer common sense and will, but it took a fucking heart attack to realise I wanted to live. To live without hiding, without already haven given up on myself. Ha ha that all sounds pretty pathetic really. I’ll still have the odd spliff, I just won’t be it’s bitch anymore. This is in no way me trying to demonise weed. I had just been using it wrong for a while now. |
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sometimes it's just time to let go of yr crutch. and if it takes yr heart doing a spaz-out then don't let go of the positives, i'm proud of you man (if that's not too patronising). an enforced break is sometimes just what's needed, you think it's the end of the world and like a part of yr identity is going but you'll just be you only without a brain muffler. i still love weed but i know it puts my hard-won sanity at risk, and i take it it's yr life full stop that's in the balance. my advice is to not beat yrself up if yr cravings surface but think of yr current clarity and weigh it up, it's just not worth the risk, even setting aside the physical side. well done tho man! |
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I have no cravings at all, it’s weird. Like none whatsoever. |
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i never had any physical cravings giving up weed either, it's remarkably benign like that. still fancy a smoke now and then but then i'm still hooked on nicotine |
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I meant mental. For 26 years I couldn’t kick it. |
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damn, that's longer than i was at it by quite a way. crossed over to spice though and that definitely had a physical component coming off |
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Ciao Russell its not weed that screws you up, its all the shit you have in the head amplified. have you tried unclogging it? by the way we used to hallucinate when we were young as well, its just we weren't frightened like we are now because 'conscious' of the illness |
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oh baby |
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i mean i would like it very much thank you |
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lol, somebody is sending pictures straight from the london eye |
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I was mostly depressed, and I was smoking all the time in order not to do anything constructive with myself. Like I mentioned before though, I’m not blaming the weed. |
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I hope the sight of polyps gets you off! |
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stop teasing me i’m only human |
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thanks RD you are an institute |
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i like mm's avatar, look what that chair turned into like |
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you mean like a transformer |
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yes, the one with the huge stick out of combat issues |
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what if i wanted the same amount of cash needed to die |
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One waa bald, i telling yuo |
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in my case he was only doing his duties, got some punch in the face with care, the other nsted hit me with the same technique of london instead thats how you get bald apples. |
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on the fucking temporal lobe baby |
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Usually i am bored on saturdays. I have really nothing to do |
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and what about the washing machine? and the supermarket? and the cleaning? |
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my dryer stopped turning, its giving me anxiety |
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