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Diary of a Mermaidman - 2008
 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:49 [#02574644]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Wednesday 12th March 2008
Nurse looked very closely at my dollops this morning and
chastised me for eating too much börek. Am only to
eat menemen now until my plops are back to the copper
colour that Nurse approves of.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:49 [#02574645]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Thrusday 20th March 2008
Market Day! An opportunity to buy dried figs, cardboard and
pieces of gaily painted shrapnel. There was a well-used
looking CD-R with "Rare Aphex Twin" written on it. I
couldn't afford it but my friend Murat bought it and we
hurried back to his uncle's house to listen to it. It
skipped a lot, and I wasn't sure the tracks we could hear
were actually Aphex Twin, they sounded like the Call to
Prayer mixed with Fruity Loops presets. Quite good though.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:50 [#02574646]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Monday 24th March 2008
The Imam visiting from Iraq insisted that I feel the
shrapnel embedded in his groin again.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:50 [#02574647]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Thursday 27th March 2008
Nurse caught me placing pomegranates in my popo
again, and scolded me most fiercely. When she was done I
sought out my small cousin Nazim and, in a rage, laid into
him. May the donkey have diarrhea all over his mother's
grave!


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:51 [#02574648]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Saturday 29th March 2008
Father is currently at home on leave. He made us all watch
videos on his phone of him and his men sacking a rebel
village. It was very funny. Mother laughs so strangely;
silent, mouth agape and her cheeks bathed in hot tears of
merriment. If only she would wear the face veil at home as
well!


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:51 [#02574649]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Thursday 3rd April 2008
There was a tank stationed at the corner of our street and a
U.S. serviceman gave me some chocolate. It was a bit
embarrassing as he mistakenly gave me a small square of
turd, but I ate it anyway so as not to appear ungrateful to
our liberators.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:52 [#02574650]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Friday 4th April 2008
The Imam from Iraq beat me again for sketching the Prophet.
I can't help it, in my mind he's so dreamy and I want to
make him into anime.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:52 [#02574651]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Monday 7th April 2008
Nurse continues to insist on humiliating me, the old witch.
One day I will put the Holy Book in the toilet and then go
to Father and tell him that she did it.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:53 [#02574652]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Tuesday 8th April 2008
Father caught me placing the Holy Book in the toilet. Spent
the afternoon suspended by my testis in the stairwell
of our apartment building, where all the neighbours could
see. One man passing took of his shoe and struck me with it
on my bare behind. My body, in confusion, reacted by
producing a semi. I endeavoured to hide my shame and swing
myself to face away from him. Unfortunately I continued to
turn and his next blow caught me right on the bell-end!


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:53 [#02574653]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Wednesday 16th April 2008
My sister placed her mooncup in my pants drawer, hoping no
doubt that Nurse would find it there and assume I'd taken it
to use for misdeeds of the flesh. May they all be fucked by
apes in the greek way!



 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:54 [#02574654]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Saturday 3rd May 2008
Uncle Jaffa is staying over with us. He was in Guantanamo
Bay for six years and he takes all his meals rectally.
Mother says it would be impolite not to do likewise whilst
he was here. Tonight we had spicy Moussaka with extra pine
nuts, which is usually my favourite.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 07:54 [#02574655]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Thursday 8th May 2008
Nurse questioned why there was all pistachio shells in the
gusset of my pants. I stood stock still, clenching fast my
buttocks lest the nuts still up my crack should fall.


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 08:02 [#02574657]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Saturday 10th May 2008
Nurse inspected my stools this morning and decided, after
poking them carefully with a spoon (my spoon, I might add),
that I'd been eating too much Lahmacun. She put me on a
strict diet of watered down Tzatziki and flat bread. What
the daft old cow didn't know was that I'd hidden a fistful
of Kofti up my kıç for later. I hope she doesn't
start looking up there.



 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 08:03 [#02574658]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Thrusday 29th May 2008
Uncle Melik comes to stay. He owns the "Sexy Lady" cabaret
club in Turkish Cyprus. Once, in his office, I looked in a
drawer and saw he had all these passports belonging to young
women from Moldova and the Ukraine. When I asked him about
it he immediately took his gun out. Then, after a pause, he
looked flustered and left the room. How very odd.



 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 09:42 [#02574659]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



uncle jaffa the hutt


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 10:08 [#02574660]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



what country am i in by the way "There was a tank stationed
at the corner of our street and a U.S. serviceman gave me
some chocolate"


 

offline Roger Wilco from It's eBay for Sex on 2019-04-16 15:02 [#02574671]
Points: 422 Status: Regular



Sunday 1st June 2008
Just wondered, why do all women dress to
entice me? As I was pondering and reflecting a bird
did dung on my satchel. I hate birds of every stripe.


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-04-16 15:47 [#02574678]
Points: 24274 Status: Regular | Followup to Roger Wilco: #02574652



I really laughed loudly a this bit


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 16:06 [#02574679]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



all women are in hijab here so there’s no enticing going
on


 

offline Portnoy on 2019-04-16 16:13 [#02574680]
Points: 863 Status: Lurker



Think what you like but

I think hijabs are hot and I think eyes peering from a burka
are sexy.

There.... I said it.


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 16:15 [#02574681]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



the first and last time i saw a boobs was when my cousin
brought a fashion magazine from outside


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 16:19 [#02574682]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



i still am ashamed of my sin for cuming in my pants


 

online Tony Danza from not today, satan on 2019-04-16 16:27 [#02574684]
Points: 1509 Status: Regular



gusset is a good word, possibly the best word and we should
all seek to work it into our daily conversations


 

offline Portnoy on 2019-04-16 16:57 [#02574691]
Points: 863 Status: Lurker



Ok hijabs are not that hot to me but I do think they can
look kind of nice, not unlike a hat can be nice. And there
are ladies out there that wear it at their own free will,
not forced by their oppressive husbands.

The eye thing, have you ever noticed how beautiful eyes are
staring from a burka? A lot of effort goes into those eyes.



 

online RussellDust on 2019-04-16 18:00 [#02574696]
Points: 13968 Status: Regular



I guess you like the suggestive side.


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-04-16 18:04 [#02574697]
Points: 24274 Status: Regular



I guess its like unwrapping a quality street,


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-04-16 18:04 [#02574698]
Points: 24274 Status: Regular



can we have some more of these members diaries I had a good
laugh out of this one


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 19:01 [#02574703]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular | Followup to Hyperflake: #02574698



i was going to make one starting from the day roger wilco
had his first dick waking up next to a hunk dick after dick
how he converts from a confused son of a conservative family
to the one and only gaylord but couldn't be bothered right
now maybe later


 

online Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-04-16 19:02 [#02574704]
Points: 24274 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02574703



ok look forward to it!



 

offline mermaidman on 2019-04-16 19:07 [#02574705]
Points: 5526 Status: Regular



but there's some good story in there like how a superhero
came to be
from a pansy to a gaylord: the roger wilco story



 


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