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 Now online (3)belb recycle Monoid ...and 116 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613408 Today 0 Topics 127499 |
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Wednesday 12th March 2008 Nurse looked very closely at my dollops this morning and chastised me for eating too much börek. Am only to eat menemen now until my plops are back to the copper colour that Nurse approves of. |
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Thrusday 20th March 2008 Market Day! An opportunity to buy dried figs, cardboard and pieces of gaily painted shrapnel. There was a well-used looking CD-R with "Rare Aphex Twin" written on it. I couldn't afford it but my friend Murat bought it and we hurried back to his uncle's house to listen to it. It skipped a lot, and I wasn't sure the tracks we could hear were actually Aphex Twin, they sounded like the Call to Prayer mixed with Fruity Loops presets. Quite good though. |
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Monday 24th March 2008 The Imam visiting from Iraq insisted that I feel the shrapnel embedded in his groin again. |
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Thursday 27th March 2008 Nurse caught me placing pomegranates in my popo again, and scolded me most fiercely. When she was done I sought out my small cousin Nazim and, in a rage, laid into him. May the donkey have diarrhea all over his mother's grave! |
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Saturday 29th March 2008 Father is currently at home on leave. He made us all watch videos on his phone of him and his men sacking a rebel village. It was very funny. Mother laughs so strangely; silent, mouth agape and her cheeks bathed in hot tears of merriment. If only she would wear the face veil at home as well! |
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Thursday 3rd April 2008 There was a tank stationed at the corner of our street and a U.S. serviceman gave me some chocolate. It was a bit embarrassing as he mistakenly gave me a small square of turd, but I ate it anyway so as not to appear ungrateful to our liberators. |
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Friday 4th April 2008 The Imam from Iraq beat me again for sketching the Prophet. I can't help it, in my mind he's so dreamy and I want to make him into anime. |
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Monday 7th April 2008 Nurse continues to insist on humiliating me, the old witch. One day I will put the Holy Book in the toilet and then go to Father and tell him that she did it. |
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Tuesday 8th April 2008 Father caught me placing the Holy Book in the toilet. Spent the afternoon suspended by my testis in the stairwell of our apartment building, where all the neighbours could see. One man passing took of his shoe and struck me with it on my bare behind. My body, in confusion, reacted by producing a semi. I endeavoured to hide my shame and swing myself to face away from him. Unfortunately I continued to turn and his next blow caught me right on the bell-end! |
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Wednesday 16th April 2008 My sister placed her mooncup in my pants drawer, hoping no doubt that Nurse would find it there and assume I'd taken it to use for misdeeds of the flesh. May they all be fucked by apes in the greek way! |
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Saturday 3rd May 2008 Uncle Jaffa is staying over with us. He was in Guantanamo Bay for six years and he takes all his meals rectally. Mother says it would be impolite not to do likewise whilst he was here. Tonight we had spicy Moussaka with extra pine nuts, which is usually my favourite. |
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Thursday 8th May 2008 Nurse questioned why there was all pistachio shells in the gusset of my pants. I stood stock still, clenching fast my buttocks lest the nuts still up my crack should fall. |
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Saturday 10th May 2008 Nurse inspected my stools this morning and decided, after poking them carefully with a spoon (my spoon, I might add), that I'd been eating too much Lahmacun. She put me on a strict diet of watered down Tzatziki and flat bread. What the daft old cow didn't know was that I'd hidden a fistful of Kofti up my kıç for later. I hope she doesn't start looking up there. |
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Thrusday 29th May 2008 Uncle Melik comes to stay. He owns the "Sexy Lady" cabaret club in Turkish Cyprus. Once, in his office, I looked in a drawer and saw he had all these passports belonging to young women from Moldova and the Ukraine. When I asked him about it he immediately took his gun out. Then, after a pause, he looked flustered and left the room. How very odd. |
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uncle jaffa the hutt |
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what country am i in by the way "There was a tank stationed at the corner of our street and a U.S. serviceman gave me some chocolate" |
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Sunday 1st June 2008 Just wondered, why do all women dress to entice me? As I was pondering and reflecting a bird did dung on my satchel. I hate birds of every stripe. |
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I really laughed loudly a this bit |
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all women are in hijab here so there’s no enticing going on |
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Think what you like but I think hijabs are hot and I think eyes peering from a burka are sexy. There.... I said it. |
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the first and last time i saw a boobs was when my cousin brought a fashion magazine from outside |
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i still am ashamed of my sin for cuming in my pants |
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gusset is a good word, possibly the best word and we should all seek to work it into our daily conversations |
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Ok hijabs are not that hot to me but I do think they can look kind of nice, not unlike a hat can be nice. And there are ladies out there that wear it at their own free will, not forced by their oppressive husbands. The eye thing, have you ever noticed how beautiful eyes are staring from a burka? A lot of effort goes into those eyes. |
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I guess you like the suggestive side. |
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I guess its like unwrapping a quality street, |
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can we have some more of these members diaries I had a good laugh out of this one |
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i was going to make one starting from the day roger wilco had his first dick waking up next to a hunk dick after dick how he converts from a confused son of a conservative family to the one and only gaylord but couldn't be bothered right now maybe later |
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ok look forward to it! |
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but there's some good story in there like how a superhero came to be from a pansy to a gaylord: the roger wilco story |
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