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 Now online (3)dariusgriffin recycle Tony Danza ...and 160 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613451 Today 4 Topics 127500 |
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I have never been to such a venue. I'am afraid of the people there. I also do not want to communicate, but internally i am longing for a relationship. |
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I can no longer tell if you're a character or the real deal, either way no, don't go to clubs, go to a show and support your favorite artist and also buy a shirt or a CD. |
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yes go moniod. go go freqy is dancing with you. : P-)-( just go, dance , dont smoke. keep your energy high dance all night. |
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monoid* |
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Woot |
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LIKE if i go to a porn DVD shop, and get my DVD signed by a adult film star? But the adult DVD star hates me, and i hate myself but we stil havin a god tim? |
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I agree with Sano. Go to a real music event, not just a club that plays shit recorded music. You won't feel the love at such a place and therefore won't make a connection with anyone there. If you go to a music event you will already have something in common with everyone there: a love of the performing artist. :) Also, listen to Wagon Christ - Toomorrow before you go out. It will make you feel ace and relaxed and it is good going out music. I wish you better luck than I have ever had my friend. x |
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Llso, don't go looking for a girlfriend. Just go and have fun and then you will naturally attract attention. But if you go by yourself you might have to take the initiative to talk to people. Even then, just think in the context of meeting new people and having a good time. But put the desire to form a relationship out of your mind when you socialise in any way. |
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maybe you all go to shitty clubs because the clubs i go to are great. |
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I don't get this, why would i go to a club without the desire to form a relationship? |
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a recommend a gay bar |
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Relationships, relationships are my problem |
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Why don't you do what everyone else does and open a facebook account? Maybe in Germany they use a different network, seems to be the "in" thing to do these days. |
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They should combine social network/online dating with real world clubbing. For instance, everyone could be dancing around with their smartphone, and when you dance close to someone a little profile pops up on your phone about them, and if you click /like/ then they know you are interested. You could also send them a text to introduce yourself if the music were too loud, or use a special app to order them a drink from the bar. |
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Ugly people wouldn't benefit from this. See if you are, well avarage looking, you can't really show that you maybe have MORE to offer. And these social networks, aren't really that social. They are merly lame databases which store the digital informations over a certain user, but of course without the analogous components. |
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what is you problem with relationships? |
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Sometimes I like to intitiate one. But i fear rejection (because of my behaviour, personality etc.) as well as an over comitment. |
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what are you afraid of? |
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I don't know how far i can take a conversation, basiclly i don't know why and how the other person will react. This makes me feel unconfortable. |
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I like your honesty, I think if you're as honest in real life people would know what to expect from you, in my opinion the problem is when you set expectations that can't be met. Women want to be in a relationship just as bad as you and initially they'll even tolerate your quirks and maybe if you're lucky, they'll even learn to live with them just as you have. I don't know where you live but where I live the average person is average looking at best, it depends on your perception as well. |
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Thank you. I use the term 'relationship' in broader sense, which includes men and women, and is not reduced to a romantic relationship. |
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Well, you're communicating with us, what's keeping you from doing the same "on the other side"? |
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I am pretty much anon here, i am alone when i post, the conversation is not in real time. What you see is text only... |
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dont go to a club, eat a club, i recommend the orange flavour. |
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even if you went you know what would happen. |
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Yes, one day i will come into a vagina |
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I know how you feel to a certain point, i avoid people myself even friends and relatives at times when i feel i need to be alone. i like working alone in my job and can't stand working in a group. i think if you are avoidant and you have a deep abstract mind you are in trouble when it comes to finding a partner or even making friends. I eventually married a chinese girl that i met on a dating site, now i am happy with her and we get on really well, she cooks me chinese food, keeps the house in order and she even lets me play strange electronic music in the car and doesn't complain. she is very cute and understanding of me. My previous relationships were very difficult in comparison, i needed to get a stable relationship were each day is normal, because on my own my mind is too abstract and i scare myself |
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Actually i work in a 'team', which is well self regulating. I think i have to force myself to connect with my co-workers on a more personal level, and not just on work related matters. Paul Watzlawick called this the 'relationship layer'. |
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Tell us how that goes. |
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What exactly? Well, it is a big factory hall with about 100 people. If you need to know something or need something, you have to talk to your workmates. If you actually want to climb the ladder, social skills are neccessary, tho of course it is 'buried' behind all this work related talk. There are also a few women i want to fuck, so i have to initiate a conversion, which resambles a 'loop'. |
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It is all theory tho, in reality i am still a loser |
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what's wrong with feeling uncomfortable? |
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It disturbs my performance and makes me less effective. |
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Wich performance and effective for what? |
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My communicative competence which is part of social skills. The effect would be A: to get what I want, B: to expand my behaviour so i can be more in charge of my life. Yeah well, thats it.. |
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You can build competence by exercise. Ergo, go. |
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are you afraid that people judge you and look down on you? .. you shouldn't, because most people are not exactly geniuses and even genuises are idiotic in many respects. ... one doesn't need to be afraid of other people, because they're all just normal people who - in the end - have no actual clue why they exist. |
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Dunno why i am afraid. Maybe the angst served some purpose in the past. Doesn't matter, you can't expect random people to be 'normal', it is natural to be afraid of your own species. |
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don't worry you'll be fine |
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FFS... I am trying to help you out, silly! I am not saying get rid of the desire, just to put it out of your head, then the relationship may be formed later more naturally, rather than trying to force it. You're impossible... |
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Naturally? I am not sure if i agree completly. it takes a bit of work and good will, but that doesn't mean you are forcing something |
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it takes a bit of DUBturbo and good will |
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