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 (nobody)...and 301 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613461 Today 4 Topics 127500 |
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Black White Brown Cry Laugh Frown It's all the same here, accessed from there, anywhere This real, tangible, virtual plane Substantial people you cannot see Come here for safety These people can help you To leave yourself for a little while But don't remove that mask 'til outside Even then, be careful (Good luck trying to escape, mate) |
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Critiques, no matter how harsh, welcome. Poem about and for, those of XLtronic of course. Hope you like it. I am not sure about that big stanza at the bottom, though... destroys the succinctity a bit, perhaps. |
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Yah, it's aiiight. ...except "leave yourself" and "remove that mask" are similar conceptually yet conflicting thematically. If it were something like "But don't put that mask back on 'til outside", it would support the "board helps leave oneself theme" and also the the idea that most people are fake, even in their "real" form (hence leaving their masked selves on the board)... aaand the idea that, despite a lot of people taking on characters on the forum, those fucked up characters are actually more sincere than they act when not on the board. |
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I enjoyed it |
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Wow, that is a pretty complex load of feedback. :o Yeah, I guess my stuff can be a little fraught with tautologies sometimes. Definitely something for me to think about, thanks for this well thought out response, jnsanto. :) What about the largest stanza? Do you think this weighs it down a bit? |
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Good, cheers! :) |
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I think general flow is good. |
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:D Thanks for that contribution, ladybwah! |
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