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My first year of uni was really cool. I fell out with some people, but all but one I am now better friends with now than ever before. It was a fun year cos I met people, lived away from home (which I had done before, but this was the first time I had to deal with bills and stuff on my own), so that was an important experience. Also, I had a lot of free time to just fuck about. I did a bit of drawing a lot of photography. That was the first time I started photography and poetry, too. Everything was new and shiny and nice and I was passionate about a lot of things. I didn't find a girlfriend, which I thought I might, but you can't have everything. Fast forward to the present and, whilst I have the same amount of free time, I am not as happy as I was last year. Still no girlfriend, but I am more comfortable with that now, and I accept that I don't try whatsoever and it takes time to understand how to attract women and that. Rather than draw or write or shoot photographs, all I seem to do it play on Xbox. That's all I have spent money on recently. Guitar Hero set, as well as buying an external soundcard to enable to use my 5.1 speakers which have been gathering dust in my room since earlier this year. I question whether these things make me feel any happier. I think if I had someone to share them with I would feel happier. Getting the Guitar Hero set should help me interact with my usually shy housemates a bit more though, I guess. I am also being affected physically- I am unfit. Maybe due to doing less exercise, but the fact that I am getting a little older can't help. Maybe I am being stupid- 20 (21 at end of month) isn't old, but... older is what I mean, rather than old. I find things to be less exciting and don't look after my body or my mind any more. I feel a little more apathetic than I have ever been before. I feel like there is less time for being creative, cos what's the point? Am I doing for me? To impress people? To change their views? I never questioned these things before- I just did |
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them cos I wanted to. Life is slowly getting greyer and darker. I have felt unhappy many time before, but I know this isn't 'depression' or anything. It is far more deep rooted. :( To anyone who has taken the time to read this massive post, thank you. Any help you can give on alleviating this age-related apathy would be greatly appreciated. |
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I have similar concerns about my own life, and i'm a little younger than you. My advice if there really is such a thing is, to try and appreciate this life you have. It's not a renewable resource, so digging deeper into the unknown of dementia really does no good, unless your using it for creative ways of viewing the world, even then, if you don't carefully watch yourself you can really put yourself in a bleak vaccum that it is kinda irreparable to your life. Stay Fresh, stay healthy, don't buy into the product world of the society, be a maker, a creator, a person who lives, not just consumes. a good quote, this might give you some confidence in your inner world of introspection, "The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates |
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If you feel the need to get professional help I can advise you that it wasn't the best choice for me. My experience entails speaking to a psychiatrist who just categorised me and prescribed me pills that made me physically ill without any positive effects. |
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welrkjselkfmjldsknbmvskldfngse.,rm .ew,rm |
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Sorry, I couldn't put down in words the emotion this thread makes me feel. |
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do you want to change things? |
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*crybaby tone of voice* WHY DON'T YOU JUST IGNORE IT THEN? |
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A lot of people feel that way when they're young. I went through a similar thing at the same age. I though it was depression, but my doctor told me I was unselfsatisfied. I thought he was talking out of his arse, but looking back he was right. There was nothing chemically wrong with me, I was just bored and hadn't created the environment from which I would be happy. So I got off my arse and created a life for myself, you certainly won't affect anything by playing Guitar Hero. You have to make the effort, and it takes time - although the act of making the effort to attain your goals tend to help. Exercise is another great way to boost self-confidence, state of mind and give your life some direction - both mentally and physically. What if you have to understand is life is pleasure and pain, the are both different ends of the same branch - and you can't throw away the branch, the branch is you. Accept there are times you will be unhappy, embrace it even - the act of chasing pleasure creates the conditions for pain when you inevitably fail. Eventually you will find an even balance. |
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I think I love you, sir. |
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really laughing.sorry guys. Tractern-stop worrying man x |
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It's pretty much exactly that aswell. Stop worrying. The more you personify your turmoil as inevitable and inescapable the more it'll become just that. You don't need to get so wound up over it. |
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I love you Indeksical. For some reason the movie Top Gun reminds me of your soul. |
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:D |
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ok im here and you know i love to help ^_^ tractern pls relax. all is ok. many 20yo feel strange change in life. it is noted by many. at 20 they dont know future and want to cling to past. it must be tricky i know. but pls find comfort that life has so much thing in it to enjoy. silly boy you still so young. use those strong legs, use that fresh mind, use those ideas. many of the ppl here will click on thread feel envy at you silly ^_^ |
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I wish I could find that amazing song. Surely my crowning glory. |
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this song came to mind as i read ur post tractern got no great advice to give you, jus roll with it man, if your feeling apathetic, well hmmm, i'm kinda like that too, find a friend thats well motivated and hang with them, that way u'll be more encouraged to get out and do shit rather than sit in playin twatbox. as for gettin old, like toby said 20 or so is a dodgy one, thats when i went a bit nutty for a while, holdin on to past denyin future, shit boyee its gona happen, embrace it. in fact fuck it, get a house, morgage, car, big debts, full time job right now and get stuck right into the misery. |
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After some psychological crises in the past 5 years ive softly landed on a bit of a cloud in the past year or so. everything calmed down for me and i could focus more on my music. now all i feel is unrealized potential.. i could be a political blogger, a movie composer, i could swim everyday, i could date girls, i could lose weight, i could be more with friends, i could travel more and the list is almost endless. when i realize all this, its like whoa, i have a lot of shit i can do. but as opposed to 5 years ago i know that i dont /have/ to do them. rather i gain an equilibrium with my daily life and myself and i realize if i really want to do something, ill just do it. no need to rush anything or get anxiety. just relax and take things as they come. theres no recipe for a good life outside of your head. nobody has the answer. |
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All I can advise you is, exercise is a great way to make you feel better because; It releases endorphins (HAPPY CHEMICALS ^__^) and If you want to loose weight it, it could raise you self confidence and overall self image. Also, I have had similar problems to, I was bored constantly, nothing appealed to me whats so ever, I didn't care about anything. But this had a sudden change, I met a girl, She made me happy. Now she doesn't because she is living the life i once lived and and she is dragging me back down I am currently in the process of letting her go. This is difficult for me because she is in a tough stage in life right now, her father is dieing slowly, and she has no friends other than me. Fuck Sorry for the Novel haha |
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Tell us more about your penis. |
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well.. here's my 2c. in case you can't get something good out of a day, just try staying 'in the middle' of your mood and just.. wait. avoid generating misery thoughts regarding yourself, even if you know you're not doing your best. and do what you feel. don't do what you don't feel. do not get used to this kind of 'unfit' state cos the more you do it, the more it'll be hard to get rid of it. how? just stop caring about it. hth |
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hey remember that star trek voyager episode where they go to the planet where people age in reverse and the people who look like a children are really the old ones??? and they are all scared of a monster going to eat them and then the star trek guys get confused cuz they dont know this and they think the society just dumped there kids in the forest to die in a cave |
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:D |
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I agree with all you have said- I remember that when I posted the thread asking what I should spend my wages on someone (sorry, I forget who) said 'create don't consume' in relation to doing something creative, rather than buying an HD TV, which I said I might do at the time. I need to to re-establish what I am about. Try to find substance in my life. The quote from Socrates is good. Perhaps I over-analyze stuff sometimes, or so people tell me, but I agree with what is being said here. I would even hang the quote on my wall or summit, but it would depress me a bit, cos the idea represents a lot of things which make me feel isolated from most people. Just too many negative connotations. Still a good quote, though. So how old are you? |
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Yes. I mean, I feel it is quite close- the change I could make. I mean, the conditions are good. I am on fertile ground being at uni, having free time, being fairly young, living somewhere quite creative and a generally pleasant place to live. But there is something standing in the way. I just can't be bothered any more. I feel just like most other people- those I always felt positively different to (naturally different, not deliberately). It's horrible- like everyone who has said 'everyone is the same, wants the same things' has been proved right by the way I behave right now. :( |
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fuck man. your posts to long |
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are you goin for thoughest or what |
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Exercise is another great way to boost self-confidence, state of mind and give your life some direction - both mentally and physically. That's the thing- I think going for walks often quite late at night has been a form or theraputic escape for me. But when I did it recently- walked for an hour by myself, running some of the way, to increase my heart rate and that, all of the reasons I would usually enjoy the walk/ run weren't there. Exercise usually makes me feel physically better, thus mentally better. But this time I felt exactly the same when I had finished. I often enjoy the time and see it as a time to pontificate on things. But this time I just reflected on how shit I was feeling in general. Another thing I often do on these walks is become creatively inspired by the environment I am walking in. I saw a few things which aroused such thoughts, but I also thought 'why bother?'. Not simply that I can't be arsed. I have been questioning the reason why I even make anything in the first place recently. I appreciate your compassionate, empathetic response, barcode. If I may be frank, I can't say i would expect it from you. Please don't take that as me being ungrateful for your words. :) |
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That's a nice song, actually. It wouldn't work on YouTube, cos my sounds all funny atm, but I looked up the lyrics and it actually mde me feel a lot better. Which is weird, for a pop song, lol. But it highlights one of the most important things on my steps to recovery- people. The importance of being around and making happy other individuals. That's the only thing which makes me feel good. People. So I know what I need to do, but it is kinda hard to achieve it. I think right now findin me a bitch is far, far more about the emotional side than the sex. Thanks for song, Ideksical. :) |
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Thanks, atwood. I feel so much better. Not! ... |
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C'mon man.Relax... Youre going to be old before your time if you carry on stressing out like this. I laughed because it was funny you know?Im sorry,but if I really wanted help with any issues I had I wouldnt be posting the details on an internet message board.I just think I'd be setting myself up for a fall. |
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You don't intend to help, you can't empathise, so why post stating what a joke you think it is? I won't resent you for this, atwood, I just think some things deserve to be taken a little seriously. Maybe if you had problems you wouldn't post on A message board, but THIS is a special message board, where people empathise and listen. |
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Really nice song, thanks man. COuld have been a little longer for an ambient song, but still ver cool indeed. I might check out s'more but this artist. |
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My posts have been long and they have all been just about me. Sorry about that. :( |
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Look,over time youve posted a huge amount of information here about yourself Tractern,and the vast majority of it was focusing on what you HAVENT got rather than all the things you have.My initial response to your post was going to be along the lines of cry me a fucking river mate,because Ive read your words that in my perception has turned you from a really chatty friendly young man into a angsty & whiny little kid.Do you never think about what you have got?Its all there in type for everyone to see!Why cant you see it?If your post had been a genuine cry for help from the pits of despair I could have empathised,I could have offered words of encouragement,but all I read was yet another post about how you have an xbox and play it too much,how you havent got a girlfriend yet,about how you feel unfit and old. You want empathy from me,I cant give it because the depression that Ive seen in others,as well as myself, doesnt revolve around a games console where you have to be a pretend popstar.You want advice?Turn the fucking thing off and go to a museum,a library,the park,smell the fresh air and smile a bit more often. And by the way,no,I dont mind being singled out as the only person to laugh at a joke here.A joke which I felt defused my ire at you for coming across like a big baby. |
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The whole of 'generation X' needs to be tied to a chair and given that talk. |
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Generation Y that is, or perhaps both. |
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I say: smash you gitasr hero into pieces (Or sell it on ebay) and go outside and have a blast. Or is it just a winter depression? |
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More Winter related than anything else, I think. Prolly should have just said that, rather than come out with all the other stuff, eh? :/ |
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Yeah, guess you're right. I think I mistake certain things with other things. Like when I am just tired, I should just go to sleep, rather than bring others down. Although I may not be so overt in expressing it, I am always conscious that my little bouts of unhappiness being nothing compared to what others on this board have gone through. It's just that I have already said this before, so I am not gonna say it every single time I talk about being unhappy. If you'd been on this board longer, you'd know this, atwood. At any rate, you're not wrong in much of what you've said- if I was wasn't as tired and it wasn't as late last night, I would have posted something similar to what you did about myself. Keeping stuff inside isn't often good, but I should question whether what I am feeling is something worth telling others about before I have a little moan. I don't regret creating this post, but I will perhaps think more before posting such things in the future. Or in a more general sense, I'll just try to post less shit which primarily about me. |
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Yeah, I am seriously thinking about that. Drums is very fun, though. Think maybe I will just try to play it a helluva lot less. |
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stick with the guitar hero. never give up. there is a light at the end of the tunnel (of guitar hero) |
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LET THE MONKEY OUT |
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...BOOM! |
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My housemate suggested putting a family setting lock on it so I can only use it for certain amount of time each day. He would know the password, so I wouldn't relapse. |
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What are you "studying" again? |
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