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 Now online (1)dariusgriffin ...and 85 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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if there's any talk in an uber, i pay very close attention to first few responses, because that's when you'll learn if they speak english [functionally] or not. if you ask, like, "is it busy tonight?" it ranges from 1) Not a word; Fumbly panic: "Uhhh, um, I..." or going as far as to not even reply verbally; just shaking their head noep... and, alright, you don't speak a word, it's cool 2) Handful of phrases; good enough: "WALGREENS YES SIR" and alright, i asked if it was busy, you've just gotten past fumbly panic and memorized some basics and that's it you're done, it's cool 3) Conversational, arguably, but 2/3 unintelligible, super eager to chat, trying to buddy up and fish for tips: This is not cool this is obnoxious 4) Talking with some Ugandan guy about weed culture there; They make a poutice they rub on sick chickens. At this point you're a fully functional english speaker, you actually know if you're being annoying or not. and thus concludes our range -- 1) starts us from nothing; 4) is basically your diploma. tonight -- this guy was the most hardcore 2) i've ever encountered. unlike the people who are just all "YES SIR VERY WALGREENS TONIGHT" he would stick to short answers: yes, no... ...but then also, like "ahhh, ok" and he's putting intonation on these responses, that actually makes contextual sense. finally i decide i want a smoke and to walk the rest of the way -- nothing to do with him at all; just my whim -- and i said as such. here, however, it went horribly wrong. he kind of snerked and laughed. and.. what? natively, it read as, "pppf, yeah right, screw that, i'm not stopping here." briefly, i get a bit freaked out, obvs. but, then it hits me: this man doesn't speak a word of english. sort of like how a native english speaker learns to say, "ohhh, that's interesting!" on autopilot, he's just memorized the tonal inflects as part of the script. i've never seen anyone take 2) that far. wild |
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a #3 uber driver having a bad day can be a nightmare. getting mad at me for being unable to understand... like, that sentence is a dead baby fed into a blender; the only way i can get meaning out of the carafe is with doritos -- tiny bits, a little at a time. then they're mad at because they keep having to repeat things, so i have a chance to dorito out enough meaning to reply topically. instead of attempting to go into what an asshole they're being, i usually just blame my headphones, and this has never not worked. then if they keep it up, i put on my headphones and wait for them to say something three times, not listening to any of it, before tearing them off, and saying: "...sorry, what?" then make them repeat it a few more times. then put my headphones back on. they go off into a pit of rage in their heads -- can see it in their driving -- and it's quiet the rest of the way. then i give them a one star rating and never see them again. i gave the guy from tonight five stars. all i can say is i suspect he's such a talented mimic that it's actually become a handicap and given him little reason to progress on english any further. gobsmacked how fooled he had me for how long |
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if you want the details -- because, in one of my threads, who doesn't? -- roughly, it was: the app says he's in cambridge, and that he'll be there in five minutes. i think: man, either that is wrong, or that's some real science fiction shit, because even the men in blackmobile in musk's hyperloop couldn't get here from cambridge in five minutes. can your car teleport? this is me amusing myself so i'm not frustrated: is there car going to be here in five minutes or 25? it's there in five. confusingly. it's dark and this is making it hard to find the car seeing me waiting, he flashes his lights very crisply. very deftly timed, minimal, as he's stopping. so going in, i am thinking: this guy knows how to drive, he has a clue at uber, because the way he just emoted at me with his car was some real sharpshooting there so i get in, and begin explaining the GPS mishap: "so it said you were in cambridge, then you popped over here," say. "oh, yeah, haha" he kind of laughs. not a hint of accent; no clues. i presume he knows english, and continue, "some sci-fi shit" and he dutifully chuckles. i say, "i just wasn't sure if i should go out and wait or not, and i don't mind waiting..." and crap, this is starting to sound like a complaint, whoops. he says nothing. "...really i just wanted to warn you, because that was weird, and it might do it again." he nods and says thanks. i put on my headphones and let him drive. his driving is very american. 112% masshole really some confusing one-way turn, it's faked out many uber drivers, i'm all: "no, no, you can't go in there." he replies "oh" and turns the proper way. ...in retrospect, however, when i said, "no, you can't go there," i was pointing, more or less, at a "do not enter" sign, and i'm sure he knew that. so he's reading the cues related to his job; pointing at signs... but otherwise, he just knows that people make English Warble ABC when someone does Tone Of Voice XYZ talks worse than GPT-3 drives better th |
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an a tesla |
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knowing when it sounded like i'd just cracked a joke, and to chuckle, and how, and how much. saying very little, but everything said, is perfect. i can see how you could learn to read that, blind of the language; just from tone. from context, from how previous uber passengers reacted. be good at reading people, be a brilliant mimic, trial and error until you have a script down... and no one is the wiser. until... you get someone like me who asks to do something unusual like, "ohhh, just pull over here, i want to walk a bit" -- that i imagine most people are like "when ~i~ take an uber, i feel like, ~I PAID FOR THIS~ and so to just throw $1.28 of it out the door so you can stretch and smoke a zig; WHO DOES THAT?" and this is a trick tangent: you know the sort of people who talk like this, and i'm sure he does too, in his own way. there's a definite tone and cadence to it. that shifts with the emotional context ...but, anyways, i broke his machine by getting out to walk the last bit, because probably no one ever freaking asks for that. he misinterpreted it as, i think, some witty or snarky remark about the mess of a construction site we were passing by. so his kind of "*snerk, ppf*" response -- flawlessly rendered -- was assuming i'd said something akin to, "wow, looks like crap, dunnit" and he's being all "yeah totally" but instead i'm asking please stop the car, sir, i'd like a smoke. and his response comes across as "pppf, yeah, right, who are you to ask that" and it totally blew the whole thing to smithereens. like i said, i was a bit freaked at first -- isn't that clever; in response to a potentially dangerous situation my heart rate goes up, my brain moves faster, and -- five seconds later, the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. then i was no longer afraid. i was, as i said, gobsmacked wasted talent. |
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does it matter in terms of getting where you want? only read the first line. |
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i can accommodate you here, sir. you want to simply read one of these posts -- one of the shorter ones, even: . i didn't get into how to give directions to uber drivers who genuinely do not share a common language with you, but that's another ramble. that one post is both a real thing a proven strategy for not trucking with that horseshit. the rest of it is about: this uber driver had me flawlessly convinced he some english quite fluently for almost 25m and then it popped like a bubble when he made a bad pick; i was asking him to pull over early. since i did not physically gesture or make any sort of fuss, he thought i was making some sarcastic remark about ugly construction and delivered a response wrong enough to be arguably interpreted as, "you can't tell me when to stop and let you out of the car." because i was asking for something unusual and he parsed it as something usual and delivered the wrong bird call. and it has me all into thinking about the meta-layers of human communication, below words. but if you find that boring, well, i find it boring that you find it boring; good day sir |
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end of the story, boring, really. there's five seconds of everything connecting in an adrenaline panic like the black mirror mushroom episode, then i'm in kind of a haze, processing, starting to write posts that are too long in my hed |
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UBER PRO TIP FOR EJON PEACHES ~ how an uber driver greets you; there's never not information about the driver in this. however the way a driver says good day, goodbye, have a good one, good luck with that thing we were talking about the whole way, or even curtly driving off without saying a word -- given their hello, you know where we started, and given the goodbye... the goodbye contains information about yourself. or, rather, their perception of you, limited as it may be. casually studying these bookends makes you easier to get along with and more of what you want. so, yes, i was lost in thot; let him just drive me to to the dot. then, though... yes, all my lasers were on him as i'm getting out. i know he's a good parrot, but if it'd actually been... "you can't tell me when to pull over," the heart rate on that goodnight wouldn't have been so deeply low and relaxed. if you're going to attitude on someone like that, you don't change your mind 45 seconds later. he was responding to what he was guessing i said based on context and tone and he had no fucking clue how hard he'd blown it. he probably still doesn't. |
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alright read most of it (and no pun here but i didnt understand all of it) i can see how that can be painful and annyoing and not getting you where you want to be. what im wondering about now is: do they all use google maps navigation? i thought when you call an uber its via an app where you put in pick up and destination. so, there really isnt anything to talk about except you know a better route in traffic and on second note, isnt it way cheaper than a cab? i cannot afford either btw, one to three drives are basically what i spend for myself per month. |
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oh, charming, i just noticed. >i know he's a good parrot two hours before i was in a car with this man, i was having a giggle bashing out something i wrote in my head [BECAUSE I CANNOT TOLERATE FOLDING LAUNDRY ANY OTHER FUCKING WAY] about ~ and life sent me a right proper flow parrot promptly. the whole day had that feel, really. the pharmacy is out of this and we'll switch it to that and.. is that my phone ringing? and i'm tumbling into my equipment as i'm wondering five mintues or 25? seems like a positive nudge, in any case, even if i can't really quantify it. |
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alright read most of it (and no pun here but i didnt understand all of it) i can see how that can be painful and annyoing and not getting you where you want to be. oh, hey, no kidding -- about the first part, i mean. you didn't understand it. this is not a thread complaining about uber. i tangent into it in pockets; you seemed to want that, so here you go, the one post where i'm really tearing into it. the rest is sort of marveling at... did you know there exists a language that depends on cardinal direction? that the way you say hello literally depends on whether or not you are facing north, south, east or west point being, this man is operating as [arguably, one of the better uber drivers i've had in recent weeks] treating everyone that gets into his car as the charlie brown wuh-wuh trumpets... but then, you get into, like, how the fuck does this man operate like this? and you realize you're cracking the door to a deep and intricate machine. it's very outsider |
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if you want something more immediately, comfortingly, stuffingly intellectual, please go over to the "great debate" thread and see my response about the holographic dual. (Cool Band Name w/ Debut Album ~ Holographic Duel -- Nerd Fight) |
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what im wondering about now is: do they all use google maps navigation? guy can at least read maps. he knows a few english words; possibly even many. given the area, given a downtown traffic dispute, i also suspect he would, for a brief moment, be stunningly articulate has he told the other driver to [boston] because he'd do that just as well of the rest of it. perhaps the man runs TempleOS. religion could have something to do with that level of isolation did u noe? i drove for uber for a while. so: they have choice of a few GPS fings. many operators rock both the car's built-in GPS along w/the rideshare app's GPS. but then you're not _obligated_ to use the rideshare's GPS; some like waze or whatnot. so then some people use two phones to run both rideshare GPS and waze, and we keep going up until we get up to the neurotic boffin whose doctor is like, "based on your body shape, i'd not make any long-term plans" who has three phones and a tablet. dashboard cam. camera recording me. i used the digital mirror to perfect shots of myself picking my nose. |
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so, there really isnt anything to talk about except you know a better route in traffic and on second note, isnt it way cheaper than a cab? i cannot afford either btw, one to three drives are basically what i spend for myself per month. true fact: it utterly blew my mind that people do not have clothes dryers in europe. like... are you joking? you're kidding, right? my next response: we're sitting on a gold mine, here. you have to try these things and i'm still right about that, on some levels -- shit, guys... you have to try these things -- but then finally i was enough of a pain that i got real answers about how all the buildings are made of concrete and it's a nightmare to vent a dryer and get them up 60 floors and then energy costs and people just seem to appreciate leaving things flapping outdoors for eight times as long to gather pollen and whatever pollutants are on tap. but that's just me so, maybe this is just you, sir. boston's road map goes back hundreds of years. designed for horses, then add on some carriage roads, and by the time cars need roads, it's already fucked to shit, cobblestone, one way. then you get out to the suburbs and all that shit was designed 40 years ago for about 1/5 the capacity. so, me? fuck yes, i need to talk to the uber driver. because no GPS ever says, "you need to be in the left lane because people won't let you into it in time, then you need to use the middle turn lane that's shared between traffic in both directions, yes, there, where that gigantic pickup is heading dead at us, point us right at the grill, and then it's the place with the blue... no the other..." if you miss that turn it's literally 15 minutes in traffic. i. am. not. kidding |
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you ask if it’s busy and the dude isn’t allowed to conversate?? |
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i read more than that half of first post |
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there was some random bit on NPR where a linguist man was talking about his favorite vocal quirks -- which come and go like trends -- was: adding "uh" onto the end of things. his explanation was boring and mine will actually be shorter. that it needs to be a little dramatic to start, at least. so we start with come-onnnnn ~ which is a widely shared thing in early teens, then boys ditch it and men keep it and it is mostly women, late teens, early 20s who come-onnn-UH ...and it's funny, i always kind of took that for granted. like, stahp. QUITTIT!~ etc once i sat down and tried to count the number of riffs on "oh my god" i could come up with, and i quickly lost count. like. oh. mygawd |
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w/rt omg ~ i was essentially trying to create a sample playlist in my head before, i suppose. perhaps it's best not to try and catalog them like bugs. instead, do they share an underlying structure? common routes and conceits in intonation that can be structured into a tree sounds like a good laugh. i'll keep thinking about it |
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^^ dryers, yeah thats differences in our area/markets/culture :) imho they truly are a waste. well, some places where you cant vent properly or have low temperatures at all times, i guess i wouldnt wanna live without one. luckily i dont live in a place like that, it would make me go crazy in many ways. and im not allergic, but not avoiding pollen helps to keep it that way. i dont mind waiting a day in winter or 1-2 hours in summer til the clothes are dry, its not like i have to watch it in the meantime. unless you need to hide a crime of course, i hate to ask this: but, are you a criminal?! some towns are shit traffic and parking wise and i appreciate you´re not owning a car. you think using a public transport might be better at some times? anyway hope youre staying sane and safe in traffic man. |
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so the thousand shades of "oh my god" thing when two women of a certain stripe who haven't seen each other in a while ~ ohmyGAWWD ~ you start at the root (oh), go up 3 semitones (my) and then jump to an octave above the root note (the rest, articulated) ~ starts low, little jump of 3 semitones to give the octave jump more weight. major feel when a gal can't fucking believe this shit ~ [valley girl] oh. mygawd. ~ [other] oh. my. gawd. ~ kind of like... oh (start note) my (up 1 semitone from start note) gawd (down five semis from start note) ~ the "oh" kind of like "oh, ew, look at that" and then the rest is, like, here's how to react now that you're looking at the that. minor kind of feel i could keep going. i am, in my hed i am figuring maybe it could be a rosetta stone of sorts for me, if i keep going. or possibly just a good track. or hell at least i'll amuse myself |
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it's not just notes, obvs -- there's timing and inflection. transcribing it into stylized word processor copy made more intuitive sense to me than anything else. because... it does come back out the other end. that i'll think: right, i need to play the keys italic here |
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maybe we could get the site to have a liner notes background and write in melodic text. it could make people understand sarcasm. |
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i was just messing around with my gear and... oh, lol, i've wandered into it. so i kept going. just a toe in the water really. a test, a basic version, then oh my god [a flying saucer] and will keep going but now want to have a walk and listen to em |
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yeah, okay, third one, , listen to that. two days later, this is quite solid. the three tracks there, first one, just recorded a bit in case the gear stopped cooperating. second, recorded a basic track. third, i've stretched it into this 50's sci-fi theremin thing, all the moves warmed up, firing on all cylinders. moog bass going ohMygod throughout, articulate in a building way throughout. made it properly talk a little at the end. the moog is also responsible for that lovely exciting spark of noise in between the two bent tom-toms and unmuting the 808, which constitutes The Drop |
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also, sh101, left channel, just building some tension, then, giggle, i'm doing 50's scifi? i can just mash the mod to pitch and do the 50's computer thing, the saucer getting right up in ur face. oh my god |
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there's also something very El-P about . like i stole something from cancer for cure, it feels like. but maybe it's not anything direct and just a bit of him coming back out of me, then i'm listening to it and wondering what i stole |
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drones over brooklyn probably. |
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