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hevquip from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-17 22:35 [#00071378] | |||||||||
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Me at a dinner-date i may follow this up with how i'd act while on the phone. This story/script/waste of time is about how much of a lamer I'd be on dinner dates. We'll start off with…where it's easiest to start off. Me: *watches waiter approach and gives order* Girl: *gives order* Me: "tell me about yourself" fuck. fuck fuck fuck. now she's going to ask me about myself when she's done. Girl: "well, I like to…" blahblahblah, etc., etc., etc.. Me: *phases out* she probably got lost in thought once she started talking anyway. Me: *plays with silverware.* hehehe…I'm like a 5 year old…too bad I have the attention span of one too… Me: is satisfied with the "sculpture" he's formed with the silverware. Girl: "so…tell me about yourself" Me: *something wells up inside stomach* indigestion? no…anxiety and panic… Me: damnit. "well…i…" Me: *fiddles with shoe to stall for time.* Me: "[coughing]" *clears throat and reaches for water so as to stall…more.* Me: *rolls eyes upwards and stares at ceiling.* Me: "I…ummm…" this sucks "[insert lame response here]" fuck…fuckfuckfuck. Me: "[blathering]" Me: if this date was a plane, it would've crashed into the wilderness and we'd be eating people already. Me: i wonder what people taste like? Me: hahaha! What a stupid thought…I bet we taste good though. Girl: *looking at date*? Me: I don't know. eye contact means that I'd actually…have…to…face…her. she's probably looking at some other guy. Self esteem: "ow! you asshole! that hurts" Self esteem: where's that Ego? he should be backing me up. Ego: *twitches on floor*. Ego: "too…weak…help me for I think that I am dying" Me: that's kind of funny. Wait…no, it isn't. I'm laughing at myself. Me: becomes absolutely fascinated with the floor. Girl: feeling akward possibly. Me: if I feel akward, you must feel akward. muhahaha! Me: *smirks*…but promptly stops realizing how dumb it must look to date or others Me: "i'm an idiot" oops…speaking out loud. Girl: "hmmm?" Me: "nothing. Just thinking out loud." Me: *trying very hard to become part of the background* Me: hopefully the food will arrive soon. It's not polite to talk and eat at the same time, right? Me: thinks of going into the bathroom to give date a chance to escape. Me: "would you excuse me please?" Girl: *nods* Me: *ambles off to bathroom* Me: *stares into mirror* look at that idiot! ahahaha!…i'm being so lame… Me: *thinking deep thoughts*? nope. maybe that girl will have left. I'll be able to go home then…and do…nothing. doing nothing is nice. so is silence. i'm great at making this a terrible experience for myself. I wonder if she'll like women more than men after this? hmmm…that's kind of funny, but depressing… Me: *been washing his DAMN HANDS FOR 5 MINUTES!" is it because I was lost in deep thoughts…yeah, right. my mom makes good chocolate cake though… Me: *exits bathroom* Girl: *still waiting at table* Me: "woah" she must be interested in me if she's still here. no, wait…she's still here because she's getting a free dinner out of this. damn. free food kicks ass though. all free stuff does. except for venereal diseases. those are free, but not good. i don't think I'll have to worry about those tonight, seeing i'm running this date like the sea captain ran the Titanic. Self esteem: "damn you! You've gone and finished me off!" Self esteem: *disappears* Me: *watches waiter approach with food* Me: *like a vacuum, sucks up dinner* nooooo! now I have to sit here…and probably talk because I've eaten all my food and have got nothing better to do. Me: *looks around, becomes fascinated with the wall* Girl: *eats food* Girl: *eats food* Girl: *eats food* Me: damn you! hurry uu-u-uup…I want to go homee-e-e-eee Me: woohoo! it's friday…erm…what do I care? i have to go back to work on monday anyway. son of a bitch. Me: work sucks. Me: this sucks. Me: life sucks. Me: when is this going to get better? Suicidal thought: when you kill yourself. eheheheh… Me: hey! fuck you! go away… Suicidal thought: see you around. eheheheh… Me: bug off. jeez…that laughter is creepy… Girl: "[says…something]" Me: *was not paying attention* Me: "yaherrmmmhmmmerrr…" mumbling is not part of the english language, you dolt. Me: *becomes fascinated with shirt sleeve* Me: *realizes 5 minutes of silence…akward silence, has gone by* Girl *realizes this too* Me: check please, now….now now now. Me: *makes eye contact…unintentionally* Girl: *smiles* Me: aiiiieeeeee! what the…?!? oh man, that threw me Me: *performs "smiling" action to best of abilities* Me: I didn't think I could feel like more of an idiot… Me: woohoo! check time! Me: *grabs wad of cash from pocket for the tip and drops it on table* Me: *makes way to counter and hands over credit card* Me: *retrieves date from table and both make their way out of the restaurant* Me: *begins to head for car, as date proceeds towards hers* Girl: "goodbye" [or something to that matter] Me: hmmm? wha? ohhh…*not bothering to turn around* "[mumbles what may be a "goodbye"] remember, you idiot, mumbling is not english. Me: *ducks around corner, breaking into a slight jog towards car* Me: "well…I'm glad I still have the knack to screw things up and produce akward moments" Me: next time, we'll go to the movies. after all, it's not polite to talk during the show, right? Me: "next time! ahahahahahahahahahaha!" Me: *promptly shuts up* Me: I've had worse days. oh wait though…think about all those OTHER days I have coming…aaaaarrrrgghhh… Me: *contemplates standing in road so as to be hit by a bus* "hmmm…this town doesn't have any busses" Me: *becomes fascinated with his pants* Me: "what the hell happened this evening…" |
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hevquip from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-17 22:37 [#00071379] | |||||||||
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eheheh...you can consider this the "short" version. |
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Jarworski from Wales on 2002-01-17 22:42 [#00071382] | |||||||||
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You need to read American Psycho |
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Monoid on 2002-01-17 23:04 [#00071385] | |||||||||
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i did not read this, its to long...... |
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hevquip from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-17 23:08 [#00071389] | |||||||||
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yes, long indeed...it will get longer. i will write more like this too. perhaps i will post them, perhaps i will not. |
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Robin from Sweden on 2002-01-17 23:23 [#00071390] | |||||||||
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Great writing... uhh... if you ignore the fact that this is based on reality. But good writing though. I have the same problem/ability myself with strange/irrelevant thoughts popping up at... well all times more or less. |
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hevquip from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-17 23:32 [#00071394] | |||||||||
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i enjoy writing. i've written a story before about a man who was supposed to die, but Death chose to stay home that day. hopefully it'll be put up on coldnews.com soon. |
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AMinal from toronto, canada on 2002-01-17 23:56 [#00071403] | |||||||||
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u remind me of me... *shakes head* im so so sorry... really, i am if theres anything i can do... anything at all, just let me know |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 02:07 [#00071426] | |||||||||
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heh, you know, I don't think this has anything to do with your story thing, but I'm so bad with names... seriously... I have friends up at school that I sit with in classes and stuff, and I don't even know their names... it's shocking... :) |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 02:08 [#00071427] | |||||||||
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yeah I used to like writing... I used to write a lot of poetry, and I wrote a few short symbolic stories and stuff... I remember once I was so inspired by an episode of Buffy the Vampire slayer I wrote like 6 or 7 poems on it... seriously... :) |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 02:09 [#00071428] | |||||||||
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now though, it seems that inspiration doesn't come my way anymore... I used to feel like "Oh, I definately must write a poem about that" but I never get like that any more... |
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AMinal from toronto, canada on 2002-01-18 02:17 [#00071433] | |||||||||
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lol buffy the vampire slayer? wow thats deep jk same here w/ the name thing.. i know a bunch of people w/ no names.. |
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Caserol Joe the Chubby from Minneappleseed on 2002-01-18 03:41 [#00071452] | |||||||||
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Pesonally, I bet we taste horrible. Worse than all the other animals. |
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m...m...m on 2002-01-18 04:42 [#00071468] | |||||||||
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I read the whole thing. I like "pointless time wasting humor" like adult swim. Did you see that one soap opera like show where the girl wanted a baby and wanted one of the guys to be the father? That one guy's like "I thought the "dr" in your name was just a nickname, you know like dr. dre". And space ghost's funny problems being a nerdy dork despite being a super hero, he tried to impress that one dude by turning invisible and the other guy's like "we can all do that..*turns invisible*, then they turned invisible when he came by again so they wouldn't have to talk to him, heh heh. When I eat in public, my head shakes whenever I bring food to my mouth, it's a weird agoraphobic symptom. |
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thanksomuch from planet claire on 2002-01-18 06:09 [#00071491] | |||||||||
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hev, hun, was this a blind date? or d you know this girl... was it one of those "i have known this girl for four days, she works with me, and is kind of cool" dates. or have you guys known each other for a while....? i am so socially awkward.. i am an extrovert, so i seem like i am having a good time, i laugh. make jokes. point funny things out that are in the resteruant, but i am SCREAMING inside. "oh god. get me out of here! i don't think he even really likes me.... is this a pitty date? maybe he thinks i talk too much... last thing i want is to look like some over-talkitive-bimbo-girl.... oh god... my head hurts.. what time is it? is it too early to say 'well, i had a loverly time, but i have got a lot to do tomorrow, so with that, i bid you adou!' god god god, it is only 7:30... he hates my music i bet. god, and i HATE his fucking music... who likes kiss still, any ways..... that waiter is HOT! i bet my hair is a mess........*puase in thought to listen to some stoopid story about how date out-ran the cops when drunk/high* fucking dolt........" and all the while, i seem to be enjoying myself...... damn fool idiot... |
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hevquip from 45 angry wasps throats on 2002-01-18 16:28 [#00071700] | |||||||||
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this is not any date in particular. this is how i'd handle a dinner date. i will follow it up with how i'd act on the phone with this imaginary girl. maybe i'll start writing it today. you are either introverted or extroverted. from that, we learn to react in the opposing manner of our personality type. me, being an introvert, has not learn to be extroverted though. i enjoy writing, but i hate english too much to want to take classes to learn more about it and improve my writing. |
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Ophecks from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-18 16:56 [#00071717] | |||||||||
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Since I've had ONE girlfriend in my 19 years, I guess it's safe to call me an introvert. So I'm no expert on this dating thing, to say the least. Ack! |
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thanksomuch from planet claire on 2002-01-18 17:07 [#00071726] | |||||||||
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Oi! ophecks! why aren't you on IM?! hev, keep writing dude! that was actually quit, FUN! but everything i wrote is true.. that actaully all happened during my last "date". (it was one of those, 'i work with this guy and we have known eat other for a week, and he seems pretty cool' dates) what a dork. |
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hevquip from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-18 17:18 [#00071736] | |||||||||
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i'll email you an article i wrote, thanksomuch. later today probably. |
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thanksomuch from planet claire on 2002-01-18 17:23 [#00071741] | |||||||||
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rock on, hev! |
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