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 (nobody)...and 77 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2609121 Today 20 Topics 127245 |
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tough work but someone's got to do it |
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rumor has it tom jenkinson has eaten way more pretzels than luke vibert in 2024 |
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~THE ORIGINAL SPLIT OPEN PRETZEL~ is this fucking bullshit or not? Our Original Splits recipe was developed in the 1950's using simple ingredients and a slow bake process. We let the raw pretzel set to perfection before placing it in the oven where it bursts open creating deep crevices and hollow pockets which maximize the prezel's flavor and crunch is this legitimate prezel science? or are they trying to paper over fragmented pretzels with marketing? what are the motives of the spannuth family |
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i don't think even recycle could ruin pretzels |
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can a pretzel triangle? what do you call triangle pretzel? pretzang? tangzel? trizangle? trizetz prel |
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reycle triangle pretzel Drunk Oliphant Sephora |
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how did stalin feel about pretzels? |
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everybody likes pretzels |
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can you get stalin on the record about this? |
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working on it |
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soviet russia under stalin infamously had a yeast problem, that made pretzels the wrong shape. millions of people found themselves forced to eat weirdly shaped pretzels. it was one of the horrors of communism |
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dollars to donuts hitler hated pretzels. it's the sort of shit that simply writes itself you still haven't gotten stalin on the record w/rt pretzels. he's a tougher call |
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i still have a problem with pretzel dust. it's on my desk. it's on my wheelie chair mat. when i think about this, it bothers me incredibly much. so, typically, i avoid thinking about it -- but i'd rather solve this pretzel dust problem |
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over time the pretzel dust gets recursively ground down into finer pretzel dust. but it's not linear; past a certain point the curve takes off like a rocket and you're never getting all the pretzel dust out from the crevices of your slippers dude just forget it |
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in truth i made this thred because i wanted to know if "split pretzel" was marketing horseshit or not. and i've only found more questions |
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the pretzel bag trying to pump me full of split pretzel whatever... deep crevices and hollow pockets which maximize the prezel's flavor and crunch that, shit, that is part of what makes a pretzel. good. made of gets us into debate about the ideal density adventure across ye typical pretzel. how much air pocket and where should they be located? and can pretzels be re-engineered to be dustless? |
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i wonder if stalin ever thot about how flavor is partially a function of surface area distribution |
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computer science has this game it plays on long car trips that goes like, "let's mathematically prove how hard it is to simulate ____" and i'm thinking. the complex internal structure of, yes, just a pretzel. being crushed by teef. model the physics in 3D, then we get into arguing about how taste itself works. you could literally pour millions of dollars into this and fail. if you regard this thread as stupid take a moment to think about ~ try and actually simulate a pretzel being eaten and prove things about air pockets and flavor and taste. these things are real and important and crucial to what makes a pretzel good, but can you fucking nail any of it down? no. you small small man |
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i'm studying one now, and... yes, like, there are large pockets of air in random places, the dense white pretzel matter is full of small pockets. depending on the batter and how it cooled and... this is practically a random number generator |
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five year old me would think of this, "there is a whole universe in every pretzel." i may have actually thought this; i can't recall. now i'm thinking that this is a chaotic system, but it's closed at some level. the pretzel forms an exterior and once you've separated outside from inside there may be some predictability in how the inside develops under stalin, pretzels were always baked on time |
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"man, pretzels is the same" --hannibal i mean, ok. you sat the man down and had him compare rold gold to... another pretzel brand; identical pretzel form factor. and what's this segment called? fuck off. pretzels is the same i'm not arguing with this. you can, however.... is it thick pretzel? thin? rods or pretzel pretzel? all will lead to different internal structures more importantly, you can also FUCK A PRETZEL UP and i give this pretzel brand a solid 6/10 the fucking burned them a bit; too charred and hard. and are they trying to justify this fucking sass with their split pretzel bullshit? i think it's a bit of both, actually. they were probably good pretzels for 1950 but technology has advanced and you're selling me the crappy split pretzels from the 50s because that's the best they could do before hemispherical combustion chambers |
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you're selling me the crappy split pretzels from the 50s because that's the best they could do before hemispherical combustion chambers for my notes -- if anyone's reading this -- i imagine the ending of this sentence sounds funny, but you've no idea why i've put that thing there? the reference failed? like a joke about graphs? the hemispherical combustion chamber, aka "hemi" is a complete piece of marketing horseshit... in 2024. back in the 70s or something (can't be arsed to look it up) they realized an engine cylinder is more efficient/boom with a hemispherical cap atop instead of just flat. but this is before computers and machining this is difficult and requires HUMAN MANUAL LABOR and later MERELY VERY PRICEY so saying "it's got a hemi" used to be, like, high-end hotrod shit. now computers yawn as they churn out hemis in, like, every car on the road. so my joke is that this split pretzel thing is about on par with the hemi marketing horseshit these pretzels with peanut butter inside -- the "nugget" form-factor, i suppose -- are much better. next question: how do they get the peanut butter inside? [do you ever think, like, people used to make nails by hand? and robots didn't peanut butter the pretzels? my gosh it must have been such an extravagance to have peanut-butter filled pretzel under stalin. if it was even permitted] |
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and i thot i was fucking ridiculous: An old tradition on Palm Sunday dating back to 1533 is the outdoor pretzel market (Brezgenmarkt) in the Hungerbrunnen Valley near Heldenfingen. In the Rhineland region, sweet pretzels are made with pudding-filled loops (pudding pretzels). On Laetare Sunday in Luxembourg, the fourth Sunday in Lent, there is a festival called "Pretzel Sunday". Boys give their girlfriends pretzels or cakes in pretzel form.[20] The size symbolizes how much he likes her. ...does anyone realistically, like... "oh, you're alright, i've made you a medium-large love pretzel" ? pretzel sunday. sheesh |
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so, pretzels are... 1500 years old? maybe? now can we take "pretzel technology" as something you could, actually, probably fill an entire college degree with? in any case, this proves pretzels are old enough and big enough that there is absolutely no way stalin could NOT have had an opinion on pretzels. and i need to know what it was. for my notes |
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when were stairs invented? pretzel unrelated |
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oh no that wasn't.... oh, hey! this is old skool internet terrible. let's share pretzels so big in bavaria; could hitler have _really_ hated pretzels and gained any sort of popular support? but that weird crap site is all the internet has and maybe, you know -- truth is stranger infarction, and despite it being the obvious joke... hitler really did hate pretzels i suspect stalin merely ate pretzels and didn't put much thought into them |
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