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3/4 of the people i work have just resigned. for sticking around, they gave me so much nothing, that it needed multiple rounds of meetings to explain how much nothing i am getting: no raise, no promotion, no stock, no cost of living increase. we're not going to send you to that technical conference; it's not in the budget. i am to have a temporary manager and then a new manager, who is filling for a new manager that they are still trying to hire, after having my manager resign, then my manager's manager resign. that a thing i need someone with escalated privileges to accomplish, i've had to find a new person three times in a row because the previous ones resigned. that i am rapidly reaching the point where i cannot psychologically handle it anymore. meanwhile, prices are insane. my rent will go up; only question is how much, and if i can afford it. that i was already weighing my options before this shit with work. it is a band time to sign a lease agreement, like it was last time i was essentially forced to move with the market being Peak Shit. if i am going to move, i really need a car, and, honestly, car prices are Peak Shit as well, and i have been fine being carless but now i may be essentially forced to buy a car. i went to some urgent care place two months back for a thing, that they really did nothing to diagnose, they sucked, and tonight i open up a bill for $500 ["insurance is only covering this part" etc] when they, apparently, balls-out lied to me, and now i have to either decide to just pay it, or fight the bullshit upstream, and maybe still have to pay it. there are some nice things like being really really fit right now, having that lady fawn over me the other night, but overall i'm starting to become concerned i could lose everything again, and if i start to feel like i am not going to beat this... well, i'll try to get my music archives on somewhere how are you. |
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if 3/4ths of the people in the job just resigned (and assuming one of them can't get you an in somewhere?) that would probably be a pretty strong case for unemployment benefits, if you could easily show why they all left as a shit working condition. That'd give you time to find something else (at least, I've known a few others who got by on unemployment for a time). |
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You should probably emigrate to Scandinavia, |
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i'm actually trying to figure it out. it's quite puzzling. with this level of shift, there is no way Those Upstairs did not realize there was going to be a lot of leaving. that, frankly, after they changed the bonus structure, a lot of people left after that without waiting for a raise. one guy suggested, like, maybe they want to fire me, but don't want to pay unemployment? but that jives with another hunch i had, that, like, it's just ambivalence, they don't care if i stay or not, because everyone has left and i've no one in my corner. but then, also quite possible, you go a bit more mean with that and they are going to fire me, but, like, let's just wait until this segment is finished before we do that i feel less, i dunno, existentially doomed today. that, honestly, i woke up, and i was like... this is annoying, i'm tired of thinking about it, i just want to keep working. that i do get like work like i do music, kind of hiding in there for hours. and not only has my manager quit, my manager's manager quit, but the temporary manager, who is actually, like, executive level... yeah, took us a while to figure out today... he's on vacation? and didn't tell any of us on the team? or put it on the calendar? i proposed a betting pool on his resignation but honestly, there is no one here, no one of authority, no one asking me for status updates, that i can't ask anyone about such and such decision because no one left will know... and go figure, i easily put in 11 hours today, got a shitload done. surprising what you can get do without that bullshit |
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but i'm still going to look for another job, because i don't understand what. the. fuck. is going on, and given that i cannot rule it out, it's prudent to just assume they'll fire me in a few weeks or something for whatever archaic eldritch bidness going on up dere |
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"i feel less, i dunno, existentially doomed today. that, honestly, i woke up, and i was like... this is annoying, i'm tired of thinking about it, i just want to keep working." I think that's the right mindset, more or less. Here's the thing- and this isn't serious life advice or anything like that, I think it's more of a factual statement- Assume you'll weather this storm, and fast forward 5 years. You won't be dealing with this particular crop of shit any more. Very little chance, that you'd have a 5 year consistent problem with work that you were unable to solve/fully escape from. 5 years is a long time. At that point, you'll have an entirely different set of problems, maybe some related like a domino effect, but more likely in that time you'd have found a calm equilibrium in life and THEN developed new problems. This just helps me when I have a bunch of dogshit on my plate. "Am I still gonna be dealing with this in a few months? probably not. Just make the moves i can and get through it now and see what happens" Anyway don't read that as me trying to play therapist or something, it's just a mindset that helps me personally. good luck |
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i could not even have imagined how much more poo things would become. laid off. family fucking me out of inheritance [did i mention that? not sure]. credit destroyed. harassed by police. i could go on |
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i was right about them firing me, btw. trying to get re-hired is like... six motherfucking zoom interviews and they're still not sure. shit can be more work than my actual job was. and just yes, dick me around and wait to see if you can find someone cheaper |
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Why is your family trying the mess with the inheritance? Good luck with the job search and the interviews, I know it’s not always fun and easy but stick with it and be strong, positive and give them the best Epixs there is, and pray, that’s all you can do. Good luck mate!! |
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because it's money? and they would rather keep it than, like, chip in a bit so i could buy a car and have access to more job opportunities? and access to a grocery store that is not mostly a liquor store? |
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i don't know what's going on. but i can say i feel like what's missing, by my napkin estimate, is in the high six-figure range. possibly even seven. thus, it makes sense to throw me under the bus, you see. try to get me to go on disability, tell me to start looking up homeless shelters... rather than, like, hey -- fucking keep it, maybe just help me with a car? but that ship has clearly sailed. instead they come back with "if you get a job, we'll help you out with car" and thus a catch-22 that essentially allows them to do NOTHING while simultaneously trumpeting what a wreck i am, because that keeps me further away from the money -- and they care about appearances, too. they don't want people in our social circles to know what shit they are to me, so they go around loudly trumpeting i'm a mess |
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they have always treated me like that. i asked for help when... year into the pandemic, my landlady sells the property out from under me, never mind your lease, get out in ~45 days. it's pandemic and i have to write checks for all they money i had saved for a new car to get into the only place i could find that wasn't horrible... but it's a HOUSE and i was in a sane, 1-bedroom apartment before... and i moved here thinking "i make $150k a year and i am regularly granted stock options and i have a working car" and that's all gone the car, i might add, was a fucking beater from when someone changed lanes into me before i landed that cush job. i called up my mom and said: "can you give me a lift back to my place?" and she's all "UGGGhhh UGHGHGHh TOO MUCH EFFORT" and hangs up and my phone has 10% battery and i am at some shitty tow place on the side of the highway i crawl out of all that shit without their help, now i'm washed back to zero again, and they still seem to think it appropriate to claim some sort of moral high ground. i guess because it's either that or have everyone around them be appalled |
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but more likely in that time you'd have found a calm equilibrium in life ahahahahHAHHA ...wait, you were serious?! you people are daft. |
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it's not all poo. i walk five miles a day. i'm in incredible shape. i got into clothes and i dress sharp now. i stay out of the sauce, except for an occasional bout where they send me back into it ...and did i mention i'm still an immensely talented programmer that can do everything from C++ to PHP to ruby on rails to react frontend work? ...that i've been building synths for years, i know electrical engineering? ...i've been writing video editing software as consulting recently [over now, pretty much] and i'm a wizard with video? ...that i've been producing music for 20 years, and i can dance like a motherfucker? did you know i can sing too? holding out on people there, tbh ...this is before we get into my deep love of neuroscience, psychology, language [and if some of my theories are right, well.. that is BIG. NEWS.] but no, go on disability and look up homeless shelters. you dolts. |
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i could actually get into the precise psychological and... christ, did i even cover this? that a family can function as an organism with its own genome -- think immediate family. all the little quirks that are kind of a family in-joke... genome. from there you get patterns of [immediate] family passed down like DNA through language. in between it mediates hormones and whether you stomp loud or tiptoe nervously effectively modulating epigenetics through.. this thing, here, that i think i'm kind of newly up on. anyone else have it yet? anyways. this gets into families competing due to evolutionary pressure. you can see how some of the more fucked-up, gaslighting patterns could out-compete "healthy" [immediate] family patterns. or how cycles of abuse form through drug abuse etc [thankfully i was spared that]. from there you get into families perpetuating through women, and... well, that's enough about me. let's talk about mom. did you know alzheimers is a linguistic/epigenetic trigger for a succesion fight? best manipulator wins. then sis is a psychiatrist and i'm the earnest idiot that screams "can't we just get along" with predictable results i'm over it. i never had to deal with it since... either you get trapped, as a slave of sorts to be the family emotional toilet, or you gtfo. i've done the latter, i've done well really, but now that i'm having trouble they have the taste of blood... money... which are actually fungible if you think about it i could be right about all of this. or none of it. some of these theories last two weeks, others five years. and at this point -- most of it, i estimate. and guuurgh. no one wants any of this? for real? fine i'll just go to jail then |
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...but that's the attitude that will get me there. so perhaps i'll yeet a bitch instead ["yeet or be yeeted?" i had to look the word up. but oh. if that's how you operate. i suppose there's no choice, right? what a waste of time] |
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is anyone reading these escapist diaries? this guy seems to be afraid of alot of things |
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"i'm too smart and talented, i deserve to starve instead of accepting help" lol |
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a very stable genius |
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wow, just... wow. seeing the uglier side of xltronic, here. must mean i've really hit a nerve, lol |
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darius ~ i crawl out of all that shit without their help, now i'm washed back to zero again, and they still seem to think it appropriate to claim some sort of moral high ground. i guess because it's either that or have everyone around them be appalled ...and i mean social workers as well. the software industry recently imploded. i've tried, i've tried. six zoom interviews and they're still not sure. being poor != disability you crass shit. |
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in any case, i tried to spin up a brief list, first off -- a brief list of some of my most interesting + economically useful talents in the hope that i can, actually, find some sort of work. or a place in the world. or something. then, i just dropped some of the science, because i love working on all that. along with trying to explain -- part of why i'm into all that is from taking apart the nuts and bolts of my own situation to try and survive. the pandemic, the economy, those are really what's to blame for my situation. and here's a short list of my long list of talents and then a sample of how, i don't know... _good_ my science nonsense is, actually? thank you and i'm saying: isn't it such a waste to send me to jail? does anyone have a job? want to buy my gear so i can eat? etc? instead i get a bunch children making light of a very heavy situation. that might drive some people over the edge, you know that? not me, i just find it sad |
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Hi |
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Have you ever thought about growing a pair of balls? As maybe a side project? |
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dariusgriffin previously told me, "c'mon, join the rest of the cripples" when speaking of disability. i think this tells you all you need to know about him -- how can this be read as anything other than an attempt to convince me i am a cripple? that this is not help, this is "help" -- from people who quite clearly want to see me squashed down. it could be jealousy. or it could be to get me to help replenish the working class or some shit... in any case. that's all. you. need. to. know. that he told me, "c'mon, join the rest of the cripples" and that also implies i'm not a cripple, yet... |
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whether you have mental disability or not being this delusional should require some sort of help |
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the trigger for all this is an officially unacknowledged economic meltdown and of course you don't belong in jail but you think you earned the nobel prize for having some vague stoner thoughts about evolution and that ain't right these constant reminders that you think you don't deserve this because you're a genius, rather than you don't deserve this because you're a human being same as the rest of us, I mean cmon man. rejoin the human race and get whatever help you can, lex luthor |
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lol @ the human race it’s not a good thing. |
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It doesn't sound like you've yet applied for food benifits, which would be like step 1. Btw is there bodycam footage of your arrest? |
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Americans have only two modes • I am the greatest most successful person on Earth and I deserve special treatment • I have seen the truth, life is awful, everything is wrong and the world is ending |
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Is there more than two modes? |
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are there more than two modes |
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the trigger for all this is an officially unacknowledged economic meltdown and of course you don't belong in jail but you think you earned the nobel prize for having some vague stoner thoughts about evolution and that ain't right yes, that's... wrong? like, you're picking a detail or two and running off with it. perhaps if you actually read it before firing from the hip? my mom was abusive. behind closed doors, screaming at me. then she'd drag me to doctors and and tells them that i need "help" and she has BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. in 2014 she began repeatedly showing up at my house uninvited. after i didn't answer her phone calls she called a welfare check and the cops are at my door. twice. then i threaten to get a restraining order. finally I RESORT TO MOVING PHYSICALLY FAR AWAY i quit frozen pizza and went from 190lb fatass to a more appropriate 175 or something and she was freaking out because she thought i was starving. i was stunned. with all her IMAGED NONSENSE i had hoped that seeing me would be like... "oh, you're not fat now! i see you are making positive changes in your life!" ...and, no, it's just interpreted as more evidence that i need "help" -- leading to the stalking, the cops showing up on welfare check because i wouldn't answer her calls, this is all the same few months or so! DISCLAIMER ~ I FULL WELL KNOW OTHER PEOPLE HAVE HAD HORRIBLY WORSE SHIT TO DEAL WITH YOU ASKED ABOUT MY ARC SHUT UP TONY when my dad was "at the end" i came back, and then i'm in a house with her again and... it's like all the old damage came out of dusty corners. i've mostly sorted myself out; cried it out on shrooms etc. but that took a while and i'm real behind on life/$$ and then the pandemic... forced me to move at great expense, cost me my job, and... i really expected to find another before it hit this point? i'll upload some video footage of my mom being psyho perhaps |
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when did he ask about your arc? and your mom was probably right |
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I'm sorry for whatever bullshit from your family and from fate got you to this point. We're all the product of sheer cause and effect more than we'd like to admit. But you are compensating by posting about how smart you are and how you can code an IRC server in a weekend and have laser eyes that can understand the mysteries of how DNA and sociology interact and what you really need to be doing is getting food stamps and some kind of social services so you don't end up posting to us from under a tarp behind the 7-Eleven. I'm not a psychologist and even if I were I haven't met you face to face so I can't say with any authority that you appear to be having manic phases but that's what it looks like. Stop trying to justify yourself on a dead messageboard and go. get. help |
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go live with Tony, he’s a cool chap. |
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not that there is anything wrong with a tarp behind 7-Eleven. |
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But you are compensating by posting about how smart you are and how you can code an IRC server in a weekend steve mcqueen or someone replied to one of my threads saying he knew someone "who coded an IRC server in a weekend" and, fuck you, dipshit. that's not something i said, that's something someone else said in one of my threads. stop the slander |
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you appear to be having manic phases but that's what it looks like. this is libelous |
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i mean, am i going to sue tony? probably not. instead -- if i survive -- there are many other much more deserving, cut-and-dry targets before i get to tony. |
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if i survive. it's a realistic level of bluster. because i just might, in spite of you all. i certainly intend to try. |
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If you do a civil lawsuit against Tony, I’ll do halfsies |
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unfollowed blocked and reported |
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i reckon crack on with whatever you are doing is that irc server stilll up ? |
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i mean "crack on with whatever you are doing" is a fucking stupid thing to say, really |
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TONY DANZA FUCK your avatar is annoywing |
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It’s cute in an irc kinda way |
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What did I say, it's always school shootings with these guys |
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To be fair, I only said any of that under the working assumption that you were a relatively normal--if slightly offbeat kinda guy. It's clear to me now though that you are not hirable under any circumstance, while you are in this sort of manic phase. You are not someone anyone would want on any team. You need treatment for a mental disorder, full stop. So I take back everything I said. I don't like you and don't give a fuck what you do any more, just wanted to clarify my own stance. |
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Wolfy for the kill shot/ checkmate. |
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