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turkey problem

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-18 21:25 [#02609977]
Points: 18725 Status: Addict

now, in addition to having had not one, but two (2) Crow
Problems, i now have the dubious honor of being bestowed a
Turkey Problem as well.

i go on lots of walks. bit over a mile. four, five times a
day. one day, i get back from a walk, and there's a giant
wild turkey right by the back door i am aiming to ingress.

dfgdhfgjdfg turkey i say, sassing it. then i see: there's a
little baby turkey. it's kind of an ugly duckling -- turkeys
are not the most handsome birds -- but, alright, that's kind
of cute. i actually am all "oh sorry turkey" and they
scuttle off. i smile and go inside

but then, after that, they're just constantly there. i go
out for a walk, they're on my doorstep. i come back, they're
back. the last straw was, well, i was amped up and kind of
hustling out the door, yeahhh, let's go for a wok -- i'd
spent some time on my exercise machine thing and i was
already warmed up and eager -- and i close the door, lock it
in smooth rhythm, music going, and... almost step on a baby
turkey, hanging out on my steps again.

since then, i've gotten less polite. i started gently,
flapping around. they go hide behind the shed for three
minutes, then come back. i have to go flap around the side
of the shed, no, that's not good to hide there either, ok?
at this point i am keeping an umbrella by the door so i can
go sean connery on them at a moment's notice. like, ten feet
from my door, ten feet. that's all i ask. i almost stepped
on your baby you idiot bird; why do you have to make this so

we're someone between 2-3 dozen Turkey Incidents at this
point. i think i need to order a vintage 90's Super Soaker
(tm) off the tubes


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2021-07-23 08:13 [#02610097]
Points: 6692 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

the way they talk always makes me chuckle.
consider yourself lucky :)


offline mermaidman on 2021-07-23 11:28 [#02610098]
Points: 7270 Status: Lurker

epic just leave the goddamn turkeys alone ok?? i don't want
to come here one day to find that you started to kick them
around and shit


offline mermaidman on 2021-07-23 11:29 [#02610099]
Points: 7270 Status: Lurker

just act like they're not there try to think about something
else when you see the turkeys


offline mohamed from the turtle business on 2021-07-23 12:09 [#02610100]
Points: 31122 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

he he, look a turky giving advice about turkeys


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 13:29 [#02610101]
Points: 18725 Status: Addict

actually would up being kind of anti-climactic. after i
posted this thread, they promptly never showed up again.

perhaps they read xltronic


offline mermaidman on 2021-07-23 14:19 [#02610102]
Points: 7270 Status: Lurker

thank god good for the turkeys


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-23 14:42 [#02610104]
Points: 18725 Status: Addict

they definitely read xltronic


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-25 04:48 [#02610146]
Points: 18725 Status: Addict

was out walking early AM, and i turn around to see a, er,
gaggle of turkey crossing the street behind where i'd just
walked. i do believe i audibly snerked as a visceral

i suppose, yes -- i really appreciate nature; wildlife -- as
long as it's at least ten feet from my doorstep.

related: today, i had to stop walking, because there was a
little fuzzy brown mouse scuttling from the street towards
the house owned by idiot old people. the mouse had no
fucking hesitation. indeed, i would never just step on the
little bugger; it knows it has me. so i stop walking and it
scuttles across the sidewalk. i glance up at a lady in a BMW
stopped at the light where this is all occurring and she is
making a phace i wish i could have smartfone fotographed;
but, no. you can't capture everything


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2021-07-25 05:19 [#02610147]
Points: 18725 Status: Addict

i must confess to withholding my previous turkey research
until nau

the chicken joke


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