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My Holiday
 

Wizards Teeth on 2001-06-18 13:33 [#00010146]



Hello Boys and Girls,

I have just returned from my Holiday. I was involved in the
following activities:

1. Molesting house bricks and biscuits (in that order)

2. Watching videos about steam

3. Writing safety instructions for telephone usage

4. Running away from gobblets filled with poison

5. Running after giant hens who have excellent chess skills

Son - "Mammy, mammy my eyes have turned fat again"

Mother - "Stop eating those f*cking sponge cakes then"

6. Informing strangers that I have transformed into wool

7. Informing wool that i am unable to hear Bulls.

* Note - This is a genetic defect that is incurable, I have
never been able to hear a bull and I will never be able to
hear a bull in the future. Please can someone describe what
a Bull sounds like. I imagine they sound like a cross
between a statue of a frog constructed from butter and
sixteen plastic beards used by the Spanish government to
obtain facts about missions to different solar system being
planned by some three legged page three girls who are
trapped inside a can of soup "chicken", in my kitchen
because they refuse to design me some new tennis rackets.

Next Mission - To discover if Eels can sing in French

Bye


 

dingle berry from on a small plastic chair breathing fire on 2001-06-18 13:42 [#00010149]



YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,
eleven mighty bags later & the chinese eye situation has
happened, the house smells like a hippys love sack and the
fridge has been dutifully emptied, 20 quid an eighth and i
still need more as for those chess playing chickens i know
what you mean hectic fekin little gob-shites, etc etc


 

Wizards Teeth on 2001-06-18 13:50 [#00010152]



Don't laugh at nude Bishops, they keep coming back for more
and you will never be granted a license to keep pet snooker
cues.

Just relax, count to six and ask your hands to explode.

I find this is the best method to ensure my wings are ready
for use when the fat men arrive in chariots pulled by hair.

Carrot for tea again fathers. What do you think I am, a
f*cking rabbit. Yes I do copulate for 98% of the day but you
must take into consideration the length of my forearms.



 

dingle berry from on a small plastic chair breathing fire on 2001-06-18 13:56 [#00010153]



never let a blind fellah park your car even if he has a
licence scrawled in wax crayon on a bit of fag packet, never
again that poor ladies thimble collection ruined


 

od from perth on 2001-06-18 15:07 [#00010160]



what i thought was strange is that. on fri night i went out
clubbing and that after a few (understatement) drinks and
some crap dexxys.
got home at 5 and the next day i kepot seeing smoke come off
me and out of my clothes.
i thought it might have been coz i was smoking the night
before but.....its the next fuckgin day!
i was hallucinating, but i dont know why.
sorry i just found that a bit odd..
especially since i was seeing it right in the midddle of my
eyes and it was so real!


 

po{e} from the uk on 2001-06-18 16:39 [#00010166]



gald you are back wizards teeth, and by the sounds of it,
quite an eventful escapade of a holiday!


 

Wizards Teeth on 2001-06-18 16:42 [#00010167]



What are dexxys ????????


 

dingle berry from on a small plastic chair breathing fire on 2001-06-18 16:57 [#00010171]



midnight runners supposedley?


 

Aron? from Canada on 2001-06-18 23:29 [#00010280]



My wizards teeth ache like spinach


 

rob fragilenine from DO I ASK YOU WHERE YOU'RE FROM??? on 2001-06-19 01:40 [#00010289]



Last night I woke up to find a piece of chicken's hair
embedded in a lump of electricity. I decided to eat this
hair, if only I could find a way out of my rabbit's head (I
do not have a such rabbit). My feet suddenly started aching
to the sound of 100 pet donkeys chanting 'We are the mucus
makers', but I still didn't succeed. My panthers suddenly
shouted 'I do not have any stum!!!!', while my face
transformed into a statue of Jim Carrey made out of chicken
eggs. Soon after, I made the following assumptions:

1. Computers remind me of baked cheese covered in Mars bars,
soaked in bear fat.

2. I have found the cure for hay, it lives in the bacteria
of a piece of wood.

3. See #1.

4. There is a * that works in the forests. To get him you
must knock on a wizards door, ask him where he keeps his
chicken, then he will tell you he has no oranges.

5. Red bulls live in understandably large fat. This may seem
contradictory, but I might not care as the many pigeons that
fly over my house are coated in a hard plastic goatee beard,
which is coloured blue with purple polka dots. These polka
dots have incredibly bad taste in music, according to my
nextdoor neighbor, who has a strong dislike for turkey
rhubarb machines. This made me angry, so I dipped my left
middle finger in cold wax, then looked at my right foot.

6. Cows moo like cows. Only yesterday did I find this out,
though. I thought they mooed like donkeys. It might have
been the same at one instance, but I suddenly remembered my
20,000 word essay on how to milk a donkey. This suddenly
turned into a special type of blue grass which played bad
bluegrass music. I might have failed.

7. Money doesn't grow on trees. I found this out last night
when I tried to pay for my smoked bucket with some leaves
from my plants out the back of my house. The checkout person
looked at me and said 'I might think you are an eye, but
take that donkey and his turtles out of here!' I suddenly
turned around and replied to the wall: 'I don't know what
I'm doing with your chicken, but it sure isn't nice!'. He
then proceeded to throw tomato sauce at me, which was
followed by a strong desire to paint rubber donkeys.

Well, that was my night.

ps. good to see you back, WT. we need someone like you to
keep this messageboard alive.


 

Dew from many leaves on 2001-06-19 06:30 [#00010311]



I see you mention cows! dont get me started on cows, its all
simple really they are a very wise breed and also are able
to do some amazing abilities like have a conversation with 3
or more of you at one time period! wuk wuk wuk..... they
have a very collective soul wuk wuk and they try to wuk find
wuk out wuk wuk wuk things wuk wuk wuk, better go recharge
myself wuk... so wuk long wuk natasha


 

Organ Grinder from my own little fantasy world on 2001-06-19 06:32 [#00010312]



god, is my life boring.


 

Glxtxh from New Zealand on 2001-06-19 09:43 [#00010330]



Cows !!! some one said Cows !!!

I fucking hate Cows, those bloody stupid bastards with their
chewing and drooling, ahhhhh, get me gun, I feel angry and
hungry.


 

od from perth on 2001-06-19 14:06 [#00010346]



dexxys = dexyth...somethign or other.
kids wiv ADD have em.
if you dont have ADD you get energy boosts and the like.


 

TrIp from CA on 2001-06-19 15:39 [#00010355]



its called Dexydren Span (i have ADD, heh heh). it spaces
you out completely if you take a lot, cuz its meant to make
you focus. so, if you take enough, your mind starts
focusing on things aroiund you and in your head so much,
that you begin to see shit and hilucinate. its fun.
everyone should try it. ha ha ha.



 

TrIp from CA on 2001-06-19 15:40 [#00010356]



its called Dexydren Span (i have ADD, heh heh). it spaces
you out completely if you take a lot, cuz its meant to make
you focus. so, if you take enough, your mind starts
focusing on things aroiund you and in your head so much,
that you begin to see shit and hilucinate. its fun.
everyone should try it. ha ha ha.



 

Wizards Teeth on 2001-06-19 16:22 [#00010361]



Can one buy this item from the chemist in england.

If not how do I trick my doctor into thinking I have got
ADD?


 


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