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Kool-Aid Pops Girls Cherry
 

offline Amonbrune from Vancouver (Canada) on 2002-08-03 13:51 [#00335356]
Points: 7327 Status: Addict



MIAMI,FL. A recent court order has brough Kool-Aid's ever
fun loving mascot, the Kool-Aid jug, to a 15 year sentence
over the 17 year stalking and final 'love making' of Kelly
Roberts.

Roberts first seen as an 11 year old actress in a Kool-Aid's
tv commercial in 1985 is now a 28 year old witness to the
most "unusual" and "ubsurd" event she says she has ever come
across.

"I know the jug liked me back then," laughs Roberts, rolling
her eyes, "He'd always smile at me and get me to play cards
between takes. He'd get me to stir him to."

Assistant photographer for Kool-Aid's 80's commercial series
pointed out that the jug threw ice cubes at her.

Continues Roberts "It's just sad that he's been tracking me
all this time. I mean it's ridiculous. I was so angry the
next morning I phoned 911 and slapped on 'rape' ... although
I never knew I was."

The Kool-Aid jug couldn't be reached for comment but his
manager has stated that "he's sorry and will continue to
make new drinks."

When asked how the jug 'made love with her' Roberts replied
"maybe he used his wooden spoon? I don't know."

Roberts never reached orgasm.

"All I know is that I hope to get some money out of all this
mess. I spent a fortune on a lawyer and just yesterday my
car broke down...I need a new tranny."

The Kool-Aid company spokesman Gred Hangrel replied to press
"I'm deeply sorry for this unfortunate turn in events from
our beloved jug of pure 100% fun juice. We'll look into it
as a company and do what we deem is appropriate."

Karl Jones

 

offline B3n from Manchester (United Kingdom) on 2002-08-03 13:54 [#00335357]
Points: 4700 Status: Lurker



wtf?

 

offline pOgO from behind your belly button fluff on 2002-08-03 14:45 [#00335371]
Points: 12687 Status: Lurker | Followup to B3n: #00335357



EH ?!?!?

You on acid ?

 

offline pOgO from behind your belly button fluff on 2002-08-03 14:45 [#00335372]
Points: 12687 Status: Lurker | Followup to pOgO: #00335371



That wasn't ment to be a follow up

 

offline B3n from Manchester (United Kingdom) on 2002-08-03 15:38 [#00335407]
Points: 4700 Status: Lurker



ah, I was confuddled

 

offline zaphod from the metaverse on 2002-08-03 16:18 [#00335425]
Points: 4428 Status: Addict



the hell?

 

offline DJ Xammax from not America on 2002-08-03 16:22 [#00335428]
Points: 11512 Status: Lurker



Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

 

offline pachi from yo momma (United States) on 2002-08-03 16:47 [#00335444]
Points: 8984 Status: Lurker



tip over the kool-aid man!!!

 

offline pOgO from behind your belly button fluff on 2002-08-03 17:15 [#00335462]
Points: 12687 Status: Lurker



What is kool-aid exactly?

 

offline Smyrma from Beloit, WI (United States) on 2002-08-03 17:23 [#00335467]
Points: 2478 Status: Lurker | Followup to pOgO: #00335462



This sugary juice stuff. Its mascot is a huge talking
pitcher of juice that busts through walls and yells 'Oh
Yeah!'


 

offline Zephyr Twin from ΔΔΔ on 2002-08-03 17:29 [#00335475]
Points: 16982 Status: Regular | Followup to Smyrma: #00335467 | Show recordbag



yes! im glad somebody knows who he is! :)

but seriously wtf? this sounds like something that came from
The Onion.


 

offline zaphod from the metaverse on 2002-08-03 17:32 [#00335481]
Points: 4428 Status: Addict | Followup to Zephyr Twin: #00335475



yeah, except it isn't funny.

 

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